And in the midst of rainy days
When clouds are dark with misty haze
And life is wrought with deep malaise
Remember Him who bought you
"There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face"
7d · 25
Golden Shore
We are flawed
We always have been
From the beginning
We lived in sin
Nothing we
Have done on this Earth
Can be credited
To our own will
And so we
Soulless wanderers
Continue in our
Own weaknessess
We betray
To death
The one being
Who cared
About our eternity
We spat in His face
And killed Him
In our sin
And by His grace
And He still
Saved us
This world is dark
It is war-ridden
And gut-wrenchingly
Sick
At it's best
This is not
Where we belong
We die
And fade
With each passing day
Illness
Wreaks havoc
Every day
And our sole hope
Is that one day
There will be rest
Worry not, oh wanderer
For He is coming
And quickly
To bring us Home
To the golden streets
And Gates of pearl
To the family we never knew
But always felt
And to the Eden
That our savior
Always wanted
For us
Despite
Our downfalls
"He wants then to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand, and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles"
Jul 8 · 121
Younger Days
You ask me who I'm missing
And I don't know how to say
That the one who I'm remembering
Is the me from younger days
I thought for a time that I missed the ones I used to be friends with, but I  don't. I miss the person who I used to be-the one who laughed louder, and had more friends, and who prayed more often. I miss the person who was happy, and who spent her days in the sun, reading books in the sunshine, laughing with her loved ones, hair blowing in the wind, windows down, music up, I miss that girl. And damnit I don't know how to get her back.
Jul 7 · 36
Almost Lover
There is nowhere where
I am in your arms again
I'm left without you
To a long lost lover who I may never see again. It has been years. You were my first love, certainly not my last, but you will always be my first love.
Jul 3 · 35
Untitled 45
The days
Used to drag
And all I wanted
Was for the day
To come
But now
The days pass too fast
And I dread
The future that
Lies ahead
I think my depression is coming back.
Jul 1 · 64
Ideal
I know I'm not
The full package
I know I'm not
As beautiful
As some other girl
Drawing eyes
Pulling people
Transfixed
To her perfect life

I know that
She might have everything
I know that
She might have the eyes of a goddess
The skin of an Egyptian queen
And hair spun from silk
But I swear to you
I may not draw eyes
But you will draw mine
You may not feel pulled to me
But I will pull you in
I might not be transfixing
But I will always love you
My life may not be perfect
But I will be perfectly
Entirely
Yours

I just want someone
Anyone
Who will kiss me deeply
Love me passionately
And who will spend the rest
Of his life
Letting me do the same.

I may not be ideal
But I will love you
Kiss you
Hold you
And all you have to do
Is love me in return.
I honestly feel really alone right now. I'm moving 250 mi away from my family to be my best friend, and I see no indication that she even wants me to be there. I guess I'm panicking a lot because part of me wonders if it was the right decision. Outside of her, I have no real friends. No one knows me very well, they don't understand how badly I want affection, or how lonely I am. I am 20 years old, I've never had a love interest, and even though I know these emotions will pass, it hurts right now.
Jun 27 · 42
Untitled 44
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words can break
My heart
I had a really long, exhausting day. It ended well, but I can't sleep, and I don't expect I will tonight #insomniac
Jun 25 · 43
Creation Day 2
I am made
Of sea weed and
Salt
I have sea foam
In my veins
I feel the ebb
And the pull
Of the moon
With every beat
Of my heart
The waves
Press against my lungs
And I was born
For the salty sea air
I know its natural scent
More than I know
How to speak
I was taught
Each sense
By the ocean
I don't know land
I don't know how to
Stride
On the ground
The way I walk
On the water
I am a tsunami
Trapped in a pool
And I can hear the waves calling me home
Jun 23 · 42
Alter-Ego
You've pushed me
Right to the edge
You took whatever was good in me
And you tore it from my chest
And threw it to the ground
It's been a long time coming,
But finally you've done it

And I know I'm
Messed up
I know I'm
Strange in the head
But you've treated me
Like dirt
And now
Messed up as I am
All I want to do
Is kill myself
To make you sorry
I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm so fucked up in the head, and it's like my brain is foggy and I'm thinking things I know I shouldn't be, I don't know what's going on, but I'm scared.
Jun 6 · 71
Mirror Mirror
I am so sick
Of my pain
My exhaustion
My self
Not being valid
Because you
Are "in more pain"
"More tired"
More everything
Than I am

