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Mahwish Z Jan 2021
paint it blue
or paint me, black
have i lost my mind.

this circus,
family, friends ..
have they ****** it, entirely.

is it a waking dream
or am i, just another passing time

home, solitary
constant phone ringing
children screaming---a long list of things
to get..

an exile,
that never seem to end ..

countless drama's
i couldn't escape
my mind--being the best of me
& worst, left me
most of miserable..

no boundary, no limits
shamelessness; on top of all agenda's
an infected virus-- a shame
on humanity!

people i lost
relations i don't have
not a single tear

my mind is dense with thousand
of thoughts
my mouth; however
mute, as sunshine ..

is it just the lock-down
or the life, i have ..
the hypocrisy-- a venom
people seem to own it ..

a journey i am on
been a long
slow and solitary.
Mahwish Z Sep 2020
they say
'love heals all wounds'
let not bitterness
sit in your heart

i done all
people see
bit by bit

love burns me
bitterness come inside
sitting in me
my heart

i try to raise my level
it comes to me

i thought i am done
with bitterness

my heart says a different story
i can't breath
i am suffocated
in this skin
with all my 'love'

drunk in this bitterness
sitting by myself
gathering all my thoughts
so hard
not to let it win
over me

my troubled heart
tells me
to speak up
i am too shy of a person
to speak with my vocal words

am i running back?
I thought i came
forward with my life
but here we go

sitting in bitterness
with agony
in my heart
i can't fight

even for the sake
of love
guess i don't know my strengths

i am, yet
just so done
with hatred
all over my face
Mahwish Z Sep 2020
love inside me
future seems bright
yet so lonely
and without love

love is all over me
past is full of evilness
pain, hurt
and burning
love never came to me

lies, betrayal
shielded me
in its wrath

words have always been my companion
my saviour
my lifeline
it seem to have gone away

whilst i write this
in middle of night
i write with fury of my heart
no knowing
what words come of me

memories haunt my peace
life betrays me
in a nutshell

i cry with all my love
dying inside me
yet so alive
Mahwish Z Sep 2020
I used to have words
I could write them
through my fingers
with a rhythm
of my heart
of my life
it feels words, too,
gone far
from my reach ..

this struggle
i bear inside
i no longer can narrate
with feelings of my words!

i see so many people
me ..
yet i no longer feel the empathy
of hearts
companionship of my words
it hurts
it aches within!

all my efforts
all my struggle
seems to go in vain ..

glasses get broken
so many people
with broken heart
broken limb, empty soul
it feels nothing heals

people come
and go..
sometimes, people stay
to change their colours
their patterns
with each passing day

yet, no words seem to soothe anything
so maybe it
an end to all of beginning
of this slaughter
martyrdom of hearts and passions

this, maybe the
beginning of my freedom
reviving through
my words
and this story!
Mahwish Z Aug 2020
strange people are lonely
be in a crowd
or at a party
they are weird
i have never been lonely
never have i tried to find it
anyone could enter
and go
as they like
bothers me not a bit
since i have always had this itch
for loneliness
it never bothered me
people did !
with people
or at crowd, full of noises
my heart wandered alone
cherished solitude
I've felt
and cried
bitterness ran within these veins
which i not bother speaking
nor do i want anybody to see
that's my property, my possession
which none allowed to enter
well ..
because you see nothing
you hear none !
words are only medium to express
i am bothered by nothing
spoken words just another thing
filling up this deep thick air
paper is a blessing
i lay my soul bare
with no scratch in my heart !
i believe we are all alone
we are all dumped
to nothing
cities are full
air is polluted with noise
mouths are big
tusk tusk
it's stupid to be who you are
truth hurts
yet it doesn't !
forget what you wear
or how you do
you are nowhere
but in a world
who is incapable to see
to feel
me neither !
its only loneliness sometimes make sense to me
when others don't !
Mahwish Z Aug 2020
this you would know
live me, cry me
take me
dancing in the dark night
and healing never comes
pain keep mounting
eyes do not cry any more
nothing scares me
not even people
or their words
burn me
die me , curse me
be in my skin
it is as it is
kiss me
with your bitterness intact
i need you to forget everything
love does not exist
care is insulting
i am insulted
tonight i am in mood of nothing
epic journey
rejections filled this heart
that you would feel
tore me apart
seal me, free me
sentence it forever
waiting is a long stop
it never comes to end

-Aug 20013-
Mahwish Z Aug 2020
Look up,
aren't we blessed
to witness the starry pattern ..
it echoes across
my thoughts
my writings
head ..
filling up this void
in its quite solitude..

let me be drunk
overflowing with starry, mid-night
magical night ..
who cares what goes around
the world !!
I witness the marvels
my heart
my soul
dreams ..

I find you in the loneliness
of these words
of starry nights ..
all over me !!

in a colourful
yet subtle silence.
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