The tide rolls in, in waves of emotion
The surge rips and the grip tightens
Time weakens resolve and threatens to wash away all,
Reality is blurred for a moment or two
Alone on the sand struggling to hold onto branches
Gasping for each partial breath
As waves continue their barrage,
A warm grasp, steady and strong
Worn out clenched fists open, blistered and ******
Released not to the sea, but to the embrace of the rested
Eyes too weak to open can see the love
That saved body, mind, and soul

Tie-dyed psychedelic swirling thoughts
Mid-day nightmares tied in knots
Jagged edges of broken minds
Untamed beauty so unkind
Honey sweet and sappy places
Charcoal eyes on empty faces
Inside ugly seeps through perfection
Blocking daylights warm reflection
Chasing nothing standing still
Raining brimstone breaks the will
Held fast in place by testimony
Indecipherable real or phony
Undependable instincts and cloudy vision
Inhibits any and all decisions
Hand-mixed daydreams light and creamy
Candy coated happiness, all is dreamy

A glance full of fire
Smoldering in your embrace
Burning through my soul

As we are joined
We swear an eternity
Sharing our dreams
Our joy
Our pain
Our shame
Our sorrow
And most of all
Our love

For it is in that love,
Born of a shared heart
And a soul that is complete
Only within each other,
That pain is healed,
Shame is vanquished,
And sorrow is nought
But the slightest scar
Dulled by the joy that becomes us...together

As we are now, we shall continue
To be strength in times of need
A shoulder, an ear, a friend without judgment
Honest in all things
We accept each other as we are
Always, in all ways
Encourage each other to be the best we can be
Believe in each other without fail
and to always be the silver lining
Should a cloud seem gray

We will be unceasing champions of our love
Examples of truth, loyalty, and faith
Honored with a chance to try to make every moment happier than the one before

We stand united unconditionally and irrevocably
Bound to love one another
Without doubt
Without question
And without fail
Always and forever
Through each realm of existence
In time everlasting

Have you ever just wanted to hold someone so desperately, and hope against hope for the days that hugs used be magical and heal all that ails? It is now that a tear falls, because 1000 miles is too far, and my arms aren't long enough, and I can't change that.

We are all depraved
                   You just embrace the darkness
                                          Most choose to ignore

All I want is to hold you and let you eat me alive so that your emptiness is filled with me and you are never alone.

I promise to love you through it all.
Through all the pain and distance
Through the emptiness and fear
Through the nothing that feels like everything
And through the everything that feels like love
I will love you

The faded dreams roll in with the darkness

Like a whisper in the night

Transported to another time, another you

Surrounded by those who used to love you

By those you will always love

Heartbreak and odium upon awakening

Lost in the midst of then and now

Knowing what was meant to be is

Mourning all that wasn't

Preoccupied with the past, days seem heavy

Ridiculous waste of resources

Yet, it ebbs and flows like the tides

Creeping in, unwanted and unwelcome

Thankful always for innocent mistakes

Grateful that no one can read your mind

Missing bits of who you were

While trying to love who you grew into

A colorless sunset disappears
Melancholy underlies a quiet night alone
Itchy feet and restless thoughts
No sleep for the weary
White noise fills the space reserved for real emotion
Crippled mind and clogged heart
Regurgitating memories trying to feel myself
Comfort in the absence of pain
A vapid existence
A quiet night alone

In a dream so real with tear-soaked pillows

Is found the answer to a question never asked

Can reality enter through a dream

Or is it just a spoon to stir the ***

Settling of the restless is welcome

Yet the seeming truth is unreliable

Is one to hold on to insight from a dream

Or to try to figure why the dream became at all

Through the colors of dusk, you enticed me
Wide-eyed and inquisitive
Laughing in modesty,
Yet filled with desire
Fast friends in honest notions
Too close too quickly, perhaps
Yet so similar in design
Too tight a fit
Too much to handle
Bonded passion through darkest night
The colors of dawn bid the possibilities adieu

my stranger
is no stranger than yours
my stranger in wanton yearning
unfulfilled in lustful need
stated in words behind a glorious smile
every desire spotted before spoken
unrealized reality attached in naughty secrets
binding in the everyday, so sweet
make it hurt so **** good
sugar and spice in pretty pictures
painted in the sweat off a begging brow
joy fills the air with each squeeze of desire
with each pang of acceptance
dancing on the edge of bliss
drowning in skeletons uncloseted
owned by a stranger
whose stranger is no stranger than you

