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Jun 2017 · 537
ryan Jun 2017
The two of us play the same
note with the sounds of our lives.

Our timbre, however,
makes them unlike:

the wisp of a butterfly;

a supernova.
May 2017 · 450
ryan May 2017
O Love,
Why do we hesitate in our fear?
What do we seek to preserve, for
What is worth more in life than the
Life itself?

While the spoils of the lives
Around us fade to nothing, the
Fruits of our union - our shared life -
Are self evident. It is the adventure
Itself that we reap.

We search instead for a map
Of a road that has not been cleared,
When the compass heading is
As clear as the waters of Nyasa.

So come!
Let us move ever onward, and ever
Upward - for the road has yet to be tread,
But the destination is certain.

Let what is true speak into our hearts,
So that our hearts can guide us in
What is true on our voyage.
Apr 2017 · 442
ryan Apr 2017
My eyes shift back
Into focus after staring
For so long

I blink as I wipe the drool
Off and look around

I sit in the comfortable recliner

As I notice the room, the chair,

The clock tells me how many years
I've been sitting here,
content to

Watch the dancing lights from
The T.V.

But all that's there is static
Apr 2017 · 653
Beach of Regret
ryan Apr 2017
When doubts and fears are like an ocean,
I clamor to the sand -
A billion tiny grains of  deafaning voices.
I use them as soap and bleach
Against my skin to wash away the waves
Which crash against my soul.
I dig the sand with dirtied palms as far as I can go,
Deeper into the liars pit
Until I reach what lies underneath, of
Which I find regret.
So I lock my fingers into a cage and press
Into the regret, and choke it
At the bottom of the pit I dug myself,
But like spit through teeth
It shoots on through my grasp defiant and proud,
Where it buries me in its place.
Apr 2017 · 839
Content and I
ryan Apr 2017
Being as self conscious and
Insecure as I
Means fixing your hair before
Climbing into an empty
And sleeping alone,
Discontent with myself
In the dark.
Mar 2017 · 1.3k
ryan Mar 2017
I am of no use, is what it tells me.
That I have nothing special, and that
I am nothing compared to those around
me is the truest lie I was ever told.
It allows me to be soluble
in the lives and achievements of  others.
The individual pieces of me dissolve
into insignificant, infinitesimal specks
that serve no purpose, and amount to nothing.
Anything I do - any talents I have - will be surmounted by those
who are more than I could ever wish to be.
Alone I am whole, where the love I keep under my
sheets and between my arms tells me
she values me.
But out there - out there in the world
I am of no importance and
infinite expendability.
Mar 2017 · 1.2k
ryan Mar 2017
My girl is a superhero:
With one foot she snuffs the smoldering
Cigarette **** her depression lies in, and
With the other she staves  the weight of a
Terrible job;
With her left hand she creates and makes
Beautiful things from a beautiful mind,
And with her right she craddles me,
All the while flying on the small vibrant
Wings of a robyn.
Feb 2017 · 722
Post-Shower Haze
ryan Feb 2017
Even in a leopard bathrobe,
Naked face full of phlegm, wearing
The days of deep depression
Smeared across her face,

She was still a goddess.
A sick, beautiful, goddess
Who I'm glad woke up
This morning.
Jan 2017 · 354
Of All Places
ryan Jan 2017
Of all the places we could be,
Getting married in six months or
Enganged in Disney Land,
Or maybe even moving North
To simply live together,
Of all the places we're here -
While you destruct and I
Balance a crumbling life with school,
Here we are back in like.
Nov 2016 · 261
ryan Nov 2016
Awake again, another day
Coffee as brown as her eyes meet me from
The mug she made me.
The heater keeps the cold away
But not as well as her breath
Or her skin against mine,
The shower head begins to spray
Steaming water that I ever wish were
Her fingers, streaming down my back.
Our frustrated feelings start to fray
As we play witness to others begin life together
As we've worked so hard to achieve.
But I will be the ceramic and not the clay,
Steadfast and unyielding until mine is mine
And hers is hers because by god --

Awake I will be in the suns first rays,
Wrapped in arms and light and soft brown hair
And eyes like coffee that will beg me back to bed.
ryan Nov 2016
Awake again, another day
Coffee as brown as her eyes meet me from
The mug she made me.
The heater keeps the cold away
But not as well as her breath
Or her skin against mine,
The shower head begins to spray
Steaming water that I ever wish were
Her fingers, streaming down my back.
Our frustrated feelings start to fray
As we play witness to others begin life together
As we've worked so hard to achieve.
But I will be the ceramic and not the clay,
Steadfast and unyielding until mine is mine
And hers is hers because by god --

