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SRS May 2016
Right before all the cracks finally gave way to wear
and your cold stare locked its glare
as I shattered all across the floor

I remember looking into your chocolate eyes
seeing the reflection of every single lie
inside them, because they were stained into my soul
why couldn't you take that final chance
for one more attempt to waltz
to the beat of our hearts on the dance-
floor. Instead you waited for it all to burn
from your kindling deception,
and the flames stole every dream I had for us

After pounding my persevering love to a pulp
you diluted it with your salty promises of love
Pouring us each a glass, you chugged
then splashed mine all across
my already sea soaked face
And forced me to stick my tongue out for a taste
scarring my soul with every ghost
of my failed dreams that you,
with false pretenses, swore you'd give back to me

forcing your way in
you became someone i thought I could believe in
and in the end you win
Because new demons are born
And they've begun to creep
As reopened wounds seep crimson, all in unicen
with every drop I weep
when I look now at my nest of rotten dreams
that never had the chance to hatch
and begin to grow into anything
Still fighting. Winning a little more of this battle every single day.
  Apr 2016 SRS
Connor C Blake
Intellect without emotion, someone told me once. That's how they described me.  That I had more wit and sarcastic charm than I could ever need, and yet I  couldn't do anything meaningful with it because I lacked anything real…..like empathy, selflessness…or love.  I was the cleverest robot in the world.

The truth is I do have emotion. Bounds of it.  It pours out of me through cracks I forgot to seal when I walled myself in.  And any attempt it makes to grow a garden is flooded by preemptive rain clouds, conjured up by a self imposed reality wherein the world sees my face in the daylight for what it really is and burns down my garden anyway.

I am no robot, I just hide behind cold metal plates and careful calculations, as if I could possibly predict consequences to chances I never take, moves I never make, and broken down walls I never break. So that the outcome is that i'm the loneliest, cleverest robot in the world, who discarded his humanity for a safety net and a bottle of cheap thrills, a bottle he uses as a telescope to see the rest of world because it looks better through the glass.
SRS Apr 2016
Much has changed
time passed, and in the process I grew to hate your face
the thought of how you used me
whilst simultaneously making it seem okay
I wanted to know your secrets
your dreams and aspirations
now I just can't stand it
I don't even want to associate myself with you
you seemed so innocent
I thought it was all so good
gave you far more credit than you ever deserved
now I just want to rewind and run
because you ****
and I wish I had enough nerve to say it to your face
because then you'd know how I really feel

instead I'll smile ad wave
thats the only way I can manage
in this situation
SRS Apr 2016
I'd like to believe that I'm not blind
but maybe you were right when you told me that I am
because clearly I fell into the arms
of a man that didn't have good intentions
I let myself love someone
that only wished to use me

You claim to love me now
but all I can do is wonder how
because nothing ever happens like in the movies
we live in such a twisted reality
so theres no way it can be
can it?

does that also mean that I will never love again?
am I cursed to be alone now
for the duration of my life
all because I let myself believe
you had a beautiful soul?

I still wouldn't call you a monster
but don't you get that you broke my heart?

my dad always tells me that forgiveness
doesn't mean things go back to the way they were before
when I still only had my doubts
and confession failed to escape your lips
like the constant lies did
SRS Apr 2016
Take off your mask and let me see your face
this isn't a ******* masquerade
I'm tired of these twisted games
sick of all these crimson stains
I never even chose to play
so why am I stuck here
still debating whether or not to stay

I cared about you
let you see peices of my mind
I never hid so why do you continue to hide
keep me blind to the true curves of your face
constantly behind your mask of fine
human skin
it seems you grew from within

And I get it

how else could you cope
with all these people walking around
that grasp around your throat
causing you to choke
their makeshift ropes
that tear apart your soul

I get it

But your mask is meant for those
not me
from the beginning
all I ever wanted was to see
and to be seen
but blindly I ran down a one way road
because the person I thought I had come to know
now has a grip around MY throat

decieved into believeing I could see
the parts of you no one else did
but you wore your mask around like your own skin
and now the walls of your deception are caving in
and im suffocating because if i breath in
this air I am afraid I'll be like you

untrue

to all i am and wish to be
this isn't a ******* masquerade
I let you see into me
and now your gracefully dancing
as if there were music playing
but the truth is you only really played me.

Why couldn't you see I was human too
like the person you
keep hidden beneath the lies
behind the vibrant eyes
of a mask that hides the secrets of your face
who are you?
because your not the person I knew
the person I thought I knew so well
Sometimes you've just gotta rant to let the pain out
  Apr 2016 SRS
Connor C Blake
Let’s stay as long as we can
And not worry about the end
But rather, enjoy the time in the middle
As much as we did the time when we first began

Show me your hand
Slowly unravel your fist
I want to memorize the contours of each fingertip
And the way the river of your skin flows down to your wrist

Oh god don’t let me forget this
Just this
Let me at least just keep this

I know the nature of our lives could never let this last
But nobody told me it’d slip away this fast

But even if this is all the time I get
And the rest just ends in heartache
I swear to whatever’s above; it was well worth it
That you were the one truth I couldn’t break

I think I always knew the color of your eyes
The way the light bends in the corners like the edge of the sky
Even if your appearance is a lie
Something behind the confines of your soft blue stare shook my soul awake inside

It's only time and a name we can't carry through
But this beautiful shape, we'll never lose
Our hearts are already too intricately intertwined
And if even if those bonds bend they'll always be realigned  

So I’ll picture the way your head feels on my chest until it all goes black
With the hope that the moment I see you again it all comes flooding back
Even if my mind can never find the time we stayed up all night studying the way our bodies can burn
I’ll stain my soul with pictures of fire and bones until I find you all over again and learn

So slow down….please
Sit down with me and watch the sunset
It doesn’t matter which one of us it’s for
Let’s just watch our lives end

And then ripple throughout the pond
Creating waves big and small that stretch on and on
Through different times and spaces across different lives and places
Until all the movement comes back together in the middle
And I can remember every first time I saw your face

Even if we can’t stay right here in this moment
I’m not quite sure that means we have to forget
Let’s carve memories into our hearts and fingertips
So that the next time they meet they’ll know exactly where each finger fits

And even if I can’t stay right here with you in this song
I’m not quite sure that means I have to be gone too long
So come find me when you fall asleep
I promise to leave the lights on in case it’s too dark to see

I’ll shout so loud my voice will echo across the ages
So that when the sound bounces back the octave changes
And even though my words occupy a voice you’ve never heard
I promise you’ll remember the song’s words

But I can’t promise this won’t hurt
And that our hearts will always be able to mend
I can only promise that each time the tide resets
I’ll make my way to shore and find you again

Someway
Someplace
Someday
_________

W­ait

Do I know you?
I swear, I think I do
But if I don’t, I’d like to
I think you remind me of someone I once knew
Spoken word version I recorded: https://soundcloud.com/connor-c-blake/ripple

Time, space, age, distance, race, class, gender, separation, hate . They're all illusions. Round and round we go. No matter the life, you and I are fated to find each other. Again and again. I'll see you again on the other side.

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