I never thought waiting can be this painful.
It's like looking to the abyss,
ready to welcome the unknown.
How long will I wait?

Can I endure standing for a decade?
Can I just sit here under the moonlight and meet the next sunrise?
Can I swim for awhile and explore the depths of my thoughts?

I always thought I have been patient enough,
but my anxiety tells me that I am not.

So to live again, I need to breathe and endure the length of waiting.

Sunset,
beautiful and warm,
like how it burns my eyes.

Mesmerized by the yellow-orange hues of his charms. ☀️

I want to be like a sunset.
Hopeful and calm,
Brave and prayerful,
beautiful and positive for the next sunrise. ☀️

I have been suffering from sunburns.
Sunburns that I call "missing you" syndrome.
I have been feeling the scorching heat of the Sun
and the burning sensation on my skin.
It's not the kind of warmth that I miss.

I could not reach the Sun.
He is far. He is vibrant, fiery and hot.
I could not gaze at him on his blazing peak.
I looked down in tears.

I miss him, I am trying to say it,
but all I can do is to swallow my words and get burned with my own longing.

Sunburn, sometimes it's on my skin.
Most of the time, it's the Sun that I am missing. ☀️

A stop that my heart know.
Where I said goodbye, I have to go.
A stop that my mind could remember.
Where he held me gently and kissed my temple.
I am not drunk, I was sober.
He poured too much butterflies in me that made me tremble.

You are the sun rising on the first day of spring,
where flowers bloomed in me.

I am not so into you, but there is something about you that I can’t resist neither say no.
I am uncertain but my heart says, I love you.
Once in a while you are good for me,
and for tonight you are all mine.
Just let me be, just this time.

I am not so into you, I think I am, maybe I am not but you are the kind that I can tolerate.

You sat for awhile on the horizon,
but then you vanish without saying a word.
Your light was gone, it was darkness on my sight and inside my world.

The moon came and touched my blind eyes.
Along with her stars, I opened my heart and realize.
You knocked on to my chained doors like a sunrise that destroyed the dawn.
Yet you walk away and vanish on the horizon like a sunset that dives unto oblivion.

You showed me everything when you held me with your light and warmed me up with your touch.
Now you left me in the darkness waiting in vain with your uncertain hush.

You are my love but I can’t just bear the blindness in me and dwell in the dark with your uncertainties.

You are my madness and can be my sadness, but I’ll be over you soon all for my sanity. ♥️

I couldn’t stop this madness about you,
but for the sake of my sanity I’ll take this as temporary.

You and your memories with me will stay beautiful in my thoughts and in my writing.
You are my muse and you are my love.
You will always be the greatest “Sun” to me.☀️

Until we meet again.

You are the Sun, my only beautiful sunrise.
Your light pierced through my clouded heart.
You never fail to keep it warm, fragile yet still beating.
Every beat speaks about you and I feel alive.
Always, you take my breath away. ☀️

Your radiance gives me a clearer sight of love.
A better glimpse of you, because you are my only one. ☀️

I love the sea,
I love the splashing sound of the waves,
I love how it becomes refreshing when it touches my feet.

I love the sea,
I don’t know how to swim at all.
It doesn’t matter if I fall,
down deep or just near the shore.

Can I tell you "I love you" everyday,
until it fades away?

I want my confession of love to be my closure,
but my anxious heart knows it is not the answer.
It may ruin the peace that I am building,
the peace that I deserve for my healing.

"I love you", Yes!
but I love myself more.
If I have to choose between saving us, our memories
and saving myself.
I will always choose me, Josephine Mary..

I love how your smile shine like sunbeams.
A spellbound, like one of my sweetest dreams.

The rays touch my cold skin,
It brings warmth to my heart, it dwells within.

I love how your voice can be dark and bold.
Like how you smoothly take my hand for you to hold.

You are the Sun who is blazing and fiery at noon break.
My only heartbeat, my unrequited love but not a heartache.

Loving you can hurt a little while,
but you have become my happiness—
my biggest smile.

