I hope your guilt strangles you like a Boa Constructor,
until you have no breath,
I hope before you die though that you realized,
It was you who caused your death.

I may be young
and often written off because due to my adolescence
but I still feel like everyone else
and I still learn from my lessons
and as the days fly by
and the innocence in my heart lessens
just remember
I was never insane
I just lost track of counting my blessings

You've wrung yourself dry
with thoughts on lies
and you just don't care anymore

Caught in a flow I don't want to be in
Trying to clear my thoughts
Maybe I could be free then
But I'm not the best at knots
They ruin everything
I ask for help but everyone acts like robots
Lost in a world they think is right
Following the rules like good boys and girls
When in the bigger picture they're losing the fight
Sometimes I wish I could be a zombie too
Walking like everybody else is hard
When your nothing like they are
but your expected to be

All in one day
          I changed
                  All in one day
                       I'll never be the same.

Reality is flooded
by the fantasies we seek
its all fog in the air
yet we still believe we're free
But I do not believe
that lingering demons deep inside
or the anger and unhappiness
that we opt to hide
shows any type of freedom
or strength inside our souls
we are not strong enough
until we learn to let things go

In a world of black and white
I am grey
striving for perfection
as I wake up each day
isn't that what they want?
perfect grades
so theres something to flaunt
because the person I am
Just isnt enough
so they label me
but they label me wrong
so I'm expected to be
someone I'm not
yet they still wonder
why kids fall off
the face of the earth
with their heads in the clouds
like some kind of bird
deformed at birth
falling from the sky
because theyre taught they cant fly
glued to the ground
like statues
perfectly sculpted
to do as they're told
robots, with blood in their veins
not zombies
because we still have our brains
they've simply been washed
cleaned out and drained
then rebooted to believe we're all still sane
and whose to blame?
for disrupting the natural flow
all these rules and regulations
just let me be free
there's already order
how much more do we need?
I forgot how to breath
amidst these trees
which are written off
as property
and sent through factories
that make and create
a paper thats green
that rules our lives
in a world of greed
its always want
but what about need?
are people so blind
that they truly believe
cash is the key
in the persuit of happiness
we all reach to achieve

What am I Supposed to do
When I'm standing here
Reaching out to you
But it seems as though
Your drifting
Further and further away
And each day
I find myself
More and more afraid
How does one believe
In the impossible
In the invisible
In the things that never seem
To be

My Sensual King,

I used to wake up
to goosebumps and shivvers
because upon throwing my blankets to the side
the cold of the world consumed my body
and my heart filled with sadness
and I always thought I'd rather be that way
than filled with the anger and greed
this world so wholly contains
I'd always felt i was misunderstood
because nobody saw me or the way I see life
they always wrote me off
and went along dooming the world

But upon meeting you all that changed
I stopped being afraid
I grasped a meaning
that I'd been searching for for so long
You warmed my heart
and upon waking I no longer shivverd
and my goosbumps remain
but they are only from the tingle
I get upon feeling your touch
My eyes are opened
to the love this world truly has to offer
and I can see now
because I found my loving shelter inside of you

With Love,
Yor Little Angel <3

An angel at birth
so I assume
innocent at heart
corrupted by truth

today you lay fallen
an angel in the dirt
covered by dust
lost in the earth

traveling on
with a heart full of burden
convinced your of evil
with nowhere to turn

maybe I'm wrong
to think your soul pure
but in you I see an angel
so I will fight for your cure

I've seen what you let me
and of evil your not
your simply an angel
misled for to long

Take off your mask and let me see your face
this isn't a ******* masquerade
I'm tired of these twisted games
sick of all these crimson stains
I never even chose to play
so why am I stuck here
still debating whether or not to stay

I cared about you
let you see peices of my mind
I never hid so why do you continue to hide
keep me blind to the true curves of your face
constantly behind your mask of fine
human skin
it seems you grew from within

And I get it

how else could you cope
with all these people walking around
that grasp around your throat
causing you to choke
their makeshift ropes
that tear apart your soul

I get it

But your mask is meant for those
not me
from the beginning
all I ever wanted was to see
and to be seen
but blindly I ran down a one way road
because the person I thought I had come to know
now has a grip around MY throat

decieved into believeing I could see
the parts of you no one else did
but you wore your mask around like your own skin
and now the walls of your deception are caving in
and im suffocating because if i breath in
this air I am afraid I'll be like you

untrue

to all i am and wish to be
this isn't a ******* masquerade
I let you see into me
and now your gracefully dancing
as if there were music playing
but the truth is you only really played me.

