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2.3k · Oct 2018
Rerun
Kushal Oct 2018
I look back at all the things that I've done,
For a girl that i never won.

All the trinkets that sparkled
Under the moonlit sky.
Accompanied by a silence
As i waited for a reply.

All the smiles i created,
Just to see you elated
For a moment
That lasts forever in mine eyes.

All the poems writ and read
But never read.
The longing for you to understand the words,
Yet at the same time, not .


And after all the sorrows,
After all the pain,
I'm still where I started.
Standing in-front of a girl,
Trying to make her smile.
Kushal Oct 2018
Too many people
Think these silly games can work,
Because you  don't understand your own worth.
Trust me when i say,
"He's not going to stand for you at the end of day,"
But you can't let him slip away.
You hold on too tight,
So when you fall it hurts worse
As you slip into your darkest night.

But I've been standing here warning you,
By your side because im concerned for you.
But  it's hard to see you fall twice
Before you learn the truth.

Trust me, I've seen this play too many times,
Romeo Romeo don't give a **** if Juliet dies.
But I have to stand here trying to catch you when you fall fast.
And you're not the only one getting hit by the backlash.

I know that love is blind because your heart doesn't have eyes,
Yet you're still the only one who can't see past his black lies.
Love with your heart,
But still think with your mind.
Or your heart will keep breaking
Saying,"True love is hard to find."

To tell you the truth,
I  did warn you.
It might sound harsh,
But it's true.
Now all I can do is tell you it'll be alright,
As your tear drops glisten off my shoe.
This was written more as a rap out of frustration and anger fueled with  passion. It's hard to see the people around you keep getting hurt, and knowing that most of what you do to help can't prevent that. ( The tone was inspired by rapper NF, atleast it soundd like him in my head.)
962 · Aug 2019
I'm Fine
Kushal Aug 2019
"Are you okay?"

                           I'm always hurt,
                          Always in pain,
                          Every inch of my being
                          writhing.
                          An­d if you could fathom the
                         chaos in my head,
                         So monsterous that I pray you
                        never come to understand it.

                        Every moment of every day my
                        soul cries,
                       And if you looked into my eyes
                       you'd see it all...
                       Everything I hide behind a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine."
882 · Mar 2019
Little one
Kushal Mar 2019
Oh little one,
You try to stand too soon.
Looking up at the stars,
With not a glance at the moon.

Oh little one,
Trying to run for the finish
To cover the most ground,
But never stopping to looking around.

Oh little one, Oh little one,
You stumble and fall down.
I hear your scream and your call.
Yet the best I can do,
Is let you lift yourself from the fall.
853 · Oct 2018
Worthy of note
Kushal Oct 2018
In my spare time I look for quotes,
Words truly worthy of note.
Love is where i land,
Looking for thoughts with an outreaching hand
To tell me I'm not alone.

I think hard and fall deep
As i stare at these words,
Envisioning what they speak.

"I'll tell you what love is," they say.
I agree in a way.
But it always leaves me running through a Labyrinth in my mind,
Searching for the love that I wish to find.

What do I want that's worthy of note,
That someone will someday see,
And feel the emotion in what I've wrote?

"Love is stupid. It's illogical. It's broken. Yet somehow it's the most fulfilling feeling there is. Love is when a smile is enough, and you'd do anything for it."
820 · Jan 2019
The King of Comedy
Kushal Jan 2019
I laugh through my words
So my pain goes unheard.
I joke through my darkest hour,
To drain the pain of power.

You won't see me frown,
But that doesn't mean I'm okay.
I'll take the crown,
"King of laughs,"you say.
I'll take the crown,
But the pain doesn't wash away.
679 · Sep 2018
Muse
Kushal Sep 2018
All I need is a single glance,
And the words pour out.
The poems write themselves.
And the songs sing on their own,

All I need is just one look,
Just a peak of your eyes.
Over the top of your book.
Just a glimpse of your smile.

A word from your mouth,
That etches itself into my mind.
A giggle from your lips,
That dances its way onto a page.

A touch of your hand,
That tingles my skin.
A playful punch at my arm,
That jabs at my heart.

Everything you do,
Everything you are,
Is enough to inspire.
You are… my muse.
522 · Apr 2021
Duet
Kushal Apr 2021
I'll kiss you between the lines
That say I am yours and you are mine.