I can still hurt
Even if you hurt
Even if you hurt more
I am still valid

.
Jun 5 · 351
Time Cannot Erase
I hate this
The hating myself
And loving you
Even though
It should be
The other way around

You hurt me
You put your hands where
No one else's
Had ever
Made a mark
My angel of darkness

But my mind
My mind keeps twisting
This into a
Fairytale
Of some sick
Hansel and Gretel tale

Were I am
The villain and you
You are the sweet
Innocent
Son who is
Just trying
To find a way through this

Whatever it is

So I love
I give my all to
You and  your games
Even though
Your warm hands
Are all over my own

Your skin and
Sweet scent of cologne
Have left bruises
All over
My life now
And they won't go away

So please, please
Someone help me to
Get rid of these
Marks and these
Footprints that
Are left in my memories

You are a ghost
And God help me,
I can't make you leave
To someone who I loved-and still love. I don't know why I still make excuses for you, I don't know why I can't hate you. I should hate you, everything inside me tells me that I should, but I don't. I don't hate you. I love you.
May 27 · 102
I Know The Plans
He does not need us to be mighty warriors
To fight His battle
For He Himself is the mighty one
The battle is already fought
And we are but helpless sheep
Awaiting our shepherd's loving hand
No, He needs not the strong
He needs not the heroes
But it is the lowly
The weak
The poverty-stricken
Yes, these are the ones
He calls
He asks
In all His love
For all His sacrifice
To simply follow Him
Jeremiah 29:11
May 27 · 60
Caught In Rain
It was green
It was misty
My skin was cold
The road was twisty

Fog came up
And rain came down
And through the woods
Not a sound

Stuck in the rain,
My clothes worn thin
Goosebumps fled
Across my skin

Silence, peace
Like two old friends
They finally came
To me again

With each breath
That crossed my lips
And wind along
My fingertips

I seemed to lose
Myself some more
Upon that wet
And grassy floor

Then I awoke
In sun again
And said goodbye
To long lost friends

I said goodbye
To mist and Moore
And all the things
I thought so pure

I then turned back
To sinful strife
Hello again
To my old life
From a writing prompt I found.
May 26 · 63
Peace At Last
I know it's coming
The golden days
But right now
It is stormy
And my oh my I can't wait
For the open road
The trees rushing by
The wind in my hair
And peace at last
May 18 · 55
Chronic Illness
There is nothing
So hard
So wounding
So frustrating
As realizing
That the pain
Will always be
There
It will never
Go away

There is nothing harder
Than coming
To know
That you will always
Be
Broken
You will always
Hurt
And the only
Thing you have
To look forward to
Are the small
Moments of sleep
That may come
When the exhaustion
Defeats
The pain
Never underestimate the pain and misery that comes with chronic Illness. It hurts. So much. And I don't know how much longer I can take this. My only motivation is that one day, Christ will come and I will live without pain.
May 11 · 54
Rainy Day Blues
It's been a long day
Soon to be longer still
It's raining outside
And my heart is heavy
And I can't help wishing
I were in your arms
Again
I miss you so so much.
May 7 · 99
Soul Sister
Am I going crazy
Or is there something here
A great expanse of silence
Or new words
That tumble to
My ears

Is this such a mystery
That somehow won't unfold
Yet while I'm passing life by
It's passing
Me
As we
Grow old

All I know is home is
Wherever you might be
So come along
And take my hand
We'll sail
Across the sea

I know wherever you are
Is where I call my home
So wherever you may be
You are the
Missing half to
My soul
Just something I'm toying with.
May 2 · 502
Soon And Very Soon
Life
As a child of God
Will never be easy
Or simple

