I’m clamoring in the stale sheets.

Twisting and turning my body and mind.

I’m drowning in the streaks of defeats.

Awakened and humbled as night and morning slowly become intertwined.

I’m flailing in the wind of obsoletes.

Accepting and acknowledging my unrefined state of mind.

I’m progressing in the ability to make peace.

I’m going to be ok.
I’m going to be fine.
I’m going to be ok.

I love myself, finally.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

A dose of a wild clarity, a seamless interweaving of symmetry.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

A clear and toned glance at the authenticity of life.

A pure recognition of its simplicity and strife.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

The crumbling of broken shackles becomes the only sound vowed to never forget.

An impossible moment of knowledge bound only to the roots of truth.

A passionate interjection of thinking that will change everything.

Every once in a while, a thought comes along with a lasting strength of memory.

Yet we forget.

Cramped, lost, and crying in my own worn out body.
Consistent loss of hope to become somebody.

Can it end?
Will it end?

Short is this vivid pain,
too long is this bright ornament,
until I finally see the point of it.

No longer numb yet still caught in a gasp,
until I finally connect the dots and filled in the gaps.

Immense responsibility is ****** into life when parenthood arrives.

Unconditional love thrives,
I’ll love you no matter what told
an infinite number of times.

No blueprint available brings worry and stress,
wanting your child to flourish and grow,
not wanting to depress their ability to progress.

Always wanting to express support and care since an embryo.

The rollercoaster of life inevitably takes control and never lets go.

Child, teen, and then adult makes the parent feel time to let go and become the background chaperone.

I’ll love you no matter what.
I’ll love you no matter what.

A phrase that will never age.

A child grows but the love they felt and feel is their most preciously held ideal.

- For my Mother -

Calling out for help with zero intention of being heard.

Inevitable change is a diabolical fear.

A life without such nonsense is what I’ve always preferred.

Deep pondering views inside peel back the layers of irrational fear.

A life without adversity is a life without growth.

Embracing change creates a blank canvas.
A dark void inside craving the vibrant colors of new experience.

A life without risk is a life dictated by fear.

Regret seeps in when change is avoided at all cost.

A life without change is a life not worth living.

Perfect calculation has the inevitable human result of an enigma.

To gaze beyond the factors of sigma,
allowing creative wildfires to birth,
joining the thoughts outside the stigma.

The beauty of us makes the world we live in.

The terror of emotions is what brings us to life,
not a single identical twin or sin,
the mind allowing true living to begin.

Life your life unafraid and open.

Write your golden woven tale and be outspoken,
with self-belief leading the unspoken towards the unbroken.

Investigate your mind.

Allow it to unwind.

You never know what you will find.

Maybe a scare or maybe a mental uplift is trapped inside.

Just don't deny yourself this endless gift.

You must try,
find the third eye.

The human complex is simple.

We want more, more, and more on top of our full-plate.

A vicious cycle of self-infatuation, self-pity,
and a lack of empathy,
creates ill-fate.

No human is perfect so why do we constantly try to drown in false preconceptions?

How can we not see its all just perspectives, wholly subjective?

The world can't seem to see past shiny things,
the loud and bright distractions,
yet stay on the search for the perfect life, inevitably full of imperfections.

When all you need is just above the glaring screen,
raise your eyes to true love, affection, and human connection.

Love is perfection in any complexion.

Creases and lines guide our malleable vessel,
the mind.

Doubts, fears, and anxieties breakdown even the strongest of vessels to the core,
can it take much more?

Drowning in emotion, the exterior begins to erode apart, board by board.
How much more damage can such a small vessel endure?

Lust and greed lead the moaning vessel through the wrong currents and paths,
seemingly like a sociopath on a warpath.

We can only call on one savior in such detrimental times.

The mind.

Love, empathy, kindness, care, happiness, and positivity is the quickest escape, it has no name as it's inside every brain.
Our existence.

The mind.

We are masters, not slaves,
not even to our brains.

All until the empire caved through mental anguish,
and the terror-filled thought first entered humankind mind,
you have been the enslaved, not the master.

Mentally losing control in all believed,
through streamlining a connective world and thought,
it seems we've all been deceived.

