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The anxiety,
And the unwelcome bpd
Coming with a constant need of leaving my own body
It still doesn't belong to me
It still doesn't contain me
It still doesn't represent me
So i'm smoking until I can't think
Like it's my only instinct
Smoking until i'm not able to mask
Until everything is not a never ending task  
Just another meager hit of smoke
If I don't help myself, I might lose us both

I want to feel the happiness, the treasure of worthiness
Or at least a little steadiness
Starved and drained of self-worth
Only for me, the notorious dearth
Gripping, scraping and crushing out flaws
Somehow i'm believing those sardonic applause

For me time is an depleting flow of self disrespect
And I need to move on from my own echo of neglect
Maria Mitea Oct 2020
Lives inside your story!

Let go of distancing yourself from the parts of yourself that you believe they don’t fit in.

Let go of pushing yourself outside your own story.

The sense of worthiness lives inside you!
Erik Luo Sep 2020
I shall speak to you about that gold
That you held deep inside without being told
It is there since you were born
And it grows every day through your hurt

What really matters
Is not what you have
But what you are
What you choose to be

It takes great awareness
Often through deep pain and sadness
To have the amount of self-knowledge
To be able to love existence

It is a beautiful paradox
That which makes you the most whole
Are all the scars that you have gone through
It defines your essence and completes your soul

I see myself in you
It is so beautiful
And I love you
For your existence

What determines our worthiness
Is nothing but the choice
Of great love and acceptance
Of the beauty in your existence

For that is enough
The taste of your presence
The scent of your being
And the sound of your soul

That’s all I need
You are worthy of everything
eva-mae coffey May 2020
does that memory of me
on the sofa seem so
far away?
well then, who called you the taxi
and made sure you got home safe?

I bet you still remember the things
you said to me
the ones you claim you never spoke
safe place, no longer free.

I have been a shadow in this space because of you
no longer will I sit and stare until the walls burn through.
I still cannot hear anything but that heavy silent house
I still can't quite conceive how you were quiet as a mouse.

You said that you weren't ready
but you were just for She,
I was a fool for thinking you could cope with
loving me.
ohellobeautiful Mar 2020
you are
tread(in)g through
dream-filled waters
and although beautiful
they can seem deeply
frustrating at (time)s

but (you) have the power within

(learn) to laugh when it gets heavy
you are only served the kind of tides
(that) you are strong enough to conquer

no wave thrown (you)r way
could ever submerge the
delicate warrior you (have)
(become) today

flow with (the) Universe
you will never be shifted
the wrong (way)
in time you learn that
you have become the way
Isabel Frye Mar 2020
My darling.... are you ever confronted with the universal truth that you won’t ever sink to the bottom of the ocean?
Have you ever been confronted with the fact that you won’t ever touch the validation you seek?
And as you reach the tiled pool floor and you brace yourself
Your skin says no
Like an oily layer you slip and slide back up
Now as you speak to me your voice quivers as if, you never had even touched the thick water before
My darling there is a science to art
And as my density shakes like your lips whenever you become small and fall to the floor, I wonder why I keep fighting for something you just won’t give up.
maybe you truly are a scientist
And as lips touch,
the waves of the ocean cover us and we sink slowly but surely  
Maybe if I jump head first I’ll be worthy enough,
If I make a big enough mess,
a disaster,
maybe if I scratch the surface, or even throw a fit,
I can really be noticed
Maybe if I dance in the hearts of mankind, dance in your shaking veins as I try my hardest to trust you, to give in
maybe then I’ll hit the bottom of the ocean
But I sink because of pressure
I sink because you tell me to
I sink because I want to silence my thoughts
I sink because I want to stay in this moment
Where the vibrations of your mockery and foolishness can never dream of reaching me
I sink because I don’t want to swim
I sink because I want to reach the bottom of this ocean.
Maybe then I’ll touch the feeling of being wanted,
The eerie silence hugging me tighter and tighter, holding me like a new mother holds her child, wanting to shield them from the world.
But in the pool water I only float quickly back to earth
To life
I hate leaving the quiet waters
As my body enters the real abyss I breathe the cold air into my lungs and I scream-
I scream to be heard
I scream to silence these useless memories
I scream to be known
I scream for you to see
I scream for all that was lost
I scream so that you can wake up
I scream for worthiness- I scream to trust.
I scream so that maybe these bubbles won’t surface
I scream for the waves to carry my sighs
I sigh for the ocean to carry my screams.
And I scream to find my voice.
And that I too may
May hit the bottom of the floor
It may be a universal truth that I will never reach the perfection I seek
It may be my death wish, and I am doomed to fail
But I will still wish that maybe,
Maybe I too
Will be told
That science is an art
And I too can be an artist.
My first poem! I would love if you could possibly leave a comment with feedback, I would really appreciate it!
Sherlock Rae Jan 16
Listening does not mean learning.
Learning does not mean knowledge.
Knowledge does not mean you are wise.
Wisdom does not mean you are aged.
Age does not mean you are frail.
Frailness does not mean you are weak.
Weakness does not mean you are worthy.
Worthiness does not mean you are entitled.
Entitlement does not mean you are the one.
Caleigh swenson Mar 2019

At first, love is something you desire and wish for, something you simply crave daily. You crave real love, the kind of love you read about, or see in movies, Where your loved one would do anything and everything for you to be the happy they want you to be, but is there such a thing?

After being put through heart break .. and heartbreak again, all we want is to knock this “Love” idea out of our mind, completely. We don’t want it anywhere near us, because the last time we interacted with this idea called “ Love”, we lost the one person we truly cared about..

But when we lost them… we found ourself, who we truly desired to be all these years… and somehow that was everything.
CLARYT Mar 2019
While life continues without you,
I ask you please to wait,
While friends and family gather too,
I ask you please, just wait,

While isolation takes a hold,
How dare I ask you, wait,
While work seems like a ******* hole,
I dread to ask you, wait,

While I am here, and you are there,
I plea with you to wait,
While you believe that no one cares,
I boldly ask you, wait,

How dare I ask for such a thing,
Perhaps you shouldn't wait,
Expecting you to wait til spring,
No, move along, don't wait,

Your suffering and loneliness,
You really shouldn't wait,
Take back your life, go out and live,
Don't sit around and wait,

I love you, need you with me dear,
But can't ask you to wait,
You do deserve a better life,
You'll thrive if you don't wait,

Be free, be happy now I'm gone,
I've let you go..

Expecting someone to wait for us is unfair and selfish, yet I do it myself.......
(C)  2019
ohellobeautiful Jan 2019
tell me
who drew you in 
and made you think
the bones and joints
within your knees
the veins and nerves
mapping out your entire being
were not already complete?

who made you see
through their broken glass
who made you think
it was okay not to ask
to ask you how
it made you feel 
when they realized
they weren't going to be real
to you or to your swollen heart

you were just so beautiful to see
they just couldn't let you be
and when they fed you their falsities
they made you think you had to stay
as if half of you had gone away

when in truth—you were noting short of gold

and you should have been told
the one thing they couldn't be
was everything they knew
you needed them to be

and when this realization hits
they don't even have the heart to admit
you were everything they wanted
but couldn't be

so they just had to taste it 
they had to feel your breeze
and they take and they take
and then they leave...

but darling don't you fret

for they will never forget
the love they found in you
the love you still hold true
the love that's grown too

you needed them to help you through
so now you see that the best part of life
has always been about loving you
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