Replace their names with ours,
And sing it till our lungs give out.

Our eyes will meet where the lyrics do,
And Bliss will tag along for the ride.
504 · Mar 2019
The kids run amok
Kushal Mar 2019
The kids run amok
Setting fire and flame.
Trying to fix the world to which they lay claim,
Yet burn to ground all the good that remains.


Ignorance is the very thing that they oppose,
Yet ignorantly they justify the way that it is shown.
Pulling close the blackout curtains,
No light dare reach their shallow minds,
Filled with dreams of A freedom,
Yet robbing it blind.

All the things defended,
Yet they remain so easily offended.
When words don't come out as clear as intended
They twist it and turn till it is all but mended,
Then fight valiantly for its defeat
Looking not at any of the good,
But only at bad tweets.

Following the crowd,
A mob that only looks down at their feet.
March for it all and fill the streets,
Never looking at the facts,
Because it does not fit the narrative that they preach.


These kids run amok.
499 · Jun 2021
The Feel of Happiness
Kushal Jun 2021
I Hate It.

Somewhere along the line I must have sinned,
What other explanation is there for this situation I'm in.
Imprisoned, in shackles, while one or both above and below cackle.

I am not permitted anything more than a glimpse,
Slivers of light through silver bars
That only remind me how dark is Dark.

I looking longingly towards solitude without temptation,
Yet I cannot separate the two.

Now I have an answer to a question I never before thought to ask...

Limbo is worse than Hell,
For you may still glimpse at the beauty of worlds above.
460 · Oct 2021
Waiting
Kushal Oct 2021
...
...
...
Still
...
...
...
Still.
...
...
still.
...
still...
­-
460 · Jan 2019
Bubbles
Kushal Jan 2019
Dive in deep with me,
Let the waves wash over
And take us to eternity.

Hold me in your arms
And I'll hold you in mine,
Let the blue of the water,
Replace that of the sky,
But none of it matters like the blue in your eyes.

We'll sink fathoms below,
Where none dare go.
We'll go further down than the world knows,
And find paradise in a world unknown.

We'll drown in our love,
As bubbles pop at the surface.
455 · Sep 2018
Civil war
Kushal Sep 2018
These 2 sides feud on the inside.
Neither wrong, yet neither right.
Only different perspectives that collide.

Both logical.
Both in conflict.
There is no compromise,
No middle ground to be found.

Both war at the heart,
Neither yields or relinquishes their part.
They rage on through the night,
Through the day,
Unrelenting in their passion.

Every so often a foothold is lost,
And onward pushes the enemy/heroes...
Retaliation is a certainty,
And so it goes perpetually.
A tug of war wherein there is no real victor.

They tell me to choose,
Yet neither is right to me...
And neither wrong.
They say it is simple,
Yet lack the context and perspective to struggle as I do.
445 · Oct 2020
Thorns
Kushal Oct 2020
The smell of roses,
So sweet a scent.
Yet held in hand,
You insist on pricking my skin.
A poem for those who've been hurt by the ones they held so close to their vulnerabilities.
442 · May 2021
Rooted In Pain
Kushal May 2021
Lately I find I only write on pain
Feeling that it is all that is within me,
And nothing I do
Can wrench the feel from my heart.


Rotting...
Rotting...
Rotting...

I fear it has taken root...




I no longer see myself without it.
413 · Apr 2021
The Artist
Kushal Apr 2021
I wish you could see my heaven and hell.
I dream you could understand it.
413 · Sep 2018
Current State Of Mind
Kushal Sep 2018
Right now I'm feeling dead inside,
But sometimes it really  feels like worlds collide.
Try as I might
I can't make all these emotions subside.

They say "You know it's real when it hurts",
But I can't stand to do this over and over
And not question the worth.

There's only so many blows you can take,
Before blow for blow it takes all your are,
And leaves you in a state
Of heartlessness
Broken apart and it's
Just easier to not feel
Than to feel part of this.

But you can't understand the struggle that I'm going through.
Everything everyone says and my overthinking just puts me
Over the edge.
I'll sit on top the ledge
Drinking from a bottle of gin,
And let fate decide where I fall.
402 · Nov 2018
One of the last ones
Kushal Nov 2018
It's a different kind of lonely,
Don't act like you know.
You've been single for a few weeks,
I've been alone all of my life though.

