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Jul 18 · 88
Kush Jul 18
I've never felt such a wave pass through me,
Breaking me down, and building anew,
I heard the whispers between my ears that lead my heart to you.

In days of unknown I wish to find my place at your side,
For only with you have I tried to change for a better life.
Sealed within a vault was where my heart once remained,
Now under your presence, not even these doors help my restraint.

For my heart sees not the need,
To resist your smile,
But fear rears its head,
And tells me to hide.
I am not accustomed to such a plague,
And it tears me in two,
For from love, and fear,
I wish not to lose you.
Jul 13 · 72
Kush Jul 13
This palace is grand.

Roses lined the roads that entered,
And a crisp green carpeted the plains that lay beside.

The marble columns rose to the sky,
Their sharp white sending glimmers into the distance.

Warmth filled the rooms,
As too did the scent of Maplewood crackling within the fireplace.

Mould grew spotilly on the ceiling above,
It complimented the flaking metal of the bedframe.
A hole in the ceiling dribbled water onto the damp pillow.

This palace is grand.
Apr 14 · 89
Kush Apr 14
Through the glade you'll find a place,
Where the first of a trail is laid.
Run it over mountains to summits atop,
And back down to the canyons below.

Through the forest ammased with the skrawny remains of the trees that once reigned, yet journey on a path of gold.
Over bridges, where blood and bones run below,
And monsters sit in darkness and smoke, waiting till the time their presence may be known.

Follow the trail,
Sets sights not on the bread, but the path ahead.
A Gingerbread house with icing upon it's walls, only a facade, it'll be too late to see before it falls.
Jan 21 · 107
Suffocate My Soul
Kush Jan 21
Find me bliss for this emptiness,
Hollow from the demons that feast from inside.
My cries echo louder,
Yet a vacuum carries no sound.

In the darkness I squirm violently,
Lunging at my own throat...
If only I could still breathe here.

Soon I yearn for release
Rather than rescue.
Free me from it all,
Suffocate my soul.
Jan 1 · 72
Kush Jan 1
Out I stepped,
The grass filling the spaces beneath my toes
As the fresh scents of nature mingled beneath my nose.

The wind blew steady and the flowers swayed in the breeze,
And as I stood beneath the shade of the trees, a lone flower did blow to my feet.

A Daffodil.
It was a little odd though,
As the garden did not show its kind.
Yet here it was, at my feet, and now on my mind.

I glanced around and off to the side, stood a plant on a table,
Embraced beneath the sunlight.

It took me a while, but soon the plant was in the ground.
Daffodils bobbing in the wind,
The flower that only knows 'begin'.
Happy new years.
Oct 2019 · 52
Holding hands
Kush Oct 2019
Lately I dwell on the idea of holding hands.
An act so simple yet so human in it's nature.
An act of love.

When palms interlock,
Two become one.
We abandon the use of an appendage
For the idea of closeness.

Therein lies our humanity,
Seen in such a simple act.
We are always willing to give for love.
Sep 2019 · 135
Try To Write A Love Song
Kush Sep 2019
I'm scratching over pages,
The words just won't come out.
I'm running out of patience,
And my fear's paired with my doubt.
I'm losing track of time,
But I still know that it's been too long.

When was the last time, I tried to write a love song?
When was the last time, I tried and it all went wrong?
I'm losing my grip on my heart,
My lonely heart,
It's tearing me apart.

I don't remember how it felt last time,
Just that you felt like mine,
And then it all went wrong.
I guess i waited too long,
Didn't take my chance,
But oh, how I wished to see the stars with you,
And hoped that we could dance.
I could see forever,
But you couldn't see me,
And now I'm out here,
Writing songs while feeling lonely.

So now I try to hold on,
To the glimpse I knew,
I remember all the trauma that followed,
But I was always happy...
With you.
Sep 2019 · 78
The Dark Side
Kush Sep 2019
I push it back as it rears it's head.
Each moment it tries to consume more and more,
Taking chances as it sees me slipping.

I try, I try so much.
Keeping that voice at the back of my head where it's presence is muffled,
And yet it finds it's way out.
In a moment,
It takes me.

I concede to the beast that looms over my soul,
"Let's be friends."
I want to see the suffering of others,
See them burn in pain and watch with excitement.
I want to hurt people, but not physically.
Give them a thought and watch them tear themselves apart from inside,
Till their minds give in to insanity,
Till nothing but pain remains.

