"longingness" poems
My mother and her mother,
(four generations of mothers to be exact)
All conceived children They didn't want,
because They couldn't bear the alternative.
My sister and I are the only two who survived.
The intergenerational resentment
that is cast among each woman in our family
who decides to carry the burden of their unwanted child.
My mother loves us as much as she is capable-
Just like her mother and mothers mother before her.
Birthed into four generations of hurt,
that longed for acceptance and love that only a mother could give.
But each mother couldn't.
It took four generations of women and their pain
and longingness for love,
to create two women who are full of nothing but love
and are hungry to give it to the world
(we forgive you, because it's all you've known)
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 12:35 AM UTC
Pieces of a woman
Gloom, glee, distance and intimacy
Attitude, gratitude, strength and vulnerability
Heartbreaks, Happiness, Longingness and poetry
Calmness, boldness and a bad *** stree.
Pieces of a woman
Stretch Marks, cellulite, miscarriages and then bossy
Shallow, Intense, blur and then some glossy
Cute, cheerful, lazy, sane and naughty
Benevolent, bizarre, shy and much hotty
Pieces of a woman
Family, friends, kin, acquaintances
Risk, safe and then out of the world chances
Society, sub-urb,rural and them glances
Some music, some writing, some shying and couple dances
Pieces of a woman
Marriage, adoption, career and grace
Clarity,focus,concentration and haze
Red,green, black, purple and beige
Independence, freedom, self-doubt and cage
All this and endless…..
And then some and then some
Nothing can totally define
The ultimate human
The beautiful, the wonderful
Pieces of a woman.
Mar 7, 2022
Mar 7, 2022 at 2:31 PM UTC
*There is a certain kind of longingness that even words nor photographs cannot fill in.
And that is when, i want to write about you, the most.
This amount of emptiness needs to be said. It needs to flow like the ink in my pen or the the blood in my veins,
to sustain my sanity or else...
Melancholic thoughts will run and invade my mind until all the hope in my heart is gone.*
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:12 PM UTC
i have this longingness,
tugging at my soul and soles.
they're wearing out as i sit motionless.
my free spirit continues to be soft spoken,
reminding me of unfulfilled hornyness during teen years.
********** through time,
i will be on the road parallel to crime.
unlike here and now.
i look forward to the day this is the recent past,
for i will be on the ultimate move.
Feb 11, 2013
Feb 11, 2013 at 1:44 AM UTC
What a flim it is?
Just mindblowing
Sublime
Sublime
And sublime
The Extreme love
The Extreme Care
The Extreme Kindness
The years of Longingness
Vanished With in a second
Extermed Psunami
Brought out exteremed emotion
Just thought
To hold My papa
And mama
And To die next second..
But just had a responsiblity
And soon WILL I..
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 12:20 AM UTC
She really wants him to be her lover but the deity decided to set a game of love where two souls were born almost at the same time but in a different place. Thus, their love story remains unknown to the both of them.
She doesn’t really know what she looks for in a man but her heart aches for someone she doesn’t even know.
He reminds her of the cherry blossoms in spring when she started falling for him. He reminds her of the rain and how it falls down just like how her tears would. He reminds her of a sad love song just like their sad love story. It’s like he’s actually there but she’s unable to touch him.
She knows she can just find another man to begin her love story with; someone she knows, verily. But the feeling won’t be the same.
She can’t seem to fathom why she loves that particular feeling of loving someone unknown even though it pains her. Indeed, she’s trapped by the love she has, only she doesn't want to break free.
How astonishing it is that an unknown man is capable of making her feel that way ― that no man she knows had made her feel.
She wants to find him and end her longingness but she doesn’t know how.
Even if she walks his street, they’ll less likely meet. It doesn’t happen easily. They’re not in the movies. She doesn’t even know who is she looking for. All she knows is that he’s there when spring comes, when the rain falls and when a sad love song starts to play.
Still, she’s uncertain if she will ever meet that man but maybe... that’s how the deity wants their game of love to be ― to remain unknown.
But no, she won’t lose to the deity’s game. She will find him and she will end the game. Their love will bloom in a different season. And he will no longer remind her of the rain and the sad love songs. He will no longer be someone unknown and they can finally begin their love story.