Awake I will be in the suns first rays,
Wrapped in arms and light and soft brown hair
And eyes like coffee that will beg me back to bed.
Nov 2016 · 904
Sleep Alone, Sleep Together
ryan Nov 2016
Edge of the bed, glasses on nightstands,
Clickings of lamps, handfulls of medicine,
Blankets rising, clothes falling,
Darkness falling, eyes adjusting,
Toes curling, laughing ensuing,
Warmth enveloping, snoring crescendo,
Fan spinning, grips tightening.
Sep 2016 · 937
What Makes Us
ryan Sep 2016
Long after time began to stand still,
It was her and I, alone together,
Laughing our ***** off in an
Eternal bought of loving
For three years she's never allowed me
to stop laughing.
Not once.
Sep 2016 · 1.3k
ryan Sep 2016
I've never been able to write
Well about you
Because before any words even begin to form,
I've already drifted,
Beginning to dream about you.
Your smell;
Smile - your downright perfect smile,
And as my mind wanders and
My heart goes outright supernova,
I haven't even the time to pick up a pen.
Aug 2016 · 874
ryan Aug 2016
Like the carpet and our bed,
After so many years we've
Memorized each other --
Becoming permamently imprinted.
Aug 2016 · 1.4k
The Differential Equation
ryan Aug 2016
As the rate of change of life seems
To increase ever more as
Days pass, I would hope to approach
You asymptoticly-

Forever approaching you

Closer and closer

Until finally

We cross
Aug 2016 · 1.1k
ryan Aug 2016
Three years ago
I kisses the first lips I
Ever fell in love with,
And the last lips
I would kiss forever.
Aug 2016 · 221
ryan Aug 2016
Reading the draft of vows you wrote three years ago
From a crumpled piece of paper I had all but forgotten
In my wallet almost felt like you were actually with me
Jul 2016 · 545
ryan Jul 2016
We sat around waiting for the end
To come,
Watching the edges of clouds and ridges
Of the mountains burn like paper
Glowing and retreating into themselves,
And behind them the sky glowed with
Fire undiscernable from the sunset.

As it came, I sat by you, my last person and
I closed my eyes;
I was glad to end it
With you.
Jun 2016 · 657
With Her
ryan Jun 2016
In her I've found the one whom
My soul will dance with forever

The one who sings and creates
And listens with me; my entire band

The one who never lets me stop
Laughing, and pushes me to tears
      any way she can

The one with whom I'm never alone,
My best of friends, more than a part
      of me

The one who lights and escaltes my
Life to brights and heights I never
      could have ever in forever
             possibly imagined.
Jun 2016 · 513
Home Is Where The Heart Is
ryan Jun 2016
I'm told that this is home, where I'm
Ignored and feel locked out;
Where I'm marginalized, I don't fit
In, a new culture -
A new generation.

Yet even the me of many yesterdays
Would disapprove of me now:

The opinionated academic who still
Says all the wrong things to all
Whom he loves.

So tell me,
What is one to do

When you don't fit in

Even with yourself?
Jun 2016 · 259
Getting Home
ryan Jun 2016
From the moment the keys hit the table,
I knew I wanted to go back
And kiss you like I should have.
ryan May 2016
Tonight I lay in bed, with a few extra blankets,
To keep your spot warm for the next
Coming years.
May 2016 · 465
ryan May 2016
I'm sorry, I'm not like
You all.
Not in the way that I'm special, or set apart,
Just different, for some reason
A difficult different.

I'm sorry my conversations
Are ****, and
I can't find the right things to say. I wish I
Could talk about Narnia, and give
Up space forever.

I'm sorry I haven't always
Been here,
One of your core memebers; I'm just
"More comfortable" on my own
On the benches.

I'm sorry I'm trying to steal her,
Your youngest love;
If I could give up these dreams of being
My own, our own, our own something
Great, I would.

I'm sorry I can't be banal, with a
Simple job in a simple town,
Content with what I know and doing just
Enough to get by on these broken
Parts of mine.

I'm sorry I can't love TV and video
Games the way you do,
To know them and talk about them as
Your friend is something I may
Never know.

I'm sorry I can't be a bonus son
Like the other.
But I love what I do, and though it may seem
Useless it's mine, and I'll do it for
Me, for her, for us.

I know none of you don't mean it, I know
Somehow it's in my head -- but
It's an uphill battle, and you're
Throwing boulders.
It's not all the time

But it's enough.
May 2016 · 1.1k
Like a Sunbeam
ryan May 2016
You are sunbeams cast long on a couch through
A window, whose mesh drags like fingers
On a fence through the sighs of the warm Spring
Air; Beautiful,
Comfortable, familiar,
Apr 2016 · 634
ryan Apr 2016
"Magic is closer to science than religion;
science aims to conform nature to man, religion
aims to conform man to nature."*

Though I am no longer as mystified, this makes
Me no less a mystic. For I too pray,
Not through tears or knees
But numbers and telescopes.

