do me a favor
are you having trouble
finding the door?
tell me are you lost
was the exit not
worth finding anymore?

you've been sitting in my head
for what seems like an hour or two
was it at least comfortable?
I think the space in my mind
is big enough for you

were you walking in circles?
are there blisters on your feet?
honey, you've been running on my mind
for the thirty second time
on repeat

it's not that I don't want you here
you're always free to wander in my dreams
just know it hurts a different kind of way
when you think about someone you can't keep

and as much as I want to kick you out
this run down mind of mine
rid me of infatuation
let heartache be a sign
but why do I remain stubborn
still I let you stay
promising myself to
free this heart from you the next day

empty promises soon fade
maybe tomorrows turn into maybe nots
I let you make yourself at home
within this foolish heart you caught

by now you might be wondering
what am I to do?
the simple answer is nothing
but then again I haven't got a clue

who knows? maybe indifference isn't the ideal
what's a girl gotta do to make her wishes real?
Paying it no mind won't make it hurt any less
but don't worry
looking at you from afar is what I do best

we were at McDonald's
and you only ordered fries
there weren't any stars
that night

you held my hand
like you always did
after a meal
your fingers were as cold
as the midnight breeze

weird

you were always warm
whenever we touched
no matter how cold it was

it was strange
your skin somehow felt foreign
it was as if we were
doing this for the first time

you were staring at me
I didn't notice
I was on my phone
your eyes felt different
looked different
I used to describe them as
deep
captivating
oceans
I could drown in
forever
but now they're just
blue
dull
eyes

weird

you were smiling at me
I didn't notice
your smile felt different
I used to describe it as
breathtaking  
beautiful
but now it's just
red lips and teeth

you were talking to me
I didn't notice
you were saying something
about a movie?
I wasn't listening
I used to love your stories
your voice used to breakthrough
my ears
straight to my heart
I used to describe it as
smooth
calming
soothing
but now it's just
noise

weird

you asked me what was wrong?
I didn't notice
I told you I was fine

we were at McDonalds
and you only ordered fries
there weren't any stars that night

you held my hand
and I held yours
god
help me tell her
I don't love her anymore

I put these thoughts
inside my head
I grip my wrists
'till they turn red
I grit my teeth
I bite my tongue
don't say a word
to anyone

my heart constricts
I close my eyes
I count to when
these feelings die

the darkness
does not
prolong their
stay
I get to
live another
day

it's a long long wait
for something uncertain
we will spend months eager
years, hurting
but oh, when the time comes
we shall hold each other tight
take deep breaths and close our eyes
I smile a wide smile inside my head
a few years is nothing compared to the eternity ahead

this heart of mine
will not keep still
this fast pace rhythm
won't stop until
my lungs continue to
gasp for breath
until this soul wanders
to the arms of death
my love for you
shall never die
it shall go on
as I am alive

She said that night
tell me something about love
I stood still
my mind racing
it was as if my head
came to an abrupt halt
but my heart almost immediately
came up with words
I don't think existed yet

I wanted to tell her
love is looking into her eyes
and melting on the spot
but somehow I couldn't
so I looked her into her eyes
and smiled

I wanted to tell her
love is caring
but somehow I couldn't
so I grabbed her a glass of water
she smiled

I wanted to tell her
love is two hearts
dancing to the same rhythm
but somehow I couldn't
so I asked her what movie
she'd like us to watch later
still smiling
she had a confused expression
the notebook
she wanted to watch the notebook

I wanted to tell her
love is patient
and that I couldn't stand that movie
but somehow I couldn't
so I kissed her on the cheek
and said ok

I wanted to tell her
love is admiration
but I couldn't
so I stared at her
and told her she was beautiful
all throughout the movie
even though you were teasing me
that I was missing half of the storyline

I wanted to tell her
love is warm
but somehow I couldn't
so I wrapped her in my arms
even though we were already
warm under the covers

I wanted to tell her
love is happiness
but I couldn't
so we laughed all night
exchanging jokes no one
else would understand

I wanted to tell her
love is so many things
but somehow I couldn't
so I loved her
and hoped she would understand

it isn't until you let go
that you notice the blood
dropping from your palms
it isn't until you look down
that you notice how close
you are to the bottom
it isn't until I distanced myself
that I realized you were
slowly killing me

loving you was my
favorite thing to do
because it
felt so good
loving you
was like breathing
to me
I didn't need a book
to know how to do it
I just
do
loving you
felt so natural
like it was something
I knew how to do
for a long time
and I felt giddy
thinking about my
newfound ability
it feels as if my heart
was always under
a warm blanket
so safe
so secure
longing for yours
under the covers
it feels as if my hands
we're naked whenever
it was not linked with yours
it feels as if every breath
I take was being clouded
with you
you
you
if only
you knew how
to love me too
because for you
loving me was
learning a new language
playing the piano
driving a car
it just doesn't come
as naturally
as walking
talking
breathing
in
out
in
out
I still don't know
how to stop

sun

from here the sun looked small
a yellow dot in the distance
so far yet its warmth seemed
to reach me as if it were a breath away
I loved the way it shone
my how beautifully did it shine
I wondered if it shined as bright
if I were close to it
the sun beckoned me to swim
in his golden rays
it shone brilliantly as I came closer
yet little did I know
as it shone
it also burned
it hurt
but my heart was too busy
admiring the sun
my eyes were to focused on etching its beauty in my mind
fearing I would forget it
if I looked away for
just a second
it was painful
loving you
but my did it feel so good
eventually
I had to leave you
burnt skin
a broken heart
it was an honor to
find out how much you shone
and how much it hurt to be burned
by you
my god
the sun looks small from here
doesn't it?

