Treasured moments lost in time
Relived in dreams or nightmares
To wake with a longing long since passed
To sleep and be swept away to what was once forgotten
Previous happiness is remembered as holy
No anger, no sadness, no discontent
It is, after all, a dream of what was
Imperfection is reality as it was back then
Dreams sift out the ugly and unpleasant
All that is left is the sparkle of diamond dust
Twinkling stars of a happy heart
It is not wise to judge today by yesterday
Or tomorrow by today
The good is to be wrapped up and kept warm
The tarnished should be left to melt into nothing
Each smile stored in a safe place to be called upon as needed
Today's treasured moments are tomorrow's dreams

The paths that lay ahead call
Singing harmoniously to the soul
A chorus of whispers like flitting wings
Opinions, unsolicited and unwelcome
The future is seen in logical deduction
Two steps down this road
Five steps down that
Some are well lit
While others sit in the darkness of the unknown
Eenie, meenie, miney, and moe
Life is ruled by a despot
Every choice, each minute decision
Made by one
There is no team in, I
Take a deep breath
One foot in front of the other
The options are limitless
Final say and fate accepted
There is no one to blame
When responsibility lies within
Change direction at will
Enjoy the unexpected
Each life a maze
Each with its own tyrant

Silence weighs heavy
As it dances across my soul
Doing graceful pirouettes
As the darkness encroaches
Muted sounds of yesterday
Echo softly in the distance
Until naught but reverberations
Linger in faded memory
Like laughter that never was

Wildfire, camouflaged
In a shell of normalcy,
She will consume you

Souls reaching out
Passing in the night unseen
Wrapping each other in love
Warming the algid distance
I feel you course through me
It brings me peace
While my presence brings you comfort
In the lives we lead alone,
We are but half of who we could be
Less than what we should be
A piece of you is here with me
As my heart resides in you
Half a life
Barely connected to each day
Both lost and found within one another
There is no joy not tempered with pain
The only pure emotion, our love
'Tis all that sustains us
As we die breathing stagnant air
In the absence of ourselves

4X6 inches
of perfection on a screen
a hint of tortured possibilities
carried in the pocket
of a life built
through blinders and
the most beautiful denial

4X6 inches
of hope undeniable
the foundation of dreams
dragging rough
through cascading walls
of a substandard fairytale
that twisted joy unhappy

4X6 inches
of a smile through a hurricane
bleeding pain through evaporating tears
a reality forged through time uncountable
landing in the rays truth created
when love proved
the existence of fate

4X6 inches*
of peace over pain
a wand in magical medicinals
crashing through solitary anguish
with eyes piercing armor
weaved in passive aggression
leading the lost home

In darkness I wait
For gentle hands to grace my skin
For warmth to freeze my fear

In darkness I wait
For dreams to spring forth from nightmares
For demons to be slayed by the keeper of souls

In darkness I wait
For joy to outgrow pain
For life to feel like the love, for which, I am parched

In darkness I wait
For the wishing star to illuminate hope
For the moon to light the way home

In the darkness I wait
In fear of the possibility of never
In fear of the possibility of always

In the darkness I wait
For gentle hands to grace my skin
For the sun to wake me in a dream

In the darkness I wait...


...*For you

I give to you a garden
Complete in every way
A mixture for the senses
To ease the pain away

I give you all the flowers
That grow throughout the year
A blanket that is petal soft
To wipe away the tears

I give to you a rainbow
Colors so brilliant and bright
To brighten up your spirit
Through the darkest of the nights

A world of wonder awaits
Though it is not mine to give
I promise I will always try
As long as I shall live