Now get back in the box.
Be silent.
And from the back of my head it gives a devilish smile,
"Not long now. Someday you won't want to put me back."
Sep 2019 · 65
Torture me
Kush Sep 2019
If there's a god,
I hope you hear me.
I'm accusing you,
Present your testimony.

You torture me,
Cut me then watch me bleed.
And all around,
You're rubbing salt in the wound.
I see what I don't want to,
Everyone else found what I was looking for,
And I'm still left with nothing in my hands.

I don't want to be patient,
They say good things to those who wait,
But I think you're a little bit late.
Oh god,
Why do you torture me?
Sep 2019 · 238
The Day
Kush Sep 2019
Never could I have guessed the day I'd come to face your smile.
Never could I have guessed you'd run my heart so wild.

I never saw you coming,
Yet I'm so glad you came my way.
Oh what I'd have missed had I missed that day.

Life finds a way to throw a spanner in the works,
Sometimes it breaks your world,
And other times it breaks your view of the world.
I could never have expected the day my days became so much brighter.
Sep 2019 · 128
Kush Sep 2019
I rarely get any peace.
There are some moments,
So brief in the grand scheme that they seem like nothing more than a dream.

I struggle to breath,
Always feeling kept beneath the voices in my head as they try to speak.
My head hurts as it weighs so heavy,
And as my balance falters,
I fall.

All I want is to keep that feeling that I know,
To take it everywhere I go.
I know peace,
Yet so rarely have I felt it.
Sep 2019 · 61
Taunted and Teased
Kush Sep 2019
What is it like?
You who lecture me,
Tell me what it's like.

Tell me again that I don't know love,
Tell me that someday I'll have it.
Tell me it shouldn't hurt this much,
Tell me I'm overreacting.
Tell me that I shouldn't be this sad
Over something I've never had.
Tell me I can't be lonely,
Tell me I have friends and family.

Tell me it all like you know the thoughts in my head,
But not once have I ever said,
"I know love."
No, I know worse.
I know what it's like to fall in love,
And over,
Yet never once have the chance to keep it.
This is a poem about those that have spent life falling in love without having it reciprocated, while watching morons around them abuse what love they've managed to find.
Aug 2019 · 94
A choice
Kush Aug 2019
If I choose to be happy,
Will I be?
Will the world morph from darkness to serenity?
Till tranquility becomes my reality?

If I choose to be a cynic,
Will the world still be able to bruise me?
If I lose faith in joy,
And leave it behind,
Will I find peace in the lack of pain?

I’m tired of being hurt.
I no longer know where my faith lies.
I no longer know if I should believe.
Aug 2019 · 886
I'm Fine
Kush Aug 2019
"Are you okay?"

                           I'm always hurt,
                          Always in pain,
                          Every inch of my being
                          An­d if you could fathom the
                         chaos in my head,
                         So monsterous that I pray you
                        never come to understand it.

                        Every moment of every day my
                        soul cries,
                       And if you looked into my eyes
                       you'd see it all...
                       Everything I hide behind a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine."
Aug 2019 · 77
Kush Aug 2019
I'm fragile.

I don't like the worry in your eyes,
So I put on a smile and tell a lie.
I care more for you than I do myself,
So I'll hide my thoughts, and never ask for help.

Most of you never noticed the cracks at the edge of my smile.
Those who did saw only what I consider mild.

But for those who know,
Next time pull me in close.
Hold me in your arms so that it tugs too tight at my heart...
And I can let myself break.

I'm fragile.
Aug 2019 · 356
The Watcher
Kush Aug 2019
A heart always tempted,
Forever that which loves.
Broken hearts lay in the wake.

Insecurity breeds fear,
When nothing has ever proved to be
What you wish it to be.

The world revolves,
So too do its people.
Till one day,
Two hearts meet,
Two hearts beat.
And now all around me they stand,
As I stare down at my feet,
Waiting for someone to walk my way.
Aug 2019 · 221
Gentle Hearts
Kush Aug 2019
The world is not a safe place,
It warrants a heart of stone,
Yet there remains the gentle hearted.

Too foolish in their faith,
Letting their hearts bleed for others.
They posess a love so rare to find,
That most will never notice their strength.