No single stream is achieved,
Not every imaginative wish was truly dreamed,  
communication is a constant drowning without an esteemed regal theme team.

No matter if too much or too little,
our mind enters new lands from false provocations from foolish and progressive new minds.

Youth and old somehow learning intellectual finds,  
understanding emotions is the mojo in the potion.
We're all the same kinds, same minds, race with color blinds.

Often though, no hope to cope,
no sign of mental help in poverty folks anywhere in sight,
we just stare at the moonlight,
praying for a wealthy snakebite.

Distraction from your inner-gleaming.

Don't think, let thoughts flow like a calm stream,
as inevitable chaos ensues with persistence in the mind,
the normal overwhelming of the mind,
you realize that we have made
a flawless design.

Yet, with one door open behind,
a coup to unwind.

Only the owner of their mind has the full power to control, cope, and turn the tide.

Those types of people who understand that there are inevitable downsides,
but view them simply as realities benign.

Viewed as a part of the intellectual process and our life ride.
,
Annihilate your ego, and let emotion become your bride,
spark the fire and light inside a pure soul filled with love and empathy.

Understand the Jekyll and Hyde hiding inside the mind will never disappear or fully hide,
yet fight and become no longer terrified,
only mesmerized.

The truth is clear and here,
no more anxiety, worry, fear, just....here.

You drift and physically drop down in pure peace,
understanding you've just completed a mental masterpiece.

Full with a new sensation of content masterfully mixed with enlightenment,
thus, begins the personal journey,
a subjective mental exploration of a new frontier.

Storming tidal waves break the bank of my mind,
and overwhelm me in this ruthless urban sea.

Lost hope and optimism manifesting ideas of dying alone and accepting diving below.  

Yet, it's the end,
finally, I can rest my friend
from my failed life plan.

Dash and escape from the cruelty of today's humankind, just let the worries dissipate aside.

Such terror stalks upon my psyche,
hunting for the chance to say the final goodbye.

I've committed too many egregious sins to kin, friend, and lovers,
I have nothing left to discover.

****** in by a whirlpool of pride,
yet still, can only emotionally hide.

I took beauty for granted,
my view was so convoluted and slanted,
a false conveying of intellect that was pure and enchanted.  

I stand at the edge of an emotional vortex but it won't take me in, it wouldn't listen and too empathetic,
trying to erase my believed personal reflection; I'm a maniac.

It repeated to me: "it's never too late, just one last fate, one last call, one last human experience of love is all".  

Whirlwinds of splashing water **** me in and burrow me below the salty fuming crashes.

I hold my breath,
as I begin the dance of death,
flooded again by past my mistakes, pains, and regrets.

To my surprise, just before my demise,
a smile arrives,
relaxation resides,
my mind has been unlocked, it is free and finally no longer paralyzed.

I rise as if a crystal ball.
I'm the one in control of it all,
all it took was one leap, crawl, and natural law.  

Experiences that will still last a lifetime,
no matter their arrival time,
they mold us into a new design,
and become pure the happiness inside.

It is love. The most malleable force of all.
Human's true call.
Natures own law.
An insatiable draw.

Follow that internal call, even if you fall.

Internal flames sustain the charring coals of misery.

Heat so intense,
the molten source of such bewitchery seems contradictory.

As time ends the landscape bends.
Seeps.
Melts.
No hope for new discovery.

Personal freedom and liberty are now things of history.

Ideas and dreams stuck in protohistory,
nothing left,
zero energy,
abstinence of synergy.

Death. The bittersweet valedictory.
Lost ideas of mystery. The mystery that
only the silent soul can hold the final sole victory too.

Time is tragically still
and the air is frigid.

I've now begun to settle from my past state
of pure livid,
anger I can't live with.

With the mastering of calm and meditative breathing
the stress melts away.
I'm constantly watching it slowly decay.

Control back on my side
as I suddenly feel
the odd sensation of content inside.

Coping and alive,
and somehow,
still,
I thrive.

As endless currents and swells
take on the sea in peace,
humanity seeks such power.

If humanity could consume such salty power
we would view it as ours, with full intent to make it ours.

