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Aug 2015 · 404
The thing about love
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
You can't draw misery
Like you can draw a house
You can't draw pain
Like you can draw a mouse.

You can't draw hurt
Like you can draw rain
You can't draw crazy
Like you can draw sane.

You can't draw tears
And you can't draw sorrow
But if you need a model,
Here's a heart that you can borrow.

You can't draw scars
Like you can draw perfection
*** unlike flawless,
"Ugly's an infection."

The thing about love
Is it heals every hurt
And sometimes it gets better
Even when it feels worse

The thing about love
Is there's someone to share
All of your hopes,
Your hurts and your cares.

The thing about love
Is if it's true, it lasts
It pulls you back together
Like an arm in a cast.
Check out my blog. Wonderingatthisworld.blogspot.com :)
Aug 2015 · 238
When Peace, When Sorrows
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
Whole again
Broken again
Lost?
Found?

Smile again
Frown again
Lies?
Truth?

Laugh again
Cry again
Hurt?
Help?

So many
Different
Feelings
I can't
Remember
Which is good
And which is bad.

All I know is
The bad always comes back.


I can't wait for the good to return.
I was having a good day. Then my insecurities came rushing back like river on rocks.
Aug 2015 · 246
Your Rules
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
I just do not get
How you can insult others
And when I tell you
How much it absolutely
Hurts all of our hearts
I am the one in the wrong.
Aug 2015 · 1.7k
Sleep *Optional*
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
When I can't sleep
And the darkness won't close in
Hovering ever close
But never touching me

I close my eyes
And think of my fondest memories of you.
Only then am I able
To **** the black into the recesses
Of my mind
And finally
Rest
Peacefully
Dear good friend
May my love for you never end
Dearest love
Don't take away my memories.
Aug 2015 · 364
Cancerous
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
I fall too fast
Crash too hard
Forgive to easy
And care too much
Aug 2015 · 1.7k
God Made Me...
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
God made me loving
So I would love everyone

God made me broken
So I could make sure I never break someone else

God made me hurt
So I could heal others

God made me anxious
So I could learn to trust

God made me motherly
For those who don't have one

God made me uncoordinated
So I would know that balance
Is not always physical

God made me compassionate
So I would know his love for us

God made me faithful
So I would know what it's like to be betrayed

God made me insecure
So I could tell others that no one is perfect

God made me human
Flawed
Broken
Anxious
And uncoordinated that I am

So He could prove to me
That He is stronger than my ups
And
Downs.
Aug 2015 · 565
Sidewalk Talk
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2015
How many times
Have I sat here

How many times
Has the wind whipped my hair around my face

How many times
Has the night engulfed me
In its dark arms

How many times
Had this sidewalk been my #1 place to pray
Pray that maybe next time it will work out

How many times
Have my tears wet this pavement

How many times
Have my worries swept away the dirt
On your surface

How many times
Will I sit here again

How many times
Will the hurt trickle into the cracks
On this cement

How many times
Will the rain cover the tears I've wept
Like I did again tonight

How much more pain
How many silent comfort sessions
*Can I take?
The sidewalk in front of my house has heard many of my worries and hurts. Me one (vain?) hope is that one day I'll find a person to replace the empty sidewalk.
Jul 2015 · 484
How You Helped
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I was broken
I was crushed
I was hurt
I was rushed
You came up
Took my fright
Brought me back
To the light
You would never
Put me down
But when smashed
In the ground
You loved me more
Than I thought you could
Didn't leave
You just stood
Stood with me
Through it all
Helping me
To stand tall
You loved me
Through my tears
Can't repay you
Even with years
Thank you, dear
For loving me
How you helped
You cannot see
I know somehow
I'll find I way
All you've done
To repay
To my friend Grace. I love you so much, honey. Thank you for always loving me as nothing more or less than a friend.
Jul 2015 · 187
Leave Me Alone
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I'm tired

Tired of being used
Tired of listening
To relationship problems
That don't involve me

Tired of being ignored
Tired of caring
Tired of giving more than I take
Tired of losing

Tired of everything
From too much
To too little
From craziness
To boredom

Tired of being misunderstood
Tired of crying
Please
Please just leave me alone.
Jul 2015 · 296
Failure Everywhere
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
People don't understand
That even as a joke
Just the way I am
Clouds my heart with tears

Every picture I see
Are pictures of failure
Even being me
I'm failing there, too

I'm just so tired of it
Feeling not good enough
It burrows a pit
Deep in my stomach

Wish I could see myself
As more than just nothing
Throwing my heart on a shelf
Along with all my other fears.
I wish I liked the way I look. I just don't.
Jul 2015 · 626
Soul Strings
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
There's always going to be people
Who you meet
Who you love
And who leave you.

