I'm looking for something, I'm afraid don't exist
I'm looking for something, I hope I've just missed
I'm looking for something, in the foggy mist

It's a forgotten hue, of a color so bright
It's a forgotten feeling, of being so light
It's a forgotten treasure, I should've held tight

It bounced off the rainbow
It bounced and it flowed
It bounced right into the great unknown

I'm still here calling
I'm still here falling
I'm still here bawling

I'm afraid I'll never find it again
I'm afraid I'll never win
I'm afraid I'll never taste it on the wind

I will seek it out, till my dying day
I will seek it out, I'll hunt every which way
I will seek it out, if I find it I'll make it stay

You carry with you a blackened sky
Not everyone can see it, but it's in your eyes
It's in the very heart of your being
I hear the sorrowful song your singing
You hide it well
Your personal hell
But I have my own, I can tell
I can feel your pain's tide ebb and swell
It threatens to pull you under
I too hear that thunder
We are creatures connected by darkness
The beast of Hell have marked us
You try to hide this from the world
As your life spirals and whirls
It's exhausting, I know for a fact
For everday your taken aback
Living life under that blackened sky
You can hide it, except from your eyes

I  nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

Did you know
That in the snow
Despite the glow

Our fears
Are still there
Still holding us near

Did you know
In the snow
The fear still grows

Even when it's covered
Under beautiful snow smothered
Just beneath the surface can be discovered

Did you know
In the snow
The winds of change still blow

You can try to foget
It will still make you sweat
It will still make you pay that debt

Did you know
In the snow
The fear will still make your blood run cold

Run, Chicken Little, run
That angry black sky is crashing down
We're standing in front of the gun
No safe haven to be found

Run Chicken Little, run
The ground is shaking
Threatening to shallow us, and be done
Can you feel your heart with fear quaking

Run Chicken Little, run
The meteors are hitting the earth
Legs feeling like they weigh a ton
This world is gonna shake us like fleas off her back and have a rebirth

Run Chicken Little, run
The waters have all turned to blood
Look in the sky, black is the sun
Soon we'll be covered by the mud

Stop Chicken Little, stop
There is nothing we can do
This may be our last day, it's all we've got
Useless endeavors no longer need pursued

Stop Chicken Little, stop
Lift your head to the sky
Don't kneel, don't drop
Look with open eyes
There will be no meteorite to climb on top
There will be no escape, no disguise
Off this planet we can not hop
Stand tall as you meet your demise
Greet your death with a warriors cry

Steel nuts in a paper sack
You'd think they fall out but they don't
You'll see in ***** I don't lack
I'll stand my ground, backing down I won't

I'm a woman, with the reckless abandonment of a man
Not afraid of taking care of what needs to be done
Saying whats on my mind I will and can

With me you'll know exactly what I think
I'm not like the shifting sand
Even as I balance on the brink
You can see I never ran

I can deal with me and mine, and even yours
Be it a fight or a blessing
I'll stay true to the core
You'll never catch me resting

If you want a confrontation
I'll be there toe to toe
I'll gladly drowned you in information
Showing you just how much you don't know

I have ***** of steel
Protected by a paper sack
I possess an unbreakable will
In a soft fragile shell wrapped

On the futuristic cartoon the Jetsons
They had phones with projections
I thought it was so grand
That in front of that screen they could stand
And see who they where talking to
What a wonderful thing to be able to do

Now it is common place
Our loved ones face
Can travel through space
It shrinks the miles that separate
And I think that's just great

Now we can Skype
And all of that like
We can take our phone
And bring loved ones along as we roam
It's almost like them being home
And on and on we can drone
Or our imagination we can flex
And even have cyber ***

I hope who created it was inspired
By the thoughts they acquired
By watching that simple cartoon
Because it brought us all a little more attuned

On my way out watch it flow
Just one more poem before I go
I haven't much time
So just one last rhyme
It won't be long before I'm done
It would of been faster if I'd used a gun
But I wanted to see the blood run
For every drop there is a story
Of pain and agony, there is no glory
I'm growing weak
I think I accomplished the feat
One more line, my world was bleak

To the left or to the right
Do we become a beacon or do we become a blight
Do we glow dim or do we glow bright
Do we run or do we fight
Do we smolder or do we ignite
Do we become rude, or do we become polite
Do we starve or do we take a bite
Do we keep quiet or do we write