Why couldn't you see I was human too
like the person you
keep hidden beneath the lies
behind the vibrant eyes
of a mask that hides the secrets of your face
who are you?
because your not the person I knew
the person I thought I knew so well

There's heartbreak in the air
But nobody knows it
All tangled in my thick hair
My curls don't bounce anymore
A glance in the mirror
Reflects large dark rings
As dark as the fog
Constantly surrounding me
Giving me no choice
But to trust my instinct
All I have done
Is taken wrong turns
Run into devious traps
And find myself burned
They say I'll learn
From my mistakes
So not to make them twice
But some mistakes
Can mean my fragile life
So I'm continuously cautious
Of ones unmade
Although I think
It already too late
Can I still be saved?

Emotions rule my soul
and Sometimes its like a curse
being stuck down here on earth

yearning to feel loved
craving that acceptance
never fitting anywhere
I always was a lefty

there are few out there like me
but I have yet to meet any
society has demoralized them
but they believe themselves liberated

I've searched cracks and crevices
but only found dust
I have dug ditches and hole
but I have found nothing but gold

In a world full of greed
I have a beating heart
So I search for something more
But its mostly frozen over

I may have found one though
A soul pure but misled
Whose warmth could melt the world
and save us from our death.

Crash and burn
Not a care given
lost in the wind
Broken by sin
Hurt and scarred
Beyond repair
Ash and dust
All that's left
Failed the test
Darkness and shadows
All in one
Afraid and lost
No more sun
Pain each day
I buried away
Once was sunk
Now has risen
More powerful
Stronger
All I can do is try
Will I win this time?
Or will I die

I am lost between
the desire love brings
and ending it all
due to the lies surrounding me
and the knowledge that
either one will end in pain
so I'll admit it to you
I am profoundly afraid
and I don't know to whom
but I'm begging
don't let me break

Young soul
on the verge of growth
with a dream, with dreams
you can't even see
but you're told you can reach
told you can be anything...

but only within your boundaries

Young misguided soul
in such a cruel world
you're left to discover
all the dark secrets
and all the worlds demons
after being raised to believe
that this is the land of the free

This one for the dreamers
This ones for the lost souls
This ones for the broken hearts
That nobody really knows

This one for the misused
This ones for the abused
This ones for the little hearts
That thought they really knew

My  words may not be enough
To carry you through the day
But know your on my mind
I wanna take your pain
Away
I wanna wash it down the drain
I wanna help you love again
I know just how it feels
To fall victim to the agonizing pain
So for now I tell you
Rest your eyes
And dream yourself a better life

This here's for the forgotten
Lay trampled on the floor
I know your probably numb by now
And can withstand no more

But hear me out
Close your eyes
Dream yourself a better life
And one day when you wake up
I promise you
Everything will be alright

And all the pain
Will wash away
Through the many years
Your wounds will heal
You'll have your scars
As forever memory
But trust me and I promise you
One day your soul will be free

I carefully heed each and every word
                                     as if it will be your last
                           you make promises to my soul
             but I worry they are made of glass

Lost in a world which I'm drowning
But I'm not at sea
Swimming against an invisible tide
Thinking that I can't breath

Beauty stands in the background as I lye here crumbling

You love with all the parts of you
You thought you would never feel through again
And laying here without them you are empty
Talking to an angel you ask why
Why do you live if only to be in pain
You shed a tear which bursts into flames
Self loathing consumes you
You tell myself you deserve the pain
You wonder how you have managed thus far
By convincing others you are not insane?
So they don't know you imagine your own death
more than once a day
You wonder how long he will stay
Before he realizes you are his biggest mistake
And relieves himself of your burden
By throwing you away
Why does he stay?
He says its because you are his soulmate
So where is your soul?
You feel empty at the core
He is the one you need
With him you are empty no more
He sets you free
But you ask your angel if it is selfish of you
To keep him and his love
Knowing you deserve not even the earth beneath his feet?

