You wanted me quiet-
A flicker in the dark,
Something trilling
You wanted a spark

I was your secret,
Easier to keep alone
Because secrets rots,
When kept for too long

You wanted my all, my devotion
You paced around it, like a dare
Like a truth, not to be shared

You don't think I feel,
But it's all I felt
Yet I stayed silent,
I am my own personal hell

I self sabotage
Knowing you wouldn't care
I didn't not want you,
You just wanted-
What can never be fully touched

Never to be fixed,
And never undone.

I wore your sores
I rode your pain
I stood by your side-
Even in vain

I’d be here for you
Regardless of anything
Even when you took-
All of me for yours

I held your breath
When it was too heavy
I grew up in your shadow-
Of damage

Nothing you do can take the hurt
You had me learn
You had me live
You had me feel

I was born to fail
Since nothing I do
Was good for your appeal

How I wish to you hold you
Even just once more
All my thoughts distorted
Now that you're no more

I saw you
How could I not
You capture the presence-
Of everything in the room
You did not see me.

You smiled at a waitress,
A stranger no less
I saw you mouth your order,
Something about a coffee.

I watched how you stirred your sugar,
Into the coffee you just ordered.
I knew you would, you always do
You still didn't notice,
I was two booths away.

You clean up in a way-
I've never seen anyone do,
Stacking the plates underneath the cup
Making it neat, but forgetting your umbrella
You'll come back for it soon, so I wait

I followed you home and learned your way
I already know how you like your meal
How you have your eggs
Or how you hum softly-
comforting yourself.

I appeared where you went
Our eyes haven't met yet
But I know you,
Yet you don't know I exist.

The interior in your house is neat
You clean nicely and well
You leave a light on,
On the porch so people know-
That you are home.

You leave the window cracked,
Ever so slightly,
It's enough for me but you do it
Like a clock stuck on repeat.

When you sleep it's so peaceful,
Your soft breathing like no harm will come
I'll try to protect you the best I can
But I can't get too close,
I like to watch from afar,
But close enough to know you.

You don't know me,
But I know you,
I'm not dangerous,
Just devoted to you,
And only you.

Watching the sun go down
Watching the sun come up
Seeing people move on
Seeing life go on
Watching my life go down
Like the last ship sinking, unseen and uncalled for

Nobody even seems to know I'm out here
Not a flare not a static on the radio
No surface or land in sight just
Me and my mind
A silent rising tide
Drifting afar towards the nothing
Just away

When you sit with your thoughts
Your feelings get lost,
Perhaps bottled up
Far from the world’ reach

But even for you
It’s too far to see
You ask yourself
“How much can stay-
Besides of me?”

The answer shall come
Soon enough
Because the moment you lay-
Wide awake,
You’ll feel those feelings
Like a heavy weight.