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Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2015
I read emotions like I read books.
Quick and decisive.
Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2015
I finally gave him
All that I said I would.
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
I wish I could take back
The words I said.
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2017
I wish
Oh, I wish
I knew how to help you
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2018
You have magic in your eyes
And music in your soul
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2023
I keep looking at the clock
Wanting to go home
But not home
Anywhere
And nowhere
Wanting to fall asleep for a long time
Until I'm okay again
But it's only 12:53
And I still have 7 hours and 7 minutes
Until I can go home
It was a bad day...night...whatever.
Marisa Lu Makil May 2017
18 years seems so short
When I'm losing you so fast.
Tuck yourself in with your blanket of tears
Pull it tight around you until you fall asleep
Finding comfort in dreams
And when you awake, wrap yourself closer still
And remember that flowers grow where they're planted
And nothing can survive without water.
14W
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
14W
And all the while,
I'm hurting just like you


Only you can't tell.
Yeah. :/
16W
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
16W
And for the first time
In a long time
She knew she would be OK.
I'm doing so much better today than in have been. Praise God for allowing me to forget (albeit temporarily) my problems. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2015
2013:
The year I graduated 8th grade
The year I went to my first real party
In 2013 I learned to braid

I told myself "Everyone leaves"
And I had my first crush.
Little did I know I was about to grieve.

2013 was the thanksgiving that I had my heart broken.
I thought I knew what hurt was
In 2013 my first real hurt was spoken

2014:
My teacher died
My church stepped down a little
My friend became a bride

I found my God.
I realized that life (love) isn't always easy
Yet every day I was awed

In May I had my best friend restored.
My heart was almost healed.
But even so, it was ignored.

I realized that everyone changes.
I decided I wanted to be a teacher.
I learned that life is not all about my own exchanges.

Present:**
Tears still fall.
Friends still leave
But all in all

I think I'm doing better
Than I was before.
I feel freed from my fetters.

My bonds that never left
That came back every day.
And I'm still bereft

Some people will stay.
This I have learned.
But I'm doing okay.
It's really sad that I only learned how to braid my hair for real like 3 years ago...
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2016
She's always been the one
To get drunk on life
And the love of everyone
Who surrounds her

I've always been the one
To stay sober, yes
And I see a world
So much clearer


It's just that all the best
Is something I don't see
I guess you could say

I shoulder all The curses her heart could never bear.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
I sob for the little things
When somebody yells at me
When I just got in a fight with a dear friend
But when something touches my very soul
Reaches inside of me
And pulls my heart out
For all the world to see
Silent tears
Slip their way
Down my cheeks
And gather
In the crevices
Of my consciousness
2AM
Marisa Lu Makil Oct 2017
2AM
2AM is the devil's hour
It is then that your sleep slips away
Like the sun gives way to moon
And it is then that your demons
Come out to play.
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2015
6 months it had been to the day
And tbh all I can say
Is judging by the way you play
I don't know you anymore.

I wish things were the same.
To a boy I once loved. I wish things were the way they were before. I hope one day we can go back. <3
8WP
Marisa Lu Makil Aug 2017
8WP
We're all still learning
To love ourselves
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2022
I've known you for years now, we're friendly
Five or six I think, I'm not sure
Long enough that we know each other
Had plenty of time to mature

I met you when I was still growing
You were happier then, I could see
How could we have known that our future
Would end when you said you loved me

I thought for awhile that maybe-
I'd never been in love Before-
I got nervous when you were with me
But is that really what love is for?

I know for a fact, I was lonely
Perhaps that would go away soon
Besides, did you really know me?
Like half of the sun knows the moon

I liked the idea of us two
Forbidden Love, all that includes
My parents were never fond of you
But perhaps that means more than I knew

We got older, and shared stolen glances
That maybe no one else could see
We read into our own circumstances
A story that could never be

So I told you I do not love you
Rather not in the way that you want
I guess now when we see each other
The words are looming, a haunt

A year passed and still we said nothing
I really thought you had moved on
I guess that I must have done something
Because your feelings were-n't gone

Now I don't know how to be with you
Without hearing words I regret
For who ever said that "I love you"
Meant anything more than a threat?

