Ah, go ahead
cut my flesh open
let me bleed until I'm dry
and tell me to absorb
all the pain
as I cry my lungs out
then tell me you can't heal me
simply because you're afraid of blood

****, my voice is breaking
the sadness inside me is rising
I’m trying so hard to make it disappear
but the more I do the more it appears

how selfish will I sound
to tell you to stay cause I need you around?
so I choose to smile and lie
when I say, “it’s okay, goodbye”

Oh yeah the Demon told me
that you're with him now
let me know how my *****
taste when you kiss him
and good luck licking it off

whenever he walks through the door,
he makes the room lit brighter than the times square
and I am a tiny girl with her sweater and big dreams
captivated by his billboard-flashy-smile

Here lies our broken spine
buried along with our cries
when we were chained and tied
under the evil azure sky

now we shall marked them
with tombstone of pride
for life had trained us well
and victory is what's left
for us to tell

just before he left
I kissed him again
and he pulled me deeper
I thought he was the gravity

Ulala
Those bright green eyes
ridiculously
fit the yellow sunlight
when the sky stopped raining

the earth spins too much, isn’t it?
cause I really want to go back to that day
when we sing together, laugh together
no worries, no blue—just us two
but no matter how many nights passed
I always end up waking up to “today”

just like Groundhog Day
he's repeating the same warning;
the reasons of our undoing,
a parachute to keep us from falling

they record the untold stories
about those moments about us
how they were shaped the way you like
the first time we met that lovely night
then they got awfully long
as long as our endless fighting song
until I cut them off again
so they stop tickling your nose
when you cuddle me like chain
but my favorite memory they record
is the fact that you're there
watching them grow overtime
brushing them off of my face
kissing them softly before I sleep
filling their space only with your trace

From the very start, you were holding my hand
locking them tightly each and everyday
then at some point they loosen up
and I hate that so I try my best to fix them

now, our hand grip is different;
it’s close and very comforting
it’s warm and encouraging
it’s yours and mine becoming ours

it’s in the stage where we can clearly see
what we’re sharing together is
more than the selfishness of oneself
and past way up the capacity of love itself

It's June
But somehow it's still raining
And you
You knew I dwell in the rain
How I love the cold of being wet
But still
You cover me up with sweater
And hold your umbrella for me
As if you'd take the fall
If I ever run into the rain, *again

Have you heard from your bedroom wall
that I long to be where you are?
have you heard the birds whistling
how I wish you a good day each morning?
have you heard your silence cellphone
ringing out the canceled calls from my phone?
sssh... be quite and listen carefully
let my blue heart speaks slowly
I am missing you, badly
and I am secretly still loving you, baby

it's strange for me to feel safe or happy
maybe because he introduced me
to insecurity, pain, and scar in the first place
they've been my best friends ever since then
and I don't know who I am without them
but you're here now
serving me a plate of devotion and love;
the one I always hoped for but never got from him
and no matter how tall my walls are
my love safety system is not sounding an alarm
how odd, I pushed you but you pulled me back
so I stopped fighting you and your ray of light
beside, in order to know happiness again
all I have to do is open the door for you, right?

Because you are
the one person
who can pump
my dead heartbeat
back to life
when all
I ever wish
for it
to just
stop

"Do you love her?"
"I do"
~

There and then I contemplate
your lips, your eyes, your breath
trying so hard to find the lie
in your straight answer
and the ***** between my neck
and my stomach trembles
caused by the truth
I cannot handle

I know him as a man
who doesn't have a heart
yet he could make me
love him so much
I give away mine
just so he has one

for some people heaven is
a world without war
or a home and a family
or maybe a vanilla ice cream
but I have my concept of heaven;
it is you—laughing, smiling, breathing
—because of me

his face is sulking
through the foliage
under that big tree
where I lit my cigarette
—avoiding eye contact
as I turned down
the confession
of the love he made
especially for me
simply because
it's too heavy
for me to carry

You have his heart
but I have its key
You can have him
but he loves me

The broken pieces of my heart make his a whole

Truth is, if one day
years from now
in a crowd full of stars
somewhere in the city unknown
we ever bumped into each other again
in that one sweet day
I can bet that a smile will greet us both
cause the history once we share
was abso-******-lutely one great affair