That, she promised.
Sep 13, 2017
Sep 13, 2017 at 5:08 AM UTC
I have intentionally tried to fill the hole inside myself that your smile holds, my sweetest Angel. For that, I am ashamed. But there has been only the feeling of emptiness residing in that cavern since last I looked upon your smiling face and held you close to my heart.
The sun has risen and set, the seas have ebbed and flowed, the winds have blown, hither and yon. Yet, still I stand, unmoving through all of it, for the pain of not having your tiny hand in mine has left me cold, battered by the waves and fossilized by the sands carried upon the winds.
My eyes have withered from too many unhappy tears and nowhere near enough tears of joy, made all the more optically diuretic by my inability to look upon your face as you run and play and sleep and dream.
I am sorry, my truest of Loves, my Only, that I have chosen to ignore these feelings of longingness for so long. I could touch the pen to paper a million times, writing odes to your face and sonnets to your smile, but the distance that I feel has forced me to lull my heart into a coma. I have intentionally medicated my heart in an attempt to stop feeling (to stop all feeling), yet I cannot.
I feel the sunshine on my face and I pine to see the sun’s rays dwarfed by the radiance of your dwarven smile.
I feel my heart hang so low and wish against hope that I could pick you up while you raise me.
My soul cries out to replace you, yet my heart is merely attempting to survive. My soul screams for only you and the chance (nay, privilege) to shield you from the fears that cause you to scream in the middle of the night.
Why have I chosen to harden my heart, my Love? Why have I allowed myself to stifle my screams, when in all truthfulness, I only dream of easing your own?
Dec 10, 2015
Dec 10, 2015 at 1:31 AM UTC
I still feel all the vigors
And my mind is still sore
But my heart is too frail
To feel anything
I still hear voices at night
Or maybe it is just the sound
Of your voice
Sweetly calling my name
I still feel those chills
Or maybe it is just the longingness
Between the spaces
Of my fingers
I still look at my walls
As if my sight can strike against it
So steady and deep
With the sharp thoughts I have
I cannot tell what it is
But if there is something
That makes it hard for one to breathe
That is exactly it
We all get it
Hangovers
And the worst ones you get
Comes when you love
Mar 15, 2016
Mar 15, 2016 at 6:46 AM UTC
When it's in the air
you'll not know what it
is at first, but once you
smell it once you never
forget
It lingers there as you walk
through it, hanging
in the air as prokaryotic
pill shaped molecules
It always smells different
but the symptoms are
as follows
words stuck in the back
of your throat,
sweaty palms and shortness
of breath
a sense of longingness
juxtaposed
with a sense of fear
An overwhelming need
to communicate all the
new thoughts on your
stone written findings
of what we need to survive
Don't be alarmed, or rush
off to the doctor thinking
"There is something wrong
with me"
We all breathe this in,
multiple times in our lives,
Love's pathogens have a way,
of infiltrating our senses and
controlling our thoughts and
actions like our physical bodies
are more of a third party parasite
to what our souls need
to feed on.
So don't choke on your words,
reach out with dry hands for hers,
the fear will always be there,
because that's love
and this is how we react
when it is in
the air.
May 4, 2015
May 4, 2015 at 3:43 PM UTC
I thought surrender is that easy —
Like the flowing river
So natural to begin with itself
And last in its bestowed
Eternity.
I hope to ponder for another time
Like shifting the clock
And be wise as the future foretells
That I could ever throw a line
To the Captain of the sky
As I whisper through my tears
So He could catch me
In the middle of longingness and satisfaction.
Maybe this time,
I could truly call for hope
And receive what I’ve uttered
In every prophetic season
When I was relieved with assurance
That there’s a prerequisite to “help.”
And so later in these milli-seconds counting
One palm could rest on another
As if raising a voice but always in silence.
Maybe I could always yearn for more
And even learn more
Urge no more toward the death of a dream
And start to glide
Like a kite without wings.
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 9:29 AM UTC
If you let me explore
you with my rougish tongue,
through your cavities
and my carnalities,
to the stark nakedness
of your flesh and your soul,
and you’d let me have
a piece of your beautiful
beautiful mind,
I would enmesh it with
my own broken
and ****** soul.