There
Will be dark nights when
It seems that the sun
Will never shine again

There
Will be hours of
Bitter weeping where
You wonder

If
You could ever
Make it out alive
And intact

Clouds
Will close in and
Lightning will strike and
Rain will fall

Pain
Like an arrow
Will shoot hard and fast
Into your chest

You
Will wonder if
God was ever at
Your side

But
When the clouds pass
And at long last the
Rain drips away

Then
A brighter morn
Will spread it's wings
Against the stormy sky

And
Gently push the
Shivering rain
Away

And
The rainbow of
God's greatest promise
Will fall again

It
Is then, dearest angel
That you will forget
It was ever night

Warmth
Like the arms of
A great beloved
Will enfold you

Gates
Of pearl will open
To greet you
Survivor

And
Daring knight
Of the prince
Bidding you enter

And oh
How your heart
Will leap into
Forgetfulness

Of
All the darkness
And the shrowd
Of older days

And
Run into the arms
Of a Savior
Who would never
Leave you helpless
"And He who testifies to these things says'yes I am coming quickly.' amen, come, LORD Jesus." -Revelation 22:20
May 2 · 40
It Is What It Is
It is so sad to me
That we pray
And weep
And beg
For understanding
For wisdom
For peace
And to see His face
But we don't understand
That in order
To see God,
You must first get to heaven
And to get to heaven
You have to die
Pain always comes
Before the storm
A thorn always hurts the most
When it is pulled out
God gives His greatest blessings
And most wonderful lessons
After long nights
Of tears
And prayer
Apr 8 · 59
Almost There
I am sick
Of being lonely
And without a soul friend
I am tired
Of being exhausted
From the lack
Of companionship
I've no one to turn to
And I'm tired
Of being broken
And alone
And drained
And helpless
And I don't know
How much longer
I can last

My only hope
Is that one day
He will come
And wipe my tears
Away
"He who testifies to these things says 'yes, I am coming quickly.' amen, come, Lord Jesus."

"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest"

"He who comes to me in faith I will by no means cast him out."
Apr 5 · 44
Fine
It is so sad to me
How much is
Left unsaid
By the broken
And the scared
And the scarred.
How many thoughts
Are left to be
Just the whisps
Of a painful memory
Of what it was like
To be what you said you are:
Fine
A friend of mine is going through a rough divorce and I know he is hurt and feels alone, but all I can do is watch because of that awful, cursed word-"fine"
Apr 1 · 51
I am That I Am
I am but a jar of clay
And You are the Potter
I am but a breath of dust
You are a well of water

You are an ocean of hope
Upon which my life sways
I am but a helpless sheep
You lead me day by day

You are Prophet, Priest and King
Your word to me is sweet
Your love is an eternal spring
Beside which we will meet

And though You are a precious King
And I was made Your daughter
May my soul never forget,
I'm clay, and You are potter
Mar 22 · 52
When We Were Young
I miss the
Innocent love I used to bear
For my life
And it's virility

Alas, a new emotion
Has taken it's place
One I'm not sure
I can live with

But ah, how the days must
Go on in waves
Each
A more bitter cold
Than the last
Lately it seems like the whole world is covered in a thin veil of gray. Everything used to be so vivid. I miss my younger self.
Mar 18 · 55
Helpless
As long as I live
I will never understand
How murdering babies
Became justified.
If "it" isn't alive, why do we have to kill it?
Mar 14 · 248
The Hurt and the Healing
I know it hurts
I know that every day it hurts
And that you want it to end
I know that the burden on your heart is
Welling up in your chest
Threatening to explode
I know that
Sometimes you think
About what it would be like
To just slip away
And out of this life
But I promise you
I swear
On everything
Good
In this world
It will get better
You will heal
One day
Things will get better
One day you won't feel
Like there is
A knife
In your back
Panic won't swell from your throat
It will be
Good
Someday
You just have to decide
To get through
One
Day
Just one
And then
One more
And before you know it
You will be
In bed
Next to the love
Of your life
The sun
Will rise
On a beautiful day
With peace on the breeze
And you will be better
You will get better
You will be happy
Mar 8 · 82
A Time to End
It brings
A cold
Hardness
To my chest
Knowing
That if I
Were to not try to speak
To you
For an entire week,
We would never
Speak
At all
To someone I never thought I would lose: I can feel you slowly slipping away and it's killing me.
Feb 28 · 51
A letter to my father
Dear Lord in heaven

Thank you for the skies you've made
So bright and blue and sunny
Thank you for the rainy days
When winds of power sweep o'r me

Thank you for the good times, God,
And thank you for the bad
To understand your happiness
I must Contemplate sad

I ask you for your mercy
To keep me humble, low
But when you do as I have asked
I take it as a blow

You always have been with me
I know you'll never leave
And day by day you teach me
Your blessings to receive