We are those too foolish to give up on people,
Too foolish to lose faith in love,
Too caring to be selfish,
Too hurt, to hurt.
Aug 2019 · 98
A chance
Kush Aug 2019
Why don't I get a chance?
The lonely lost lover looking for a bit of romance.
The poet, the writer, for love I am a fighter,
I keep up my hopes,
But the fire isn't brighter.
It dwindles,
Now I'm sinking so low,
Been alone for so long,
I don't even know where I'm supposed to go.
And how am i supposed to know,
If all I've seen is tv shows,
And none of it has lead me down the right way.
" You're a great guy," they say,
Then why am I alone as these ******* walk away
With a girl that they don't deserve,
While I'm out here proving my worth.

It's been 20 years.
Never had a girlfriend.
Never found love.
Just fell in love.
Had my heart broken.
So many times I lost count.
My friends cheer me on.
I don't need false hope.

I see all my friends with a smile on their faces,
They found someone but I still don't know where my place is.
Aug 2019 · 77
Wall in The Wind
Kush Aug 2019
Standing steady as the wind blows,
Holding back the storm,
Keeping the calm.

Unnoticed as it goes,
Fading away as the world beats upon its back,
Sheltering those unaware of its kindness.

The wall in the wind,
That slowly withers away.
Aug 2019 · 88
Tears of a lover
Kush Aug 2019
Droplets fall to the floor.
Tears that have her shaken to the core.
The pain behind
Lies within her mind,
In thoughts of doubt and fear,
That here,
Is not a safe place to be.

Risk it all,
But it comes with so much pain.
Golden hearts show shimmering smiles,
But not even diamond could buy her happy ending.
Aug 2019 · 80
The burn
Kush Aug 2019
Feel it in your bones.
It's less like a rage
And more like that point where you're at a stage
And ready to turn the page
To the next chapter,
Take it all with a bit of laughter.
Pain comes and goes,
And that's how you know the progress matters.
Take the highs from the lows,
Don't sink too low and get too high,
Because you get nowhere with the latter.
So when you hear the pitter patter of the water over your head,
You never sink too far,
Rather be outside than in your bed.
It's all about 1 word,
What if I did this , instead?
Then take that question and leave it as said,
Do it all so you never dread the times you missed out,
Because there can't be any.
Ask me where my joy comes from,
I can't tell you cause there's too many .

Sit down.
Look in the mirror for moment.
Your life is not a tragedy,
Take a moment to realise,
You're the only one who can be your enemy.
Aug 2019 · 84
Peaceful Sleep
Kush Aug 2019
I had a dream last night,
Didn't want to sleep through it.
Wanted to wake up,
Hit me hard and I had enough.
Why do the bad ones stay etched in your memory,
It's like the bad thoughts surface saying, "Remember me?"

Leave me alone,
Give me some peace.
I want my head on the pillow
And getting some sleep.
All of these thoughts are so deep,
But I don't want to deal with this pressure,
So let me be and I'll find my pleasure.
Aug 2019 · 199
Dreaming of Love
Kush Aug 2019
I can't begin to understand,
What it's like to walk at your side,
Hand in hand.

It's always been a dream,
Yet so far it seems.
And sometimes I tear
And fall apart at the seams.

It takes a moment,
To make or break a heart.
Just a word from your lips,
And love starts,
Or falls apart.

I wish you could hear my heart,
And wish yours would beat the same,
Because at night I stare at the ceiling,
And I just think of your name.
Aug 2019 · 54
Hopefully lost
Kush Aug 2019
I guess I fall in love,
Take it too slow.
I'm waiting on you,
So I'm sure that you're sure.

Because I can't risk knocking on that door,
If we can't be friends anymore.
Yeah it's a struggle,
I really want love.
But I don't want to be the guy whose loses too much.
Then you'll say, "we're just friends" and such.
And there goes the rush.
Now I'm hitting that clutch.
And leaning into a spiral,
This heartbreak can make me so wild.
And over and over I do this again,
But my faith doesn't run out,
I don't think it ever ends.

And that feels like a blessing and a curse,
Been trying so long that I'm losing my worth.
I don't even know if it's worth it,
I just have hope and sometimes that's perfect.
Aug 2019 · 181
Seeing pain
Kush Aug 2019
The eyes dont lie.
Try as you may,
Your eyes will show the words
That your mouth struggles to say.

