I
Am
So
Afraid
I
Am
Not
The
Life
You
Envision

My knuckles turn white from holding onto a foraged memory of an existence of what we used to call hope and it will shout into the void, echos of shadows that dance in the back of my brain that circumstance could not fore see that picture of us hanging from inside a two story house somewhere lost in rural California where white lace suffocated your skin and red silk flowed over the scars of my past lovers there is a smile that is shown under neath a cascade of fabric which displays a world in which you to could have wanted that white picked fence in the home we built in our dreams but reality is like a hurricane and eases all the evidence of what was once love

If love can fade
So can pain

The flames never settled
You just joined my inferno

My eyes have become a resting place for all the memories I've watched us make, there is such irony in the constant replays
Though you are no longer here, I still see you

I have let you make footprints
in this town,
And it's haunting when
you're gone

These pages are the only
place where I am allowed
to love you,
Thus I write.

I looked into that old antique shop that we once spent countless hours with trinkets and what nots
on that fall day, my heart sank in my chest for it was now just another place I could never go to again
because the ghost of our love haunts
it

Sometimes I see everything.
Often to much in color,
To vivid,
To bright,
Blinding actually.

Then sometimes I see nothing at all.
Total absence of light,
To dark,
To secretive
Just dull aches.

Remnants of the person I used to be

Are you even real,
I moan as I caress the ghost beside me
Before I drown in the loneliness of my sheets

I let you in so I
could feel whole but now my body doesn't feel like home

I make my
Homes
in
flesh and bones.

My morning coffee was bitter;
Like it had been up all night replaying your words again.. and again;
Like it was tired of hanging on to hope
But it was strong too..oh so strong

Endless wispers make hast
Yet to soon disapear
the air that encompassed me
Suddenly gets seize away.
And I left breathless.      
NEEDless to say they steal my light
And leave me enclosed in darkness
My melody,my piano they steal and misuse.

Eager for a moments worth of
                                          Your time.                                            
They know not how lucky they are    
To receive even an ounce of
YOUR time.
They are the luckiest people in the world, they have it seems more of
Your time
than I.
They abuse and detriment
Your time
Mybe one day I'll receive all of
your TIME


So I wait in vain untill that time comes.
Ill just grab a ticket and get in line.
Perhaps one day your piano will play just for me.
Only me.
But that is a selfish thought.

I wish we could live in this moment
Forever..

That day I got high
And almost called you
What I would have gave for another laugh
To hear the air move from your lungs
And wash out the dust in my mind
A chance to cleanse my soul

I know it's only been two weeks but time moves slow when your surrounded in silence

My mind can only forage thoughts of you

Almost eight billion souls
And all I see in them
is your absence

If I am not enough
let me know,
It hurts to be half loved

What you allow in your relationship is a reflection of how you feel about yourself

My life rarely fits
The picture I draw up
In my head

Limited
In our desolate life we as humans are given only a select number of years
                           Hours
                        minutes
                        Sec­onds        
Most People take for granted there  meager hours.                


In our  compendiary lifes we tend to waste a vast amount of time on  inadequate things.
                                                    
Our days are numbered.
Our lives will past by in a blink of an eye.                                                    

Cheeris­h the time you are given with your soul mate.
Some spend their whole life searching For them.
Don't let your numbers waste away.

Your tock is ticking. Soon the last grain of sand in your hourglass will spill though and you will into that enteral sumbler

Like a lion getting ready to  devour its last meal your eyes graze my skin like sand paper. Like we were some sick science experiment. Palms twitching, hungry eyes, sadist smile. A priviledge you said. Love did always make me stupid and alas, she still was under the delusion she loved you more. So with your yellow eyes and teeth just as so you raught your way into yielding flesh because no wasn't in your vocabulary. So how dare you think that you can fall asleep with that smirk as you extrude me from her so you can take and take what's wasn't yours. And now  it's not fair, I shouldn't have to beg for a love that wouldn't come for your sick benefit I shouldn't have begged at all but we all knew it was just lust. And ******* both for how I feel now, inferno under my skin when real love wants me, for this intense incertitude chaos that fills my brain when real love says no. But little does she know how much damage both of you caused. But it was my own fault right? I did to myself. At least that's what you had me believe.

I do not think
Loneliness
is absence of company,
rather the inability to form an emotional connection with yourself or anyone else

Look with your heart
and not with your eyes
the heart knows
the heart understands

the eyes can deceive
the heart can perceive


Look with your heart
And not with your eyes
The heart can't be fooled
The heart is too wise

the eyes can be deluded
the heart can see clear


So open your arms
And close your eyes tight
Look with your heart
And when it finds love
Your heart will be right


Love you misunderstand
Is love that you'll regret

Small moments of comfort
Were the ones
When you stood in front of me
Smiling like there's no tomorrow
When your eyes became lost in mine
And my eyes became
Lost in you

No longer do I fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can
no longer see the stars in my eyes
As long as they still choose to look
they will find them again

You're gonna find yourself lost in another
time

I will no longer mourn the inches of me
that loved
you

Love is
deliberate
Love is a
conscious decision

LOVE** makes us lairs.    
It makes us lie to ourself
It tries to manipulate us
        
Love MAKES us vulnerable.
It rips and tears at our hearts.  
It exposes our most vital *****.

Love makes US weak.
It makes us show our true self.
It leaves your heart to bleed.

Love makes us feel.              
It makes us feel things we try to deny
It  forces us to feel what we try to forget  
                                          
Love makes us never forget
It makes sure we REMEMBER.        
It never takes away all the memories
                                 And the pain...
Try to deny it and try to protest.
                                     But love..          
                                       Won't let you go.
                                          No matter
                                            Where your at
Love never dies.

Love was suppose to
give you wings
Not visit you at
your funeral

I refuse to be a
prisoner
To a love that
left