A heart skinned alive
Just to prove a love
A soul grated by self-loathing and denial
Finding acceptance for what's shattered
Giving all that's inside 'til you're empty
And all the flesh 'til you're numb
Waiting for a chance
To believe in unspoken promises
Risking, losing your soul to love a shadow
Trusting beyond reason
Yet not at all
Twisted frowns can't be called a smile
And pain is not tantamount to joy

heart confused with head
body with soul
lead by carnal need, wanton abandon
and primal desire
to be pulled so strongly cannot be denied
'tis not the excitement of the unknown or forbidden
'tis a ravenous feast that awaits, neigh pulls
against all that is believed
there is no rhyme or reason
logic fails
still, bodies giving in at the very thought
hearts abandoned left behind
there is nothing but the flames
prepared to consume all in its path

Sun** breaks the peace of raindrops
Glaring through the window
Burning flesh awake
"Rise and Shine" it SCREAMS in silence
And the hint of laughter on a breeze
Taunts the groggy mind

Silence screams its cries of pain
Realized only in the darkest corners
Flashes of electric blue bear witness
The crack shatters the silence
And deafens the pain...momentarily
Caught off guard, the tempest shifts
Whirling cyclone through smokey heart
Dust clouds of ancient barricades crumbling
The darkness grows to an eclipse
Quietly, patiently, time passes so slowly it seems to rewind
Footsteps softened, neigh, silenced by the thickening dust
It settles quickly, as mottled shades of gray
Begin replacing the true absence of light
Sliver by blinding sliver it penetrates
Searing, in it's obtrusive insistence
Piercing both heart and soul
Killing the blind peace
With hope disguised as fear

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

Birthed at the center of my soul
You are my very heart
You are the seed of compassion
And the water with which it blooms

Birthed at the center of my soul
You open the window of joy
And close the doors tinged blue
A teacher of spirits, of freedom

Birthed at the center of my soul
Your kindness bleeds into me
Saturating my casing
Rendering me tender, despite myself

Birthed at the center of my soul
We became...as intended
Entire beings
Flowing between a unified spirit
Connected now as then

Birthed at the center of my soul

I
am
******

and not in a clawing flesh, body convulsing, banging headboard kind of way

that kind of ****** I can rock the **** out of.

No
I am more the
twisted mess of forced misconception
enlightened by time innocence forgot
forced into a life guided by trust in the lies truth told

Yeah,
it's the end of life as I know it
that's the kind of ****** I am

I knew joy
it was based on trust in what was true

I knew love
it was built on that same foundation

So yes,
I am ******
this mess of **** crumbling to pebbles while blinding me in the dust of my own ignorance
is anything but blissful

and all I hear are the cries of beautiful dying
not that dying is beautiful, though it can be
but of the death of beautiful things
of things I found implicitly lovely
the painful dying of all I believed was good

I am so ****** sideways

protected by others
I can no longer say for certain who I am
or who I believe myself to be

****** hard and unrecognizable
***** into truth by the kindness of others

No more questions because I am ****** that way too
no one wants to hear their old news and ***** laundry

I knew love once
now all I love, I question
reliving my choices in reasons why
trying to piece together my life had I always known
trying to define how I love by my own definitions
and not by what I knew love to be
because that love never existed
only in my ******, shattered memory

So, hey
guess what
I used to love you
now it's tainted with yesterday's **** streaks

I'm still me
But boy
am I ******

It has been ages since eyes have fallen upon this place
Walls, once hard and cold, enveloping like a warm blanket
Soaked in intoxicating aromas
Enticed by the softness, the stillness
The slightest shift is alluring
No voice to be heard over the racing pulse of time
A deep breath and a sigh speak volumes
In silence and darkness it is left forlorn, desolate, and longing once again