The eyes don't lie,
So when i see your smile i see the truth.
Sometimes i wish i was blind.
Jul 2019 · 76
Kush Jul 2019
If they knew,
If they could so how much I'm twisted.
They took too many looks,
But I guessed they must have missed it.

Tearing myself down,
I don't know what now.
Now my heart is aching,
My lungs are paining,
Guess this is how it feels to drown.

I put on a smile,
And leave it in place.
Take my heart and throw it away,
Keep all of my emotions at bay.

So if there's one thing you should know,
When you ask if I'm okay,
I'll say yes,
but I mean,
Jul 2019 · 119
Kush Jul 2019
What's in a name?
Oh I can tell you that it holds some heartbreak.
When you here that name that's not yours,
And then your heart aches.
Shakes me to the core,
I don't want to be here anymore.
I just can't bare these tears,
Maybe if you could see my heart
Then you would understand my fears.

So please don't disrupt me,
I'm thinking and losing my mind at the same time.
I'm trying to piece together, the pieces that broke, my heart is intertwined, with all these thorns stuck at the side
Of a heart still beating,
So I hurt whenever i feel the high.

I don't know what to do this time,
Just know my heart is not just mine,
For I would not poison myself with a potion so potent it makes me die.
But i do whisper truths to those at my side,
Little did I know that when the sun goes out they run and hide.

Please don't leave me to my own devices,
I fall fast and I spiral,
Till I lose track of what life is.
I need someone to watch my face and I hope that they know,
Sometimes you'll see me cry, with not a tear in sight.
Jul 2019 · 56
Hold me
Kush Jul 2019
Hold me in your arms,
Love me like I've never known.
Take all the static in my head,
And clear it to a picture
Where I'm not on my own.

Take with you my heart,
I don't trust it under my care.
For beneath my head of hair,
Is a mind too fearful to dare.

Hold me on cold nights,
When I'm too scared to admit,
Hold me on dark days,
When I'm blinded by shadows.
Jun 2019 · 124
Mind matters
Kush Jun 2019
I don't know what to think anymore...

How do you hold on to the faith,
When faith has done nothing but laugh in your face?
Tell me if faith knows my pain,
If heart to heart isn't something on my lane.

So many times I fall and recover,
But over and over it's taking it's toll,
And sometimes I feel like I can't keep my hold.

My mind is a mess,
The overthinking and the stress
It's all got me depressed
Then you throw in my heart, now I'm face down in my bed.
I wish someone noticed the tears that I shed...
Jun 2019 · 292
Bleeding Mind
Kush Jun 2019
He can hear the voices so much clearer now.
They have him at the edge.
Starring down the barrel of a loaded gun,
At the tip of the blade,
With nowhere to run.

He's drowned it all in smoke,
But the same words still can't leave his throat.
So now he stands beneath the rope.

"Help me."
His demon's have reasoned for far too long,
Now before you stands a man
With his heart long gone.
May 2019 · 93
Nothing Less
Kush May 2019
Nothing could ever make me love you less,
Yet somehow everything you do makes me love you more.
May 2019 · 81
I Love You
Kush May 2019
I love you
With every strand and fibre of my being,
Every ounce of blood in my veins.
My happiness and pain,
Yet for you I'd suffer the strain
If I could bring your heart to my domain.

Oh the flowers blossom and bloom,
Yet my eyes don't wander from you in this room.
You with a smile so tender and true,
That it hooks my heart,
And forever I'll fall for you.

I love you...
But I cannot pull those words from my throat.
I love you, so much...
But the voice in my head says, "don't."
May 2019 · 63
Kush May 2019
Take me in motherly arms and rock my soul to sleep.
If I keep going through everyday this way,
I'm not gonna keep.

I'm stumbling, fumbling, hurting because you're just out of reach.
So I drown my sorrows in smoke,
Till I dont have to breath.

Give me a hand like your own,
A hand to take hold,
Make me feel like I'm not alone.
If i could give you my all,
For second,
Just know that i would.
If i could say everything,
Then everything,
Is what I'd tell you that you mean to me.
If you could see how I love you
 then maybe
I wouldn't be lonely.
May 2019 · 68
Kush May 2019
I learned that this is not the place where you find yourself,
But the place that makes you realize you are lost.
Just a little thought about university(college if you're american)
May 2019 · 149
Love and Fear
Kush May 2019
Hurts too much to be hurt,
So I'll just be on my own.
Sorry mom,
Couldn't find a girl to bring home.

