i crumble, wet sugar, slipping down the side of my glass,
my eyes cant focus, except for on you, the only clear thing in my sight

I can't feel my words, only yours
filling my head with the dread
a confusion of princes, blonde, i imagine
and i can choke down the bile,
but only for a while, til i think of him,
with you, again
i know he has not touched your lips,
and i have, and i miss
the way they felt on my arms, my shoulders, and nothing is
quite the same, when i try
i can run my hands down my sides, down my thighs,
but they are nothing like yours,
touching his, touching his

Feel alone, not broken,
head under the seas,
kiss the fish, my darlin',
come back to me, please

I, am, a treasure chest,
watch the waves, slowly crest,
kiss the top, baby steps,
Lead me to our new love nest

lay down in bed like I'm in my coffin
feel my bones, whistle rattle and shake
Drop my hand on the table like I'm all in
Got all hands on my heart to break
Steal the soul out my world with a silver tongue
pull the plug on the day the world aches
can't ever forget, they all tell me
"Least you're still young"

Im haunted inside
I wish she could come back to life
explore all over my mind
i wish she could come back to life
come back to my life
dance a waltz around my heart
and stomp all over my life
take who i am inside
turn back to who i should be
defrost me defrost me
im shaving every day
running
i think ive grown from this sidewalk
but i need sun again
or i feel like im withering withering
honestly
i dont want to move on. i want to
hold the back of your neck when i kiss you and
finish x files with you and
miss you again
if we are not healed by valentines i will
i will buy you what you wanted

I have only ever heard snatches of conversation
Ranging from arguments to confessions of love
Once, a proposal
The light blinds me but not the light from fixtures
The light from you, my love, my only caretaker
From the store I was borne from, I was surrendered, helpless, upon you
And began my cycle
Bells and songs
The sad sobbing, one year
"They're gone. They're all gone. Who gets these?"
And then stillness. Silence.

Darkness.

hey! we
we all gonna die
we ALL gonna die
and i think there's a level of trust involved with accepting that
like bringing a psychopath out to a field
but put a knife in my hand and suddenly
that little knife becomes a fish
without a stream
but baby
i'm
the
ocean

i can breathe you like air but baby
i don't mind holding my breath

My body may be a battleship, but you truly are my general,
And if I fail to protect you, sail me into the sea,
If I break rank, if we all go down, know that I am not afraid,
Know that from the first moment this was my goal,
Know that you are my prize and my award,
My judge, my jury and my self-appointed executioner,
If this is love, then love is a war.

Hello, Mrs. Honeybee,
how are you today?
My soul is heavy,
my body is *****,
and my mind is wandering away from me.

These summer days,
always slip away
filled with scraped knees,
and honeybees,
jeans stained dark with blood.

Goodbye, Mrs. Honeybee,
your summer days are gone,
and I never ever got to say
goodbye.

'cause I'm made of naught but clouds,
just clouds, just clouds,
fluff and bits of string and stuff, floating around in an empty brain,
beautiful captain of a cloudlike ship,
nothing but tears from here on,
from my quiet eyes,
clouds eyes

As we have proven time and time again,
we cannot even save ourselves
allowing us to die and rot
and with time
even love will die
fading into a darkened sky
leaving behind all of us
wondering where our passion has gone

the only thing necessary for me
is the stars
something to stare up at
and wonder
but now
you've become my stars
and I stare at you
and wonder
what will come

the moon sleeps alone
controlling the tide as
you control my thoughts

the aroma of the dead and dying
lingers heavy in my bed,
yesterdays shirt and tomorrows hate draped across a chair like falling flowers,
like the ones on my desk, picked
with joy and anger, but that has long since faded and wilted,
giving way to the dead and dying, like me,
wrapped tight in blankets,
clinging to the tiny voice of mother, on the other end of the phone,
repeating the refrain, the chorus, homage to the homesick,
"Everything will be all right, with time."

Have I ever watched ink spread through water,
black fade into white,
contrast sharpening focus until all that is left is blurry words?

The dust has only just begun to settle,
on dead fields, barren once more, since then, since then.

Nebulae have only just begun to settle, fabrics of your mind,
folding, turning, since then, since then.

Oily words have only just begun to settle, on my skin,
black streaks along my skin, since then, since then.

Narcissus gazed upon inky space,
dust reflecting golden starlight into his face,
and he sighed in discontent,
blowing air from his lips to disturb delicate ecosystems he had no place in.

My heart, the very center of my being, has been locked away,
thrown carelessly into the expanse of space I hold so very dear,
locked inside a glass jar, a glass jar full of embalming fluid and Earl Grey,
to hold me inside, to contain me, to comfort me,
as I float away, as I watch the stars from inside my glass prison, my chosen media for viewing the galaxies that held me alive,
as I die among my hearts,
among the stars, each one another poet,
freefalling.