But then, there's those people
Who you meet
And their ok.
But then, something just...
Clicks.
And you find yourself wondering if
Somehow your soul strings are intertwined
Because there's just not enough ways
To love them.
I love those people. <3
Jul 2015 · 1.9k
My Fair Lady [In Waiting]
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
Oh, to cast my eyes
On someone as elegant
As she must be

To touch
Something as angelic
As the fingers she dangles
So nonchalantly from the opening
Of the chariot
She rides

Oh sweet beauty
Would that you were mine to hold.

What I would do
For the chance to see that face
The one so many look over
And pass by
Every day

Simple fools they must be
To pass by
The face that must out-shine
Even the stars

On one of those
Lovely fingers
Resides a ring

It symbolizes eternity.
Who was the giver of this gift?
Oh, gods above,
Do not let someone else have stolen
The heart
Of this angel.

Have mercy on me
A peasant
Pining over
This woman.

You should be
The one with a crown
My darling
The one wearing jewels
And many lovely gowns

And yet
Alas
You were born a servant
Doomed
To be overlooked

Though you are more beautiful
Than the sun.

Be still my heart,
My soul

My darling, I beg of you to have me
For I can clearly see
Though your face be veiled
That you, indeed are glorious
In your beauty.
The gist of this poem is a peasant pining away over a servant girl. He can see her hand draped out of the window of the litter as it passes by, but she is wearing a veil, so he can't see her all the way. He imagines what she must look like judging by how beautiful her fingers are.
I've never done a poem like this to my memory, so let me know what you think. :)
Jul 2015 · 4.2k
Surface Smiles
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
On the surface
I
Put on a smile
Laugh
Pretend to have fun

On the inside
I
Bite my lip
Cry
Wish there were something I could do
To change how I feel
In the words of someone I love, "sometimes I think I laugh so hard because I really just want to cry." I couldn't have said it better.
Jul 2015 · 274
10W Wishful Thinking
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I wish I could take back
The words I said.
Jul 2015 · 1.6k
Top Insult
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
You don't understand
The way I think

When I'm with you
I seem to shrink

I don't think you get
The way I feel

Your hate eats me up
Like some kind of meal

And when we hang out
I'm so afraid

That your new victim
Will be my name

"You're stupid," you said
Straight to my heart

So when I see you
I fall apart

So just be gentle
With my broke heart

Not that it matters
You make it fall apart.
To someone I know: this is me being honest. Yes, I'm angry at you. Yes, you make me wonder why I stay around you. Then I remember - it's because everyone around you thinks I'm a good influence on you. But I'm starting to think that you're doing me more harm than good. So if you want me to stay, you better stop treating me so bad.
-love, the person you bully
Jul 2015 · 624
Back Again
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
And now
Even now
After working so hard
Not to love you
I find myself
With butterflies
Every time
You touch me.
Putting his arm around me, hugging me, touching my cheek with hiis thumb. Why does he have to keep playing with me?
Jul 2015 · 347
14W
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
14W
And all the while,
I'm hurting just like you


Only you can't tell.
Yeah. :/
Jul 2015 · 3.5k
Crush
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
Now I know
Why they call it a crush.

When you find out
They love someone else

It crushes you.
Just realized this.
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Believer
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I am a strong
Believer
In
Memories
Magic
Mystery
Mercy
Monsters
Marvels
­Miracles
Madmen
Malice
Marriage
Majesty
Masterpieces
Matchmaking
­And
Mayhem.
^-^
Jul 2015 · 174
Untitles 16
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I've come
To realize that if
She
Is in the room
No one will ever see
see

Me.
Jul 2015 · 933
Mirror
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
Mirror, mirror
On the wall
I always break
When I fall

Mirror, mirror
Let me see
What this sick world
Sees in me

Mirror, mirror
Show me, dear
What the gossip
Is to hear

Mirror, mirror
Please, I beg
Save me some of
What you've read

Mirror, mirror
I'm so tied to
And I'm tired of
Being lied to

So

Mirror, mirror
I will try
To see goodness
Before I die

Mirror, mirror
On the door
You don't own me
Anymore
Something I need to say every now and then.
Jun 2015 · 878
Ashes to Ashes
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Being your best friend
Is a must