We would be one,
heartbeats in sync,
and fingerprints, and the
panorama of memories would
bind themselves in order
to be a creature, as one,
whose enigma permeates
through the walls of this
inexplicable phenomenon. You
will satisfy the longingness
yearned by each atom that
constitutes my being, and I,
a speck of invisible stardust
in the universe, would
radiate the faintest glimmer
of light enough to suffice
the life you need.
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 12:45 PM UTC
.
Midday sweeps in
a bronzing fury,
prickling its way
through skin,
pierces the core
to bleed
then, drenched
in affectation,
I turn away
to rest.
I will swathe
some lotion after,
for the scent
of longingness
follows.
A bath awaits.
May 26, 2016
May 26, 2016 at 11:54 PM UTC
He is your own brand of ******
You long to inject his love into your veins,
to feel the rush of happiness go straight to your brain.
You become addicted and you crave more,
the dosage increases.
But then it wears off and reality slaps you in the face,
he will never love you.
So you take another hit and forget for a while.
Until one day you overdose,
and now you watch over him ,
like the way you longed for him to do for you.
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 4:16 PM UTC
After nearly forgetting your face
I crave nothing but to study it
respect my wishes
and my longingness for affection
I pray my face be more radiant
with warm rose light
than cold blue
artificial glows
after such absence
you remember who I am
the map of my anatomy is built into your brain
and the nerve endings are excited
spinal cord reminiscence
awake my dusty adrenal glands
but as soon as breathing changes
sadly we are interrupted
an uncomfortable force
lumbering awkwardly
rests at the bedside
we hadn’t kissed in three weeks
today is no different
Oct 22, 2012
Oct 22, 2012 at 7:50 AM UTC
To the east
To the sundered east
Of the deserted Isle
Their lies a wrack
black timbered bones
Scold clinging clams
That harbour there
In the Wrack of the Isle
As she lies down
They say
In hushed wispers
it happened
Many years ago
Men died
Or so they say
But now, no one really knows
It's all been forgotten now
Through foggy years of
Sun and Snow
And dirth the man
Who can name her
The wrack rises
To the waters
To greet the
High airs above
The darlking deep beneath
Where once there was a love
Who can say, now
When looking at the wrack
In its black longingness
That once, it was a brightened
Vessel, fine and new
Filled with laughter
And simple joys
They dive there sometimes
When the tides allow
But divers have to be wary
It's dangerous near
Wrack waters, so easy
To be pulled down and
Within, you go
And once in her shell
The air can not sustain
You, for it is
Not for breathing
Creatures
Remember the shore
They tell
The newcomers
You must remember
Where it is
To the west you
Must go, and so on....
But carefully,
The wrack will
Call at you
Softly, and slow
Breathing liquid fumes
That fill the lungs
And crush the ribs
I swam round her once
It was a heady -
Experience, all shoreline
Was forgotten
I was lured by her
Cracked spars and
Speckled beams
So beautiful
Beneath a shining sea
But I learned there
That no man may
Swim the wrack
Forever, and not forget
Deep death there awaits
And lies down
With you
In a wet grave
So be forwarned
Before you swim
The wrack of the Isle
To the East
The sundered East.
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 1:44 PM UTC
It's those who burn
in the fire of separation
have come to learn
that in this desperation
true love lies
for the distance means nothing
if the hearts are intertwined.
Apr 24, 2024
Apr 24, 2024 at 10:50 AM UTC
as human beings and consumers, we often seek for contentment
as seekers, we search for satisfaction to fill in missing parts of us we think we need
as lovers, we seek for attention, longingness and to be far off from the void
we search for what is relevant enough to be the food of our soul, and as we consume we are never satisfied
so we seek for satisfaction, wanting more
and with hands full, a heart pouring out of selflessness, we destroy ourselves
as we fall in love, we fall apart
giving and offering missing puzzle pieces that exist within us
as we gradually become into nothing, we feed off of others, consuming whatever it is they have left
we accept their love, and they, our flaws
aware that we are only body parts that are reconnecting
as we heal, we occupy their vacancies, filling in missing parts that have been hollow for too long
we become their musings, their vertebrae of support
they become our sanctuary and our hope
they become the memories that look into the future
instead of the mistakes that shaped who we are
n.j.
