If I seem broken on the inside,
It was him. Not you,


(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 23/10/2019

When you,re hiding in a closet,
thinking no one really knows,
and you do the things expected,
lifestyle, hair, hell even clothes,
what,s the point in being someone,
even you can,t recognise,
when the real you is much nicer,
never mind the sad disguise,
shake the cobwebs off and show yourself,
i promise, you,ll feel better,
and the ones who,d diss you,
matter not, tell them "write a letter",
you,re unique, a one off, all your own,
don,t let them tell you different,
you may inspire some other closet dwellers,
how excellent !

(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com2018    (re-edited)

Now, what the hell has just happened to me?
i went to sleep, and felt semi human,
alarm goes off, open my eyes to see,
two mounds where my wee chest should be....

My ****** armpits stink, and have sprouted fuzz,
and there,s hair where my lady garden was,
my beautiful blonde hair is all goopy and limp,
and my face bares a likeness to a spotty young chimp....

When i went up to bed, i loved my dear mother,
now, the thought of a cuddle makes me run and take cover,
and that lanky Josh Owens used to repulse me, no end,
but today all i want is to be his girlfriend....

I suppose i will have to start wearing a bra,
and i,ll have to smile through all the taunts from grandma,
and my father will watch every move that i make,
and i,ll have to conform, for my sanity's sake....

Well, tonight when i lay down my spotty wee head,
i will lie here and wait for the morning, with dread,
with all these transformations,sweaty armpits, hair all grease,
oh dear universe, please help me make it through in one piece !!

(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com2018   (re-edited)

I wake in the night
to discover you're gone,
But the truth is you live
in my dreams before dawn,
You were never there really,
You're just so far away,
But we plan to bring life
to this dreaming one day,
When i hear you and see you
my heart truly leaps,
And i'm counting the days love,
Only 9 more sleeps........
(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018

I've tried under the bed,
and behing the old chair,
and that space no-one goes
right under the stairs,
i've tried hiding in bed,
and in all the spare rooms,
but there's no hiding out from
the sickening gloom,
when it starts to take hold,
it just swallows me up,
and my confidence leaves me
feeling like a new pup,
and my image distorts like
some twisted old tin,
and i fight and i try not
to let this thing in,
but it's bigger than me,
in so many bad ways,
and what starts out as hours
slowly turns into days,
they all melt into one,
and i barely exist but i
can't let this demon dish
out it's cruel twist, so i medicate
now and it goes for a while,
but i see in the mirror it's
horrid cruel smile,
ain't no hiding from this thing,
whatever it's called, but i'll
fight and i'll run and i'll hide
.......and i'll crawl

(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018

I lay there silent, beneath the soil,
A seed awaiting your sweet shower,
And in you came with moist and succour,
To shape my love into a flower...

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

If I had to,
My heart could single yours out,
Hidden in a stadium full of hearts,
Mine could single yours out,
The invisible thread that joins us,
The thread that only I can see,
I wrap around my hands,
Bringing me ever closer to you,
With each wrap and entwine,
Regardless of the cross words we had,
Or the debate we just had,
You, underneath a mountain of coats,
I could single you out,
That.... that is soul connection my love....
That is us..

"There she is, the freak" they say,
Their constant judgement, every day,
The taunts and fear with equal measure,
They'd burn me out for sure, with pleasure.

Children pointing in the street,
Adults never want to meet,
Fairytales of warts and bats,
Do not help me, that's a fact.

Love and kindness is my game,
Casting spells without the fame,
Those who make their bad views felt,
Are also those who ask for help.

With all my good intentions I,
Will ask the earth, the moon the sky,
These people's lives to be enhanced,
I say the words, and sway the dance.

I never ask for me or mine,
I leave it up to the divine,
I never spite, or grudge or hate,
As Karma couples hands with fate.

So all I ask from everyone,
Is stop your kin from poking fun,
But my belief is to forgive,
And always live, and let live....

