I am God's one, and only mistake.
If our lord is perfect, why would he curse the world with my existence?
When i exist solely to bring pain and suffering unto others, what kind of sick joke was he playing at?

I hope one day my parents realise, that although i was the only planned baby they had out of 3, i was the only mistake they made in having. Im sure my parents are real proud of the monster their son becomes around woman. Im sure they're proud of their verbally abusive, short tempered, selfish and cold son...

I hope that one day peoples open their eyes and see the truth for whats inside me and not what i show them on the outside, i want them all to look at my grave one day and be thankful that the world was rid of a demon that day, that satan had finally recoiled and taken back his child.

Life is nothing but a series of moments that exist to remind ourselves we still feel something.

Right now all i feel is pain, drowning, and anger, i hate this body, i curse this mind, maybe if i wish upon a star, i can go back in time, and stop things from going this far

We used to say we were forever
That we were 110% loyal to eachother
And we would spend an eternity together.

What happened to those promises?
Where did the loyalty go?
Why didnt we last forever?
Who am I to question you leaving...

Its hard reading old messages
People change its true
But I never wanted that person to be you

What happened to the I love you?
Where did the happiness go?
Why did it have to end like this?
Who am I to force you to stay...

You don't have to put another thought to me.
I don't have to exist in that part of your heart anymore
But you exist there for me
I can't bear to exist without you there anymore.

I miss
Your bright, warming and truthful smile
I miss
Your innocent, pure and honest laugh
I miss
Your unwavering, strong and undying loyalty
I miss
Your soft, tender and loving embrace
I miss
Your quiet, compassionate and dedicated love
I miss
Your ******, delicate and natural body
I miss
You...

Not now
Not once
Not ever
Have I wanted you to see how I truly feel.

I'm fine
I'm okay
I'm happy
The lies I tell so you don't know how I really struggle.

Don't worry
Don't stress
Don't ask*
All things I say so you don't find out how I really suffer.

I still type,
Those things,
We would say to eachother.
They all go,
In my notes,
Because I cant say 'em to you.
I still pretend,
That it's okay,
When I'm only kidding myself.
Call me stupid,
Maybe I'm ignorant,
But I wish my notepad could type back.

If with you there is nothing to gain,
Then you will always be my favourite kind of pain.

They ask me why I still talk to you,
Perhaps it’s because I don't truly believe we're through.

So I book another appointment,
Met with yet another disappointment.

I’d say I believe everyone deserves a second chance,
But so many later I’m not sure I’m worth a second glance.

I wish I could expel the emotions in my heart,
Whilst I remain silent, allowing myself to fall apart.

Why do I do this to myself?
When you’ve already put us on the shelf.

At times I find myself craving your pain,*
Even if there is nothing to gain.

Do Re Mi,
Life is as bad as it can be,
Do Re Mi,
What is wrong with me?
Do Re Mi,
Enough with this misery,
Do Re Mi,
The pain I don't want anyone to see,
Do Re Mi,
I've lost my rhythm,
Do Re Mi,
My songs fallen apart,
Do Re Mi,
I'm way off tune,
Do Re Mi,*
Life is as bad as it can be.

Tear my heart out
As it still beats.
Take my heart from me
As it still beats...

The aching pain
Never ceases.
The unbearable trauma
Never ceases...

If I had a choice
I'd choose death.
If you asked me
I'd choose death...

No more pain,
No more ache,
No more trauma,
No more me,*
That's what I need...

You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't

But I need help

Not your help
not yours either
Definately not your help
You couldn't

But I need help

It's a bit much
A lot much
More than I want much
I shouldn't

I just need help

Should ask him what's up
Maybe get him to talk
He can trust me
No you shouldn't
I hope you wouldn't

He doesnt
He can't talk
He can't trust you
He just needs help

You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't

Not a phrase you will ever know
A phrase from a language too unknown to show

I speak many languages
From Chinese to French
Not one fluently but more than the last

I could tell you in many languages
From Chinese to Hungarian
Not one fluently would help more than the last

I could answer in many languges
From Chinese to Spanish
Not one could help answer your question more that the last

I could lie in many languages
From Chinese to Filipino Tagalog
Not one should mean anything more than the last

Not a phrase you will ever know
A phrase from a language too unknown to show

It has been long
Since I's last here
A lot has changed
Too much I fear

Once upon, then ago
Nothing but sorrow
Since that time before
Waiting for tomorrow

Concealed in me
Was locked away
Till the monster inside
Could come out to play

Dont believe for a moment
As if you know me
Look a little deeper
No longer cease to see