So now I'm stuck in the middle
Like a CD that skips through a song
We're left with this truth I can't handle:
I'm lonely and you can't move on
Trying hard to move past things that were said. It was not very long ago, I have yet to see you for the first time since you told me. I know once I see you, it will get easier to go back to normal. It's just taking that first step of seeing you again is going to be the hardest. It will get easier, and maybe we will never go back to how we were before, but we can return to a semblance of normalcy if only I can take that first step.
Marisa Lu Makil May 2015
Eyes
Crying
Lips
Screaming
"What will I do?"

Heart
Breaking
Mind
Freaking
"Oh, I miss you"

Chest
Tightening
Stomach
Lurching
"Why does ot hurt?"

Heart
Not beating
Lungs
Not breathing
"I think I'm done with this part."
I'm so tired of being hurt by the people I love the most. Dear God, please make it stop.
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2016
I find it kind of poetic
And a little nostalgic

That for one day
Or one week

We can all see
The night sky
Lit up with fire

And the happy screams of thousands
To join the stars

On one day
Of one month
Out of every year

And the sounds
Of the fiery sky

Thundering back
North and south
Back at each other

Like drums
Of sparks

I find it comforting
That a fiery sky

Can join so many
For a few hours

And turn back time

In memory
In memorium
Of 56 men

Who signed a piece of paper
A constitution

And of one man
Who predicted every celebration
On this day
That America will ever have

It is sweet to me
That one day 206 years ago
A group of men
Told America

*We will stand alone.
Late poem for 4th of July
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2018
I want to be at peace one day
On the sea to sail away
The sunset marking end of day
I want to be at peace
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2018
Dear Lord in heaven

Thank you for the skies you've made
So bright and blue and sunny
Thank you for the rainy days
When winds of power sweep o'r me

Thank you for the good times, God,
And thank you for the bad
To understand your happiness
I must Contemplate sad

I ask you for your mercy
To keep me humble, low
But when you do as I have asked
I take it as a blow

You always have been with me
I know you'll never leave
And day by day you teach me
Your blessings to receive

I never could repay you
All the grace that I've been given
You died me for me and now I see
In return I give you sin

So before I ask a favor
I'll thank you one more time
For always granting mercy
When I commit a crime

And now at last we come
One portion I request
To bring me to your Haven
And Grant me eternal rest

The only thing I want
Is not upon this world
But dancing in the wind above
Between the clouds unfurled

I already know your answer
And surely I'll know more
When you grant me freedom
Upon the golden shore
Just as I am without one plea but that they blood was shed for me and that thou bidst me come to the, oh Lamb of God, I come, I come
All
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2015
All
We all wear our own masks
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2018
You walk with your friends
Talk with your friends
Laugh with them
Hug on your friends
But here I am
Alone
Because no one
Wants to be with the sad girl
The messed up girl
Who can't park straight
And never says what's wrong
Because the truth is I don't know
No one wants to sit with the emotions
Of my mind
Telling me over
And over
That people are mad with me
And I'm a ***** up
And it's so loud
In my head
That I can't even hear
The movie we're watching
So just leave me be
"'*** I'm trying to see
What that actress is doing on the screen"
Move over
You're too clingy
But all I really want is
A way out
A way out of this ******* up mess
That has become my life
And if that means
A gun to my head
A knife on my wrist
Or pills down my throat
Then that's what it will be
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2016
An eternity of hurt
Squished into 26 letters
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2015
When the world seemed to drown,
I would call on my God.
The rain-it seemed-came down and down.
I hid in my abode.

My sin-it was a cloak
I used to hide away.
I distanced me from other folk
And got worse every day.

But then I heard a voice.
It whispered through the rain
It drew me near without a choice.
Said “you won’t be hurt again.”

It said to me, “My child,
Your sin is for the past.
Your chains are gone, so sing a song:
For you are free at last.”

When I’ve done my faithful part,
And all the world doth swell,
I know this now with all my heart:
My God does all things well.

And hence forever more,
I’ll reach the golden shore.
And then, at last, my Lord will pass
And love me nothing for.

Then, joy shall reign again.
We’ll see the face of God.
No sin, no loss, no pain, just cross.
And love shall come, my friend.