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 3:19 PM UTC
I had forgotten how it feels to be touched by you
You left my heart broken and mind askew
The longingness to see you
For eternity and eternally, or just seconds, few
I, henceforth remained unbothered and sad,
Even in a gala milieu!
You came back by a whisker and feelings, see through
And asked me to gather something new and old , something borrowed and blue
I felt some jitters and saw love inked hues
I felt so lost when it should've been good in lieu
Then one day you woke up and away you flew
You told me it's over, out of love, you grew
I then remembered how it feels to be hurt by the cruel,
I then learnt, love leaves you unscathed and glad, if true
And seems precious than any material, money or jewel
You will find it in the world, first find it in YOU.
May 10, 2022
May 10, 2022 at 11:57 AM UTC
i think i've lost the feeling in my fingertips
and the words that
graze my lips
slip
and dissipate
into meaningless thoughts
onto a page
it's the banging against my window panes
the clang and drip of rain
it's the constant reminder of the sun
that 'yes, i live'
'yes, i am here'
'yes, i will stay'
'for as long as you will let me'
it's like listening to the sound of crashing waves
against the shore
as i dip my toes
in the moonlight
but
there is that fear
of the unknown
the slippery tongues of the abyss
that lap and lick against my heels
the tremble of my lip
the shudder down my spine
as it snakes around my legs
it's the longingness to runaway
and disappear
to leave without a trace
no new names, no fake identities
not a smidge of existence
no footprints left behind.
Oct 4, 2020
Oct 4, 2020 at 11:28 AM UTC
I mustn't rely
On someone like you
To make me feel like a loved somebody again.
That kind of request
Of your kind of wonderfulness
Is not fair.
To be wasted on my kind of longingness.
Nov 11, 2011
Nov 11, 2011 at 11:07 PM UTC
There I stood.
There I ached.
There I cried.
There I hoped.
Must be a dream
Or a nightmare
Just far from reality.
Reminiscing the days,
Just you and me.
Not a glance of her,
Nor echo of her voice.
You were happy,
I was happy,
Both of us were happy.
Right?
I told you my love
You did the same.
Thrice.
Told me of going back time
I asked if you're willing.
Making the sacrifice.
What we have now
It should be enough.
Yet the feels of seeking more
keeps creeping in.
Thoughts of regrets
Not making the mistake.
Longingness and misses
Wouldn't have to exist.
I love you
But you have her.
And though you love her,
You love me still
Indeed difficult,
Letting go the emotions.
Yet holding on,
Bigger and deeper wounds,
More than to bare.
I love you
Yet you have her.
Her with your angels
Beautiful, soon to come out.
I'll be happy
You'll be happy
We'll both still be happy.
Won't we?
Apr 4, 2022
Apr 4, 2022 at 11:03 AM UTC
Tonight i realized that there’s beauty and power in every song because there’s an inspiration, no matter what its message is, there is a complete phenomenon on how the songs speak and communicate with our souls. Maybe it is also composed with emotions, not just that, but love and longingness..
Every song has a heart, how it is poured out in a song..it sets its emotion in every note, every heart beat, every hum . It is what we feel. The reason why we are being connected to it whenever we open ourselves. That’s why we cry hearing a song, changed lives occur, realizations taking place.
As I sang love songs, I realized that these love songs also is a way on how God communicates with us. It tells us how he feels for us, the same way the song is made for someone. God also has feelings. He also expresses his love, not only in act of kindness by providing us all we need but even in a song, he speaks real loud. If only we have ears to hear it, we could.