How can I **** myself when I am already dead
Struggling through endless time and this is where its lead
I feel like a zombie, a walking bag of rotting flesh
No heart strongly beating within my empty chest
It's been shattered like fragile blown glass
Falling for an eternity in a bottomless icy crevasse
The hopeless confusion of this life seem endless
What use is existing when there is no fiery love, it all seems worthless
Made to see love's glowing light in other people's eyes
When all mine do is turn red as I cry
As darkness is all that cruises through my vains
Because monsters where my only company, their the only things that came
How I wish I could **** my demons, but I'm already dead

I look back on years gone by
Trying to figure out the how and why
How we clung to each other trying to easy the pain
We clung to each other in the cold November rain
The rains have come around again this year
All alone I'm standing here
Head held down
As this cold *** rain splatters on the ground
Making puddles at my feet
Was I travel down this dead end street
The cold penetrates my bones
For your not here I'm all alone
Your memories can't keep me warm
Only images of you in my mind are formed
They where desperate times for you and me
But looking back I can clearly see
We where never ment to be
I was only a life raft in your troubled sea
I wish I'd known then I was just your crutch
That I didn't mean that much
For now the only sound that resounds
In this frozen heart of mine, is this cold November rain falling down

I'd drive a steak through your heart
But you don't have one
You knew from the start
You was only gonna play with me for fun
You said all the right words
Preformed all the right rituals
Around the edges you left it blurred
To me, you would become habitual
Like a cobra you left me hypnotized
With your hips swaying to the dance
The piercing gaze of your eyes
You knew I never had a chance
To you I was just a toy
Something to play with when you was bored
Something to fill the void
On your shelf you kept me stored
But I fell off your shelf and shattered
So you swept me to the side
After all to you I didn't really matter
You have left me cold and chide
Your useless toy tossed to the side

Self mutilation
Tattooed invitation
Thoughts confused
A razors used
Skin engraved
Scars won't fade
Mind unwind
Blood divine

Waiting on the fog to lift, the smoke to clear
Fighting off the fear
Of what will be revealed
Of what fate and the universe has sealed
Waiting to see how the deck is stacked
What part of me will soon be attacked

Will it be my head again
That gray matter is already in a spin
Will it be my heart
Although I can't find a piece, a part
Will it be my flesh
With all of it's scars, no space is unused, or freash
Or will it be my spirit
Does it not already know that's broken too, I hear it

So universe go ahead, go to it
I'll be here waiting for more of your ****
I won't give you the pleasure of knocking me down
I'll already be lying on the ground
I won't hide, I'll be easy to find
My death certificate already signed
Me and the Grim Reaper will be having tea
My white flag is already raised, so let be what's gonna be

Standing in the shower with my head against the wall
Letting the scalding water fall

Wishing it could wash away my skin
Wishing it could wash away his sins

Maybe when my bruises heal
My soul will once again, begain to feel

It looks so fragile with all it's holes
Where the monsters took and stole

But it's sewed with spiders threads
So it's as strong as a spider's webs

There's really nothing left to say
Accept that maybe one of these days
I'm gonna be ok

Be you a freak
Or a geek
Transgender, gay, or bi
Let your flag fly
We are all ****** anyway
So for the rest of our days
No matter how bizarre
Let's be ****** for who we truly are

If I die what does it matter
I am already scattered
My minds not here, my heart is shattered
All you see is an empty shell
That by the way has gone through hell

So you can judge on first glance
Before you know me, or give me a chance
I don't really care, they all do
It doesn't reflect on me but you

I know what I am, I'm deppresed and splintered
Upon this bed of torture I've been rendered
Countless times, by countless monsters
Thats how my madness was fostered

So judge my sadness if you want
Or why my face looks so gaunt
You've not been where I have been
And you've not seen what I have seen
True monsters walk this earth
And to me they have given birth

What does it sound like when all hope is lost
It's a silent scream in the empty dark
No one knows what to you it cost
No one can see it's left it's mark
It happens when you're all alone
When you've tried everything but it doesn't matter
You just try to find a safty zone
But the voices in your head still chatter
Telling you, you can't make it through the day
And at night you plot your death
You are slowly starting to decay
You know on the inside there's nothing left
I know what the sound is when your last hope dies
It's but a mournful whimper
It's only seen in your eyes
It leaves you cold, it's a soul killer

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my hopes, and my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

In the very dark of night
Where everything is out of sight
With a knife on pale white flesh
I made a creation, new and fresh
Bright and red I drew some reins
Trying to redirect the pain
Away from my swelling brain
So some sanity I might retain
But once I started I couldn't refrain
Knife sliced, blood flew
Laughter ensued
Now my body looks like tracks of a train
Everything still remains the same
Pain and agony stubbornly still remains
Nothing lost well ever be regained
Like the sand on the beach, I'm but a grain

