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My illness is a friend of mine by my side he always stays
He hides himself from me sometimes but comes around in other ways
He's there when I feel I'm alone, but twists his fingers in my blood
Too dark and gloomy days I'm prone, he stays with me like all friends should
It's hard to say why he's my friend he makes me cry and have bad thoughts
But then on the other end, he ties my stomach up in knots.
I've lived with him for many years, he's never left me alone
And though he causes bitter tears, he wipes them when I'm done.
He hides his face from me sometimes and though I often ask
It seems my friend will never leave till he has done his task
And though at times, I wish my friend would just leave me alone
The way he shows his constancy is harsh, but all my own.
Depression, anxiety, meniers disease, fibromyalgia, all words that seem to be fighting to overtake my life. So few things in my life are constant. Friends, family, comfort, safety, but those things have stayed with me for most of my life. I hate them and I love them, I hate how hard they make my life, but I love the ability and excuse to depend on something other than myself.
I love you
Even though
My dear,
My dear
I know
It's wrong for both of us
And I'd rather hurt you
Now
Instead of doing
What we
Both of us
Want to
Only to destroy
Destroy
Each other
Down the road
Even so
I can't get you out of my head
I wish
I wish
Things
Were
Different
Different
And that we were different
People
And sometimes
I wish
All we were
Was
Passing
Strangers
On a busy street
Instead of a
Desperate
Almost
And
A hopeful
Maybe
One of my closest friends. We both have feelings for each other, it's been a month since he told me, and I can't stop thinking about him even though I know all we would do is tear apart what we already have. 😔
The misty walls
Of my shower
And cool hard glass
Of my foggy
Bathroom
Mirror
Know more secrets
From the tracing of my finger
Than I've
Ever
Said
Out
Loud.
People don't want to know
                                                 That I'm not okay
I don't know what's happening
Anymore
Anymore
My mind
Against me
Like water on rock
Hot tears
Blinking
Down my cheeks
Fast beat of my aching heart
I want to go back
Or I want to die
I'm not sure which
Perhaps both
But I don't
Don't want
To be here
Anymore
Anymore
My soul is weary
I cannot feel
I cannot fight
I can't go on
Anymore
Anymore
For the first time
In a long time
I'm thinking
Of walking outside
Into the street
It would hurt for a moment
Then no more pain
Anymore
Anymore
I want to **** myself
But I haven't the courage
And I want someone
To know
How my mind
Is betraying me
But I don't
Don't want to tell
Anyone
So when they ask me
How I'm doing
I tell them I'm fine
Because I don't have the heart
To tell them
I don't want
To be alive
Anymore
Anymore
Anymore
It's happening again.
We would destroy each other
But oh how I long for the chaos
I know
You want me
I want you too
But it's hopeless
Fire and water
Cannot become one
The sky
And the ocean
Can never meet
Summer and winter
Know not each other's names
But I know yours
And my darling
Our souls
Have known each other
For a far longer time
All I want is to let him coax summer from my wintery lips.
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