I am so delighted
that I have posted
100 poems in Hp till date.
Never have been so happy
to make a century in HP.
I love you all HP poet/Poetess friends
for the immense love & support here.

I feel so overjoyed to
share every emotion I feel everyday
and I love reading each of
my HP poet/Poetess friends
poetry here..

Thank you all for making my
poetry journey so special.

With each day's torments in life
I take my brush and
try to paint out my soul
Where to begin or end
not knowing at all
but still love to paint
to find solace within my heart!

To paint or to write,
is my usual confusion
so did both while writing & painting
my soul out!

Turned 29 yesterday,
Celebrating on my own
For the very first time
I made arrangements
for myself
With balloons, songs
and a yummy cake!
And with all these,
I realized,
I can love myself too!

Despite the
love-hate relationship
with my own self,
I owe my body and soul!
They have been through a lot
From the self harm
in every possible way
To the
low phases
and pitfalls.
And I feel grateful
that I am still alive

With so much more of wisdom
Through the journey of life
Every changing as a whole
From happiness,
joyfulness, escasty,
And love -
To the
trauma's, loss,
heartbreaks, failures
Loneliness and depression!

I am now learning
to be on my own
From distraction and noises
all around
To shifting focus to oneself!

And with all of these,
Now Murphy's law
makes much more sense!

And now
With a the shifts of focus
I know that somehow
I can contribute
to this vast world too!

Should I forget or remember you?
That's where it ******
But there is always another way
to imagine through some or the other tricks!

I don't seek validation now
I do things for myself.
I don't care whether they like me or not
Not seeing whether I look beautiful in their eyes anymore.
After 26 long years, I have started to see myself as I am.
I don't care I look good or bad.
I care how my loved ones are,
I care how I look upon myself
Not caring the blue days at all.
Things go wrong
and yes, I messed up quite often
My mistakes defines me to be a better me each day.
And now I have learned to be me,
not seeking validation at all.
Yes, I am me now.

A support you were
Always to me
Took all the pressure
Out of rocky edges
And never told anyone
How it was to be!
Not understanding you
Was a blunder of all
I wish I could undo it
Once & for all!
Keep no hard feelings
As I'm already being punished
from being away from you!
So much away
that it makes me feel
going to an empty nest
Every other day.

I wish I could
make you understand
that how you meant to me
With all the irritations
and leg-pulling
You made me cry
You made me laugh
To the brim!
I wish I could do
something for you
To return back
all the treasures
you gave to me!

Be in touch people say
But in this era
Touch is only at screens!
Time passes by
And every wound heals,
But to an extent
An empty space in the heart
Is never reciprocated!

-13 July, 2017

"A home" -
the name itself captures
a beautiful imagery in our mind & heart.
I see people each day
rushing back to their homes
soon after the working hours ends
ticking to the clock..
And I sit, just sit for a while...
thinking my home is far..
As I stay in a rented place -
a so called home which I call
for a while..
But I miss my home
A home - "where my beloved family lives..
a lively space with special people's heart
making it precious as an overall art.

How I have learnt how to be alone
But not to be alone at all.
I now know how books can be your forever friend,
And you won't crave for anyone else.
Its the nature of human, they tend to leave
But books, they are always there for you to etch curiosity into you,
And there you go, you are far off with them and always looking ahead..

There is a monster with me
With whom I live with
Each day, it has its mood swings
Me and monster holding hand,
I try to leave, it catches me everywhere
Pulls me within
It hides sometimes, leaving me alone
With a huge smile.
But when it comes back
Both of us are dead scared
As we both know
We would be *******!

I crawl back,
Seeking for help
Help Help help!
I quietly utter in pain of inner self.
And a voice says,
Pick yourself up, there is none.

After 28 years, learning
how to be there for oneself.

Finally
After months
My love, my friend came back..

Drowned in depression
I was for months.
I felt little less
But what a surprise!

The feeling of love
The gift of love..
Got back my laughter,
Got back the tight hug
Which I used to get,
Creating more memories.
But something was missing,
I guess my soul
Which was unable
To believe the reality!