My sin-it was a cloak.
I used to hide away.
But now I sing to other folk
“When God found me that day”
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
When did I obtain
So much hurt
When did my heart
Feel like dirt

When did my voice
Become lies
So much of my pain
Hides inside

When was it okay
To speak lies
Deep inside my heart
My voice hides

What I want to say
I don't speak
I keep it away
Like a freak

I'm just so relieved
That you're here
Making sure I'm fine
Hope in my ear
To someone I hope I never lose. I love you so much. I don't know where I'd be without you. Thank you for always knowing when to bug me about what's wrong, and when to leave me alone for awhile. May God bless you and keep you. <3
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2018
There is nowhere where
I am in your arms again
I'm left without you
To a long lost lover who I may never see again. It has been years. You were my first love, certainly not my last, but you will always be my first love.
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2018
I am sick
Of being lonely
And without a soul friend
I am tired
Of being exhausted
From the lack
Of companionship
I've no one to turn to
And I'm tired
Of being broken
And alone
And drained
And helpless
And I don't know
How much longer
I can last

My only hope
Is that one day
He will come
And wipe my tears
Away
"He who testifies to these things says 'yes, I am coming quickly.' amen, come, Lord Jesus."

"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest"

"He who comes to me in faith I will by no means cast him out."
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2017
I am alone again
I knew that this would come
I saw it from afar
A bullet from a gun

Now I'm left here bleeding
No one to save me now
No one to give me stitches
Or wipe sweat from my brow

I am alone again
I feel it in my soul
I feel it in my heart
The loneliness is cold

I feel it in my heartbeat
It pumps within my veins
I want it to get out of me
I just want to be sane

And now I'm left again
With these red stains on my wrists
The bands of pain apparent
A touch of deadly bliss

I am alone again
And no one else can see
That though I am surrounded,
There's no one here with me.
Being alone with one's thoughts can be more dangerous than someone holding a gun to your head, because at least there's someone there to stop them.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2019
Just know oh faint of heart
Though you are not at home
We all carry our sin
But carry not alone.
Oft times we seem to stumble
And the earth seems to shake
Our hearts are torn asunder
Our balance seems to quake
But when at break of day
When all of sin and shame
Has hung upon the cross
And you have entered thus
There will be no need
For sun or light of day
The man upon the cross
Will always light our way
Henceforth tell your tale
And tell what you have seen
My Lord and God take me
For I come unto Thee
A play off of the last part of pilgrim's progress part 2. I think today is going to be a good day.

"Now while he was this in discourse, his countenance changed, the strong man bowed under him, and after he had said, "Take me, for I come unto Thee"
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2018
You've pushed me
Right to the edge
You took whatever was good in me
And you tore it from my chest
And threw it to the ground
It's been a long time coming,
But finally you've done it

And I know I'm
Messed up
I know I'm
Strange in the head
But you've treated me
Like dirt
And now
Messed up as I am
All I want to do
Is **** myself
To make you sorry
I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm so ****** up in the head, and it's like my brain is foggy and I'm thinking things I know I shouldn't be, I don't know what's going on, but I'm scared.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2021
We are all
So in love
With destroying ourselves
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2015
Someone will always be Incensed.
Someone will always be angry.
And I don't care.
Well...
I do,
But I can't tell anyone that.

Then they would know.
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2016
She was sent away
They didn't understand her here
She used to have wonderful dreams
But they never lasted
Because
Always, just before
It got good
She would begin to smile
And then
She woke up
And the room
Was not hers
And the house
Was not her house
And the air
Was not her city air,
And the bed
Was not her bed
And that place
Was not where she belonged.
Based on the movie "When Marnie Was There"
Marisa Lu Makil Sep 2016
I think that in the end
All we need is not a lover,
But someone to believe in us.
Someone like a mother

Someone who can see us
Even with all of our mistakes
And all the faults they see in us
And still go on and say

With a fond smile and a
Thoughtful nod, and certainty they
Affirm "you're gonna be alright,
"You're gonna be okay."
Based on a bathroom thought "I think that in the end all we need is not someone to love us, but someone to believe in us. Someone who can look at us after all the mistakes we've made and all the faults they have seen in us, and still say with a fond smile and a thoughtful nod, "you're gonna be alright, I can tell." "
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2017
He carried a crimson bible
And held it between his hands
He flipped through it with his fingers
And taught me to understand.
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who misses out on fun
And stays out of the sun?

Am I the only one
Really the ony one
Who doesn't have a BF
Who doesn't have a love?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who sits around with no one
No one to love on me?