Honey,
Sugar,
Juice,
Cream,
Liquor,
Candy,
The biggest compliment a woman can pay a man, is to release this sweet nectar before, during, and after the art that is love making..
You're welcome guys....

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com  2019

Sometimes you wonder
Who loves you,
I tell you,
But you still don't seem
To have a clue......

He’s a creature of habit,
He has morals and goals,
He strives to be better,
He makes this girl whole,

He gives to the takers,
He never says no,
He’s the sweetest and kindest,
He makes my heart glow,

He makes love so manly,
But tender and soft,
He outdoes all others,
To me he’s the boss,

He’s mine and i love it,
He means me no harm,
He works hard to please me,
He’s like my right arm,

This man in my life,
Is the best in the world,
I’m eternally grateful he chose me as his girl......

(c) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018

"Sleep when you're dead",
"Oh come on, liven up",
"What?? Nooo, please come",
"One two three drink!!",
"Snap out of it!",
"What's wrong this time??",

These and more, are phrases used by you "normal" people, in a ploy to entrance us very special, very unique, very very awesome people who have a condition known as depression.....
We'll sleep when we want to,
We'll liven up when our brain chemicals allow us to,
We'll come along when, or if we have the confidence to,
Don't.. Don't ever tell us to do that,
And, what's wrong?, if you knew us at ALL, you'd refrain from asking that question!,

Think on normals, we have feelings ya know!

Upon first setting eyes on him,
she thought she'd found her mate,
his skin was white as driven snow,
with eyes as grey as slate,
his musky scent reminded her,
of funeral homes and coffins,
his icy touch sent shivers down her spine,
it was arousing,

Seduction followed shortly after dinner,
on this night,
he hovered over her sweet *******,
and killed the candlelight,
she felt his mouth caress her neck,
it bore a strange effect,
a tingle, then she felt a pop,
she felt he was *****,

A trickled stream of blood was licked,
away from her sweet breast,
a shock sent through her, climaxing,
before he let her rest,
she was entranced by his dark glare,
******* for her master,
a dreamlike state was all she felt,
time seemed to pass much faster,

He took her body countless times,
before he took her soul,
she groaned for him, he claimed her life,
while he held all control,
another ****** plucked away so savagely from life,
a predator eternal, hunts at night for a new wife.......

When you persist in delving despite their refusal,
And they say..."F**k it, here's what's wrong",

I wish I hadn't done that!

All you need is fair a heart,
And mix that in, with pure of mind,
Sprinkle in romantic thoughts,
And add some love, just use the rind,

You'll need a pinch of *** appeal,
And just a smidge of naughty thoughts,
Room temperature is always best,
For when you take your clothing off,

The kindest words work best this way,
And don't forget to blow a kiss,
And mind your mood as you begin,
And don't forget to make a list,

A candle red, with rose oil rub,
As much as you can muster up,
Mix all of these together well,
Voila!, a recipe for love.....

Yours was snuffed out,
Yanked so rudely from me,
Even before my own life began,
A flash and, what the hell?

All I have are pictures,
Stories, I haVe no scented memories,
No.... Visual comfort etched in my brain,
All I have are vague accounts,

Yet somehow, I feel you with me,
Not all the time but, certainly,
When the bottom falls out,
And I feel spent,

Your face pops right in there,
To be sure, a serene face,
A father's face, a tragically young face,
Too young to be gone,

Yet you are, gone I mean,
But only in person,
You're never gone from my heart,
The man I never knew, yet love,

For in spite of your death,
You gave me life,
What a gift,
I'll never stop speaking your name,
Harry to some, Junior to others, daddy to your sons,
My lovely dad... To me,

That way, you're never really dead, are you?.........??

Me:  "Hey, why don't we jump to the short queue?",
Him: "Well, because we have more items ***",
Me:  "yeah but, that queue is shorter",
Him:  "Yes, that's because they have less items, see?",
Me: "I'm gonna jump into this queue" ( changes to the short queue),
Him:  " No don't do th.....", aw crap!!",
Till operator:"Sorry ma'am, you have too many items, you need to join the other queue",
me and him: go alllllll the way to the back, of the long queue......