Everything for everyone
Nothing left for me
I speak to walls
My voice makes zombies
My life, unrecognizable
Broken by family
My love has twisted all my hopes and dreams
A cracked shell of shards
Remnants of what happy was
Before I realized I was happy
Used up, worn out, and discarded
There is only so much trying
There are only so many tears
My pain is not yours to take
My crazy is no one else's burden
Open and empty carcass
Picked clean by harsh words
Not even my pain is my own
Claimed by others to fuel their anger
Their growing hatred
All I did was love
Now I'm lost eternally
Alone surrounded by people
No trust, not for my broken innards
No comfort, no solace
I am chewed up and shat out
Invisible and inconsequential
I am alone in a house full of people
Where only I say "I love you"
Where only I need more
I need purpose
I need to be free to feel what I feel
Now, with that freedom removed permanently,
How can the status quo remain
I, once filled with love, am empty
Eyes dulled
Mind devoid of substance
Heart as cold as a glacier
A shell, numb to the outside
Motions without thought
Time drudges on
Drained of everything
My last breath, too, goes unnoticed

I live in a heart that is not broken
But is always breaking

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

Through the thunder nothing is heard
A shadow of a voice imprinted on the mind
The wind howls and masks their screams
Can one's own thoughts be trusted?
Not in search of, but finding oddities
Things that seem senseless
They fill the crevices left in dreams
There is no help for the silent
Mind tricks and sleight of hand
Say the words and life is lightened
One load at a time

Satin runs from dried stains
in torn reminders of convenience
Morning tastes of stale sweat and disappointment... again

Displaced retribution is a punishable offense
sentenced in hangover flashbacks fusing pain in lust heavy deviance
coddling complacency, impaling the nuisance of a persistent past

That serrated double edge glistens with humility and humiliation
licked clean by ravenous canine
flinging leftover apathy on unwitting pawns

Feeding on the deceptively needy
blinded by intoxicated cliches
mistaking release for emotion

Condemnation bartered in stolen commodities
Toilet water hydration reconstitutes enough to bleed
behind neuropathic armor and addiction to the nether

I see those words of trite frivolity
Words of surface anger and childish spite
Words written to hurt others instead of relieve their own pain
Defended by your words of seeming righteousness
I see your words that seem to propagate
The overinflated egos of the tedious, tiring, and mundane
Yet attack just the same the differences that make life interesting
I see the truth in your hypocrisy
I see the lies in your delusions of grandeur
I see popularity has been mistaken for true friendship
You lead your flock of insipid sheep to decimate the poetic landscape
Without acknowledging the beauty in the jagged rocks
Words hurt just as much to read as to hear
Even when they are not meant for my ears
I feel those words that have been seen as heroic
I feel their truth in an honor perceived by the selfish and vapid
There are no apologies for defending those who have already defended themselves
It breeds a mob mentality that works against what you claim to stand for
Freedom in all things
Free speech, free love, free artistic license
Yet censoring the unwanted by force feeding your opinion as fact
Spewing repeated derision, contempt, and disdain
That is not peace in poetry
That is not an honorable act
And it is not an oversight, sadly
I prefer peace and tranquility
To an eye for an eye
Vengeance has no place here

Saddened by fear of the unknown
Frightened for all that might be
Drowning in the sludge caused by maybe
Fighting to ignore what they see
Everyone has an opinion
Worries kept in closed fist
Tired of choking on the empty
Misunderstandings give way to be ******
Struggling to make sense of the senseless
The worst thoughts darken the mind
Discouraged by the time that's been wasted
Distraction would be quite a find

In the darkness of night, or by the light of day
Waiting for hours with nothing to say
When wonder turns worry and knowledge to doubt
The truth becomes lies and silence to shout
The louder the cry the more muffled the plea
Lost miles away from where we should be
Open and honest and ugly and raw
Without wasting time with the hem and the haw
Memories fight oversights hidden by masks
Begging a thought is a torturous task
Still waiting for a hint or a clue or a sign
That the strength of a heart beats the power of mind

Gone to live her life
Adventures unknown excite
Remnants of childhood
Lost between was and will be
Emerging victorious