I'm a romantic with noone to be romantic with,
It's like there's no horses for the chariots.
So my heart's just racing.
Over and over I'm pacing,
Wondering if I'm fighting a battle and it's this world that I'm facing.
Because there's no romantics,
And it feels quite tragic
That  these things I read in books are only dreams and magic.
There's noone that I have seen looking for love and what it means,
Just a few one night stands
And none of that works for me.

I feel alone.
Like love is going extinct.
And I'm one of the last ones,
But that's just what I think.
402 · Aug 2019
The Watcher
Kushal Aug 2019
A heart always tempted,
Forever that which loves.
Unconditionally,
Broken hearts lay in the wake.

Insecurity breeds fear,
When nothing has ever proved to be
What you wish it to be.

The world revolves,
So too do its people.
Till one day,
Two hearts meet,
Two hearts beat.
And now all around me they stand,
As I stare down at my feet,
Waiting for someone to walk my way.
379 · Nov 2018
Vanishing Point
Kushal Nov 2018
I feel my heart on the decline.
My love for love recedes into the deepest crevices of my mind.
It hurts too much to leave your heart open.
In a world so cold,
The breeze only makes it frozen.

I'd rather walk steady with a heart of stone,
A lone wanderer through the night.
It hurts less when you've chosen to be alone.
I'll have those close to me,
But never too close.
I'll keep my heart at a distance.
And hold affection I suppose.

As long as I no longer have to feel this way,
For thoughts of finding love come and ruin my day.
No longer do I wish to fall in love,
No longer do I wish to be hurt.
348 · Sep 2018
Plastic Flowers
Kushal Sep 2018
Potted in soil that nurtures naught,
With petals of suede
Whose shade changes at a touch,
All in a state of forever bloom atop an ungrowing stem.

These petals don’t fall,
Lest it be plucked from rose.
These stems don’t grow,
Yet the inanimity gives immortality.

Stagnant.
Never growing,
Never dying,
Never living…
Yeah i know ungrowing and inanimity arent words, but you got what it meant.Nobody said I couldn't add some words of my own.
337 · Nov 2018
Blood Rose
Kushal Nov 2018
Love was what you said,
Yet the ***** on my finger bleeds just as red
As the roses you'd give as an apology,
With words drained of heart.

Thorns pierce my skin
As you do my heart.
Petals shed as life fades,
And from red to black they fall away.

A rose,
By any other name,
Still bares thorns all the same.
Hold careful
When held to heart,
Even the smallest blades can tear your apart.
334 · Jun 2019
Bleeding Mind
Kushal Jun 2019
He can hear the voices so much clearer now.
They have him at the edge.
Starring down the barrel of a loaded gun,
At the tip of the blade,
With nowhere to run.

He's drowned it all in smoke,
But the same words still can't leave his throat.
So now he stands beneath the rope.

"Help me."
His demon's have reasoned for far too long,
Now before you stands a man
With his heart long gone.
325 · Oct 2020
I love the way you giggle
Kushal Oct 2020
I'm awestruck in your presence,
So aware of my words,
Trying to craft the perfect sentence.
It works in theory,
But in practice it fails.

I'm too entranced by your laugh,
Warmed by you words,
Infatuated by your tone,
How could I focus when you jest at my heart so.

It's unfamiliar to me,
The thought that someone could care.
Yet you warm me to it,
As if it's my heart you dare.

I feel open for the first time in a while,
With you I feel the 'myself ' I always used to see.

Just...just the way you giggle...
Makes me bite my lip and hold my tongue,
'Cause I'm still too scared to say it feels like love.
315 · May 2019
Befriended Demons
Kushal May 2019
There's a demon in my head,
I tell it the truth,
And listen to the lies it's said.
It says, that I can just drown in smoke.
It tells me, it'll help pull the words from my throat.

Now I'm drowning,
I've been left in this place.
I'm choking,
Sorrows leave me in this state.

I'd rather not see you in mourning,
So I say I'll get help in the morning,
But I know i won't.

I listen to my demons,
They numb my throat when I scream.
I listen to my demons,
They make sure I don't dream.
When I fall asleep sober,
All I see are nightmares,
And I wish it could over.