What does tomorrow want from me
Should I open up my wrist again, so I don't have to see
For we all walk behind the blind
Today I think I'll draw the line

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

What will tomorrow bring to me
Agony as deep as the sea
There's no telling what I'll do
When tomorrow with me is through

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

When tomorrow will soon be a yesterday
Will I still be lost within the gray
Will someone find and rescue me
For I am my own worst enemy

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

It's certain tomorrow is a frightening place
It's sure to give me problems I can't face
Tragedies of every sort
Just to see how far I can contort

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

When tomorrow finally comes
Will I be facing the loaded guns
Will I become mentally sicker
Strong enough to pull the trigger

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who will pick me up when I fall
Can you tell me anything at all

What does tomorrow want from me
Will it turn around and let me be
For I am all ready on my knees
Searching for the missing keys

The walking dead in the land of the living
Soulless eyes and hearts unforgiving
They seek to destroy
******* out your joy
Shatter your skull
Make your mind dull
Rip out your heart
That's just the start
Dead set eyes
You'll never relize
Till it's to late
Your heart they ate
Breathing remains
Nothing else the same
Now hollow of feeling
Soul was sent reeling
Some don't know
Out of them life flowed
We're all missing parts
Mostly the heart
Also gray matter
Out of mouths spatter
Growing in number
Pillage and plunder
All must be feed
Living in the land of the dead..

I want to tell you of a great friend of mine
We use to be togeather all the time
We were soul connected hard to define
And something even harder to find
We both battled depression in it was one of the ties that bind

One day I told him I just couldn't go on
He told me I'll be your diamond you can lean upon
Because he knew rocks cracked so he would be the strongest that he could
And the love we shared we both understood

He called me up one afternoon and said, this might be the day
I replied hold on I'm already on my way
We just sit there in silence in his darkened room
He said you can't fix me, in his voice I heard that doom
I said I know that dear
That's not why I am hear
I'm here to sit beside you
Till this patch of darkness you get through

A bullet he would of took for me and I for him
We loved each other to the brim
Friends forever him and I would always be
For there was no other friendship like ours through out the centuries

One day he could hold on no longer in the darkness and the pain
He never called me, he just stood in front of that **** train

He left a note just for me, I'm sorry *** your diamond finally cracked
And there's no turning back
But please forgive me and promise me to be strong
And instead of dying for me you must live on

So I silently promised him I'd do the best I could
Because I knew what he ment he had to go, I truly understood
I didn't know how I'd ever live without him but every day I'd try
And at least once a day I still break down and cry

It's been a few years now but I'll never get over the loss of my soul connected friend
But I count my self lucky I still get a glips of him in his son's face when he gets that crooked grin

Thin red lines they etch the skin
All to show the agony within Here we go once again
With no drugs to dull the pain
I let the razor glide thru my vain
Within my head I have no doubt
That with the blood the pain flows out.
Thats what my scars are all about
With the stream I won't explode
I won't implode
With every drop that hits the ground
Is one less scream that sounds
Within my head resides all the memories
They seem to go on for centuries
Endless ****** up realities
Cuz with all the pain I'm stretched to thin
So thin red lines will etch my skin

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

Under the soft white glare of the moon
I watched you saunter out of my door, my life to soon
The memories of you linger like your cologne
That helps mask the feeling of you being gone, me alone
I roam the house hearing your laughter
I miss our playful banter

If only you would have stayed with me that night
But only the moon seen that tragic sight
The black marks on the road is all that gives a testimony
The stars where the only witness to the ceremony
Of the Grim Reaper's touch
As your spirit he clutched
He escorted you away from the pain
Your car had skidded and flipped in the rain
My life will never again be the same

In you I had finally found
My bliss
I found my missing passion in you kiss
I found my joy for life in your arms
You chased away my demons with your charms
Your laughter repaired my broken heart
Your love making was a piece of art
Your comforting words in the middle of my despair
They where what I inhale
They where my air
Your heart was what made my blood circulate
How, oh how could this be our fate

Why did you have to go out that night
Why didn't I go with you, because this isn't right
I can't live without my missing parts
You had my heart
You where my soul
Why did you have to go

Why did you leave without me
Surly the fates could forsee
I would crumble, shatter, splinter into bits
For now all alone in our bed I sit

The tears all ran dry
I sit here and contemplate why
Feeling so **** numb inside
Wishing I too would just die
How sweet it would be to let out life's last sigh

I'll be just like that annoying magpie
I will stalk you, till you let my spirit fly
Grim Reaper let me clarify
I'm slitting my wrist and you know why