Ah, to write with glorious sight
All life's joy and all its pain
To color in the shadows and highlight their beauty
To fill emptiness with gradients of emotion
Oh yes, a pencil can pierce a lung if stabbed with enough force
A sketch can elicit unexpected responses
And the words of a stranger can feel like home
In the subtleties of one's own emotion
In the thoughts that build our fear,
There is only loneliness when the pictures don't hit the page
For in our isolation, there is unity
In our pain... passion
In our hate... love
And in all things... beauty
2815

desperate for a break in loneliness
longing to be devoured
heart once removed
prey versus predator
gentle, lays the Beast
slowly fueled by crowds of vacant eyes
primal feasts of flesh
no bearing on the soul
no past
no future
momentarily sated
a life of pretense
constructs of reality morph with mood
crushed and renovated by perception
the soul eats trusting hearts
unable to quench the thirst
it spits out bare bones
and goes on its way
living for the bliss of escape
oblivious to consequences no one else can see

Arriving early for five minutes alone with you

                                                  You thought I was punctual

Leaving last to be your ear and use your shoulder

                                                 You thought I just hated to go home

Open affection to start every occasion

                                                You thought I was your freedom

No judging and true words defined us

                                                You thought we were being honest

Hero and heroine saving each other

                                               You thought it was enough

Twisted words and broken spirit

                                              You never noticed the change

Side by side and lifelong promises

                                               You swore you would never lie

Above all else...the truth

                                             **You were wrong

Tenere in Memoria
The world now coated in a film
Like faded pictures of long ago
Peeling layers of emotion
Distorting images, memories, perception
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me
Was it but yesterday a year ago
A lifetime in muted colors....still
Dulled by pain
Perhaps, too, by fear
A babe in her arms
Rebellion from the plain fact
That love, in any hue, is real
Friendship out of distance
A foundation of strength
Built on the shoulders of a woman
Stronger than any man
Fragile just the same
Bonded in life
So too in death
Razors slowly replace silence
Muted colors turn angry
Turn black as the void settles in
Every sunny day
A spiteful reminder of joy gone by
Memories revisited more often than made
Time, an immortal enemy
Longing to feel that feeling
Any feeling
Tied to when she loved me

In the wee hours of nothing
We exist as ourselves
Too tired for delusions
Too asleep to lie
Too awake to dream
Unintentionally
We are our unfiltered selves
Content to just be...
In the wee hours

Crystal ***** ignite a dream long thought erased by time
Reflections show nothing more than truth perceived by emotion
Yearning for a life in Technicolor, belief is based on hope

There she was
An angel in beautiful words
Words found only in his dreams
In those hidden corners of lubriciousness
Musky shadows muted the sunniest of days
Like-minds grazed in intensity
And from those shadows rose her sun
Resplendent and bold
Illuminating every nook and cranny as she passed
There is no judgement as he reads
Those possibilities in her beautiful words
Could it be, there is another...kindred

But no, doubt fills a mind wrapped in norms and raised in terms of proper
Curiosity begs the question
Her truth answers his innermost lies
Looking for justification, a way out
Raised believing, too good to be true always is
Looking for a way to feed doubt and squelch a fledgling reality
Yet found his fantasies in this angel
With a face that made them real

What do you do when your demons become human
When your shame is no longer shameful
When you are accepted as you are, in all your seeming depravity
When your darkest yearnings are craved by another wading in the pool of lasciviousness
When your concupidity is realized

Crossing the line dragging fantasy into daylight
Holding on with both hands basking in the sun
There is a sweetness in this angel with beautiful words
A loving nature, a truth that cannot lie
And there is a gentleness in his heart that he cannot reconcile with darkest passion
So, what do you do with a dream come true?

