What matters most
Is not grand gestures
And fancy gifts,
But moments of intimacy
And connection,
Attention
And care.

We all long to belong,
To find our community,
Our family,
Our place of safety and refuge.
But feeling different to other people,
An outsider,
Of no fixed abode,
I’m not sure where I belong,
Or who my tribe is.
I feel confused,
Discombobulated,
Wayward feelings and erroneous thoughts
Running around inside my head,
Misleading me down the garden path,
Tripping me up,
Leading me down holes
That are too deep to climb back out of

A wordsmith sits patently
Sharpening and refining his tools.
He listens and he waits
For the deadly moment,
Knowing exactly when to strike.
He unsheathes his sword,
Pointing expertly towards his prey.
Words of shining steel
Slice through the air
Landing with intent,
Cutting with precision,
Twisting with malice,
Into this bleeding heart
Of mine.

Oh that devil is a ******,
“Don’t give him a seat at your table” I was told,
Yet he sneaks in by the back door
And before you know it
Lying back in the chair with his feet on the table
And a big fat greasy grin on his face
Surveying the carnage and pain
And all the good work
Unfurling around him
Lying in tatters on the floor.
Oh the gruesome glee emitting from that odious unwelcome bedfellow
As I’m left wretched and in pain and alone once more
On the cold stone floor

In this age of technology
And auto spell checker,
Is it too much to ask for
In this HePo commune?
There really is no excuse I’m sure,
To come a cropper
With your and you’re.
Possession or identity?
Am I alone
In my frustrating annoyance
At this growing misdemeanour?
So much so I move on
Without even a Like,
For there’s nothing to see,
That makes any sense.
Are you guilty?
A grammar snob too?
Or is it.... just me?

Conversation inhibited,
Yet also free of constraint,
Small talk a challenge,
In depth conversation my forte
And interrogation my ally
Bombarding others with quick fire questions,
‘You’re too deep’ it has been said more than once
As I reveal too much once again.

Misunderstanding social cues,
Eye contact a no no,
****** expressions a blur,
Tone of voice a trigger,
Hence emotions a minefield.

Literal listening,
Literal speaking,
Leading to sense of humour bypass,
Don’t waste your innuendos, irony and sarcasm on me,
Direct speaking is what wins the day.

Overwhelming sensory overload,
Confusion,
Misunderstanding,
Mishearing,
Tendency towards negativity,
Introversion,
A war of words
Inside my head
Pouring out my mouth,
Tearing me apart
And those whom I love.

Now working hard to change the script,
To be aware of the impact of deficiencies, defensiveness and quirkiness,
To remain level headed and mindful
As I alternate between tiptoeing and running roughshod
Through the labyrinth of life.

You are
The glistening snowflake,
The valiant snowdrop,  
The fragrant cherry blossom,
The shimmering ocean, and
The abundant harvest,
I am there for you and you for me,
All year round
My sweet love.

You are
My ray of sunshine,
My shooting star,
My waxing moon,
My rainbow magic,
My inspiring muse, and
The meaning in my life,
I love you
With all my heart.

You are
The sunshine in my step,
The smile on my lips,
The twinkle in my eye,
The timbre in my voice,
The tenderness in my touch and
The passion in my kiss,
I’ll always love you
Forever
And a day.

All my life
Living under a cloud of doom and fear and negativity,
Believing I was deficient in some way,
I’d done something really bad,
But knowing not what.

Guilt now in tatters,
Shame no longer around,
Worry retreating,
As I finally discover
All I’m guilty of
Is being

Socially
Inept!

Living in a world of my own,
Bound in beguiling threads
In an intricately tapestried mind map,
Always thinking,
Rarely living,
Socially isolated,
Socially inept,
A prisoner of my mind,
Falling down never ending rabbit holes
Into boundless oceans of despondency and despair,
Paralysed by confusion,
An assault on the senses,
Suffocating,
Unable to breathe.

A familiar light shines in the distance,
I swim towards it,
Limbs thrashing,
One stroke forward,
Two strokes back,
One stroke forward,
One stroke back,
Two strokes forward,
One stroke back,
Slowly, slowly,
Closer and closer,
Until I reach the life raft and arms of my saviour,
Who never gave up hope of finding me again,
Even in the darkest hours.