You of much feeling need all your evidence --
Archaeology and historical account --
When I of such mind and curiosity
Need nothing more than the slightest feeling;

That feeling I crave beyond all else.
Apr 2016 · 499
ryan Apr 2016
When I press your ***** clothes to
My face, and your aroma fills my lungs,
It's like I can feel your lips and flesh
In my mouth;
I can taste your skin on my tongue
And it's as if you're a part of me
Apr 2016 · 966
I'll Never Admit To Crying
ryan Apr 2016
Standing up on stage,
While I'm sitting in the back on a
Rack of Bibles, you'll never
See the watery eyes accompanying
My smile plastered face
From being so ridiculously proud
Of who you've become,
And what you can accomplish
With your magical voice
And marvelous talent,
All from a girl, who I get the
Privilege to love.
Mar 2016 · 984
Till I Am A Man
ryan Mar 2016
To be a man, is to be made not of
Glass or plastic, fragile or manufacturered
Like these young boys plucking
Away at keyboards day to day, acquiring
Vanishing trophies; a man is made of
Steel and stained wood, screws and twine
Make up his joints and bark is his skin.

To be a man is not smell of lysol or
Carpets, but if sawdust and oil, leather and
Soil, for a man is shelter.
When boys pitch canvas tents
In sand, a man plants logs on sturdy
Ground in which his family can reside, his back
The roof under which it is dry and safe.

To be a man is not to bake your mind with flashes
Of light and thunderous noise, but
To create, to be dynamic and soulful, imbuing
Himself into his creation;
To be man is to help and be helpful, to share and
Collect wisdom from others, to better

One day a Man will be honoured to take you
Home, to care for you until the
End of his days.
One day, that man will be me.
Mar 2016 · 1.9k
ryan Mar 2016
The Hiker reaches the foot of the mountain
And pulls out his map,
Laden with a golden path in lemniscates  
Knowing where he is to go
For he had known this since he set foot out
His door.

Day by day he scales a piece of the mountain
Face, lacking not skill, but
Having patience, knowing the safe and
Prosperous journey is the
Patient one, the one whose tree of meaning
Is rooted in passion, the passion
To wait.

The Hiker fears not the delay of the summit
For the summit is already his,
Her hand his bride, for it is known in the
Hikers name who he is meant for:
The Summit, forever and for always.
I will have you, tomorrow
Or forever away, it is already known.
Feb 2016 · 842
Her Gaze
ryan Feb 2016
The feelings you convey with the
Sharpness of your gaze

Are as startling as glass shattering on pavement;
As soft as trees shedding on the sidewalk.

A kiss of the eyes,
A stab of the lips.
Feb 2016 · 758
ryan Feb 2016
I wish I could be a sticky note
On your mirror
Or an alarm on your phone

To remind you every day of how much
I appreciate you, of how much I
Love you, because

I notice all the things you do for me, like buying me coffee in the morning or
Kissing me to cheer me up; better yet

Always being there; The magically disappearing
Dishes from the table and the texts
Of concern; the countless reminders

Of how important I am.
But oh dearest, how important you are,
Moreso than the tides and the stars,

Because every day you choose love.
You choose love for me.
ryan Feb 2016
The only thing I want any more,
Isn't for me, or for anyone else,
But for you to be happy

Because when that happens,
Nothing else matters, even if it means
Being a little more alone, on a weekend
Meant to be so together.
Feb 2016 · 390
ryan Feb 2016
Sometimes our models of the
Universe don't quite work out;

Sometimes it's just a simple cause
And effect, micro like macro.

Now that my model of us is shattered
On the ground, a glass cookie jar subject

To the tantrum of a child, the electron
Moves forward in time once again;

Our entropy increases,
And we decay.
Jan 2016 · 347
ryan Jan 2016
Like the positron,

I must be an anti-version of me,
Travelling back in time,

And the me here and now didn't
Travel this path by chance;

The effect of me knowing you must
Have caused me to find you,

Because you are too phenomenal
For me to have found you by chance.
Dec 2015 · 1.1k
ryan Dec 2015
In these short dark days
Where the fireplace is ablaze,
I lay with you under the blanket frays
And into your eyes I often gaze
As we break our fast on a donuts glaze,

And in the kitchen we lightly graze,
As I play a little of Martin Gaye's
Songs to which my body sways
With yours on our linoleum.
Nov 2015 · 660
Ceasing To Be Ourselves
ryan Nov 2015
At this point it may not even
Be a poem,
Just too many intends in a too
Wordy sentence,
But it doesnt matter what it
Is, because all I
Want to get across is that