Your Angel

I am all yours
Mentally, Physically, and spiritually
For forever

My King

Im trying to hold on
To things as hard as I can
I tighten my grip
But everythings falling through my fingers
like sand
I feel like I can't
But I'm not supposed to say that
I'm told if I believe
That I can do anything
But truth be told
Being strong
Has never been my specialty
It's just kinda a game of waiting
Wondering and hoping
Until the outcome
And when it happens
I'll have no control
As my world slips through my fingers
Like dust
Leaving me broken and lost.

My King

Theres a place reserved
inside my beating heart
where only you have ever been
and only you will ever be
theres a place inside me
that was meant only for you
my one soulmate thats true
the only love I ever truly knew
the only man who reached inside
and repaired wounds far out of sight
the only person on this earth
who ever saw what I was worth
and never hesitated to say

express your pretty little hearts desires to me

and upon those words
I fell into a love I never want to leave
I found a place
where not everything was about wants and greed
but a happiness
I never thought I'd be blessed to see
to feel,
It gives me everything I'll ever need
and I know
as long as its you and me
we can leave a path in this world
and it will always lead
to a paradise hard to find
It will exist as a guide
for hearts like ours to always find
and there we will reside

you and I for eternity
and beyond

Love,
Your Angel

I'm laying here
As the sun goes down
And asking please
Take me to a different night
Where the moon
Shines so bright
It takes away
This pain inside

I close my eyes
No more sky
And ask to dream a dream
Where I won't cry
Where I can fly
Beyond the stars I've seen
And then maybe
It'll set me free
And I will be
A better me
Than I will ever be

I'm begging now
As I drift away
Into some other place
Just let go
No one will know
And I'll be gone
I promise you
Before dawn

Its the feeling of being in a box
A tiny little box
A box the size of your heart
It is red, or more specifically
It is crimson
The deepest red
I can find
And its enclosed around my heart

But this crimson box
Is magical
Just watch its show
As it also fits by being
My body, my soul
But not once
Not even an inch
Does this crimson box grow
I am squashed inside
Becoming its mold
I am no longer me
Nor am I my own
And enclosed in this
Crimson box
Unwillingly I suffer
Until my King decides
To be my crimson box cutter

All I ever wanted was to be certain
Of a love they say should come naturally
As a child I grew believing
You had no love for me
And here I am now, still uncertain
Of what I am to believe

You are still in my dreams
Your love is all I wanted for so long
But what I received is nothing like it
You sent it many times in a message
Telling me you love me, your sorry, and that you have so many regrets

But I want you to know,
I never felt it

Years have gone by
And here I am
18 years old and still wishing for your hand
Something I never truly held
But that would take some kind of miracle,
I know

I promise that no matter what I have ever said
I have always loved you
It's just that his emptiness inside me
Has made me so angry for so long

I may have acted differently
And even if you weren't here to see
I didn't always speak the truth
Most of the time it just hurt too bad

Because I was stupid enough to believe
That maybe you would still come back for me

I no longer expect that

It has been a while since I have spoken of you
Expressing the feelings I have learned to suppress over time
But you still constantly cross my mind
So often I can still feel my heart crush

Maybe one day I'll see you again
How stupid does that sound?

I hope to someday cross your mind long enough
That you'll find this mystical love inside your heart
And you'll come running to find me
Because I think I'm too afraid to come find you

I still miss you, and no matter how much your memory fades
Your voice is still my image of an angel.

Where is my home
when your arms are closed?
Where will I go
if your love no longer flows?