Humanity would leave endless scars.

Drink the power,
no clue how far,
but it's ours.

How wrong we are,
as we've already gone this far.
Mother Nature always fights with a vengeance.

Humans aren't among the stars,
we're still so far.

The balancing of Nature us inevitable
and always leaves behind authentic scars.

One succumbs to holistic approaches when the pain inside is no longer benign.

Diligently trying every approach, to no avail.
Losing battle after battle can but only drain the mind.

Looking for any way out without a spiritual guide or loss of pride,
using self-discovery as the palette to becoming purified.

Suddenly, emotions collide.
Critical emotions that one must recognize,
and humbly abide, and gracefully leave behind.

Horrified and magnified, the trials are monumental.
Inner-thoughts judgemental.
Until it all becomes clear,
you decide when to become transcendental.

One must never depart their fight from emotional apartheid.

When aware of the daily barrage of mental damage we endure, one can see their own personal internal genocide,
the pain inside.

Unveiled roots, deep within the soil, suddenly crackle and split after one cleans the inner-self.
Calmy dusting off the cranial bookshelf.

Clean from self-doubt, and done inflicting the avoidable self-pain, the daily drains, of ones brain, can no longer lay claim.

All too often the view is bleak,
generations under scrutiny and constant critique.

When all that lies within is misery,
all it might take is a tweak.

A new perspective.

A new technique.

To open the mind and think.

All too often we're blind to the beauty surrounding,
it can enlighten and be astounding.

Your spirit begins grounding.

A different view that seems to be organically compounding,
and tears fall as life's true nature becomes clear and resounding.

Still and aware now as the energy begins to stir,
my racing thoughts now begin to slur.

Consistent practice has titled me connoisseur.

A silencer.

Free from my past saboteur.

We all "were",
and next step must occur.

Escaped from past pain and can now explain.

The epic fall and tragedy from within humanities food chain.

I said I can explain,
as I have begun to train.

Looking towards a light that illuminates the darkest of eyes and times.

How much of such brightness can I contain and retain?

What I know is I've already lived my last dark days.

I said I can explain,
no longer connected to a ball and chain.

Freedom is now in the sunrise,
see the brightness in my eyes.

Integrated thinking allows societies to exhale, finally excel.

Driven communities show in masses at full-scale,
like a church bell.

Ignited ideals spread as far and wide in detail as one can tell.

Truth-ridden thoughts evolve the concious people past the outdated tall-tale.

The White Buffalo, the holy grail, the unveiling of life's undetermined fairytale.

Fearful and lost in the despair of time.

Debtful to most in this life of grime.

Hopeful and dishonest looking for some change.

When all this time the key to the cage were just letters on a page.

The will to fight, true discovery and insight. The power to finally view with clear sight.

Monsters crawl within the mind of us all,
but the courage lies within how far we're willing
to methodically crawl.

Unbearable pressure creeping within one's self-doubt.
Are you willing to honest spout?
Will you climb the mountain face and a top it shout?

Impossible challenges lie ahead and insurmountable pain,
but the truth of such misery is a priceless gain.

Is life laughable?
Is happiness attainable?

Only you decide the fate of what you become,
so rejoice that you can trek the maze and not succumb.

You are you and there is only one.

The woods we wander through are never-ending,
over-extending our stay in search of eternal mending.

Can I find the truth?

Can I mature past the bloom of youth?

We all wander and create our own path,
a warpath with an inevitable eternal wrath.

Life is but a fickle and fragile game,
constant pain and pressure create inner ill fame.

As we watch time pass like droplets upon a window frame, we are suddenly awoken by an extinguished flame.

Shock, despair, devastation now all we imagine and watch in full frame, we see no hope and want something to blame.

Their is never anything to blame or claim.

It is just time passing through and through, the inexplicably untamed. Untamed life. Seconds away from the afterlife.

Without creativity we lose the flame.

Without sincerity we lose the humane.

Without poetry we forget past pain.

Without pain we never gain.

Without knowledge we only remain, and never break from restrain.

With growth we finally free the brain.

Who am I if I'm not alive enough to see?

Who can I become with so much internal deceit?

Who and what is a soul when it's become lost?