Small purple thunderstorms live in my forest, shattering their own worlds with musical rain and shocking thunder.

When all is gone,
When all has faded,
When my universe has left,
When my stars have evacuated,
And the world is dying,
Wake me up,
And I will write a new one,
I will paint a world.

Low oceans, sweet fires,
Bad candies, little fruit,
Bringing me back to earth, bringing me back to life
Riding on the backs of asteroids.

with one, a tree - short, with leaves of a redder *** than what belong to me,
with another, a road is carried - long, seeming to never end as one step leads to another, tumbling over itself,
with the fortunate, a lantern - hanging from a pole in suspension from the window of my car,
with my unfortunate gnome, a sign - bearing the words I am in a way to force others to Obey the word of my god.

and as I extinguish my candle,
as anguish, darkness creeping crawling in along my floor,
spilling out over the wood like fog,
my mind wanders,
as an attempt to banish the darkness,
before suddenly, my mind is gone.

How odd, though,
that upon the occasion of the sky crying,
we feel kinship,
and warmth
among the water.

Blissfully, I recount,
his eyes as grey as the sea,
blissfully, he spoke,
vibrations shoving insects aside
to push his words to me,
as a storm does, as a storm does

Rain, beating on his window,
shocked him awake and in turn, horrified me,
gathering thunder to himself as if
he were Zeus's favorite, his shivers shaking the house,
as a storm does, as a storm does

and one by one, we traveled alone,
with winds adorning our heads,
and bit, by bit, he gave himself,
to me, as though
I could save him
as a storm does, to a port,
as a storm does.

I have never met one, who spoke,
with such a velocity as this one did,
with storms flying from his lips.

There is no one I miss
more
than the feeling of you
crawling into bed with me
but there are no monsters,
but men,
there are no monsters,
but men,
there are no monsters, but men,
only us who cling to sinking ships
who wave hello and blow out candles
there are no monsters,
but men
only us who wish death upon ourselves,
only us, who punish, for punishing,
only us, who torture, for torture,
only us, who hunt, for sport,
there are no monsters, but men
and as much as dear Jordan attempted to clear,
he could not escape the men,
Hello, they sang, hello, he whispered,
thinking,
there are no monsters, but men
Dear Jordan, he fought, a champion,
Dear Jordan, with lions and fish,
Dear Jordan, who hunts, as pure as he is,
Dear Jordan, our own,
personal,
man.

Because guess what? I cried.
I cried when you gave me a shirt. Because that's what Dads do.
I couldn't let you see me cry,
because that would be weak
and if anyone hates weakness, it's you.
Because guess what? You scare me.
I'm scared to death that I mess up.
Because guess what? I don't dye my hair anymore.
So you don't see me be myself.
I push down feelings and desires and questions and fight an oncoming storm of hate telling me I'm stupid.
I drink, and I do stupid ****, and I yell and I talk too loud and I'm afraid of drowning
and people see it and think, "He'll never be liked, look at how fat he is! How badly his clothes fit!"
because guess what? I'm scared to ask you things. I'm scared to ask for new clothes. Because guess what, dad? You weren't there.
And as long as I have fast food cups in my bedroom, you'll be there -
yelling that I can't do math.
in denial, scaring me, showing me your way
showing me your anger and how you can't believe you ****** me up
how you can't believe I'm scrambled like an egg
and how I gotta fight this, how I gotta fight myself because you're here
because I'm scared to fight you instead.

and oh, I'm a man
I'm a man and I dance but oh, please don't love me
oh, please don't
oh please, I'm no good anymore, I've gone and spoiled
and I've swung from the trunk of a war elephant
and that's all I have anymore, oh
to find love in this town requires a bottle and perhaps a lighter to find me

I have fought with my wings with a disrespectful son
I have fought for my wings on a garden of fire and rage
and I will be painted across the stars
eternal, all-knowing
So give me my wings
let me fly away
Stop holding me down
Pull out the pushpins, I need to fly
I need to be
Pull out the pushpins and let me go
Stop fighting so hard to keep be grounded
let me fly across the sky and find my way home

and I feel alone
and I am alone
I'm alone
and the walls are closing in
and they're shrinking under pressure
and there's blood on your sheets
from the glass in my bed
and your heart
was beating in my hand
before it died
alone
and pained
and she didn't mind
and I did
so I left
and I regret that
thankfully
I'm still here
but its so cold
I'm so cold
I just
I want
I want to be warm
and I want to be alive
and I don't want to be broken
and you should have been kinder
and you should have been there
and you should have told me
and you should have loved me
and you didn't
and I suppose
that's my fault
and I miss
I miss the warmth
I miss you
I miss you
and the ******* moon
tried to convince me
that you were right
and I
I believed it
and I believe it
and I miss
I miss you

Self-medicate to keep the hatred down
Self-medicate to keep the ***** down
Self-medicate to keep the sadness down
Self-medicate and pick your poison
pick the one you haven't tried for a newer
buzz
for a newer feeling
for a newer hate
self-medicate, extrapolate
miss yourself and all the hate
because the devil is mine today
the devil is mine today
to do with what I please
self-medicate and fall
a spiral
a helix
something familiar to feel the feelings
something familiar to feel the people cry
self-medicate to feel your mother cry
what am I becoming today, who shall I be
a dashing rogue who doesn't care, someone alone
a dashing rogue at the bottom of an ocean
with a portal to another world where I am normal
where I matter
*self-medicate

All hail the king.