His smile has rained over my ribcage
where inside rests a soil field
for him to grow hundreds of red tulips
as red as my kiss to his sweet lips
and they've been blocking my breathing
each time he tells me that he's leaving
or simply return to me and staying
so I pluck them all and start counting
one and two and three
does he loves me not?
or does he loves me?
until teardrop falls and I cannot see
cause it always ends up with him
not loving me

but, my darling
I'd steal health from Hygieia
**** Clotho for your thread of life
and let the Gods forbid me
breathing inside this galaxy
because you, your existence,
means a lot more important
than the all the beauty
they could ever offer me

She wanted to take off her clothing
Like flower's petals falling
Until his underneath trembles
Like earthquake in December
She wanted to be rocked
And keep his thighs locked
Where he cannot kiss her
Cause she keeps biting her lip
Where his breathing gets loud
Cause she wanted some crowd
And she craved for his lust
Until she faints
Out of his hard thrusts

She took a glance at him and fell in love forever
She married a guy she hates all her life
She sticks together with her best guy friend
She got beaten up but still thinks he's perfect
She never notice him but then one day he's everything she can think of
She falls in love deeply with herself and her world
She refuses to settle down but he made her does
She dates a lot of guys but never let him slip away
She devoted her love for him even when he's not hers
She doesn't know that she can love her so much
She stays in a relationship with someone else's husband
She never let go of her teacher at school who's 12 years older
She just loves her own brother more than she's supposed to
She broke up with him but keeps on coming back to him
How's your love story?

the hidden fate quietly
emanating a light
and I fall in love instantly
as if I've lost my sight

I kindda wish
I can describe
that tingling sensation
he gives me
whenever he pulls
my face closer to his
before we share
a very sweet kiss

I honestly don't understand your poetry
I don't even know how to read them
but I need a reason to speak to you
to get your attention, to be with you
I'd do as low as lying and scheming
just so I can listen to your loud laugh
or have a nice dinner and take you home
and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance
you'd give me your heart too

Then again, I am just a home
a blank space you spare
for the emptiness you couldn't be bear
a charger for your tired soul
when the world turned into a big foul

after you done resting,
you will shut out my front door
leaving me empty and lonely
not a single fun you ever bring for me

but you're just a silly boy
who has no idea
what a home truly means
until you lost it

Sometimes a home doesn't consist a roof nor walls
Like my home,
Has crooked teeth and heartbeats
And looks exactly like you

everyday, I see another lovers who are meant to be
they look like a hope to believe in for me
but then again, a hope is just a daydream
dressed well, leaving so quick, like him

We lean on the bed altogether
Our fingers laying one upon the other
Time stops while we enjoy forever
As you sweep my arm like feather

This is the moment where clearly
You are passing your message in secrecy
"Your hug tells me you love me," I told
And you agreed by tightening your hold

When I got afraid of the boogeyman
or I felt like the air is colder than usual
no matter how silly it might sound
he'd spare some of his time
to let his wrapping arms and long kisses
sing me lullabies to sleep at night

Nightmare woke me
With fears aching my throat
The sun was still hiding
When I saw you sleeping
In shades of dark gray
I want you
In every way there is
To want a person
To stay
And letting go
Is one thing
I never know how to do
To you

That's how you like it
my legs on your shoulder
while your palms holding my hips
That's how I like it
my head at the edge of the bed
while my vision went upside down
That's how we like it
your eyes ****** me
while I keep biting my lips
and the air is filled
with the scent of our honey

It was when his finger prints left marks on my coffee cup
in that Starbucks he politely gave me my warm hazelnut
I remember how I got a little struck of his height
he made me look at him like I am gazing at the stars

It was his 'hi' that painted my crooked smile
followed by a simple question, "what's your name?"
God, he's so cute in that black t-shirt and snapback
I sounded like a ****** when I speak my name out

It was his vibe and a little of his laugh
that got me re-arranged a space in my mind for him
as he threw compliments with the same amount
of every single thing I like about his consuming eyes