Who and what is remembered when I'm forgot?

We all traverse pain, we all know it's true name.

The cold eternal flame that is universally the same, the fuel to this almighty game of life we confusingly play.

The unforgiving grasp tightens on our minds, and sinks faster than an anchor.

The unrecognizable emotions rip and tear the morality of even our best thinker.

The unjustifiable nonsense occurring has a globalized society acting consistently "faker".

The mind and reality can be united, finally at peace, if we only knew the truth behind our creator.

Our true maker.

The answer is simple.

The answer creates a giant ripple.

The answer of our creator would allow everyone to sprint, even the *******.

Seeping into this mattress the only consistency I know now, the only object I recognize is my stoic unchanging frown.

Running away always seems the viable choice, but the lonely mind is succumbed to having no voice.

The choice is directly in front of me and my hand, yet it looks so hideously bland, I don't understand.

When will my soul become a part of this confusing land?

So easily forgotten, do we remember the bright days of playing in the sand?

When dreams were always ingrained in the inevitable plan?

We all seem to forget the small thought of no matter what I can.

Desperate claws towards the fading sunset, wishing for one last duet.

Pestering pleas towards the fading trees, withering leaves as I can never please.

Inevitable tears as I accept this is the end, as I see you float away from our riverbend.

The mountains around reinvigorating life, the kaleidoscope of nature initiating a sheathed knife.

The beauty perplexing the greatest of mind, too often blind to the undefined and unrefined.

Taking a second to be in awe, the beauty of it all, the beauty of absolute organic law.

Chattering boxes are but the brain at work, with dreary thoughts doing the consistent work.

Laughable laughs come out as bold lies, as the true core we barely adore slowly dies.

With true words never being spoken, will the dark spell of the fraudulent counterfeits ever be broken?

The world is now digital and synthetic, and the almighty aesthetic is now genetic.

Torn
Torn, shattered, ripped to shreds.

So many unknown feelings fill the youth's head.

Fighting to get back where we once were, all the times we had before.

Torn, shattered, finally looking ahead.

The world is brighter as we look beyond the deathbed.

No worries or anxiety overwhelming the overfed.

Standing on our own, not an ounce of selfishness in the intent.

Dreaming through the night not the day, living in the present, content.

People jubilate to the sound of their own drum.

Finally, jamming out to our own strum.

The mistakes we make in life can make us crumble,
two bricks withering down can make the entire building tumble.

No matter how many times you create beauty the pessimist persists,
the mistakes always on the mind never out of the peripheral sights.

The realist looks at both sides and makes symphonies of insights.

Rise above your two mistakes and focus your lens on the beauty around.

This will lead to a building and mind on the most solid ground.

I've been on the low.

I've been taking my time,
I feel like I'm out of my mind,
It feels like my life could never be mine.

I don't wanna be alive
and let me tell you why.

All the **** speaking happening and presently occurring, as those same culprits pop up in my head as if I'm memorizing.

I've been praying for somebody to save me, but no one's heroic.
My life doesn't even matter, I know it, I know it...or at least I tell my myself that.

I'm hurting deep down but why can’t I show it?
I never had a place to call my own.
I never had a home, ain't nobody callin' my phone.

Where have you been? Where you at? What's on your mind?
They say every life precious but nobody cares about mine.

I've been on the low.
I've been taking my time.
I feel like I'm out of my mind.
It feels like my life ain't mine.
Who can relate?

-- Alex Wilson, 2017

CARPE DIEM!
Like a hockey team,
accomplishing the American dream.

CARPE COLLOQUIUM!
Like Napoleon,
giving a speech to defeat the Mongolian.

CARPE VINUM!
Like a forgotten man's byname,
stumbling aimlessly when it's always been within his brain.

CARPE NOCTEM!
Like a relentless cricket's chirp,
always ready to exhibit pounding energy without limit.

CARPE DIEM!
Seize the day, today,
for yesterday cannot be replayed.

My mind can't comprehend the emotions inside,
a war fought each night I lose by a landslide.

The sheets of comfort have become an anxiety-ridden hell,
my mind unbearably racing like Van Gogh preparing a pastel.