I'm struggling, trying to catch my breath.
Fill my lungs with smoke, but the burdens aren't lifted yet.
I still see the world, but it's all in grey,
Won't someone take me away.
This was kinda meant to be a song. I ended up just writing what i wanted to, there's not much order in this poem but I didn't feel it needed that anyway
308 · Aug 2021
Recipe for Anarchy
Kushal Aug 2021
Silence is the only ingredient necessary
For my mind to unravel into anarchy.
299 · Nov 2020
Timing
Kushal Nov 2020
Maybe the timing was wrong,
Or maybe it was perfect
For what's to come.
295 · Sep 2019
The Day
Kushal Sep 2019
Never could I have guessed the day I'd come to face your smile.
Never could I have guessed you'd run my heart so wild.

I never saw you coming,
Yet I'm so glad you came my way.
Oh what I'd have missed had I missed that day.

Life finds a way to throw a spanner in the works,
Sometimes it breaks your world,
And other times it breaks your view of the world.
I could never have expected the day my days became so much brighter.
285 · Sep 2018
Beginner's mistake
Kushal Sep 2018
I think the biggest mistake I ever made
As I wrote these words upon a page,

Was the thinking that these lines were a limited stage
Thinking that my work was defined by a structure
Of quatrains or sestets or rhyming couplets.

Was thinking that there even needed to be structure
That there needed to be a rhyme.
My mistake was thinking that poetry has a look
That poetry has a flow, a correct way in which it has to be done
But poetry is not the amount of lines that you write
Or the amount of times you can rhyme the words at the end of a sentence

Because words that rhyme can still amount to no substance
Because poetry cannot be defined by AABB
Because my poetry is nothing but a depiction of me

So now I write from my heart
From my soul
From me as a whole
And if my emotion slips through the cracks
Filling this void with exuberant emotion
Then so be it
Because this is my showcase
And this is me
And on this page
Is my poetry
I wrote this years ago when a poetry workshop visited and we spoke to some poets. I have no doubt that this was one of those events that changed the way i write. It seems like a draft at a first glance, with a lack of punctuation and an odd structure but this was just something i wrote in one. I didn't go back or remove words, I just left it as it was when i finished it because to me it just seemed...pure.
280 · Oct 2020
Diary
Kushal Oct 2020
My poetry is my diary.
The trail left by my soul,
The song sung by my heart,
And the places my mind dared to explore.
135 poems in(just on here). I still always come back here when I feel the need to write. I always tell people if they wish to understand me, my poetry is where my soul is shown.

It's amazing that this place exists, and I think many like me have found a haven in it.
269 · Aug 2019
Gentle Hearts
Kushal Aug 2019
The world is not a safe place,
It warrants a heart of stone,
Yet there remains the gentle hearted.

Too foolish in their faith,
Letting their hearts bleed for others.
They posess a love so rare to find,
That most will never notice their strength.

We are those too foolish to give up on people,
Too foolish to lose faith in love,
Too caring to be selfish,
Too hurt, to hurt.
265 · Mar 2019
Walk in The Dark
Kushal Mar 2019
I'm tired of walking in the dark.
Marching through the abyss,
With my sight set on light.
Hoping I'll find dawn at the end of the night.

It's cold when the sun doesn't shine.
So I wrap my arms around myself,
And say that I'm fine.

I struggle to dream of the light...
So long gone that it seems out of sight.
264 · Apr 2019
Burial of A King
Kushal Apr 2019
You were as simple a man as you needed to be.
You'd sit us by the bedside,
And read us a story.

I remember the way you joked,
Even about your darkening heart.
You never wasted a day,
Not till the day of your depart.

I knew how you wanted to go,
Peacefully with the breeze
That carried along your soul.
I knew that you never wanted us to cry,
The jolly old man,
That would never want to bring a tear to an eye.

You were a king in your own right,
The humble man on a throne.
True kings aren't buried in coffins of gold,
Their buried in our hearts,minds... and souls.
260 · Apr 2021
Fuck you
Kushal Apr 2021
I am ******* hurt.

I am in ******* pain.

I am trying not to be ******* angry.
I am trying not to feel it all.
I am trying and failing.
I am trying not to detest,
I am trying not forget my soul.