I love you.
Nov 2015 · 4.3k
ryan Nov 2015
It's been a long time since I told
You just how beautiful you are,

Not because you ceased to be,
But because nothing equates to you
Anymore --

The seas of metaphor ran dry and
The mines of simile caved in,

And only you remained, my
Warm quilt, my gorgeous
Wonder, my one and only, my
Siren angel, my
Dearest sweetest love --

So forgive this lazy *******,
For forgetting you needed
Oct 2015 · 619
ryan Oct 2015
Sunny days and stormy days
Are difficult:
The outside wants to
Change whats inside

Overcast days are where I'm
At equilibrium;
The inside and the outside can
Push up against
My skin and bleed together
Oct 2015 · 986
ryan Oct 2015
After all my years of study, and
Learning the things I love,

All I know here is entropy and
The Third Law;

That first we will force each
Other away, then fizzle and
Expel what heat I cherished most.
Oct 2015 · 30.9k
Better Than Sex Cake
ryan Oct 2015
Better than *** cake
Is a lie,
Because nothing is better
Than ***
Besides you.
Forrunately, I can have
That cake and eat
It too.
ryan Oct 2015
Hey little sister (first love?)
is life too hard somehow? I just
saw you yesterday, and I thought
you loved the sunshine, not the
hospital lights. . . maybe even
my laugh over heart monitors --

You and me, we're like family
(I hope you know that) or maybe
even stronger. . .so how did I miss
the depression in your eyes? the pills
dropping through your fingers?
I wish I could be the one to
make you smile; I know how

hard is always was for you
#sister #overdose #staysafe
Oct 2015 · 281
Where Life Lies
ryan Oct 2015
There isn't enough air in the atmosphere
To fill my lungs to where I could
Tell you how much I miss you;
How much I need you.

I'm losing him to the ocean,
Six years gone from me in hope
Of a life, but little does he know he
Doesn't have one
Because he gave me his.

Forever away in a broken home,
Sad and never taken seriously,
He taught me how to laugh and
Never let me forget.

She's all I have left and all I'll ever
Want, and she's my other half, what
Makes me when the rest of me is gone,
The only one who'll see me cry
When I'm left alone again.

And I'll need her, them, us,
For as long as I live.
Sep 2015 · 1.1k
In the Universe
ryan Sep 2015
Every day our worries grow is
still a day I get with you, and I swear
to God that we must be the source of
all entropy because all the Love existing
in the Universe is in the way you hold
me on the sidewalk, and whatever
happens I'm falling asleep with
Ella Fitzgerald singing how
much she loves me.
Sep 2015 · 1.0k
Alone pt. II
ryan Sep 2015
I use a red crayon to draw
Her lipstick on my neck when
She refuses to come around, and
I press my fingers harder on the
Strings, choking the neck,
Demanding a new feeling other
Than this tired old worn
Aug 2015 · 242
ryan Aug 2015
When I kiss your eyelids,
It'll only be one more sleep
'Till our lips touch
With the lamp out.
Aug 2015 · 556
ryan Aug 2015
The answers are Cicadas,
My compass tells me not why
This has to be the way --
But it is the way we go.
All this time we've been a
Beautiful painting
And this feels like the acetone.
Jul 2015 · 2.7k
ryan Jul 2015
The hazel moons sits in a
night black with mascara;
her freckles stars like chocolate
flecks in her cream skin,

and from this park bench I
gaze into that Sky hairs breadths
from my  face, and understand
what a goddess she
truly is.
Jul 2015 · 1.6k
ryan Jul 2015
I will tie my raft to yours by
Singing out the line for you to
Seize, to Harmonize with me by,
And we'll float together through
The raging ugly sea, all from
Between our cotton sheets.
Jun 2015 · 345
ryan Jun 2015
You hum softly in the haze of dusk
The song of a passing ice cream truck,
A penny for a spool of thread
Toes digging in the loose dusty soil,
Tapping the long forked fire **** to either
Side as though blind, blind from smoke and
Tears and the darkness of
The canyons of silence Between us
A penny for a needle
The branch balances precariously on the
End of the fork, a tightrope walker
Plucked from the ground by a metal unfeeling god
That's the way the money goes
Until you dump it into the fire
Pop goes the weasel
And the obvious irony, the irony so
Commonly placed in horrors
I've got no time to plead and pine
Is what makes me laugh until
The tears bead up on the end of my nose
I've got no time to wheedle
Or so it feels like, because inevitably,
Always, somehow
Kiss me quick before I'm gone
You always light me up
*Pop goes the weasel
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