He asked to see my words
Joy in unexpected interest
But to share a glimpse inside the emptiness
The truth I've hidden for years
The fact that my feelings lay bare in ink
Though no longer reside in my soul

He asked to see my words
Answers to unasked questions
The truth of my daily struggle
The demons dancing within
The reason my heart is dessicated
The shame of my reality

He asked to see my words
To learn I do not trust
To see the dark prevail
So different from what I show
Frightened to lose someone else
Someone I dared to pretend to love

He asked to see my words
Hidden within is truth
The fact I try to no avail
That I only betray myself
To risk a loss of one so dear
There will be no recovery from nonacceptance

He asked to see my words

With all the innocence of old friends, wrapped in silent hoping, knowing but afraid to believe.  The heart beats a bit faster as the words become free. No longer chained in what came before. Transformed by insight, a vision sent to each of us alone.  And in those words were hidden truths that underlay what came before.  A true affection melts in heat into a fire that burns free.  

With a breath was lit
What had always smoldered there
Ablaze on a wire

Tentative in this new-found freedom. We touch delicately, lingering on the words that electrify the flesh and liquify defenses.  Steam wafting in the air as emotion meets desire.  Intoxicated by the ethereal beauty of it all. Left reeling, hearts traded, souls tangled and the lascivious nature of what was once hidden ravages the senses.

You are...
Everything
I ever wanted in a lover
The best friend I've ever had
The dream I've dreamt since childhood
The fantasy of perfection
Always and forever
Forever and always
Timeless
Ageless
Eternal
...and mine

After years of living...
                                 of loving...

The truth
              
                                      becomes  *lies

If it was me
I wouldn't stand in your way
I wouldn't hinder your happiness
I couldn't disrupt your life just because I love you
If it was me
I would let you be
I would walk away
and hope you reconnect with your family
If it was me
I'd cry myself to sleep
I'd wake to dreams of what could be
I'd stay busy enough to be numb
I'd pray that it would get easier without you
If it was me
I'd cherish every memory
I'd want nothing more than to be with you
And still I would go
If it was me
I would tell you how much I love you
I would make sure you knew you are wanted
I would show you you are loved
I would cherish our bonded friendship
And hold onto it with all I am
If it was me

But it's not me, it's you
And I wish you would love me as I love you
I wish you were less noble
Yet I would never change you
I would want you to tell me you love me anyway
I would want to know the truth
I would want to know everything
For how am I to find happiness, wherever it may be
If I am left to hope and wonder
If I guess on where you stand
If I'm in love, alone
How am I supposed to know what you won't tell me
So, I cry myself to sleep and dream only of you
I fight against reality and pretend I'm not in love with you
In my heart I'd swear you love me
Though I can't possibly let myself believe it
So I wonder why I'm not good enough
I wonder if you still think of me
I wonder why it is so easy for you to walk away from me
I wonder why you don't hold on to what you can with everything you are.
I wonder why it's so easy to push me away

Still, if it was me.......

You ask me how I can love you
You who is broken, and limping, and lame
I stop you before the tear can fall
Taking them from your eyes
And crying them out my own
I tell you the truth of absolute love
I tell you I wear no blinders
I see you as you are
I see your imperfections but we are all flawed
Those minute cracks in your soul
Trickle out pain in swirling hues of tender that highlight your heart
A heart you profess is black and stone
But it beats strong within my chest
Where I will nuture it and feed it with my own
I see all the nicks and bruises and breaks
They are not reasons to walk away
They are the very thing that makes you worthy
Your damage healed in stregnth
You are not broken
You are beautiful in all things
A tender heart that bleeds for others
That hates you for not being better...for me
Don't you know?  Can't you see?
There is no better, you are as good as it gets
It is I who is unworthy
And in all your fear of being alone, you overlook the truth of who  you are
of who I am when I am with you
You see beauty in every corner of derelict
You fill my cracks with your joy
To the point where you feel you run out, not even knowing you gave it away
You see in me what I am unable to see in myself
And because it is you who sees it I believe you
I see your cracks and spackle them with love
I see the scars and am thankful you survived the journey
And tomorrow, or next week, next month, or next year
When you have grown strong in my love
When the time comes that you realize I am naught but pieces duct taped together
I will still love you
When you  see the truth of what I have always known
I will still love you
When you move on to brighter days and greener pastures
I will still love you
When you see that you are worthy of more than I am able to give you
I will still love you, as I do now
For I never learned how to unlove someone
And you have always been worthy