I wish I wasn't this scared,
Feeling like Fear has a blade to my throat.
Telling me I'll be hurt,
If I try to let it go.

Cold mornings no longer take me by surprise,
I don't wake expecting the brown in your eyes.
Coffee on my own,
No longer makes me feel alone.
They say it's better to have loved and lost,
I say it's safer when you're on your own.
May 2019 · 281
Befriended Demons
Kush May 2019
There's a demon in my head,
I tell it the truth,
And listen to the lies it's said.
It says, that I can just drown in smoke.
It tells me, it'll help pull the words from my throat.

Now I'm drowning,
I've been left in this place.
I'm choking,
Sorrows leave me in this state.

I'd rather not see you in mourning,
So I say I'll get help in the morning,
But I know i won't.

I listen to my demons,
They numb my throat when I scream.
I listen to my demons,
They make sure I don't dream.
When I fall asleep sober,
All I see are nightmares,
And I wish it could over.

I'm struggling, trying to catch my breath.
Fill my lungs with smoke, but the burdens aren't lifted yet.
I still see the world, but it's all in grey,
Won't someone take me away.
This was kinda meant to be a song. I ended up just writing what i wanted to, there's not much order in this poem but I didn't feel it needed that anyway
May 2019 · 70
Love is stupid
Kush May 2019
What even is this?

Why do we hold it to such a standard?
Raised atop a pedestal,
A goal that not all are lucky enough to reach,
A prize that not all are able to claim.

Why must some spend life running around in search,
Chasing a concept yet baring no knowledge of its meaning?
Why do we search for this feeling that we have never known,
As if it were something last lost now found.

Somehow, I guess we just know.
Instinctively, we know.
Happiness lies at the end of a 4 letter word.

But love is stupid,
And I'm stupidly in love with you.
Apr 2019 · 194
Afraid to Love
Kush Apr 2019
I don't think I can do it anymore...
Falling in love is a pain and a pleasure,
So many moments I treasure,
And then that one...
That shakes me to my core.

I don't know any better than a "no"...
I've lived my whole life at the end of that word.
All it ever took was 2 letters to break me apart,
2 letters to break my heart.

I don't know if I believe anymore...
In myself, in fate...
In love.

All I have is fear.
And all it does  is tell me
That it's easier to be alone
Than it is to reach for love,
And find the same 2 letter word.
Apr 2019 · 72
Folie à deux
Kush Apr 2019
"Folie à deux,"
I'll take it to mean,
"The madness of two."

With you I'll be crazy,
You make me let go of the fear.
I know we're not normal,
If only they could fathom the happiness of the insane.

I cherish every moment.
Every smile, every joke,
Every dumb tale or story we've ever told.
I'll let go of my mind,
But onto those moments I'll keep my hold,
And I promise I will never let go.

I don't want to miss a moment of insanity with you.
So I'll give you my heart,
And then we'll have two,
And till the end of our days we'll have
Folie à deux.
Apr 2019 · 145
Kush Apr 2019
I'll tell you why i like being at home.

It's the silence.
Not a sound can be heard.
No footsteps in the hallway,
Or cars driving by.

It's the darkness.
The curtains are just  thicker and darker,
And light ceases to pass through.
Not even light slips beneath the door.

It's the bliss.
When I look up as I lay in bed,
All I see is the darkness.
And in the darkness can be whatever I want it to be.
I dream while awake...
Because when I close my eyes all I see are nightmares.
Apr 2019 · 223
Burial of A King
Kush Apr 2019
You were as simple a man as you needed to be.
You'd sit us by the bedside,
And read us a story.

I remember the way you joked,
Even about your darkening heart.
You never wasted a day,
Not till the day of your depart.

I knew how you wanted to go,
Peacefully with the breeze
That carried along your soul.
I knew that you never wanted us to cry,
The jolly old man,
That would never want to bring a tear to an eye.