Patience my friends... Is a virtue, just ask my guy.....:D

The curtains twitch... in my street,
They pretend to be rich... in my street,
The gossips thrive... in my street,
But they’re barely alive... in my street,

The big cars come and go,
They all reap what they sow,
They pretend and they trick,
Atmosphere is so thick,
I’m the **** of their jokes,
And they pinch, and they poke,
But they fail to agree,
That I see what I see,
What I see, is the truth,
I will shout from the roof,
They can’t judge me at all,
For I’ve seen where they crawl,
but my lips they stay tight,
For there will come a night,
When they will see me see,
And they’ll understand me,

People talk... in my street,
People stalk... in my street,
A massive game... in my street,
We’re all the same... in my street..

The most precious things in life,
Are usually the most fragile....

(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

While life continues without you,
I ask you please to wait,
While friends and family gather too,
I ask you please, just wait,

While isolation takes a hold,
How dare I ask you, wait,
While work seems like a ******* hole,
I dread to ask you, wait,

While I am here, and you are there,
I plea with you to wait,
While you believe that no one cares,
I boldly ask you, wait,

How dare I ask for such a thing,
Perhaps you shouldn't wait,
Expecting you to wait til spring,
No, move along, don't wait,

Your suffering and loneliness,
You really shouldn't wait,
Take back your life, go out and live,
Don't sit around and wait,

I love you, need you with me dear,
But can't ask you to wait,
You do deserve a better life,
You'll thrive if you don't wait,

Be free, be happy now I'm gone,
I've let you go..

Oh...wait.....

The leaves are red and brown and rust,
The days are drawing in as well,
The colours of the sky do change,
And mighty rain clouds tend to swell.

When fluffy socks replace bare legs,
And cashmere sweaters reappear,
And loved one snuggling starts again,
Regrowing your hair, down to here.

The crackling embers on the fire,
The chick flick movies watched, again,
Hot chocolate, laced with something strong,
Comfort listening to the rain.

When bedtime starts to sound so good,
And spooning makes a welcome comeback,
Making love til way past noon,
And dried up twigs begin to crack.

The beauty that is Autumn time,
My favourite time of year,
Some people greet it with such gloom,
I greet it with much cheer.....

Dip it, your brush,
Into my ***,
And sweep it across my mouth,
Grip it, my throat,
Squeezing your thumbs,
And slowly begin to move south,
Kiss it, my breast,
Taste with your tongue,
Savour the mound with delight,
Sup it, my ***,
Drink from the well,
Make art with me, into the night.

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

This very day I was snatched from the edge,
My toes were just teetering over the ledge,
My mind is as clear as a brand new fish bowl,
Yet I made preparations to cease with this toll.

A mixture of chemicals, low mood and fear,
Made me think I no longer want to be here,
While I love all who know me, doesn't prevent,
Stop the world, let me off, I'm done paying rent.

But a voice on the line tricked me into defeat,
Using guilt tactics, promises, lies and deceit,
So I'm back to the lull of survival mode now,
For a while at least, step off the ledge, silly cow...


(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

It seems a long long time i guess,
when using words like these,
as always and forever,
means, to me, eternity,

Not just for this life, or the last,
but infinate and more,
through time and space and other worlds,
there,s so much that,s in store,

I never use these words in jest,
or toss them scantilly,
as words used promptly without thought,
could cause a man to flee,

So when i say these words to you,
i,m not trying to be clever,
i,m simply saying "i love you",
for always, and forever.........