And its spring
with birds chirping,
high or low but you would be smiling
with the force that unfolds smelling so wonderful
beauty all around you
and you see only the wounds!
why? why do you do that to yourself?
I know You no longer jump with joy as the seasons reshape.
But someday you might recall that the beauty within yourself
and let the blooming takes place from inside out.
Let seasons remould  you,
let all the past fall away,
and the buds bloom throughout your way
with no validation to sway.
Just you within you blooming with the butterflies turned on nearby.

Went for an evening walk
with many people walking around
a scheduled walk
everyday at the same time
it seems..
get to see & feel
more often than before.
An old man walking everyday
at his own pace
taking baby step at his old age..
Another man, unable to walk at all..
but still striving to make one more step..
so as to keep moving on the go...
Unexpectedly, out of all the thoughts
heard a dog's bark
that too behind the walls
and as I turned aside
only to find a caged dog..
May be jealous of all of us
as it may seem we are free
in this vast array of light..
...and all of a sudden met my friend..
a wholehearted smile...
she missed me it seems
as I was away for a while...
A sudden burst of laughter
with incomplete talks..
Good to meet people unknown
but somehow known
as we all are walking in the same lane
to find ourselves more often than others!

Anger fumes within me
and me waiting with fire.....
To burn others near by me
But instead
I’m burning myself
unknowingly!

I refuse to be into that darkness
I resist to be empty all over again
that hollowness into my heart
dragging me from behind.

I refuse to see that darkness
which does no harm
but hinders me to see the beauty in life.
that beauty which perishes soon into my darkness.

How do I get away from my own darkness?
I am still embracing it
But soon shall I break through everything
and pierce into myself to find that light!

Heard a story about a guy.
A guy who goes to college with plain looks
& tucked in shirt every time.
people laughing at him
day in & day out
to be the odd one out.

Someone went and asked-
Dude, why don't you change your clothes for a while?
They all laugh at you for that.

The guy remarked in a polite way-
why should I change for them
when they will no longer exist in my life after a while?

Why is that appearance
matters so much?

short
tall
lean
fit
chubby
fair
dark
so on
&
so forth.

This virtual world
expects us to be perfect.
And if we are not,
we just tend to
hide ourselves!

But why can't we judge
through the soul?

bold
beautiful
passionate
tender
inspiring
Authentic
gener­ous
affirmative
intelligent
genuine
&
so on..

why is that our senses are
so accustomed outwardly
rather than peeping inside
one's soul?

Its has been day or two
I have been away from all of you.
But trust me, being away helped.
It brought back my appreciation
over little details in life
which I missed for a long while.
I used to stare at phones
waiting and  waiting for what I don't recall
But now I am staring into spaces
and the pleasures are surreal!
It made me whole after all..
I wanted nothing
but out of nowhere
I felt I have everything.

I left an apprection note
For the ones
who works in my 'Creative team'.
Days and nights went by
When I was little angry
As their works weren't that great
And partly, they too weren't
Liking me that well.

But now,
I am bit more matured
With a little more of patience
And humor while playing my part.
As a lead, I stand like a pillar
Whenever they are in trouble,
And would like to stand at last
While taking appreciation,
Rather dividing more of
Inspiration, understanding
And appreciation
Amongst themselves
For collectively
performing well.

Creativity is sowed and I enjoy watering them
everyday as I go,
And they continue to work
with their right brains
With laughter, humor
and designer jokes.

I enjoy their smiles and laughter while packing up for their homes
I wish to maintain
a chilled creative team
Where they are happy to work
And go back home
With extension of smiles
For getting appreciated well enough
For solving the creative challenges of everyday life!

Cheers to my team!

Let my
scars
bruises
wounds
Speak of my love
My love for art
Along with poetry
Defines my soul
And nonetheless
My love for each
One of you
Makes me feel the
beauty from inside.

I can't feel less
I am sorry for that
I only know how to feel
Every detail of life
Whether pain or sorrow
No wonder
I can't shut my eyes.
I only know how to feel
Define it through my work of art!

Unveil yourself
not through your body
but through your soul.

Reveal your draped soul
once in a while
with no prediction at all.

And people will come back to you
feeling an ecstasy
of your unique soul!

I see people resigning
at workplace
and within a day a two
their place is substituted
by somebody unknown!

No emotions
Just laughter
and machine work
all across!
A vast space
filled with
empty emotions
hard to breath!
Chokes me out
every other day!

I wonder!
Should I cut
my emotions too?
And be the machine
just the way it works out
until exhausted to its brim!!