Missing you is like a burning flame.
I can be merry and weary every time I say your name.

You may be far, out of my reach, a heart that I cannot claim.
Always know that my love is real, it can wait, I will still love you the same.

You are my red, yellow, orange hue.
Strong and bright like my feelings too.
This is a heartbeat that I’ll whisper to the sky.
A love for my dearest Sun on a calm sunrise.

and when I miss you, I look at the Sun.
He reminds me so much of you.

You are my little sunshine, the sunbeam that tickles my cheek.

The blazing heat that warms my racing heartbeat.

The love that I tried to confess.

The secret in between my poetry.

I lost all my senses when I met you.
My directions were crooked,
My mind went blank,
I became dependent.

Your touch felt like home.
Will I ever be welcome when the time comes that I'll knock on your door?

The truth is, I am afraid of the answer,
I might not be able to handle the truth.

So I'd rather stay in silence with all of my what ifs until dawn.

I do always love sunsets,
like how I take in your flaws.

Like how the light shines in the middle of the fast-eating darkness.

You are the sunset.
Beautiful and promising.
Gentle and calm.

The little secret I keep. ♥️

You are charming.
Your light cast a magic spell on me.

You are the Sun—my dearest sunset, my beautiful sunrise.

My heart made a promise,
To more brighter days with you, my only one. ☀️

You are the good in the morning that can draw a beautiful smile on my face.
You are near yet so far but I know I can reach you at my own pace.

You are warm and carefree,
my Sunrise, you will always be.

In your arms I found a home.
Every good morning leads me to a good night.

Sometimes the Sun is concealed by the clouds, but my brave heart believes that it’s somewhere behind the universe, through that little light that reflects against it from sunrise to sunset.

I can even see a spectrum of colors.
Beautiful and breathtaking just like you.

You are the Sun,
You may be miles away from me,
You may not be visible to me at all times.
I know in my heart, you will always be here when the sun rises until the sun sets.

You are yellow and bright,
You give life to all the colors through your dashing light.

You are yellow and bright,
You are the only fire burning against my skin that I cannot fight.

You are yellow and bright,
My eyes hurts but you give a clearer vision to my sight.

You are yellow and bright,
You are the love that I call, “good night, ☀️".

You are the muse of my writings.
You are the Sun that gives light to every ink that marks on every page of that notebook I keep.

How can I give life to my words when you don’t trust me enough?
How can I prove to you that what I say and what I write are true when you don’t give me the chance to do so?

I am afraid, I am scared.
So I’ll continue hiding my feelings through my poetry.
When the time comes that we are both ready, I hope my words and actions will unite bringing along my hopeful heart.

The Moon yearns for the Sun’s glowing light.
She waits until they meet at dusk, and kiss him goodbye when the dawn breaks to morning.

I am the Moon in our own universe.
I am the Moon who yearns for your love.
I will wait for you, so that I can hold your hand again and tell you my dearest Sun, “Welcome home”.

I like how your scent became irresistible to my senses.

Even when I was walking right next to you, that fresh kind of aroma from your clean shirt and minty breath when you speak slowly strummed the strings of my heart.

It made a beat with a roaring sound.
It was loud that it pounded against my chest.
You became a song of love to my racing heartbeat.

We were standing under the dark skies.
The clouds were crying.
It was raining.

The air was humid.
It brushed off against my pale cheeks.
I couldn’t breathe.

The rain didn’t stop, but my Sun was standing beside me.
He was calm and warm.
His touch was gentle though it burned my racing heartbeat.

Under the glowing moonlight, I knew he shined the brightest.
His stare felt like I could melt in his arms anytime.

He gave me the chance to feel something beautiful for the first time. Something good, something sweet that I couldn’t put into words.

A beautiful memory.
Unspoken.
Untouched.

When I met you, my vision got blurry and I was hysterical for a second.
I snapped and giggled.

“Slow motion” I only thought of that feeling as imaginary, like how I saw it in movies and read it in novels.

I was mesmerized by your charms that it made me breathless for awhile.
You were real, I was wide awake but it felt like a dream.
I realized then how my heart speaks about you.