(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com2018

I feel you lurk, behind me,
i know you, 'cause you,re there,

Whenever i am feeling fine,
i,m looking, everywhere,

You think that you can fool me?,
i,m not a naive girl,

I,ve seen the signs too often,
you,ve tried to crush my world,

I,ve tried to name you ghoul,
the black, the never ending cold,

They tell me you can follow me,
until i,m very old,

They try to understand you,
and they want to know your motives,

I tell them that i hate you,
but you,re something i,ve grown up with,

In time i,ll try to rid you,
although we seem as one,

And medication blurs the lines,
so much so, i can,t run,

I wonder if i want to live,
without you, on my own,

I love you, hate you, need you too,
at times you,re the strong one,

So on i go for now with help,
from them, and so it goes,

I,ll watch you as you follow me,
and keep me on my toes......



(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com2018

Like a being frantically tapping away,
I want to hit the back button,
Bring back the day,
The day all seemed so fine,
Before i typed out the impending doom.....
(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018

You said.. " I'll wait for you". Lie, right?,
You stroked my wedding finger,
Telling me you were going to "wife me up"
Lie, right?
You said.. " I'll wait for you"
Lie.. Right?
So do not.. Accuse me of being deceitful..
Because you sir, we're the deceitful, liar all along..

Blessed Be

eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

Todays swelling black storm cloud,
Was a wispy tiny glimpse of fluff,
Only yesterday.....

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 16/05/2019

You know me,
All of me,
Who I am, am not and want to be,

You saw me,
All of me,
Who I was, was not and tried to be,

No pretence when you're around,
To your essence  I am bound,
You see me for who I am,
Warts an' all, see through the scam,

I can be my own true self,
Fake lies dust filled, on a shelf,
All that crap stuff, in the gutter,
You can see me, like no other.......

(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com  07/05/2019

Giver of life.
Upholder of existence.
Keeper of my heart.
All to my be.

These things and more are what you are to me.
These things and more are what you've done for me.
To give you my life doesn't seem to cut it.
I owe you more than that. I always will..

She said he only did it once,
A lie, we all know now,
Her black and blue explained away,
The scar above her brow,


Her hair tied tight to hide the bald,
The clumps of hair he tore,
The telltale signs of running scared,
the make up that she wore,

The cancellations she would make,
Excuses wearing thin,
Her friends, becoming distant now,
Her signature false grins,

And now she sits explaining how,
She hit back way too hard,
A life cut short, a payback show,
She really marked his card,

If only she had said it once,
If only she had left,
He hit her once too often, now,
His prison sentence.... death..

Wiccan pride
I am a witch, I do declare,
I’ve spent my nights in forest bare,
I spin my spells in candle light,
I bring your wishes, dressed in white,
I bring you luck, if you desire,
I call my corners, ascending higher,
I mix the oils, I blend the ash,
I do not want my pay in cash,
I’d rather have a favour made,
Or better still, my word you’ll spread,
So fear not me, and what I be,
If you need help, then contact me.....

I was walking along watching only the sky,
When I saw something out of the corner of my eye,
It was floating and dancing with a mind of its own,
And I wanted to catch it, and bring it on home,

It was whiter than snow and was fluffed like a cloud,
"Oh, look at that" I found myself saying, out loud,
I was told as a child, should we see such a thing,
It's our angels, sending a clip from their wings,

A reminder I'm told, Of our loved ones who've passed,
such a feeling it gave me, it was quite unsurpassed,
For to catch such a thing and to hold it with me,
Filled my heart with a glow, and my sorrows set free,

If you see a white feather, try to catch it and run,
Bring it home in your pocket, show it to everyone,
Tell them what it might mean, spread the love and the joy,
I hope mine was my mother, saying "hello, and enjoy"......

(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 06/05/2019

The clock, it stole me from my sleep,
Alarm so loud ‘twould wake the dead,
I jumped, my consciousness would creep,
My palm outstretched upon my head,
So *******, as I realised at once,
No longer was I in my dreams,
My love and I, engaged in dance,
A perfect union, oh so it seemed,
While we’re apart, it’s all I have,
My dreams are there, to ease and soothe,
Why can’t I cut this time in half,
I only want to be with you..............

A work of fact...