Mar 7, 2015
Mar 7, 2015 at 2:08 PM UTC
I see the pain I feel in people every day
Despair depression loneliness longingness
And it kills me that I can't gather my nerves up and say
This pain you feel the hurt you're going though it will pass
Your life will not become this moment
This is only a small portion of a larger, complicated and beautiful life
The world will be a beacon of light
And you will be at the center. This moment of weakness you feel
It will not define you
The person that hurt you will not matter in the long run
I have been in your shoes- it seems that all around you is dark
Not a silver lining in sight
And the more people you meet
the more sure you are that they are nothing but jerks
But it is not as it seems
Their is a limit to all the crap the world can throw at you
And yours is approaching
You will find something that will bring you out of that darkness
It may be a person or it may be a simple idea
But this pain of yours
Of mine
And of everybody else
Is soon to be over
And you will forget that it wasn't perfection
That once your life was this bad
And the hidden beauty of this world is
That no matter how much you think that fate is after you
That god hates you
It's not, he doesn't
its just reality
You will have bad times
You will have times that you look at yourself and you want to end it
But you will also have the wonderful days
Mixed with happiness, joy and love
And all that pain will heal and you will blossom into
Something extraordinary because all that pain has left you stronger
You can face a harder tomorrow and come out of it with a smile on you face
Mar 2, 2012
Mar 2, 2012 at 8:23 PM UTC
yearning for something
i desire;
what lies beneath
the ivory duvet
when the rays of the sun
spares a shy glance
around the nook and cranny
of your room;
hands aching
to lace around yours;
waiting to taste sweet you,
bitterness slowly creeping
up to its own demise,
this is why the maidens
sung their hearts out
to accompany
the grieving tremors
that shook the faulty edges
we had built,
atop of guilt and uncertainties.
flustered sheets scattered
on the floor,
pieces of myself
i can no longer get back to
whilst a gaping hole
greeting my own eyes
held a fragment of truth and silence.
( this is not my home;
this is the apparition’s
treacherous threshold. )
yearning for something
i lost;
the warmth of your embrace,
contrasting with the
glare of the sun
pouring down on me,
easiness could never
give justice to you;
sly brushes of lips against my skin,
as if chanting
bohemian chants
all over me
to get out of this
witchcraft that we call love;
longingness in your eyes,
a renaissance painting
in front of you,
begging to feel
the constellations
in your hands
cascading through
every vein in me.
still, i feel something coil
deep inside me,
were you truly mine?
Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 10:50 AM UTC
every moment he was my child
it seemed he left me for another woman
those women; he complained were his companions
he felt solidarity
and that night---i lose myself of me
once more
he belonged to none, but myself
i wish i could paint him
there're no colors; i find solace
the tangible form and intangible idea's
i draw images in my mind with him being together
where no other women existed
and all this madness
i inherited in loving him too much
bit of anguish, a bit of longingness
and still craving for his touch ..
yet i wouldn't speak of this love
or sleep or hear
i know in your silences; i lost myself
with all the beatings of your heart
i possessed all the grace, and your light
occasionally i set myself apart from you
but i lost myself, to another woman
and each of your women, i lost every more of myself
it wasn't the greatest of the sadness
till i know
there is no love force in me
and in this confusion, you went away
to another woman, and to your women
all over you..
i would write you , in my each of letters
and in my alphabets and syntax of broken language
but i lose the power to write
to the force, i feel inward
and with every little of myself
i lose myself more of me,
and little by little,
i crave for you more
and i think of you in grandeur of this world
in hustle bustle of love
i think more of my great love
As i realize, the loneliness
is my greatest companion
and i'm the one, who belongs to loneliness
ahh, you shouldn't have let me go
this loneliness has gone over me
and yet, your women wouldn't leave you
making me see the loss of myself
every little while
this silence remind me of my greatest love
it reminds me of our possessed share
where there was everything but loyalty
in veiled colors
it seems i can't get over the days
of you being together with me
but your women came along
you felt consoled and you felt at ease
giving yourself to them
while keeping me in heart, you gained those women's attention
everything so untouched, and so distant
i feel my love more moving
close, and intense
your gazing is still over me
and i wish i could touch the sun
and sky, and stars
my heart, perhaps would feel at ease
perhaps i could adopt them
as my child ....as you were my own,
a piece drawn from me
but you were, another women's
those women were your face, your mind
and your life
but your heart...i touch your heart
even i feel this great warmth in me
moving for you, craving for you
i wouldn't still be your woman
and in him,
i felt a sharp pain of being a woman
Oct 17, 2015
Oct 17, 2015 at 3:32 PM UTC