To my person,
You are a sunshine on a gloomy day that
brings me hope.
The moon on my sleepless nights that
droves away the loneliness.
The stardust on the ocean that
brings me serenity.

The desire in me wants to keep you close,
But pity me, our universe didn’t give the permission.

In another life,
I hope we can shares stories with our favorite tea in hand, exchange our favorite books, and maybe— just maybe, we could shares
a blanket.

The distance between us,
Who dare to draw it?
Who dare to shorten our time?
Who dare to took you from my sight?

My eyes are thirsty to have you in it,
Thirsty to meet the source of its sparks,
The source of its mesmerized gaze.

The distance,
Build an empty space,
A space, where i treasure our memories.
A space, where it is empty yet you could make me feel whole.
A space, where it is belongs to you.

like a tiny jump that i made every time i saw flowers, that's how you makes me feel like. Happiness.

like a mesmerized looks that i made every time i saw the sun sets, that's how you makes me feel like. Warmth.

i will make a flowery path for you, just like how you did to mine.
i will be the rainbow after your rainy days, just like what you did to me.

what kind of feeling is this?
strange yet familiar
i want to escape,
yet this feeling
somehow comforting,
is it? or am i used to it?

step by step,
i keep walking forward,
nothing, no one,
but myself.

unending hole,
when will it ends?
where is my sky?
where is my moon?

On an ordinary day,
when the sun hasn’t even wake up,
I made my way, to greet my favorite flower,
a strong, and a beautiful kind,
staring at her, was my most favorite thing.
Yet, on that ordinary day,
The unexpected, strong wind came,
He took her, petals by petals,
and left me with none.

Unsaid feelings filled
His heart,
It overflowed, yet
He continues to
Tidy it up,
And let his soul,
Warmth by tears.

When it hits like a storm,
eat the mind like a starving man,
left the landlord desolated.

She is okay, they believed.
Covered by thorns
That can only be seen
By herself

She is okay, they believed.
Choking up by guilt
To herself that she thought,
She is not enough

She is okay, they believed.
Sleep and waking up late,
Eat too much or not at all,
Being too loud or isolate herself

She is okay, they believed.
She wants to be "they"
She wants to believe it
But she can't.

Sunny day
feels like
there is only
you and me

the sun light
hit my sight
curtain down
on their own

few inches between us
could feel your fingers
exploring my hair

on that sunny day,
only we knew
what happened
between us

there i was
sit alone
people walk and passed by

some of them are carrying serious ill
some of them are crying,
lost someone they loved

we,
never know
what people carrying
on their shoulder

but in this place
we all knew
we carrying
similar problem

let go of those
who makes your smile disappear
don't hold into something
that makes your heart ache
open your heart and you'll find those
who would give you butterflies,
they said.

but,
here i am, being stuck with you
holding on to something
the cause of my wounds
wounds that brings comfort.

maybe these day you feel alone or even lonely,
you know that actually you are surrounded by bunch of people,
you have lots of friend,
but you feel nothing from them,
you still feel you are on your own,
you don't have someone to share your story with,
but it's not that you don't want to share your story,
you just haven't found the right person to share with,
because you can't trust everyone, and that's totally okay.

maybe these day you've been asking,
"until when i being like this?"
maybe these day you praying to God,
"i don't need bunch of friend, i just need a person who will understand me and never leave me."
maybe you are so close to giving up,
but you choose to not giving up, you stay patient and stray strong.

honey,
you are doing the right thing.
on the right time,
God will send you someone you asked for,
or even someone more than you asked for.
someone will really do care for you,
someone will always stay right by your side,
someone that you can trust and rely on.

honey,
you just need to wait a little more.
and believe that on the right moment,
that will happen to you.

i miss the old me,
i was not a quite person,
i used to be so cheerful,
i used to be smile a lot,
i used to be talk a lot,
i used to be so confident.

but that part of me is disappeared,
i lost myself,
no matter how hard i try to find it,
i just can't,
i need a map to find my own self,
but that map doesn't even exist,
guess i ain't gonna find myself.

after all the things that happened,
i become such a strange person,
i become so cold,
i can't like anyone,
i can't love anyone,
it's like there is something
wrong with my heart.
well, there is.

with this feelings,
i keep hurting people who loves me,
i keep pushing people away.

i dont want to be like this,
i want to find the old me,
but i dont know where,
i dont know how.

i thought it just a slight feeling,
but then i realized,
it wasn't.

you treat me so nicely,
makes me fall for you even more,
you are the one who could warmth my heart,
but you are also the one who break it.

in a moment you care about me,
but moment later you treat me as if i wasn't there.
you left me in confusing.
you left me hanging.

what am i to you?
could you please tell me.
it hurts so bad when you act that way.

what am i to you?
please tell me.

when i woke up this morning
it feels weird, because you weren't here,
beside me.

when i look up into the bright beautiful sky,
i remember all the memories that we have, memories.

day by day passing by,
everyday is just a normal day.
but not for my soul,
there is something missing,
it's your presence.

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

it's been so tough for me,
every single day i asked myself,
"when will this end?"
"am i going to live like this forever?"

every single day
i've been holding it all,
by myself.

i don't know until when,
but when the time comes,
i hope they won't be sad.

I never thought that i will fall for you.
But, here i am.
Every day, every second,
falling for you over and over again.

I told God
my struggle on finding the right man to date.
because, i'm tired of wasting my time on someone who don't
deserve me.
But i guess, He just sent me one person
who deserve me and i deserve him,
it's you.
He knows that i need someone that could change me to be a better person.

You are that "someone".
You are the one that i never thought would come.
but, i'm so lucky and thankful that you here.

How i'm so in love with every wise words that you said.
the way you take responsibility of everything you do,
and the way you take care of me like brother take care of his sister.

There are so much more about you that makes me fall deeply in love with you,
but i don't wanna share it to everyone,
or else they will fall for you too.

when i started feel a little happy,
the demons inside me started
make me mess things up.

and here i am again,
feeling more unhappy.

Sometimes i just get really sad,
No reason,
I just did.

It started burst me into crying,
I felt really hurt inside my chest,

And at that time i realized,
I am not alone,
I am lonely,
Even though i surrounded
by bunch of people,

My heart just felt so empty,
Like i just lost something or someone
I don't know,
I don't know what it is nor who it is.

Have you ever in that place,
where you were surrounded by so many people,
like on a family dinner or a party or even just hanging out with your friends,
but you feel like your mind and your soul isn't there,
you feel like they were going somewhere that is dark, empty, and really cold so you scream for someone asking for help to warm you up,
but there's no one, you are all alone
just your mind and your soul.

and in that moment,
your heart gets really hurt and you want to scream but cant and instead you make your step to the bathroom and cry.

After that night,
I kept thinking and asking myself
"who is he?" for several times.
Why does he makes me feel so comfortable?
Why does he makes me feel so safe?

Even it was only just a dream,
I can still feel his touch,
The way he held my hand in front of our friends.
I can still feel the excitement and happiness while we were laughing together back in my dream.
My heart pounding and fluttering for every time i think about it just the same when i was in my dream.

I kept wondering,
Is it only just a dream or he was the guy that will accompany me in the future?
I wish he was.

(who are you?)
(is there any chance for us to meet in the future?)
(do us know each other?)
(i really want to meet you)

you might be thinking that i don't recognize it,
you might be thinking that i don't know how it felt,
you might be thinking that i am the 'she don't care about me, she's just curious' kind of people,

but you're totally wrong,
i do recognize,
i know what you've been through, I've been there too!
i know how it felt darling,  

and no, i'm not that kind of people,
i do care, i really do.