I am always trying to be happy.
I am always failing to be.
I am always teased with light
I am always tricked into darkness.
I am always wishing.

I wish I could be better.
I wish I wasn't scared.
I wish I didn't feel this pain.
I wish this doesn't last the forever it already has.
I wish some day.
I wish I get to be happy.
259 · Oct 2018
Trail of the Leopard
Kushal Oct 2018
Prints march forward two at a time,
Soothingly setting one paw after another,
In a manner so sublime.

“It’s beautiful,” you’d say.
Yet only watch from a distance.
As does his kind,
So he lives a solitary existence.

Beauty admired by all,
Yet he walks alone till he does fall.
Until then he hunts alone.
Elegance trailing him,
As nothing else will.

Watch the trail of the leopard.
Watch it sneak through the grass,
Watch the tracks it leaves behind,
As it runs alone
With not a soul intertwined.
Watch it walk this solitary line.
The leopard is one of the most solitary creatures in the world. Not a soul can doubt its beauty, yet it is always alone. I just found some sort of attachment to this thought.
255 · Sep 2018
Close
Kushal Sep 2018
We became friends like just like that.
Clicked at first meeting
Now I wait outside classes for your sweet morning greetings.

I wanted more from that first day,
So opened my heart,
But I always give too much away.

I tell you stories I should be embarrassed about,
You giggle so playfully.
I do stupid things
To make you smile.
There's noone whose company I'd enjoy more than yours.

I'd rather talk to you all night than see a movie,
I'd like to see you smile, laugh, giggle.
I'd like to tell you everything,
Even the things I shouldn't.

I try to become a choice
But am never chosen.
I try to get close...
But maybe that's the problem.
244 · Aug 2019
Dreaming of Love
Kushal Aug 2019
I can't begin to understand,
What it's like to walk at your side,
Hand in hand.

It's always been a dream,
Yet so far it seems.
And sometimes I tear
And fall apart at the seams.

It takes a moment,
To make or break a heart.
Just a word from your lips,
And love starts,
Or falls apart.

I wish you could hear my heart,
And wish yours would beat the same,
Because at night I stare at the ceiling,
And I just think of your name.
243 · Oct 2018
Nomads
Kushal Oct 2018
If you were happy to sit among the soil on which you stand,
Would you stay?
Or part ways?

This land among which you've found home,
Would you give it away,
and continue to roam?

Would you let another settle in this place,
Because you whole life you've only led a chase,
And fear the thought of remaining here?

Put your faith in the ground,
And you'll build a foundation most sound.
But you'd rather be done with this place of paradise,
And continue to run around.
These days it seems as if we've bread a culture of one night stand and play relationships. No-one is willing to commit, or people are just too scared to.
241 · Mar 2019
Scared to love
Kushal Mar 2019
Do you feel trapped?
Bound by your own fear?

Do you too fail yourself,
Before taking a chance at success?
Find yourself having a heart wrapped in the chains of a mind too fearful to risk a broken heart?

Too scared to feel,
Knowing what it's like to love,
Yet not knowing what it's like  to be loved.
240 · Sep 2018
Fate
Kushal Sep 2018
Crack and crumble,
Shatter to shards,
One by one they tumble to darkness.

Falling apart at the seams,
I see the collapsing of envisioned dreams.
I watch memory turn to myth,
And desire to a wish.

We dare the world to challenge,
And the world responds in kind.
Plans made fade to rumour,
The world laughs with its dark sense of humour.

Try as I may,
Fate will go its way.
And among this road I’ll stumble,
Till fate is mine to play.
239 · Oct 2020
Wrapped Hearts
Kushal Oct 2020
There's a box we all have in our chests,
And every time we get hurt,
We put our hearts inside.
And as it happens more,
We wrap it closed,
Tightly...
Till we forget the joy of opening presents.
Never forget that joy.
A reminder to never lose faith in love.
236 · Sep 2018
Under the stars
Kushal Sep 2018
We looked up at the stars,
Undisturbed by the sound of passing cars.
They shimmered across the night sky
As by and by
Crickets chirped, as birds nestled into the night.

The cold grass countered the warm breeze,
And the ground caved ever so slightly,
Molding to our shape with ease.

She lay down with her head upon my chest
As we both starred into the vastness of the sky.
Its majesty, its magnificence.
Boundless.
Beautiful.