Two empty cups
Facing each other
With tea of lemon & ginger
Nicely sipped altogether
Brings a comfort
After a long time!

That fulfilling joy of
almost reaching
that very peak
which I dreamt of
long back
so close I am
but what see in reality
is
a sudden unexpected
avalanche
once again!!

Life is bizarre
from zero we start,
reach 100 sometimes
but again fall
from 100 to zero again
and again..

stay there or start again??

obviously we have no other choice
than to start again...
and that's how life goes on..
with the cycle of again
and again..

A walk which
made us 'Friends'
Hope keep walking
Throughout the
seasons of our life!

Something is crushing from within,
I know the reason behind but want to deny..
things keep changing
and I am okay with that.

But what do I do if its burning from inside?

And my mind replies - Concentrate on work,
you gotta finish a hell a lot of work by tonight!!

I keep breaking down every now and then,
Every broken pieces within me never gets reconciled,
I see my broken pieces smiling to me each day and telling to me,
See how beautiful we all look!
Broken pieces and beautiful? - I asked.
Yes, we are broken to feel more,
to see more, to love and live more that is what makes us beautiful..
We are now unbroken,
nobody dares to break the broken pieces.
We are but more than what we think,
we are beautifully broken to be unbroken!

How I was before
staring at things
and getting tensed at everything around.
Fearing constantly without knowing anything.
To step out of comfort zone
I cried and cried but to resists!
Afraid to lose anything,
longing everything to be forever mine!

Then came this breakthrough!
I broke apart...
going through lows
in the midst of nowhere else
No stares, no glares.
Nothing at all and I suddenly realized
I was out of that all.
I suddenly saw a dandelion flying away..
away from everything, knowing not alive or dead
but moving on with the wind
no persistence or resistance...
Just to free flow not caring at all.
That's how I found out myself all over again.
I fear but not too often, I stare into spaces
to find more love in life.
I add up to the beauty by smiling wide apart.
I enjoy the fears now,
more often it tries to get me down
but challenging more, to be more.
Enjoying my journey and not worry about the path..
And I'm glad I am more of me now
rather than what I was couple of years before.

A nice line I came across-
We all need to belong
To somewhere
To someone
To whom?
Where?
What?
How?

Can't figure out yet
But if we belong to
Ourselves
Our passion
Our love
.
.
.
Our
belongingness is
More than enough
To survive each day :)

A cute chocolate truffle cake
Brought mysteriously
Without my knowledge at all.

My team & colleagues
clapping and singing
Happy Birthday
Which
means a lot to me.

While I cut the cake
with shaking hands
Anxious a bit
Not used to
So much of attention
How to express my emotions
Whether happy or sad,
I don't know what to do

As all of them
Gave me a reason
To smile a bit
And be happy despite
of challenges.

Blink! Blink!
And suddenly
Everything changes
You, me, I, him, her,
Surroundings,
Everything does change!

Love, hate
and every other feeling
Loses it's way

Let not anything
Tamper your soul
YOLO is what
You need to
remind your soul!

Let's get lost from within
And worry too less
What others might think!

How nature blooms
Is a precious experience to pause
And watch
In the oasis of fog, mist and wind blowing all over
Chills & thrills exposure
of the ambience
speeding through the roads.
It feels like heaven
Full of love, with a kiss of the first ray of the sun
I took a deep breath
as much as I could
Sensing the myself alive
In this beautiful dreamy land
a sense of belongingness
Saying to myself that
yes, I do exist.*

-19 Dec, 2017

Eat sleep read
And fly to your
Fictional destiny.

In the midst of everything
Don't forget to enjoy the journey
Full of emotional escasty.
Love,
pain,
sadness,
Joy,
full of surprises
and
.
.
.
.
.
finally
A comfort from within,
a healing touch
From someone known
A book that I hold!

We are friends and I don't remember from when,
Our time, places are not the same,
You in the past and I in the future
to build a lovely present.
You and I feel like same
You are precious making me smile now and then,
We are now not alone anymore
We have our thoughts, opinions, moments in life to be shared all along,
We are but a journey which I never wanna miss,
We are but tiny pieces in this space of time with high aspirations to be fulfilled,
We are but brimming of sensations walking past the nature seeking ourselves from this far off world.