I let my heart
dance with yours
even for just
a moment
but I knew
this song wasn't
meant for us

i am
i was
you are
you still are

after I burn everything you gave me
will you still be here?
when these pictures turn into ash
will I still hear my heart whispering your name?
if i force myself to forget every song you made me listen to
will I still hear you somewhere in the melody?  
if I gave away every single book you bought me
will my eyes stop watering every time I hear the title?
somehow
you are no where
yet I find you everywhere
no matter how many times i take a bath
i cant seem to rid myself of you
soap cannot erase what you left behind
im stuck with you
well
with the memory of you rather
tell me if its wrong to feel your lips against my skin
when im alone with my thoughts in public transport
tell me if its wrong to remember how you said you loved me
when Im standing in line to grab lunch
tell me if its wrong to miss you
because I do
but you’re not coming back
to make it stop

i hate that you always make wrong feel right

you make me question everything i knew about myself

you taught my heart how to dance

I am standing
on the edge
the void is within
my reach
my mind says
jump
but my body
just freezes

I wonder
what it's like
to live life
til the last minute
the last centimeter
will I
regret it?

When I'm standing
on the edge
the world is silent
it's empty
as if it's watching,
waiting for me
to jump
to stay
but it's too late
because
I
am
already
falling

break
away
float
away
fly
into my
thoughts
swim in
my memories
and I'll
tell you
why you
can never
love
me

why did I
settle for less
why did I
settle for
second best
when I knew
I'd be starving
when I knew
I'd be wanting
more
from
you

lips
hands
unfulfilled plans
miles of skin
places we've been
hair
eyes
all of the lies
we told
so we could hold
each other when
we fall apart
our hearts
are broken
and these words
never spoken
make this universe of us

I'll make
you feel
better
I'll make
things
better
use me
to feel
happy

wrong place
maybe one of these days
i'll find the right time
but I know that i'm
too late

maybe one of these days
I just might
find the right time
and place
but, oh well
you might as well
be with someone else

joined the race
lost the chase
but maybe one of
these days
I might just find
the right place

but did you pass me by
while I was waiting
for the right time?
did you pass by?
why did I
let you pass me by?

but maybe one of
these days
when i'm in the
right place
and find myself at
the right time
we'll finally collide
and sparks will fly
when we find
each other

hold me together
as i come undone
i pretend that
these shrapnels of
you aren't digging
into my skin
we are hurting
we are broken
but we are one
we'll walk on faulty
bridges and lean on
crumbling walls but
i trust that you won't
break down
in the end the weight
of my broken pieces
were just too much for
you weren't they?

this debris
i cannot
give to
someone
expecting a
heart

I look at you
I see the sea
calm waves of you
gently caressing me

I see the ocean
in your eyes
I'm drowning
they're pulling me in

deeper

and deeper

I don't look away
that was my mistake

the ocean was beautiful
it was a magical sight
but I couldn't breathe
and I couldn't swim
but you seemed nice
it looked right

you looked right

and suddenly
there was no more air
I was sinking
my lungs ablaze
every drop of you consuming me
hurting me
I closed my eyes
I couldn't see how nice it was
you felt wrong

the ocean killed me that night
but if I would've knew
I might
have never looked into those eyes

so beautiful

but wrong

A deck of hearts
A deck of spades
Some cards to get me
through the day

Shuffle the stack
And mix them so
You lay them down
And you're good to go

Black goes with red
Red goes with black
No cards in hand?
take three from the stack

Now we go from King
then Queen to Jack
Red, black, red
Black, red, black

If you've played for some time
it's safe to say
you've come across a card
that had an A
don't be confused, it's called an ace
If you find all four,
it's your lucky day!

So here's a truth
I'm sure you can bare
Congratulations, my friend
You just played solitaire

I miss you
backspace
I still think about you
backspace
I'm sorry
backspace
I love you
backspace
backspace
backspace
hi
enter

-eleven­

You're a mess
You're broken
Bottles adorn your apartment floor
And I'm standing outside your door

Are your eyes too swollen
To see that I'm here
Did she break you completely,
what if you don't need me,
tell me if I'm
getting too near

I love you too much
To see that I'm not
Who your tears are for
I love you too much
To stop when it hurts
Only to come back and ask for more

I'm here.
There's no need to cry
your heart is too broken
so let me give you mine

I'm still here.
When will I learn?
That the love I gave
Can never be returned.

"He has too many tattoos"
"I bet he's gone to jail"
To a man on a motorbike
My parents say

"Look at those girls, don't
Be like them, okay?"
They turned and looked at me
Referring to the girls
Too drunk to even stand up on their feet

"That's disgusting"
They say to a gay couple
Across the room
I sit there and laugh to myself
Haha if only they knew

The intoxicated girls
The man with tattoos
The gay couple in the room
I'm like them too

as the sun will rest,
the horizon as its bed,
beautiful in sleep