Ashes to ashes
Waves on waves
The way that you speak
Must save lives

Ashes to ashes
Wind by wind
I never want us
Out of mind.
True love never dies.
Jun 2015 · 585
Untitled 15
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
I read through our old
Text messages to remind
Myself
Of the good times
The times when
We talked
And laughed
And called each other affectionate names
The times we still woke up to each other's
Faces on the screens
Of our phones.
Here's to back then.
Jun 2015 · 625
Anyone???
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who misses out on fun
And stays out of the sun?

Am I the only one
Really the ony one
Who doesn't have a BF
Who doesn't have a love?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who sits around with no one
No one to love on me?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who feels this unloved
I wish I had "the one"
Lord, grant me patience for the one you have reserved for my arms.
Jun 2015 · 637
Down, Down, Down
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Darling, in my eyes
There's no way to disguise
That darling, your so beautiful.
Stop putting yourself down.

I can see in you
A door to walk through
A way to escape this hell
Stop putting yourself down

I don't understand
How even a strand
Of you could be imperfect
Stop putting yourself down.
To a guy I know. You're awesome! Stop hating on yourself!
Jun 2015 · 390
What To Do
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
When confusion's my companion
When fear reaches into my heart
When I just want to cry

Like I did today

I only let the tears in for a split second.

Then I crank music
As loud as can be
Singing God's praises

And I bring back the dancing-the ballet
I learned as a child.

I danced around the kitchen
Losing myself in the happiness of Grace
Thank you, Lord for music. Of all the places to lose myself in, I would rather it be dancing and singing than weeping and hurting.
Jun 2015 · 269
Give Me Fruit
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Lord, give me

Love
Of those around me

Joy
In your voice

Peace
With myself, and others


Patience
For the one you have reserved
For my arms

Kindness
Even when I don't feel like it

Goodness
To those in need

Faithfulness
To the ones I love
And the ones I don't

Gentleness
With the hearts of those I speak to

Self Control
With my sins

And life everlasting.
Bless me, Lord, I pray.
Amen
Jun 2015 · 651
16W
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
16W
And for the first time
In a long time
She knew she would be OK.
I'm doing so much better today than in have been. Praise God for allowing me to forget (albeit temporarily) my problems. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Jun 2015 · 2.4k
Sunburn and Skinned Knees
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
The light dapples in
Throwing odd shadows
On the plastic surrounding me.
Like a strange sunset put there
To taunt my eyes

Each droplet of water
Is another arrow
Shooting new spikes of pain
Through my body

Hundreds
Thousands
Millions of drops
Per second
Splash onto my skin.
1,000
2,000

I could have avoided the pain
I could have stopped this
Not going to the beach
Not going on that walk

But oh, I would not take it back.

Not one second.
Every
Happy
Minute was another
Happy
Memory

To add to my collection
And even
As I lay here
Rivulets of water
Washing down my red skin
I am making another.

You tease me
Like some cruel trickster
Happiness
Dripping down my back

Turned to cruel
Twisted
Pain
Running up my spine like a knife.

Oh, blissful pain
Would that I could feel
You to your full relevance

Instead, you trip over me
Leaving pain in your wake.

Like a torture machine.

This feels so bad
But so good.
Once the water is freed
From the contraption shooting it
Like a pistol in my heart
Onto my skin
It rebels against its maker
And trickles delightfully across me, sending delightful shivers
Into me
Only to betray me again.

Oh, sweet treasure
Would that your painful side were invisible
So
I
Could sleep
Once
Again.
I got a sunburn, and skinned knees. I am in copious amounts of pain. -_-
Jun 2015 · 269
Like My Men
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Swag is for boys
That's what I liked then
But, just have to say
Class is for men.