(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2018




#love #missing #dreams

Hush! he approaches
Rush! here his coach is,
Try to silence all the fear your trembling poor heart makes,
Stop! or he'll see you,
Chop! that's what he'll do,
Dismemebering you bit by bit, a moment it will take,
Come! let me show you,
Run! this you must do,
Evade the cuts and thrusts from such a menacing sharp knife,
Look! keep your eyes peeled,
Shook! that's how you feel,
If he ensnares you trust me, he will bleed away your life,
Oops! i've deceived you,
Nice! how i've played you,
enticing you with urgency into my masters lair,
Tricked! how delightful,
Stripped! oh so frightful,
your gut spills forth its contents but your screams are never heard,
Spared! that's what i am,
You! sacraficed lamb,
I live another day while lord and master feeds on you,
Search! nightly i scour,
Creep! in the wee hours,
providing my lords food supply, or i will be killed too......

Arriving there is always sweet,
Embracing you our lost mouths meet,
Our journies always fun and wild,
I long for you just like a child.

You treat me with such love and grace,
I love your heart, I love your face,
I feel so safe when I'm with you,
You hold me tight the whole night through.

You reassure me when I'm down,
You fool around, and act the clown,
You sense I'm down before I do,
And spring to life to pull me through.

But comes the time that I must go,
My heart feals heavy, weary so,
I cling to you and cry my tears,
You kiss them gone and wipe them clear.

The passing days bleed into weeks,
My empty bed is cold and bleek,
The wait for you seems endless at times,
I manage It by making rhymes.

I yearn for when we next entwine,
And I can briefly make you mine,
I vow to make this permanent,
And try to make you more content.

But until then, this endless wait,
Is necessary, it's our fate,
But one day we will be as one,
I promise love, to you I run.....

For you Rob x

There you are,
You pile of steaming hot crap,
I knew you were watching me,
And so I was on the lookout,

Why do you always turn up,
At the most inopportune time?,
Can't you see I'm busy?,
Can't you see I'm content?,

you sneak around leaving black sludge,
Shovelling despair and anguish into my bag,
Making it heavier as the minutes drift,
So heavy, I can't carry it much further,

I see you,I saw you and yet,
There's sweet FA I can do about it,
Other than crouch down and endure the deluge,
So bring it, let's have it,

Because, when you're done,
I may be broken, but alive,
I will be on my knees to be sure but,
I will always get up.. Always......

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 06/05/2019

Her ball of fire never ceases to rise for me,
I trust her everyday,
She juggles the two with perfection,
Her ball of white replaces the fire for me,
And between such mind blowing awesomeness,
A sheet of glass it seems,
Glass with ripples and life swimming beneath,
Life, death, renewal, constant,
Her ebb and flow, her to and fro,
Pushing then pulling the tides for me,
Her changing moods, her four main cycles,
All for me, all for me....
And you

How can I  drink when there's no water?,
How can I read when there's no words?,
Where can I walk when there's no map?,
How am I supposed to speak, when there are no words?,
How can I indulge in you, when you're not here?......

I fear I find myself lacking in all these things,
All these things I need in order to experience you,
Drink you, read you, find you, speak you,

Have you.....

I fear you,
Always have,
Yet I love you,
How is that?,

you violated me,
I was young,
You remember?
What you've done?,

Saw you lately,
Felt the same,
But I'll always,
Know your name,

Winter, dark days,
Many names,
Doesn't matter,
They're all the same,

I have solace,
Take a note,
Someone loves me,
He's my coat,

He's my blanket,
Keeps me safe,
You can do one,
See my face?....

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 13/01/2020

One day, he found a rose,
Of deepest velvet red,
He brought it home and nurtured it,
He laid it on his bed,

And every day he'd stroke,
And rub those petals so,
He'd smell the sweetest scent from it,
And hoped that it would grow,

But too transfixed in love,
And admiration matter,
He failed to give it what it craved,
Some sunlight and some water,


So, wilted it became,
And started to decay,
It lost its rosy velvet reds,
The edges turning grey,

His eye was off the ball,
Distracted he became,
He killed the thing that he loved most,
Trying to make it tame.........