He wanted to go to the mountains and breathe in peace with a cup of coffee to witness the beautiful sunrise.

She wanted to go far away and drown into the waters for she loved the sea. A place where she can relax and adore the sunset.

Your “I miss you” were drowned deep to wine & beer.
My ears were drunk with all the words that poured in, it was intoxicating to hear.

I want to hear you speak,
Your voice is my favorite kind of sound that my heart wants to keep.

I can imagine how charming you are when you say those words like, “I miss you” and “Good night”.
It’s my only weakness that I cannot fight.

I hope that alcohol won’t wash away your memory. If it does, you know that I will still take the things that has been washed away.

It will become an unspoken treasure to me.

He is my sea and aurora.

He is my sea.
He cannot express not unless the waves within him are out of control.
Just like the sea, its crushing sound gives me warmth.
He calms my heart.

He is my aurora.
In spite of him being the yang to my yin self,
he is calm, gentle and beautiful.
Just like the colorful sky,
he takes my breath away.

She cried an island of sand.
She drank her tears.
She walked on the dessert with her bare feet.

She was lost.

She wander on a sunny day.
It was warm enough to melt her ice.
She washed those unhealed wounds with her sweat.

Sweetly and slowly, she was in pain.

Sand on her eyes.
Sweat on her wounds.

She dove  into her pool of tears and
saved herself awake back home.

Take me away. I want to fly with my wounded heart. I want to scream with the stars. I want my tears to shine.

Take me away. I want to vanish like a sad song. Be oblivious like an unwanted memory.

Take me away. I want to walk with my bare feet. I want to dance with my breaking bones.

Take me away. I want to breathe in the smoke of the ice. I want to embrace the warmth of the fire.

Take me away, but I know you won't.
So I'll take away myself from you,
because you are not good for me anyway.

I want to stop breathing.
I thought for a while,
If wanting will last for an hour or forever.

I want to stop breathing.
There's a dagger pierced through my heart.
Everytime I breathe in, I embrace pain.
Everytime I breathe in, I exhale tears.

"I don't know, which is more painful?

To continue breathing with a broken heart or to continue shedding tears while losing myself in parts?"

I want to stop breathing and sleep.
For I know, in my sleep,
There is void, unknown, and an end.

I came to see you unprepared
I didn't know that it will be the end.
Was that a greeting of farewell?
I was clueless until my heart felt a little unwell.

Blur and dark, a kind of uncertainty that flashed through my eyes,
You waved and smiled, but you turned your back, it meant goodbye.
My heart sank in the silence of dawn.
This heart fluttering journey stopped because you are not the one.

I tried to escape, I wanted to see the light,
But there were full of unguarded tears blocked my sight
If only I knew that someone owned your heart
I should have not love you from the very start

I believe that it was not a mistake to love you so,
I know that starting today, I will let all these feelings go.

This is my quod of secrets untold.
An ode to my heart rived by memories of old.
Now the moment calls for me to finally write,
The dubiousness of the quirks I spite.

It was the height within the octave of the decade,
When my ticker suddenly strayed.
I got caught in an eros I deemed true,
An instant juncture that I hadn't got a clue.

That wight I stumbled across with was amiable and vigorous.
Who ventured to garner my sentiments which made me ambiguous.
Who intoned some hymns with gracious prance,
Hoping to hook my regards with a chance.

I unbolted my heart to let that wight in,
Layed my cards and hopes in all that could have been.
I deduced it was something I could keep.
So I quashed my uncertainties and took the leap.

But I never knew until it was too late,
The risk had passed, I fancied the ardor I thought was sincere and great.
Myself waned in those words felt and spoken.
Never anticipated my heart and innocence would be broken.

If only there's another shot unused to tweak my adjudications,
I would permute them without hesitation.
If that would be the scheme to liberate my heart,
I would partake in all of its parts.

Of all the things time can tell,
Above is the list I unconsciously dwell.
It may be so dense in pushing them off the cliff,
but these are the questions I start with "what if".