As I listen to the sound of the raging sea
relentlessly pounding on the merciful shingle,
Watching the crest’s lip glisten
under the glow of the full moon,
The flashlight from a solitary walker and his dog illuminating
majestic waves climaxing 12 foot high against the sea wall,
Seismic spray scattering far and wide,
I am reminded
Of the power and force of nature
Which will overcome us all
One day

Happiness, sadness,
Two contrasting emotions,
Both transitory.
Aim for contentment,
Acceptance of what is,
And what’s not,
And gratitude for all of it.
With this and
A firm gaze
Upon your dreams
You can achieve anything
You set your mind to
With grace and determination

In the midst of a sudden storm
One night a year ago,
Whilst solitary camping
In ancient woodland
With wise majestic oaks,
From seemingly nowhere
A poem flowed from within,
Unleashing a torrent of words.
387 published poems later,
Releasing bridled feelings,
Unveiling past experiences,
Encapsulating deep seated pain and hidden anguish,
My healing journey continues,
With inner strength, courage, compassion
And a 180 degree turn
Towards my dreams
And my future.

Ours was a complex relationship,
Full of pride and bitter sweet,
But underneath the fiery rage,
The criticism and put downs,
Were the broken hearts of a
father and daughter,
Who both wanted
Above all,
To love
And
Be loved.

Trees swaying,
Leaves rustling,
Buzzards soaring.
Wind’s delicate caressing touch,
Autumn sun’s warming golden rays
Filtering through the trees
Onto the woodland floor.
Peace and silence reigns
In between birds’ angelic song
Of gratitude and praise
Drawing the day to a close.

Defences dissolving
Worries subsiding
Edges softening
Skin tingling
Heart warming,
As I melt in your arms feeling
Your warm embrace
Your tender touch
Your strength, power and care
Seeping into my bones
Instilling me with love
Restoring anew.

Oh the power of suggestion
The strength of our connection
As your hug reaches out and touches me
Across the snow filled miles

Lay down your weapons
Remove your suit of armour
And sit down next to me my child,
There’s no more need for
Barbed wire or steel,
For all you need is
Faith, Love and Truth.
These three cornerstones are more effective
At striking your opponents,
With love, truth, and
Absolute certainty
Of your righteousness

Fire fire burning bright,
Your power and dominion respected,
As you imbibe our offerings of poetry, rhyme,
And ancient storytelling of free men.
Conspiratorial keeper of our secrets,
Mastered by none,
Your red embers and golden flames
Nurture and cajole us
To share our
Deepest
Darkest
Thoughts
And
Desires.

No amount of darkness
Can hide a tiny light.
Having faith enables you to
Shine forth,
Radiate your essence,
Share your brilliance,
Inspire others
Along this journey called life,
For there is nothing
The devil can do to you
When you truly believe.

Sudden shocking realisation
Of what may be lost for evermore
Wakens you
From this deep slumber
Of melancholy and petulance
To appreciation of every **** thing
From the absurd to the whimsical to the sublime

Like a modern day Sleeping Beauty,
Living 50 years of her life
In a trance like daze,
Oblivious to all,
Viewing the world through the twisted lens and filter
Of a controlling bully.
Learning to be her own worst enemy,
Flagellating herself like a aesthetic,
Living as a timid scurrying mouse
Fearing the light of day,
To a ridiculously enraged roaring lionness protecting her brood.
Awoken from her deep slumber
By Prince Charming’s sweetest gentlest kiss,
She rose to fight another day,
This time standing in her power,
Slaying her enemies,
And all who had kept her playing small
To further their own ends,
Now shining in the glow of her brilliance
Saying “******* one and all,
I am me,
THIS is who I am,
I am proud of what I’ve achieved,
Now I sing my own song,
Dance to my own tune,
Play my own game”,
As she galloped off astride her gallant steed
Amid a swirl of dust
Towards sunset’s rosy glow

To feel deeply
You must experience
Both intense happiness,
But also acute sadness,
For you cannot have one
Without the other.

Oh to be wrapped in your arms,
feeling
your heartbeat
your warmth
your love
right now,
wrapped
in our comforting
sacred
bubble,
just you,
just me,
just breathing,
just being,
just loving,
Just us
for all of
eternity

How to tell when to take words at face value,
Not to misread into things,
Making two plus two equal five,
Not to analyse each word,
Expecting to be tripped up,
An ulterior motive,
A hidden agenda,
Sometimes things are just as they are,
At face value.
And sometimes not.
The trick is to learn when and when not.