It was a bye-bye that evening where it started to rain
and I counted his steps as he walked away from me
along with the ticking clock for his first phone call
cause he stole my every attention until I stumble and fall

It is said that I have lost so much;
God took my source of life, my parents
that I have been betrayed by my siblings
that I have been left stranded and alone
by the love of my life in such misery
that the ones I have been calling out
as my best friends spit on my trust
that I have been crying without any hand
to help me, to acknowledge me

but I have a faith within my own two feet
a light that surpass the darkness outside
a love inside me that is big enough to know
this;

I am bigger than loneliness
stronger than hatred
and wiser than heartache
I am aware of my true self

so I wipe my tears,
stand as tall as I should be
I smile and say this:

"I am powerful,
I am me
and you
you cannot break me"

I am drunk
and I forgot who I am
but remembered you
and I have no other demand
but to stare at your beautiful eyes
that hold all the lights from the stars

I am drunk
and I lost myself
but found your silhouette
and I have no other request
but to make you mine
pretty please, would you be mine?

I am always the one who loves too much
who cares too much
that was the absolute reason why
I ended up with the biggest wound
I did that to myself
it was all my mistake
I am the one who pulled the trigger
to my head, up from my mouth
he was just there giving me the gun

inside the car with your jeans undone
I held on to your rock hard miniature
like I'm licking a chocolate ice cream flavor
that melts in the heat of summer

let's put it this way;
if you give me a chocolate cake
and a bunch of last night's leftovers
I will frantically eat both
because I love you
for your better
and your worst

I don't want to speak
Nor to be alone
Therefore, I will sit
Amidst the crowd
Enjoying their laugh
Mixed with the blaring sound
From my playlist
Smelling the scent of coffee
And my earl grey tea

That way
Only that way, I'd be able
To hold the tears
From my aching heart
*That you caused

Then he bends down on one knee

Boneless tongue might say things we don't mean
cause both you and I cursed each other like nemesis
yet my arms stay circling around your neck
and yours on my hips when we share a long kiss

But the moment you tell me that you love me
and I say it back to you
Every syllable just feels so right in my eardrums
and my sieve heart absorbs those words completely
and the motion of our lips looks strangely sweet
they tempt us to lock them together slowly

At times when he says "Iloveyou"
I'd reply with "welcome home"
cause to love and be loved by him
is to be home

"If I knew it, I would not..."
she said—choking—
while tears dripping down her cheeks

that is the thing about life
we do not know, we never do

therefore we should spare some patience—
breathe easily, think slowly
in order to save a lifetime of regrets
so that we will be able to say;

"Eventhough it turned out this way,
I am glad I was kind. I truly did my best'

I will be cuddling inside your pillow chest
Smooching your strawberry hair
Endlessly biting your lower lips to annoy you
Laughing at your gestures and unfunny jokes
Resting my fingers atop yours like braid
Enjoying the love song of your heartbeat
Breathing your absurd laugh
Watching the stillness of your sleep and
Opening my eyes to see the sun rising on your cheek
All of the above are the opposite of  my reality
All of the above are what we were once upon a time
But
There's one thing left that's not the opposite
I am still extremely ridiculously inevitably
deeply honestly and completely
in love with you

I have broken a heart and gotten mine broken
I have created lies and spread honesty
I have betrayed and been faithful
I have cried in joy and smiled in tears
I have lost my all and won them back
I have been there and done that
but
I never have you

Who told you that we're strangers?
here me out,
this might sounds crazy
no, actually this is beyond crazy

but we've known each other
in the time before us
we've rely ourselves
leaning on one another
for as long as every pairs are made

like the bee to the honey
like the sun to the earth
inside the galaxy of ghosts
through that blackhole in space

maybe that is why the way
I speak your name rhymes
with the way your heart pulsing
and the moment you call out mine
synchronizes my breathing lungs

how many chances you've thrown away?
and efforts I have made in vain?
those tears I've cried, my heart that died
it is only you I want to hold tight

memories pierce their way to my bones
do you have any idea how many falling stars
I've wished upon just to be your only one?
now I wonder if I even matter a dust to you

but...