Heard with my own ears
Beheld with my own eyes
Yet now, with empty bottles by,
Lies doubt in things remembered
True in the moment, believed
Then hidden bits unfold
And muddle the edges of memory
Words once trusted, now skewed
Hearts once borrowed seem stolen
And the "truth" tastes like a lie

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

Instant gratification.  Instant disappointment.  Dreams of yesterday and a blind tomorrow. Talk of closing doors and opened windows does not quell fear.  The unknown is too familiar.  Teetering on the precipice of what was and what will be.  The path is unlit.  In darkness all is equal.  There is no direction.  There is no certainty but that any motion will let gravity take hold.  Falling, falling, falling.  Blindfolded by emotion, a lightless tunnel.  Hoping only to land on the side facing forward.  

Thrown into change
Dragged into tomorrow
Clawing the past

Status quo has been erased.  Eradicated by others.  There is no escaping pain, there is no eluding fear.  Time stood still for ages and the clock has begun to tick in time with the very heartbeat of life.  There is more, more to be desired, more that is deserved, more life to live, more joy to find.  How bad is the hunger?  How strong the need? Driven by hope or fear, or both but driven.  Driven to a new sense of self.  A renewed confidence found only through the art of release.

**Tides will ebb and flow
Sun rises in the morning
Change is imminent

A sated sigh and warm breath in my ear
Enveloped in the heat of you
Your heart beats within me
As we lie enmeshed and still
Basking in love's quintessence

In the comfort of shadows
The warmth of the blankets
Lying next to me
Could be you my love, so far away

In the comfort of shadows
The world with you out of reach
Closes in tight
And you feel closer than you were

In the comfort of shadows
Alone in the dark
My tears silently rust the armor
Trying, in vain, to shield my heart

In the comfort of darkness
My loneliness fades
As I feel your soul dance with mine
And a smile escapes my tears

In the comfort of shadows
It's yesterday, my love
My life was whole
When you gazed into my eyes
In the light of the sun

juxtaposed in dreams alone
untouched by wanton ways
stirring in my thoughts
torridly awaiting your commands
intimate conversations
never disappoint an eager heart

Fearless dreaming has brought me here
The warmth of spent flesh
asleep in the tides of a fickle moon
a cool breeze in a windowless room
I pull back the sheet slowly
and watch as tiny bumps form in the chill

Peaches and cream perfection
Dare I touch
Dare I risk awakening
The warmth reaches me before I reach the truth
Hesitation and a slow exhale

I have dreamed this dream before
The dream where there is no time, no rules, no distance
I have dreamed of joy and love
I have dreamed this very dream
and as I touch you... I cry

In those moments lost in the union
of love and passion
right and wrong are a blur
on the edges of souls bound in time
Until...
I touch you and
for a moment
you are my truth, my reality, my dream, my life
Gone in the gasp of a waking sun

Dare I risk losing you once more
My heart breaks anew as the new day dawns
But how do I yearn and not sate
Yes, I touch
I love so that I may live in that moment a lifetime

The warmth of your skin greets mine
as you turn to me in your slumber
embracing all I could hope to be
Your comfort with me melts doubt
And I pray that the sun never shines
I pray that this moment is my ever after
That you and I are where we once were
where we should always be

I open my eyes at daybreak
and still feel the warmth of you
I bask before the tears come
I love you more with each moment of perfect slumber
I dream
That you will keep me with you
so I shall ne'er again wake
to a world where you no longer reside