I'd glance to my side at her,
Knowing full well
That she captivated me more than the sky ever could.

                                                                                      And then I'd wake.
                                                                                         Back into reality.
                                         But never for a moment let go of that dream.
                                      Never stop searching for that perfect moment,
                                                                        With that perfect someone.
234 · Nov 2020
Lost Heart
Kushal Nov 2020
Bred by the fire,
Yet jumped too early in.
These flames seared skin
Till they felt of sin.

Time took its toll,
Yet the fire still brought fear.
Now frozen from the cold,
The warmth of the flames beckons me near.
230 · Apr 2019
Afraid to Love
Kushal Apr 2019
I don't think I can do it anymore...
Falling in love is a pain and a pleasure,
So many moments I treasure,
And then that one...
That shakes me to my core.

I don't know any better than a "no"...
I've lived my whole life at the end of that word.
All it ever took was 2 letters to break me apart,
2 letters to break my heart.

I don't know if I believe anymore...
In myself, in fate...
In love.

All I have is fear.
And all it does  is tell me
That it's easier to be alone
Than it is to reach for love,
And find the same 2 letter word.
223 · Oct 2020
Confession
Kushal Oct 2020
Oh tell me god,
Why does this confession feel like sin?
My smiled pulled to the edge of my cheeks,
You can see the grin on my face when she speaks.
But it's more than that, I feel a warmth in my soul, like a piece of me, once lost , is calling out to home.

And I'm excited but I'm filled with fear,
Always retreated when a heart came near,
Pushing away, always thought I was riding it out on the down stream,
But never realising I was on the upstream to my dreams,
Too afraid of what I see not being what it seems,
Falling apart I grab a pillow and scream,
Panic induced and breaking at the seams...
And I'm sorry but that's just me,
Carry my scars not physically but mentally and some times it makes me act detrimentally when clutched by anxiety, I'm sitting back, thinking, " what if everybody lied to me?", but honestly I'm trying to be that somebody better than me...for you.

So now...
I'm here with a confession.
It feels like sin,
But is only good intentions.
219 · Aug 2019
Seeing pain
Kushal Aug 2019
The eyes dont lie.
Try as you may,
Your eyes will show the words
That your mouth struggles to say.

The eyes don't lie,
So when i see your smile i see the truth.
Sometimes i wish i was blind.
218 · Oct 2018
Tears
Kushal Oct 2018
Pain like no other,
Visualized from the droplets that slide down a cheek.
Like the clearest of blood dripping from the eye,
But bleeding from the heart.

More than just the liquid pours out.
Shirts stained with head pressed to chest,
And words seep through lips wrinkled,
As sadness takes over and deprives of rest.

Sticks and stones,
I'd rather have broken bones.
For these eyes bleed worse
Than any bruise could ever be.
214 · Oct 2018
Butterflies
Kushal Oct 2018
You leave me in a flutter,
Butterflies run rampant in my stomach.
This state of ascension,
Just by the mere presence of your attention.

These conversations leave me afloat.
Adrift on an ocean of thought,
Where nothing real feels of note,
And reality means naught.

This moment of mesmerism,
Holding my heart, my mind, my soul.
And I'll replay my actions
Like the motions of a mechanism.
Falling into the same state,
Feeling as is if it's butterflies I've ate.
213 · Sep 2018
Cold Waters
Kushal Sep 2018
I feel like I'm sinking beneath it all.
And the more I sink
the more I reach for things that float.
But they don't pull me up,
The just delay the fall.

I struggle, trying to swim to the surface,
But ultimately succumbing to the haul of the cold waters.
I burst forward with fervour,
But I can't escape the pull of current.

Deeper
And
Deeper
I go.
I can't see the light anymore.
200 · Feb 2019
Bound Hearts
Kushal Feb 2019
The feeling of hopelessness lingers on my heart,
I watch lovers come close,
And feel myself fall further apart.

I hate this day as of late
When two hearts collide,
And as if per fate,
Mingle in a flurry of majesty.

It pulls on my heart,
And I cannot pull myself away.
Oh the beauty of love given a day,
Only reminds me that my heart is on its way.
A poem for us lonely souls. Find solace in the hope that someday you'll spend the 14th, with another's hand wrapped around yours.
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