You walk away into the norm and leave the joy to burn in her sun
Pretending her sweetness feels no pain
Hoping against hope, that her reality was never your dream

Do not look at me
with sad eyes
reflecting a life
you choose to hate

Good intentions backed by bad juju

I see it
behind your dead end job
hidden in your lack of hobbies

There in the emptiness in your mind
is the remnants
of the dream you let atrophy

As it got weak
you got stuck in a place
you thought would be another stepping stone

Do not look at me
with eyes shooting bile
behind a smile that breeds contempt

I refuse to be touched
by your silent hope
of my failure

You cannot **** my dreams
just because
you let yours die

Do not look at me
with eyes that plead for me
to carry you along for my ride

It is mine alone
My dream
cannot feed you

I will not lay it at your feet
to sully it's purity
with the soles of the shoes
you use to walk
through your own crap

Do not look at me
with the hope that my dreams
With give their life for yours

"Smile and the world smiles with you"
only works
when hope springs eternal

There is no hope
in that job that grows
while watching your soul die

So I do not smile
as I walk down the street

I look straight ahead
holding fast
to all that makes me whole

And if I do look at you...

I look at you
with kindness
and I am happy for your success

I look at you
with understanding
for we are all going through
the consequences of our choices

I look at you
with hope that you see me
and remember you once had a dream

I look at you
and wish you love and peace

and maybe

Reflected in my eyes
You can see
the best of who you are

Challenges unspoken
Break silence into thunder
Denial looms heavy between us
Though there is no denying
To pretend it does not exist
To lie, even to ourselves, seems blasphemous
Hearts so united that they beat as one
Cannot be ripped one from another
To do so would render both lifeless
Too frail to sustain alone
Yet so strong in tandem we cannot be broken

The old and feeble worship and rave
Trying to find more souls to save
For if they can save one from the pyre
They'll surely subvert their own hell's fire

Dismissing a past strewn with humanity and sin
All the lies forgotten, so empty within
Judging all others, since they found their path
Do they have enough stones, they're doing the math

For they will not leave a sinner unbruised
Bashing their lives, verbally abused
Telling them all they're feeling is wrong
Dressing it pretty in verses and song

Hypocrites profound, come one and come all
The louder they boast the harder they fall
Pride in beliefs is still a cardinal sin
When I get to Hell, I'll welcome you in

Sitting in silence, in her gold gilded cage
Filled with wistful wonder
With doors left open, fears are assuaged
Neither bound nor torn asunder

Yet broken wings cannot take flight
Even if she chose to try
Alone in a cage with no one in sight
She can't sing, but silently cries

Born to be loved in deep adoration
Her heart, won over with words
Consumed to ash in conflagration
A bird with no song to be heard

Shadows of pain block the sun
Joy turns sour in the shade
Twisted desires nauseate
Self-hatred masquerades in smiles
Demons come out to play
Casting nets in daylight
Trapping hearts and twisting dreams
Nightmares turn beautiful in time
Charcoal and ash
Charcoal and ash
Burn memories into scars
Marking territory
Claiming all they see
Making them beg to be taken
Beg for more
Begging for the honor
To be twisted unrecognizable
Freedom in acceptance
Relinquishing all
Feasting on the beating hearts
Of the innocently depraved
Gambling souls
Playing for keeps

There is nothing

                               But darkness

If you cannot forgive

                                              Yourself

Seeking restless souls
It enters through the tiniest of spaces
Gliding through
On invisible currents of air
The warm uneven breaths call to it
In silence they whisper its name
There is no peaceful slumber
No dreams to be had this night
The mind, slowly drained of coherence
Now speeding through bits and pieces
Of bits and pieces
Memories meld together
A montage of the useless
Dreams, stories, memories, and wishes
Reality no longer resides here
In this land of in-between

Words blur
Eyes burn
Thoughts implode
Melting under molten memories
The day I stopped being Her

Behind closed doors they sleep
While in the night the tears are streaming
They dream of dragons and kings
Silently the shadows are creeping

Closer and closer they come
Grabbing hold of all that is good
Squeezing until the bleeding stops
Too numb for the pain to feel as it should

Never wanting to let go
Drained of all the things hope brings
Sharing dreams of yesterday
Lost in the night as the Cricket sings