Am I the only one
Really the only one
Who feels this unloved
I wish I had "the one"
Lord, grant me patience for the one you have reserved for my arms.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2015
I'd die for you
Because
I'd die without you.
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2021
Oh and what a relief
To wake up
And find the monsters in my head
Were nothing but a nightmare
Locked
And seared
On the backs of my waking eyelids
I've been having some horrible nightmares lately. I don't know why. A few days ago, I had to sit up and remind myself where I was, that my neighbor was downstairs and no one has my key. I turned the lights on before going back to bed. My brother says I should get help and find a counselor who is able to help me. For some reason, typing up my nightmare when I wake makes me feel better. I have a whole file full of them.
Marisa Lu Makil Nov 2018
Sometimes apologies aren't about
Who's really at fault
Sometimes it's just about fixing relationships
Sometimes you just need to apologize even if it's not your fault, because the relationship is often more important than the argument.
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2015
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Being your best friend
Is a must

Ashes to ashes
Waves on waves
The way that you speak
Must save lives

Ashes to ashes
Wind by wind
I never want us
Out of mind.
True love never dies.
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2019
I was drowning
I was screaming for help
Every breath
Was a burden
And you
You pushed my head under
The waves
Lonely on Valentine's day
Marisa Lu Makil Jan 2019
The truth is
You've treated me wrong
For a long time
I just didn't see it
But now that I'm standing up for myself
And it's pushing you out of my life
And it hurts
So
Badly
It hurts so much to push you away. I've known you my whole life and until today, I never even realized how much you hurt me. I've seen evidence of it right in front of me a thousand times over, I just didn't want to believe it. But I need to take care of myself now. After 20 years, I'm just seeing that, and I can't believe I never saw it before; you don't really love me. You love what I can do for you.
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2018
It brings
A cold
Hardness
To my chest
Knowing
That if I
Were to not try to speak
To you
For an entire week,
We would never
Speak
At all
To someone I never thought I would lose: I can feel you slowly slipping away and it's killing me.
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2015
And now
Even now
After working so hard
Not to love you
I find myself
With butterflies
Every time
You touch me.
Putting his arm around me, hugging me, touching my cheek with hiis thumb. Why does he have to keep playing with me?
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2015
I am a back-stager.
I fix the lights
I help people with their makeup
No one ever sees me.
I am a back-stager
Marisa Lu Makil May 2022
We all seek and search our own version of perfection
Our own picture of flawless sublimity
But at best, we all stumble
And oh how we keep on falling
Marisa Lu Makil Jul 2019
And I see
Little miracles
Every day
Yesterday, I started off my morning by locking myself out of the house ($75 fine to have someone get me in), my car wouldn't start, and I lost my phone. I found my phone, they waived the fine to get me inside, and my car is starting just fine today. Don't tell me there aren't miracles. ;)
Marisa Lu Makil Mar 2017
These are some beautiful things:
A baby's first smile,
A bird in the wild,
A bride on the aisle,
A love that's worthwhile,

Warm wind in the trees,
The salt in the seas,
The buzz of spring bees,
Winter's first freeze,

A loved one's laugh,
A child's handmade craft,
An actor's autograph,
A newborn calf,

The sunrise in the sky,
And the sunset alike,
And kind passersby,
The stars in the night,

The wind in one's hair,
Sweet spring on the air,
A mother's care,
A child's prayer

The color of skin,
True feelings within,
The sound of violins,
And feeling sheepskin,

A book in my hands,
My feet in the sand,
Stories of another land,
And the promised land,

The leaves in the fall,
Mountains like walls,
Sounds of a waterfall,
The smell of rainfall,

Peace after war,
And petrichor,
And sand on the shore,
And a winning score,

Peace at night,
And perfect light,
And a first sight,
And a flying kite,

A smile so dear,
A kiss so clear,
A loved one near,
And a new come year,

And hope that everything will be okay

These are the beautiful things
I could go on and on and on about beautiful things, even ones that don't rhyme. I fall in love with the little things, like how my friend only eats apples with a knife, or how my mom never actually drinks her coffee, she forgets about it and leaves it in the microwave ten times a day. I love that my cat can tell when I can't sleep and comes and lays right up against my back and purrs to help me sleep. I love that whenever my best friend is thinking, she subconsciously touches the back of her thumb to the indent above her upper lip. I fall in love with little details. There are just as many beautiful things in this world as there are ugly ones. Don't forget to savor them. ❤
Marisa Lu Makil Jun 2019
We find the deepest honesty
In the wild
Raw
Side of humanity
The side that communes
With nature
And runs breathless
Through fields of jade
Trying to find ways to find myself beautiful. We are made in the image of God.
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