The cards, the choccies,
The breakfast in bed,
The dishing out aspirin,
To soothe my sore head,
The bath bombs, the nail files,
The glass of white wine,
The dusting and cleaning to make the bath shine,
No sulking, no fussing,
The giving of flowers,
The cleaning up after themselves after a shower??(definite one off),
These fine things and more are ours but once a year,
But that’s all it takes from the ones we hold dear......




I buried my mother on feb 28, my 3 beautiful girls made it extra special for me today, Mother’s Day 2018............. Thankyou Biddy, Niamh and Clodagh... I love you guys )o(

A cook, peels, skins and scoops out the inside of fruit, veg and whatever else he can carve up.
I never thought I'd be sympathising with food, in order to describe my current state....


(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

I am but a simple soul,
Floating in this sphere,
But somehow all the gods around us,
Chose to bring you here,
I've never had a lot of friends,
And strived to do what's right,
But this feels like a golden fleece,
You've brought me back to life,
How come the gods chose me for this?,
I don't deserve it surely,
Your love envelops me so much,
You give it out so purely,
I thank them every single day,
For bringing you to me,
And pray you never leave my side,
How come, I'm lucky me?.......


(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019

How deep does this love go?,
I can't see the bottom,
How deep do your eyes delve?,
They pierce me forever,
How deep have I fallen?,
I'm still plunging.
(c) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 05/11/2019

To take it on
To feel it rip
That constant dark
That sinking ship

It warns you well
You feel it creep
The hunger fades
And lack of sleep

The tummy flip
The ball of dread
You start to laugh
But cry instead

The Paranoia
Oh it *****!
The kids annoy ya
Way too much

The tide ebbs in
Surrounds you whole
You start to swim
Instead you roll

It swallows you
You flail and choke
you're thinking gosh
Is this a joke?

But life goes on
You learn to swim
You find the strength
From deep within

And live to fight
Another day
To sink, or swim
Who's to say?........

It's sublime!
The midnight back stroke,
The 3am kiss on the neck,
The 5am feeling of groin reunion,
That sweet, musky scent,
The scent of dawn love,
Raw, warm tingly dawn redemption,
The ***** relief from loves slumber,
When we get to indulge,
Sublime, my love,
Sublime,
Wait....

(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com  26/05/2020

There's a place I can go, to escape all the fear,
Where I'm free to be me, and can cry floods of tears,
It's a place in my mind that's a beautiful room,
It defends me in times of the terrible gloom..

I just stumbled across it one terrible day,
When I needed to end it all,and drift away,
I was making a plan, which would end everything,
When this voice, out of nowhere, made my ears ring..

And a film roll of pictures and sounds it would give,
Some of young, some of old, they inspired me to live,
So i listened and cried a lot, feeling it so,
And decided to store it all, wanting to know..

So I nurtured and kept it all deep in my head,
And I labelled that room of glee "For times of Dread",
So of course when the gloom takes hold, I knock three times,
And I'm welcomed with love, so inside I climb..

And a shower of images, sounds and such love,
Keeps me safe and alive, and it fits like a glove,
Scenes of happiness, wonder and sweet sanctuary,
Are all tucked up inside, for when I lose......the real me.....

Distracted by the monotony of life,
I missed it when you drifted in,
Suddenly, you were there,
Causing my heart to flutter,
Offering me solace, shelter,
You hit me like a freight train,
Clean off my feet,
And now I'm enveloped by you,
Distracted by the monotony of life,
I missed it, when you drifted in............


(C)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 04/11/2019

If only I had known back then,
That you were all hot air,
I would have run away and then,
Washed you out of my hair,

The love we had felt real to me,
You did a splendid job,
Your acting skills were so on point,
But now, you're just a ****,

The plans you made behind my back,
They've all become so clear,
The single pictures you would take,
And have done for a year,

Perhaps it's my fault, I don't know,
I should have seen the signs,
Deception from the one we love,
Just ******  with all our minds......

(c)eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 2019