i've been watching those crime
shows where they figure out
who killed who and i almost
related to them except i know
it's you who's killing me

it's late at night it's
the middle of the day
it's early in the morning
it's all evening it's every time
i'm alone it's when i try to
hangout with other
people it's when
you're busy
i miss you

it's easier on my
stomach to drink
until i can't remember
my name anymore than
to think about you and her

it'll be a few days before
my body will ache for
your touch again and my
mind will scream for
your kind words to fill it
once more but i'll pull
through without you

in your car going 80 on
the highway weaving
between cars you sang
along to your favourite
songs and talked and
yelled and i never
thought one person
could be so beautiful
but there you were
next to me working
your way into my
heart i hate you

i can't control
my emotions but
**** it they
******* control me

the late night rides in your
car and the mornings you
made me breakfast in your
bed and rearranging your
entire apartment just so we
wouldn't think about the bad
times and the moments you
almost said you loved me
by mistake and the evenings
spent laying on your couch
watching terrible movies on
netflix and the time we spent
that'll never be the same

it's almost 4am now and i keep
having small flashbacks to the
first time we hung out and how
you kept saying you were sorry
for where we ended up but i didn't
care i was just happy you were around
i've never wanted someone to stay
so terribly my entire life and that
day still makes me smile

it's hard to look in the mirror
some days and sometimes it
gets too hard to connect with
people and i just can't force
myself to be interested
it feels like there's a blanket
covering me and it's comfortable
but i can't see anything and it's
getting hard to breathe and i'm
starting to miss the fresh air and
the people that care
i keep trying to crawl out from
under this small fortress but it
won't move so i guess i can't either
and i'm getting scared
i miss talking to my mom about
the sunny days and listening to
my sister ramble on about things
that happened at school
and it's messed up but most of all
i miss the way you would come home
and you'd be angry about work so
you'd rant for hours about how you
can't believe people are so stupid or
you wish you didn't have to sit at
that computer all day
i only wanted to help you and take
the stress away but you always
shunned me and pushed me away
like i was some kind of stranger
breaking into your home
you broke into my heart and left
a terrible mess then you left me
alone to clean it up but there's
blood on the walls and bits
of you in everything i do
i don't think this is going to work

with an old record neither
of us ever remembered
buying playing in the
background and your
hands around my throat
i finally felt your love

you could tell me you
love me a million times
but without sincerity
it only feels like you're
choking me with
barbed wire

i miss movie nights in
your apartment i miss
being the one for you
i miss sleepovers and
waking up to your cat
i miss feeling like we're
the last two you built
me up and made me
love i wish i was still
the one

i understand everyone
gets sad at one point or
another but god when
does it ******* end

i've been missing you lately but
more so i've been wondering if
you've been missing me as well

recently i've been falling apart
more often than not and i've
been saying i'm fine when i
feel like i'm slowly but surely
deteriorating and i've been
telling people i'm better even
though i know that's a lie but
maybe if i say it enough i'll
start to believe it
god i hope so

you went out drinking again
and i can't decide if i'd rather
lay in bed and read until the
words don't make sense to
me anymore or step into
oncoming traffic