I never could repay you
All the grace that I've been given
You died me for me and now I see
In return I give you sin

So before I ask a favor
I'll thank you one more time
For always granting mercy
When I commit a crime

And now at last we come
One portion I request
To bring me to your Haven
And Grant me eternal rest

The only thing I want
Is not upon this world
But dancing in the wind above
Between the clouds unfurled

I already know your answer
And surely I'll know more
When you grant me freedom
Upon the golden shore
Just as I am without one plea but that they blood was shed for me and that thou bidst me come to the, oh Lamb of God, I come, I come
Feb 13 · 289
Hallelujah, what a King
A time will come when days are dark
Your lantern will not light a spark
The devil, then, will leave his mark
And night will sweep toward us

The darkness will blot out the light
And every hour will be as night
All of mankind will be a'fright
When the devil comes a'callin

But there is hope inside this tale
The sun will wipe away the vale
And then all wickedness will fail
We'll hear a brighter story

The Lord will come in chariots bright
He'll banish blackness, greet the light
His righteousness-oh what a sight
When He will come again

Like a warrior He will come
Into His loving arms we run
His brilliance is like the sun
He'll banish fear and sadness

The devil He will send away
In all His glorious bright array
We'll go to heaven where we'll stay
And live with Him forever

And when all things are said and done
And when the dark o'r takes the sun
upon the golden streets we'll run
And live with Him in glory

So take hope then, He's coming soon
To have the sun, wait out the moon
He sings a sweeter, richer tune
Hallelujah what a King
Feb 10 · 209
Chance #7
I keep hearing
Everyone say
"Drop people
Who bring negativity
Into your life"
And that's all well and good

But everyone
Brings some kind
Of negativity into
Your life
And following
That rule
Will only make you
Lonely
And alone

And at the end of the day
True friendship
Is about
Forgiveness
And second chances
And damnit if I'm not going to give
All the love
Forgiveness
And second chances
I can

Because in reality
The only people that matter
Are the ones who do the same
To you
Give as many chances as you can, as much love as you can handle, and as much forgiveness as there is to give. You can always cut someone out another day, but once you do, there's no going back.
Feb 4 · 76
Untitled 43
Jesus keep me safe tonight
And stay my wandering soul
Jan 31 · 404
Things Hoped For
Just because I hate the city
Doesn't mean I want
A
Silent
Life
I long for the powerful armored ocean
To pound at
My feet
Entreating me
Begging me
Enter
I dream
Of the quiet
Misty green
Mountains
Majestic
In their solitude
And mighty
In their sustaining of
Life
I hope for
The soft, strong
Air of sailing
To beat against my face
Threatening
To lift me
Into it's blue embrace
My heart beats
For the pines
Green
And great in beauty
I don't want a quiet life
I want a wild life
Take me to the ocean so deep I cannot stand, bring me to the mountains where I feel the urge to climb, whisk me away to the magic of nature, to the unnatural side of the trees.
When you asked me what was wrong
I told you I was tired
I am tired
I'm tired of always
Being
The broken one
Jan 31 · 47
Wanderlust
I have felt the pull of mountains
And the rush of roaring seas
Yes, I have tasted freedom
And it's where I long to be
It kind of hit me the other day that a year ago, I was considering moving to WA state. I miss the cold mist and green pines of the mountains, and all the life in the silence of solitude.
Jan 28 · 144
We're All Mad Here
Have you ever wondered if this is a dream?
If maybe all of this chaos
Is nothing but a dim shadow
Between
Us and eternity?
Or maybe if you're going insane, and Every conversation you have
Every decision you make
Is all based on the charade
That is mental instability?
Often I wonder if others are
Going crazy
Or if I am the insane one, spending
My day's going back and forth
Across a spinning ball in space
And if maybe
Just maybe
Others wear the mask
So as not to betray
My insanity
Jan 23 · 53
Comfort
And at night
When the demons come a-calling
And the devil comes a-screaming
In my ear,
There is nowhere to turn
But the arms of a Savior
Who's loving arms
Are always near
Jan 22 · 58
Wellspring
Often times it may seem like you have had so much mercy from the throne of Grace that it seems He must soon run out of it to give- Not so. His love is an eternal wellspring; it can never dry up from all our sin-no, His is an everlasting love.
Jan 14 · 69
I Am The Vine
In times of trouble
Echo still
These long-loved words of
Jesus' will