I like my men
With bits of respect
Now, I gotta say
"Swag's" a defect

When I marry
Instead of some swag
I want some class
Sewn into my man.
When I was younger, I pretty much liked anyone who would give me the time of day because not a lot of guys would. I have a little more respect for myself, now. Class is better than swag. ;)
Jun 2015 · 808
Who
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Who
Who are you
To text me
Call me
Message me

Get my hopes up

Thinking it's him
Him

I fell in love with that
Calm smile
Happy
And content

I fell in love with those
Long
Smooth fingers
Intertwining with my own
And my heart

I fell in love with
Long talks over the internet
Tight hugs when I see you again

I fell in love with
His eyes
Bright
And dark
Knowing
And innocent

I fell in love with him
*And I hate myself for it.
Something I thought up. All my inspiration comes at night. ;)
Jun 2015 · 265
Renewal
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Lord, I renew my vows
I feel you with me now
So reachy heart in me
And plunge me in the sea.
May the Lord baptize me again and again every day for the rest of my life. God, help me to renew the vows I made to you forever. Amen.
Jun 2015 · 251
Invisible
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Everyone can see the effects of the hurt
And they tell me everything will be OK.

But they don't *see me
Jun 2015 · 417
What Can I Do
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
I wish
With all my heart
That I could talk to you.

But I promised.
I was stupid
And I promised I wouldn't.

So now
So late at night
Darkness seeping in through my window
When I need you
To
Speak
To me

What can I do?
What can I do when I need you?
Just something I thought up. Writing a short story, and thought this applied a bit. :P
Jun 2015 · 245
Untitled 14
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
I know things seem dark
But if there's one thing I know:
Things will get better.
Going through some difficult and confusing time right now. All prayers are appreciated.
Jun 2015 · 491
All This Time
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
When did I obtain
So much hurt
When did my heart
Feel like dirt

When did my voice
Become lies
So much of my pain
Hides inside

When was it okay
To speak lies
Deep inside my heart
My voice hides

What I want to say
I don't speak
I keep it away
Like a freak

I'm just so relieved
That you're here
Making sure I'm fine
Hope in my ear
To someone I hope I never lose. I love you so much. I don't know where I'd be without you. Thank you for always knowing when to bug me about what's wrong, and when to leave me alone for awhile. May God bless you and keep you. <3
Jun 2015 · 584
Dearest Angel of Mine
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
As I stare you down
Laying in my arms
My own lungs could drown
For I cannot breathe

How your chest goes down
And comes right back up
A sweet gold crown
Of our memories

Looking here at you
Takes me to a place
Where I dream of two
I smile at your face

I know when you wake
You will leave me here
Drifting to the lake
You were meant to go

When you leave me here
It hurts me, angel
Know you'll disappear
When you do come back

Dearest angel mine
As you rest so deep
Take up wings and fly
Beautiful in sleep

Oh, what shall I do
When you leave me here
This place meant for two
Will have only one

I thought you loved me
You said forever
So , dear, I'm begging
                    "Don't leave me here


...lonely"
Oh, angel taking up my head,
I love you as I've always said.

Just something I thought up. Rhyming is a beast. ;)
Jun 2015 · 978
Inside The Empty
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
And just like a mason jar
Or a broken car
You threw aside my heart
Like some messed up art

And just like the ocean
Or a dead man's house
My heart is now empty
All the people poured out

You took all my love
And you threw it away
And all I can think is
I wish you had stayed

It's not much your fault
What happened to me.
You're just a child
My heart is the sea.

And I suppose after all
My foster child
You just did as you were told
You just moved on
And there's another foster child come and gone. I'll miss you forever. May God guide your young, childish steps. I will always love you and remember when you were with me.
Jun 2015 · 450
Why I Love Him
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
I love
My God
Because when I am upset
And depressed
And angry
Sinful
Sad
And a swirling
Swirling tornado
Of emotions

And I say to Him,
"God, save me, I'm drowning"
He saves me.

And when life is so dim that I can't
See
A foot in front of me
And I am falling fast
Through the dark
I can feel
Feel His arms
Bearing me up
Wrapping me up
In the most comforting
Life-giving
Hug imaginable.
I love my God. ^-^
Jun 2015 · 749
These Days
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
I've been
Broken
Sad
Angry
Depressed
I keep thinking
That things can't possibly
Get worse
             And then they do.

Maybe
If I think
That things can't get any better,
Then they will.
I'm still broken
But I have my good days.
God is taking care of me.
All I know is I'm getting better.
Slowly
But surely
I'm healing.
:) Today I'm actually doing alright. God is good.
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
What they don't understand
About what happened
Is that

Every breath
Since he left
Is laborious.

Every day
That I live
Is victorious

Every guy
That I see
Is notorious

Because
Because he
Was inglorious.