Half way down the road..
wandering all by my own
a certain hour of excitement
reaching to my lips
caressing me beneath my chin
& as I close my eyes
I feel the breezy wind romancing
with me to its rim!

A broken vessel
full of cracks
cannot hold the love
but to pour out
empty all along
without reflection
of the soul
I'm a broken vessel
unable to become whole.

My kisses will be

the droplets of the mists

All over you

Sugary and sweet

like the honey dew.


A kiss, before the sun kissed ray's

falls over you.

In the morning or at night,

No barriers

Just me and you

Inventing new ways of

loving each other

With each passing dawn.


And

I fall in love with you

Everyday, more than

Yesterday. 

Let me find my dreams back
To create my castle of shattered dreams.
This time, not for you, not for anyone I know.
But for me and only me!
Let everything fall apart but I will stand still with me and my dreams!
I dream of a paint brush or a pen with me,
never leaving my hand, creating and re-creating dreams with me.
Holding me and loving me tight with all their heart.
And I shall not leave them in winter, when its too cold or in summer when its unbearable warm, i will keep them safe with me regardless of all the season's fluctuating and blooming.
Our bond shall stay safe.
And I shall be for you and you shall be there for me,
you- ' my art within me'.

A date night with myself
With my best mood on
Flaunting my smile to myself
Amazingly interesting it will be
I said to myself
And left for a shimmering place
To eat and to be with me
Chicken biryani with kabab
And pulpy grape juice
My fav food I ordered
Food, me and love
All at once
With music on
To celebrate my me-time!

Suddenly I'm empty
all over again
not knowing where to go,
with too many sudden changes
I disappear on the go!!

"A year or two
Went by
Deep down
With silence
Longer than ever
No words to write
or to express
And there I was
standing all alone
Not knowing whether
to end or to start anew!

Was that even me
Who used to write
Or this is me
Who kept quite?

Who am I?
Did corona
actually change
all of us
or its just me
Who changed
more than ever?"

What is life all about?

Working like a machine.
Holidaying sometimes
and meeting people
we know closely.

But every now and then
With change of the time
Shifting and shuffling
Keeps happening
In and around
To figure out again
what’s mine and yours!
But most unpredictable it is,
to figure out what life is!

-02/07/2017

I have cut my feet
while walking with you,
I have lost all my sleep
while staying awake with you
but my friend, for you
all these are just sweet honeydew
which I will drink & sink my pain into,
as these precious moments
are only for few!

Undo the known
refresh to seek the unknown..
Know nothing
feel nothing..
seek nothing
nothing but gulp it
until everything is unknown
all over again!

I go places
where there are
civilised people all around
forgetting to utilize
their heart & mind
in the race of
reckless life!

The more I am into
Reading, writing or creating art
The more I am learning about the meaningful asset of oneself.
The more I am becoming
closer to oneself.
The more I am losing others
like the sand slipping from hand.
Everything seems so away
And I am there only to comfort oneself
The need is now how to be better
To serve others and to love oneself.

Life goes on
With or without
Closures!

Love
Heartbreaks
Ghosting
Embarrassement
Guilt­ trips
Loss of a closed one to death
Losing close friends to distance
Insecurities
Nostalgic road trips

Will all of stories
In bits and pieces
Ever have the closures?

I doubt!

To look back my 28 years of life
What good did I do
Or what not good things
I can improvise too!

Years passes by and we have no clue
But aging swiftly
Without breathing the fresh soothing air
Without seeing the best out of worst
And without seeking the light
out of dark,
Perception matters a lot,

Life itself is challenging, let it be
But how to surf through it
And enjoy each moment is what matters!

Hopefully I would learn all of it.

I have written 200 poetry
Beginning from last year.
I highly appreciate all of your support
Of being their with me
Of completion of my 200 poetry.
Hp is my family now
Whenever I feel I want to express
I open the door of **
Amd feel like I am at home
A home where I have met
All the heart warming & talented
poets/poetess like you all
For creating precious memories here.

I pray for all of you
For your well being
And happiness.
May all of you continue to
explore more
Write more
Share more.

Love you all
from the bottom
of my heart

A beauty of the soul..
not everybody sees through it..
not everybody finds it..
not everybody understands it..
but what is its use
if that beauty had to bear it
all by her own!