In times of darkness
And betrayal
God's glorious words
Make this trail

When  thundering waves
My ship shakes
These loving words
Will steady make

When hope is lost and
I give up
These glorious words have
Filled my cup

And when my heart now
Pierced with knife
"I'm the resurrection
And the life"
Jan 14 · 67
Look Again
There will always be a darker sin
But there will always be a deeper love
In hopes of one day
Loving more we will treasure
The moments we had
Jan 10 · 48
Mistakes We've Made
Maybe it was all too soon
Maybe we loved too hard

Maybe you were all the sun
But I was only stars

Maybe we, two, fell too fast-
We held hands for too long

We were never meant to last
We both sang different songs

I could never be your type
And you'll never be mine

We both know we've made mistakes
In our long lost past

We were never meant to love
Were never meant to last

Maybe one day someday soon
We'll meet in some cafe

Our eyes will meet, as before
And we will smile and wave

Your hand will drop to your side
And with a tight-lipped grin

You'll walk down your own damn road
And you will love again

But this time I'll leave you alone
To love another heart

For now, we'll pass-unlikely friends
And we will be apart
Jan 7 · 75
Gory to Glory
I feel the hurting deep within
A punishment for all my sin
I'm in pain and I cannot win
Oh God, may you be glorified

He touches me where others won't
And sends to me these harmful stones
And tells me this is what He wrote
"I, God must be glorified"

He tests me with bitter remorse
In order to play out His course
To my lowest I am forced
So He will be glorified

For one day I know He will come
And show to me His holy son
And to His loving arms I run
For He will be glorified

So I'll gladly fill a smaller space
Alone within a harder place
And go where I can't see His face
If only God be glorified
Dec 2017 · 30
Slowly, horribly
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2017
I can feel myself slowly
Losing our "you and me"
And I hate this so desperately
God, I miss the way we were.
To someone I never thought I would lose to anything but death.
Dec 2017 · 49
Silence
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2017
Bring in the silence of the darkness
the sweet serenity of night
The companionship of the moon
The quiet-my delight
I don't remember the last time there was silence in my head.
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2017
I don't deserve your loving hand
I don't deserve your soft commands
I don't deserve your perfect plan
No, nor the way you love me

I don't deserve this "string of luck"
That from your strengthened stores you pluck
I don't deserve this chord you've struck
In all the ways you love me

I don't deserve eternal life
With no more tears and no more strife
You've spared me from the devils knife
With all the ways you love me

I used the be a wandering one
But then you came and gave your son
All my battles you have won
Yes, I know you love me

You love me when I disobey
And from your golden path I stray
But still you are my strength and stay
Lord, I'm so glad you love me

Without you my soul would be lost
And I would be hung on that cross
For words I am at such a loss
Lord, I need you to love me.

All you ask is my love, too
And Jesus I know this is true
I would be worthless without you
I love the way you love me
Dec 2017 · 55
Used to believe
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2017
I used to believe
In happy endings
I used to believe
That everything would work out
That one day
I would find someone
I used to live
Like I was waiting for the greatest
Moment
Ever
I used to have faith
In humanity
In good
And in myself

But I guess it's been too long
Now a sunny day is just weather
A smiling stranger
Is just another person
Beautiful things are just
Creations

I used to believe that I would meet
The man of my dreams
But now I know
That I already have
And now I know
That he will never be mine
God always seems to put words in my head at the strangest times.
Nov 2017 · 68
Untitled 42
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
Let yourself be humbled
Not abused
Nov 2017 · 89
Mt. Rainier
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
I miss you and the
Snowy mountain tops and the
Misty miles of pines
Nov 2017 · 361
11WP
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
I wish
Oh, I wish
I knew how to help you
Nov 2017 · 559
Untitled 41
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
I've always thought
Of someone saying
"I miss you"
As
"You are missing
From my life"
And I think that's
Pretty
Damn
Beautiful
Nov 2017 · 70
First Snowfall
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
I complain all
Winter of the cold
But the truth is
When I've been hurt
And I feel betrayed
And my heart has been
Ripped
From my chest
There is nothing more comforting
Than hot tears
On freezing cheeks
My breath visible on the air
And the soft sound
Of my boots in the snow
As I travel down the sidewalk of a well-lit street
At night
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