Alright, now, son, back down, don't get excited, don't push, stop shoving, you're fine, get up, keep walking, don't make me do thi-

From birth
he was different
from birth, he was blue, he was ice
he was odd, he was funny, he walked, he talked, he ate funny
he received soap, notebooks for school, he wrote things
he laughed, and he wondered
at age 12 he received his first laptop
took him 2 weeks and he crammed it full of poems
he crammed it full

All hail the king.

Fast forward, 10 years, where is he now
22 years old and he hasn't wrote a thing
he hasn't felt a thing
Oh, lord, please forgive me, an artist life is short, an artists li-

All hail.
All bow.

Don't forget, when he's gone, please, don't forget when
when he's gone
Because all the time spent staring back
at gas-station bathrooms can't have been for nothing
the dissection, the logic, the hate, must be remembered
an artists life is short

All hail the king.

Just a little bit more, just a little more
pull her up and around and tie the noose
just a little bit more, just a little more
teach me to fly, it's so nice to be me
just a little bit more, just a little more
pills and drinks and shiny things, pearls and rubies
just a little bit more, just a little more
teach me to fly, it's so nice to be me
teach me to fly
just a little bit more

Oh, what a day
Oh, what a sad, sad day
Oh, what a day, she said
and I couldn't tell if it was me or her, can I get a witness? I need help, please
I need some help, for once
I can't be myself always
because hiding is so much easier
can I just hide?

whenever you lose me
I swear to be there
in the dark
behind the shower curtain, someone invisible
screaming "hello"
to be greeted
to be acknowledged
to be physical
to be noticed,
oh god, someone tell me I'm here
Someone tell me I made it
I'm here
I fought for this and now I'm here
and I will be seen
I swear to be there
today
I swear to be noticed
because I am sick of
standing in the dark.

Pressure
is building
at the base of my spine and I can't feel myself hurt
and I can't believe that I'm here
I can't believe I worked for this so hard
and now I'm here
and all I feel
is empty
at the hero academy
just empty at the soft bowl for my brains and my water.

When it comes, you hear
You hear
une , deux , trois , quatre
and think of the stars, the bits floating above me because they have no home
because we are all thunder
and stardust.

It's a dark morning
Today
I can smell the ozone
It's a dark
Morning
Today
I can smell the pavement, the pure city
inside me, as if
As if I can be cotton
But it's a dark morning
and I should have been asleep
and I'll remember those storms til the day I die
til
the dark I die
I'll remember
that
dead morning
that dark mourning
like the pouring rain
dark morning.

when did this get so complicated?
When i was a kid, I could walk outside
and I could comment on how beautiful the stars were
and no would hurt me for it
because all I am is stardust
all I am is stardust
aligned to make me me
and no one will take me seriously
because all i am
is a lonely poet
made of stardust and dreams that I wake up
longing for
because the girl in my dream needed me
in the autumn
because stardust has broken
and now I can't see any light.

I have always been a morning person
With the way the sun peeked over storage units
and abandoned cars
"Hello!" It says
"I am here! Do not fear the dark!"
So we make our coffee and the artists think
Certain things
We build words and universes within ourselves
And we never get to a book in time to write it down
To scrawl down the formula
For what might have been
morning always reminds me
Of lazy cats stretching in the sun
And watching the dew solidify
On the grass
Outside the window.

If I mattered
If my body wasn't going to rot
And turn to dust
Then maybe
Maybe I could believe
Maybe I could hope
But I am attached
To my body
for it is what make me who I am
And I don't want to lose myself.

Give me a reason
to stay here
as if I could be persuaded
I want you to want this, you hear?
I want to hear you scream and cry my name, in utter agony,
because you simply cannot live without my hand to bite down upon
in times of strife.

I don't
Know what I should say
I'm speechless
My words are gone and my mouth is ash and dust
And my lips crack when I try to tell you
I'm sorry.

my foot just clinked
two
empty glass coke bottles
together and it sounded like rain
rolling off your roof.

wake early
to the end of the world
wake
early
to the end of the world
as if I can hear this half lit world
alone
Because you
cut straight
to the ice surrounding my bones
And you were repelled by just that
as if I was supposed to stay warm
when you never gave me a sheet
you never kept me warm.