I would vanish
into the nothing that fills the air
I would perish
as if I were never even there

Sliding across the hall in our socks
As if nothing would ever be wrong
Picking up static
As we carelessly ran along
Turning the corner laughing,
I caught a glimpse of you
But I didn't know how to stop
Out of control I tried to grip the wall
As I watched your last foot disappear in the distance
You ran an entire lap
Before I could even reach the the place
Where you had left me behind
You caught me around the waist and pulled me in
Upon contact I felt a shock
But I ignored as I fell into your eyes
Your lips, your arms, your chest

You were always such a distraction

So much symbolism in those days I was falling in love with you
So many warnings I missed

I replay the moment in my head
he lies she said
but I wouldn't listen

and I turn to wipe the regret
of ever believing you off my shoulders

but it stays

adhering to the glue,
of all the trust I put in you
when I was naive enough,
to place my heart in the risk of love

you swore to me promises laced with gold
which wrapped themselves around my soul

now I feel as those promises turn to ash and dust
falling from all you've crushed
and as the ashes blend in with my blood
They run through my veins,
And bring all this pain

I need my stomach pumped
to clean my self of all the **** you fed me
But even a transfusion
Will never truly cleanse and release me
of all the contamination you spread throughout my body
each time you place your hands on me

each time you kissed me with your burning lips
I believed that the sensation
was some magical creation
but really it was the shaking and the vibration
of all the lies you locked inside
bouncing around your mouth
fighting your deceitful lips, trying to come out

and yet I wondered, why you always kept so quiet
so many words unspoken
so many nights I wondered what it was all about
but you were just being cautious
Making sure the wrong words never came out

they say when you lie enough
your lies become who you are
and they are all you are
you made them your life, your faith, your heartbeat
you made those lies all the love you gave me

No wonder I'm stuck here now
Left with all the bruises
of the **** that I convinced myself would never fade
and the red inside my heart
that I never would have thought would bake
into this black coal
which stands in place of my beating heart
so dark and cold

he's lying she tried to convince me
but i turned to pretend I heard a sound in the distance
or someone calling my name
so I could act as if I didn't hear
and quickly rush away

but

If only I had listened.

Sometimes I think
Somebody please save me
from being me
because I don't think
I can be
me
anymore
Sometimes I cry
loudly
to myself
and I beg for relief
from whats inside
the horrific pain
I easily hide
as it tears me up
inside
from my core
I beg to the darkness
sometimes
to let me go
because I truly
can take no more.

I think we're all ****** up in our own way
just trying to make it to the next day
because yesterday has failed us
and we've given up on tomorrow
each day moves further
growing longer it seems
every morning that passes
there is sorrow by the masses
and its days like these where that sorrow grows
and can no longer be ignored
or pushed into a corner
hidden by the shadows
of all that was supposed to protect us

once upon a time

because the sun didn't get the memo
that morning hit and it was supposed to rise
pushing back the darkness to its designated corner
keeping all our demons away

once upon a time is supposed to end in happily ever after
I hate that as a child I believed in such things as that
always set up for failure
from the start I didn't stand a chance

I tried to find my happy
but now I believe I'm just a failure
that doesn't know when to give up
tied to a truck that won't stop driving
ripping the skin from my body
revealing my insides, making me raw
and I'm not yet numb to the pain
you wouldn't believe how long I've been dragged
and that the people driving
are all those I ever loved most
laughing as they watch through their rearview mirrors

no amount of time can save me
no amount of anything could ever help
I'm the piece of hay in a needle stack
trying to take all I lost back
but i never stood a chance in this world
being poked and prodded over and over

everyday its predator and prey
a sick game that shouldn't be played
I thought I stood on the same piece of the pyramid
as those who walk beside me
yet they constantly eat me
cabalistically
tearing me limb from limb

I wake up refreshed
thinking with fear 'here we go again'
trying to survive
but I'll never have a heart cold enough
never have a heart stone enough
to withstand the **** that goes on

all I ever wanted is happiness
and a true love to make me okay
yet again I find myself thrown astray
used, bruised, and abused
slashes through old scars
slices through an already wounded heart

Maybe I'll just retreat back to the corner
the same place my demons call home
and when the sun finally gets the memo
that it was supposed to rise long ago
I'll follow the shadows wherever they go