You were a king in your own right,
The humble man on a throne.
True kings aren't buried in coffins of gold,
Their buried in our hearts,minds... and souls.
Apr 2019 · 108
Start A War
Kush Apr 2019
Sometimes I want to start a war.
Burn to the ground all that lays on this plain,
Till nothing but ashes lies in my wake.

Is it wrong that I relate more to the Villian than the Hero?
That when I think of power,
I think of control?

Is it not scary...
That when the rage subsides,
I'd still stand by these dark thoughts?
I want to burn it all to the ground,
Myself included.
Then maybe it all can begin anew,
And none to come will share these thoughts.
Apr 2019 · 65
Inspirational Love
Kush Apr 2019
I used to fall in love.
I'd feel every fibre of my being ignited,
Every atom in my body excited,
And in the majesty of happiness I felt purpose.

When I would write,
I wrote.
I felt the words fountain from the tip of my pen,
Like each piece knew what it was meant to be.

Everything made sense on a page.
And I always smiled,
Proud of what I displayed.

I wish I could write on that passion once more...
Apr 2019 · 115
The Watcher
Kush Apr 2019
I know all too well what it's like
To feel sidelined.
Walking on the outlines
Of the portrait of a lifetime,
Part of the background,
With muted sound.
Feeling like there's nowhere to look,
But down.

I get it.
Feeling your heart beat,
But your hearts don't meet,
And you wish the feeling was not this sweet.
Your mind tells your heart to retreat
But it's not as simple a feat,
And as you walk away
So to does your mind stray,
Till you can all but see the light of day.

It hurts to be the watcher.
Mar 2019 · 432
The kids run amok
Kush Mar 2019
The kids run amok
Setting fire and flame.
Trying to fix the world to which they lay claim,
Yet burn to ground all the good that remains.

Ignorance is the very thing that they oppose,
Yet ignorantly they justify the way that it is shown.
Pulling close the blackout curtains,
No light dare reach their shallow minds,
Filled with dreams of A freedom,
Yet robbing it blind.

All the things defended,
Yet they remain so easily offended.
When words don't come out as clear as intended
They twist it and turn till it is all but mended,
Then fight valiantly for its defeat
Looking not at any of the good,
But only at bad tweets.

Following the crowd,
A mob that only looks down at their feet.
March for it all and fill the streets,
Never looking at the facts,
Because it does not fit the narrative that they preach.

These kids run amok.
Mar 2019 · 75
Kush Mar 2019
Hypothetically if I fell in love,
 I'd love you the world over.
Hypothetically if you were mine,
You'd be my moon and my sun,
With a hold on my heart and my mind.

Hypothetically if I could only do one thing a day,
I'd sit at your side,
Laughing all the way.
Hypothetically if I had to chose,
There would not be a thought of any but you.

Hypothetically if you loved me,
Loved me like I love you.

Hypothetically if you could see me ...
The way that I see you.
Mar 2019 · 221
Walk in The Dark
Kush Mar 2019
I'm tired of walking in the dark.
Marching through the abyss,
With my sight set on light.
Hoping I'll find dawn at the end of the night.

It's cold when the sun doesn't shine.
So I wrap my arms around myself,
And say that I'm fine.

I struggle to dream of the light...
So long gone that it seems out of sight.
Mar 2019 · 840
Little one
Kush Mar 2019
Oh little one,
You try to stand too soon.
Looking up at the stars,
With not a glance at the moon.

Oh little one,
Trying to run for the finish
To cover the most ground,
But never stopping to looking around.

Oh little one, Oh little one,
You stumble and fall down.
I hear your scream and your call.
Yet the best I can do,
Is let you lift yourself from the fall.
Mar 2019 · 95
The man with a guitar
Kush Mar 2019
Under a tree he sits and sings,
strumming away to his heart's desire.
A man with a thought,
And a heart filled with fire.

You can hear it in his voice,
Both the pain and the pleasure.
The roughness from his throat,
As he tells you what he treasures.

You'll never see him without that guitar at his side.
He may lie when he speaks,
But there's no mistaking the truth when he sings.
Mar 2019 · 104
A Sinking Soul
Kush Mar 2019
Fall to the depths,
Away with yourself!
You drown and try scream,
But not a soul hears your cry for help.

Sinking into the abyss,
There is much solitude in this.
As above, so below,
We remain alone.

From the void I pull myself,
As only I can do.
Yet as I surface,
So to do I begin to sink once more.
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