The hardest question I ask myself is, why?
I am uncertain of why I ask myself, why?

I am looking for answers, unknown answers that I can't have and cannot be found.

Please don't ask me, why?
I can't give you uncertain answers,
or words that I can't speak.

It is not even found behind my tongue.
It is not even hidden inside my head.

Please don't ask me, why?
I don't even know, I am tired to know why.

How will I know the answers?
If my feelings are uncertain, my mind is gone, my heart is cold, words are unknown.

I am lost.

My heart is deaf, my heart is mute
It beats slowly, whispering the truth.
I meet you, I feel you.
It beats a little faster, it's joy and not blue.

My heart is deaf, my heart is mute,
I thought I can never hear,
I thought I can never speak.
I feel you, feeling my heart speak against my chest.

"I love you"

Words that you cannot hear from me.
A feeling that I cannot speak.

Let us turn more meaningful conversations through your music.
Let me hear the sound of the stars.

Show me the works of your beautiful hands.
The song in every strum of the guitar,
the keys that sing the beauty of your soul.
I want the world to know the magic you bring.

Whisper to me the secret of the galaxy,
and tell me how they speak when they twinkle in your eyes.✨‬

She is not a warrior,
She doesn't have a brave heart.
She doesn't wear a red dress,
She is not lucky like other girls out there.

She is hopeful with dream raging inside her heart.
Melancholy might tear her heart apart.
Washing her wounds with tears is the only way,
To smile back and whisper to herself, "I'm okay".

Will you let me lie beside you?
So I can whisper the words that I wish you to hear.
I don't know If I'm showing you a clue.
Should I try again and prove that it's real?

But how can I confess a love that is out of my reach?
Far away, like watching the sunrise at the beach.
Distant, like running the lane of impossible.
A dream, a temporary imagery that makes my heart tremble.

Will you wait for me?
Please...

"What you need?
What do you want from me?"

A question from him that needs an answer.
What should I say to make myself feel better?

Will he notice me and say everything will be fine?
or I'll just gaze up at the night sky waiting for a sign?

I like you so much!
Everyone knows that I do.
I am not hiding it, because genuine love shines for your eyes to see.

Just let me love you like this.
Please don't tell me to stop writing these feelings out.

These letters are only for you.
There is no other you in my life.
It's you, just you.
Only you.

We don't step on the same ground.
We are miles apart, yet we breathe the same air and gaze at the same sky.
Meeting you might be a miracle or a chance.

You are a virtual knight.
A prince charming I thought of just like in fairy tales.

A curve.
A movement of lips.
A therapy for forehead knots.

Sometimes, it is all about you--
and then it becomes a movement of my lips, creating a curve up to my cheeks.

This is a habit.
When I think of you, I smile.

Escape, run, a thousand miles apart.

I walk away far from that love.
It is a prison cell that deteriorates my heart.

I am letting go, because this pain won't do any good to me.

I am moving on, because I love you alone.
Independently, I will set myself free.

I want to be happy, not weary.
Without you and this feeling, my life is easy.

A letter of love that I keep.
You are a good memory that makes me weep.
Time flies so fast,
I close my eyes with a good memory to reminisce.

My love doesn't last,
but you are the first of everything I write in this piece.

Can you take me back at the time we meet?
So I will know how to write again what love is, and falling in love with you in bliss.

Morning, noon, evening, dawn.
All of my love pieces, written in the stars.
I know half of it is with you, folded, kept, a bittersweet memory.

You looked at her,
My eyes witnessed the scene.

I tried to speak but my voice turned to whisper,
"Hey" I waved my shaking heart but you were blinded I was unseen.

My gaze was fixed on you, while you noticed her and I remained oblivious.
My thoughts were all about you, it was worse and became serious.

I am torn falling apart, embracing the colors of gray and blue.
Pain crushed my heart, and I realized that I was lonely in love with you.

TWO half hearts in a row,
the first half said,
My love is like a circle--
it doesn't have an end neither sides.
the other half said,
My love ends in life, but lies within eternity.

which half will you choose? :)