Write 1000 words
Each one a different sound
Meaning behind each and every
Sinking beneath the ground

Another paragraph
Yet another rhyme
Heart and soul empty
Reached the end of time

No sense to be made
You couldn't understand
Don't listen anymore
Adhere your *reprimand

A* is for *anything to end this suffering
B is for broken, breaking like my fragile state
C is for careful, cautious of these eggshells
D is for disaster, destruction of what we had
E is for empty, emotionless cries in the night
F is for false, fake like the lies we tell ourselves
G is for grief, grieving not over the dead but mistakes
H is for horrible, hatred the purest of black
I is for insanity, insomnia plaguing my sleep
J is for jaded, just lacking in many emotional departments
K is for knavish, kiddish behaviour I exemplify
L is for lost, losing faith, happiness and you
M is for mistakes, monster at heart and in action
N is for nonsensical, never-ending
O is for officious, obnoxious demeanour and persona
P is for pathetic, powerless to make the right moves
Q is for quitter, quick to leave and walk away
R is for resentment, relationships aren't for men like me
T is for turmoil, turbulence beneath the wings of trouble
U is for understatement, underestimating
V is for violent, vindictive almost as if by nature
W is for wishful, waiting for something new
X is for xenodochial, but never to those who matter most
Y is for youthful, yokelish and distasteful to be around
Z is for zany, pertaining to the cause of most problems

I got a small taste of what it's like to live with you.
Not much I know but hey, it was great while it lasted right?

Few brief days we shared as proof that love despite distance is true.
How many months have we been proving others wrong?

One day I think we'll be together indefinitely no matter what we do.
Oh how I can't wait for that day, will everything be perfect then?

*I truly believe

I thought humans learnt from their mistakes?
Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule?
One would think you'd learn not to put so much trust in others,
In the end.... They'll abuse it.

When my best friend turned around and stabbed me in the back,
Hacked into everything I knew, everything I owned and used it all as blackmail against me, I thought I knew how it felt to Hurt
To feel genuiene Anger towards someone.
I of course was wrong...

Now, couple years down the track, I put too much trust into someone I now know I should never have. He turned around and stabbed me in the back and broke me. I though I knew how it felt to be Crippled
To feel like everything inside me Shattered
Single handedly ruined me and my life, shattered my trust in people and when there was no one there to support me... I fell deeper into the abyss. I sought refuge and support from the people I still held trust and faith in
They too abused my trust in them and broke me further, By now my pieces are too small to fit back together.
A shattered mine and a crippled soul but...
Everyone has problems. Everyone is hurting right?
I shouldn't complain, shouldn't tell you my problems because they're not your problems and why would you want them?
That's absurd

No matter what I say anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter what I do anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter how I feel anymore... it carries with it an ill will...
I am nothing but what people tell me I am
I can't begin to list how others make me appear anymore than I can begin to list how I appear in the mirror...
There is no thinking positively
There is no "It gets better"

When you're me...
...Even the saddest of emotions turn to anger.

“What’re you up to?” His simple text said.
“Just eating cereal and lying in bed.”
“What if I was with you?” he responded with ease,
“I guess I’d get more cereal if I please.”
And that’s when he said it, that simpering lad, that stupid response that makes all of us mad.
My mind filled with dread, with a twist in my gut,
I picked up my phone and read: “Haha, and then what ;)”

"And then what?!" Shocked by his assumptious pleas,
"Leave me alone, I'm begging you please."
And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse,
He muttered those three dreaded words.
Yes, I kid you not. That little *****.
I opened his next message that read "Pic 4 a Pic?"
I then retorted; "No, don't send your unsolicited 'pics', I surely can see past your little tricks."
And that's when things took an alarming switch.
The boy with a wounded ego replied, "You're just an ungrateful *****."
The very next morning, the boy put on his fedora and let out with a sigh,
"Why does no one like me? I'm such a nice guy."

When* all things have been said and done,
When together we would laugh and play.
When time is up and we've had our fun,
When you're gone you're really far away.

What would I do without you here.
What to do when I lie alone.
What am I without you dear.
What is there but contact by phone?

Why is good always before bye?
Why must this be so hard to bear?
Why among stars does you name span the sky?
Why is a great distance something to share?

Who are you without a me beside you?
Who told us that love wasn't free?
Who you are shows through in the things you do.
Who said we needed anything but you and me?

Where are you headed after departing?
Where is strength among sadness?
Where fall my tears in which are starting?
Where does one find you in thy *madness?