Remedies have been given but I lay restless,
indescribable assurance it's helpless,
as I become anxious and continuously stress this.

Not the battles but the war I must calmly defeat,
as I finally become even on my sleep's balances.

Caught in-between a hard problem and a tragedy,
one which all thoughts conceive a calumny.

False religious declarations brought hope, a preconceived act, with all past failures examined and attacked, like a quasi-contract.

How can infinite knowledge and power create such hate, terror, and pain, similar to a suicide pact?

How does one find their own avenue? Without being stuck in the heart with a corkscrew?

Is personal discovery extinct? Do we forget the past, subconsciously ensure the failures of our future, and presently live with no imprint?

Is individuality impossible?

The characteristics are defined and distinct, but each soul's technique is quietly fluttering away from this lost mystique.

Discover the reality of you, rise up, revolt, and fight the deceitful greed and promised happiness brewed in realities poisonous stew, as it's faithful traits of trust, love, and care that create our optimistic views.

To be happy; an outdated phrase soon to be extinct.

When the downfall of morality can unfold in a blink, as we subconsciously conjure a future drearily bleak.

Caught in this net of time,
the restless nights create a paradoxical paradigm.

Caught in this head of mine,
chasing after false hope that imitates the divine.

Caught in this reality of ours,
staring at the stars until we snap back into the lonely bar's guitars.

Living in a world with no honest leader.
Every single day comes a new victor,
using the people's heart to paint the picture of fear.

When will we escape the rampant greed running amuck?
Become our own leaders and stop giving a ****.

When asked questions like these, the defenders only have a mouthful.
The reins of power should be in the hands of the masses,
known as the powerful.

They shake at night with terrors of their past.
They finally understand they have worn a fake mask.

When will we stop eating from a government feeder?
Finally equalize and balance the power teeter.
We must, living in a world with no honest leader.

A wide and expanding world dilate our technology,
revolutionary thoughts and conflict initiate an evolving psychology.

Simplicity in life no longer here as we form double personalities nearly on in the same, as we all have an assumed second name.

Simplicity in life sacrificed for evolution and integrated minds, or is this just the plan of humankind's masterminds?

We forget the health and happiness of past struggle, as todays anxious, depressed, and integrated minds smuggle in double trouble.

Steady pounding upon the bronze sides of hordes of men's helms,
only to realize the impenetrable god's gold is the fate of another realm.

Reincarnation, heaven and hell, 70 virgins, and many more voodoos fritter among as distraction, constructed to insurpassably shadow this pain.

Will the truth be revealed as a nonsensical stalemate?

Can we finally graduate to a more evolved interstate, and gravitate to the knowledge we accumulate over life's days.

28 strings hanging from above, teetering and creaking with each of my steps.

The wood below feels as if sand seeps into my skin, making the next heavier, and heavier.

When did the world decide to become so clever?

The marionette is unnamed although the disease is written clearly across the fogged bathroom mirror.

I avert my eyes from the truth as though I could never decipher.

A slap to the face and a fluid ounce of love is all it took,
two floating hands to fix my gaze upon all I could, my own life book.

I suddenly could hear the willows whipping and dripping wet in the rain outside the brook, I was no longer deaf to the pain I caused and took.

The mental games we play are never far from the outsides the lines of our life's coloring book.

Climb to the tallest line of the page with your grappling hook.

It only takes one outside and unbiased look and the keys to the castle are unhooked.

Cramped, lost, and crying in my own exhausted body,
tired of spending all my money like I'm overly gaudy.

Short is this pain but long is the ornament,
until I see the path to winning this life-long tournament.

No longer numb am I, yet still caught in a gasp.
New knowledge instilled that ferociously connected the dots, and at long last filled in the gaps.

Cramped, lost, and crying in my own worn out body,
with loss of hope to become somebody.

Short is this vivid pain,
too long is this bright ornament,
until I finally see the point of it.

No longer numb yet still caught in a gasp,
until I finally connect the dots and filled in the gaps.

Pinnacle moments pass us by quickly and sharply.
Cynical thoughts control the fear marking out goals in Sharpie.

Mental games of why do I deserve such pain, even partly,
and coinciding emotions of loss amongst those not even as lovely, I finally feel this pain heartily.