What they don't understand
About him leaving
Is that

Every day
That goes by
Is upsetting

Every tear
That I cry
Is regretting

Every good
I would see
Is vanishing

Everything
I would trust
I'm not trusting.

Every good
Memory
I'm forgetting

Every pain
He caused me
Is confronting me

Face
To
Face
The thing no one gets is that the second he left, he broke that precious thing inside me that hope that dared to hope that maybe-maybe there was some good in this world. But it's broken, now. Everywhere I go, all I see is bad, and I hate it. I'm not even angry at him. He broke me in ways that may never heal. But I guess that hope is still daring to hope that maybe he didn't mean it.
Jun 2015 · 182
Who I am
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
People say I worry too much.
Don't trust enough.

But if I stop
If I use blind trust

I'm scared that I might
Become
That girl.

The one who only cares for herself.
The one who hates
Hates everyone else.
.
.
.
And then where would I be?
Their lies do not define you.
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
How beautiful is the sunset
Like the blood that drips down my wrists
Every
Night

Like the great painter has
Decided to paint the sky
The same color as life

How ironic that so many die at night.
How ironic that I never knew blood was so beautiful
Until it dripped from my veins.
I thought of this just now. Thinking of writing a book about this? "The Ramblings of a Depressed Psychopath" kinda had a ring to it, no? ;)
Jun 2015 · 352
"Jesus is nothing special"
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
As I was walking 'round, one day
My face downcast and grim
I heard a stray conversation
They spoke about HIM.

"Jesus is nothing special, man;
He's just another guy."
Not really , I thought to myself,
He made the earth and sky

Thinking on this brought my face up
Chased away the grim
Why ever should I doubt his might
When He took all my sin?
Jun 2015 · 376
Shoulder Angel
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
How am I supposed
To know how to help you out
If you won't tell me?
There's someone in my life right now who I can tell there's something wrong, but he just won't tell me. Please pray that God leads me to do the right thing.
Jun 2015 · 1.9k
Empty Smiles
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Put a smile on your
Face and soon enough, you will
Believe you're okay.
I heard once that when you've lost someone you love, the best way to get through it is to wake up on Monday and tell yourself that this week, you will smile, and be okay. Then so it again the next  week, and the next. Soon enough, you might truck everyone (yourself included) that you are okay.
Jun 2015 · 168
Untitled 13
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Only in the understanding
Mind of a poet can you look at someone
Else's poem
Read about
Their
Pain
And think it beautiful.
I saw someone poem just now. They wrote their pain into it, and it was beautiful. "Sad means happy for deep people"
Jun 2015 · 6.1k
Guy-best-friend
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Tight hugs
Sitting close
Playful shoves
Eyes closed

Breathing in
Breathing out
Lips are silent
Heart shouts

My guy friend
Is a part of me
A part that you
May someday meet

The time we spend
Is so precious
My favorite memories
Are of us

I guess there's nothing
More to say
I'll think of something
Another day.
To my guy best friend: You never fail to make my day a little better. :)
Jun 2015 · 499
What This Is
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
"I won't if you don't want me to"
I want to, but I don't want to hurt you.

"I don't mind-really!"
I mind, but I don't want to hurt you

"I've been clean for years"
I drank last night, but I know it will hurt you.

"Nothing's wrong!"
So many things are wrong, but I don't want to hurt you.

This
Life
What this is
Is a bunch of people
Doing their best
Not to hurt
Everyone else.

Screams
Yells
What this is
Is a bunch of people
Hurting so bad
That all they do
Is help others.
I've learned that basically what life is is everyone doing their best not to hurt everyone else. To those of you who are doing this: Darling, do something for you. Talk to him. Tell her. Sing what you want. Bring yourself out to lunch. Read a book because it's what you want to do.
God asks us to care for others. He doesn't ask us not to care for ourselves.
Take a moment and care for yourself.
Jun 2015 · 2.5k
Will I Ever Be OK?
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Will I ever be OK?
This loneliness always stays
Their lips constantly say
"Darling, you will be OK"

I don't believe what they say
Because I am not OK
And it gets worse day to day
I will never be OK

Will I ever be OK?
Beasts of lonely want to stay
I wish they'd just go away
I just want to be OK

Like a never ending day
Lonely 'gain comes out to play
So to God allmight' I pray
Please don't let the lonely stay.

I just want to be OK.
My dearest heavenly Father, please take this burden from me. It is too heavy for me to bear.
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