One bad decision, one bad night, one terrible choice is the only ignition that was needed to begin the arson.
My apology was weak and imitated the sincerity of a disgruntled garçon, still in disbelief that my train of thought was easily that of a *****.

Love is a fickle sport we play and the secret formula is still out of my reach.
I will metamorphize into the one who is cracking the glass towards the anticipatory breach.
A lesson you subconsciously teach and I see that not all past stains can be cleaned with even the most powerful bleach.

I now know how I hurt you with my actions and eternal contract breach, like Richard Nixon I deserve the death penalty charge of being impeached, making you now just out of reach.

All I can say is sorry for all I have done, I love you, but I guess it's just a figure of speech.

In and out of the dreaded dream,
when all I see at night is my own nightmarish reality.

Until I accept the truth, constantly scrambling in my head,
I will not know myself and the stress and worry that could leave me dead.

I sit on this thought and ponder the point to our world,
when will I find myself, escape, and find my own hidden pearl.

I discovered the perfect pearl with an unmatched beauty or swirl,
only reminding me of the waving patterns in your flowing hair and locks of golden curls.

Growing strong and seeing the truth.

While I become the man who drank from the fountain of youth.

I calibrate and exuberate when I bring my new level,
these girls look me in my eyes and lie to me they can't push the right pedal.

I wish I knew a girl true to the heart and not after an agenda,
a real love rather than the alternative such as Splenda.

When will I learn this love is practically unattainable in this crazy world, especially in this globalized Computerworld.

Call me pessimistic or just down right ugly,
or maybe I'm just roughly stubbly part of this muggy money.

I wish we were utopian and part of simpler times,
but this is unreasonable and not realistic as we live in lifetimes of nonstop wartimes.

Trouble around the corner, any area you stare.
Leaving you hopeless, tired, and without a care.

Doing things in life like it's from a kid's dare,
Making you second guess reality as it may appear.

A bucket of water splashed across your face with an overwhelming dose of adversity to evolve the neuroplastic mind.

A friend who will listen intently with no judgment to find within your unrefined fight for serenity and peace of mind, no longer quarantined.

You are your own, you're not the epitome of the pain,
you are the person who should be boasting the rest as insane.

For when we all go through a fire-lined avenue of trial,
you can stand grounded, strong, and justifiable,
as your life, pain, and utter strength is now undeniable.

- For Brian

A rapid beating heart that stands next to you always,
I find myself atop this life intertwined between these melodic days.

Fight and quarrel about is the normality of human nature,
for it's those that can heal the wounds through love and pure conversation who should sign the everlasting legislature.

Love is a fickle sport of chance it seems,
cheers and jeers from the moonlit love we all yearn for in our dreams.

I'm emotionally tearing at the seams as I am done with these schemes,
no more joining of the socially pressured regimes.

Your love is all I need and all that is true,
I want to live every moment with you again and again as an everlasting deja vu.

The human definition of humanity is becoming a conundrum-filled calamity.

Vivid memories of eclectic booming sounds continue bursting around veterans as they lose sanity.

Mothers work through their pregnancies as their children are born into a materialistically filled world of profanity.

Has the wheel of morality begun an uncontrollable spin in our growing urbanity, or is because of the religious wars we fight, the likes of Christianity?

A travesty amongst us all, but this pain brings an unorthodox form of healing, as we learn from our mistakes and fantasy.

We ******* band together, with our thoughts in groups, to determine a path back towards our morality.

We fight with vigor such as if we were the Roman General Antony.

These fruitless and segmented fights can make the matters worse no matter the strategy.

We must all wake up at once from our mindless love of insanity, and finally, throw to the wayside this world's cruel vanity.

Who or what will ignite the single uniting thought to spread instantly throughout, the thought that will bring peace to our mind, sanity.

What does it take to feel alive?

The hug of a mother? The pull of a trigger? A new high to desire?

The social networking of this world has lost its true form and art. The mouth is not for lying rather for cleansing.

Honesty is a form of quenching.

You'll never lose the people and things that truly matter, those are the artifacts and tools to feel alive. Life itself.