You know what that implies
My spirit you won't be able to deny
Let me kiss,my now empty life goodby
So I can once again be with my guy
In the plain beyond, in the sweet by-and-by

Have these feeling and their all wrong
No sleep again all night long

Don't mind the blood splattered on the walls
Or on the floor, from my hand where it falls

It's nothing really just the same old song
My demons just wanted me to sing along

You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel

Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture

If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye


So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught

Laying here in this lonely bed
Wishing you was here instead
I'd snuggled up so warm and tight
Fingers tracing over your body so light
All the way down to that sacred sweet spot
A slight touch there can make you rise, make you hot
I tease and I play
Never going all the way
You roll me over, pen me down
Each breast you kiss all the way around
You tease you play
You never go all the way
Back and fourth we play and tease
So poetic, with so much ease
Between my hips I find your head
Ummm I just combust, flood the bed



Sadly waking to the alarm of the day
Wish I could of slept till the ALL THE WAY

I got your lovely flowers today
I watched as you knelt and swept the leaves away
I watched you cry as you laid them down
You stayed knelt there on the ground
For awail your soft crying was the only sound

Then you started talking, telling me you was sorry
But I didn't need your apology
I understood you couldn't come around more often
I loved when you found the time to stop in
It's ok we didn't spend more time togeather, life got in the way
I still love you even now, today

Don't want your tears
I know the future you fear
You think with the passing years
That I wont be near
But I promise my child, I will be
Just look you'll see

I'll be in the wind that moves the hair from your face
I'll be the flame that warms you in the fireplace
I'll be the rain that kisses your lips
I'll be the light when the darkness grips
I'll be that soft whisper in your ear
I'll do all I can to let you know I'm near
When your sad with eyes cast down
I'll leave you feathers and pennies to be found

My child you don't need to leave your flowers
Or to set here and cry and cower
For all that remains in the grave is my bones
I'm everywhere you roam
So dry your eyes my sweet child, lets go home

Tripping over my own feet again
Revisiting my old sin
My old friend
But it's ok
I don't mind it this way
My mind is numb, my body floats
I don't even need a boat
Now I can fly
No wings need to be applied
It will all be good, until the passing of times sand
When I go in to land
There will be that inevitable crash
That touch down splash
But know need to worry about that now
Oh look a flying cow

I was very cautious
I knew if I wasn't what it would cost us
I made sure the bedroom was perfect
I wanted MY romantic affect
I hung the plastic, then the curtains
Bed exactly in the middle, I had to be certain
Lit a few candles
Then sliped on my dress, and my sandals

I cruise the street
For my baby to meet
I pick him up at the corner
My heart beats faster, my body warmer
We go back to my house
Where we start to mess about
I lead you to my bedroom
We'll be making love soon

To my bed you are shackled
You have no idea of my feeling of hackles
Straddling you, and ridding you like a horse
All the wail your loving it of course

With you still in me, I bring out my toys
They are only for my collection of boys

They are bright and shiny
I will not treat you kindly
They are so sharp they can split a hair
And in their refection you just stare
You can't believe what you see
As the look on my face is pure glee

You body starts to convulse and thrash
Then with my blades I start to slash
I plunge my toy in
With the evilest grin
I love the squirting gushing sound
It's all so profound

I have loved all my men
That's why I let no one chase  them
Forever in death they are mine
I'm one of a kind

I slash him to ribbons
It's as fun as the dickens
He's still alive
And feels every vibe
Covered in blood
Our bodies fit like a glove

I slowly climb off top
And lop of his part
Blood sprays the room
Death will be here soon

I'm so happy I made it romantic
And taped up the plastic
I'm the Black Spider
I **** all I desire

Her name is Ivy
She'd say "come on and try me"
She had an hour glass figure
Her breast couldn't get much bigger
With hair from here to there
You couldn't help but stare

She had skills in the bedroom
Made strong men weak and moan
When giving blow jobs
She always got her tongue involved
She was the best in the land
Even with just her hand

But once in her embrace
You'd lose track of time and space
A little piece of heaven wrapped up in hell
She would put you under her spell

They'd always begged for more
She just knocked them to the floor
For she truly hated men
But could make them *** and *** again

That was her poison
She toyed with their emotion
She poisoned their brain
For want of her would drive them insane
They had tasted the sweet nectar
Then could no longer get her

She drove many to take their own life
For they couldn't make her a wife
She grew wild and free
You can look but not see
She was the greatest find
But she was a poisoned vine

If you ever touched her you'd agree
The beautiful Poison Ivy

On a cold winter day you could of found him here
Standing on the corner of 44th and Vine holding out his cup to anyone that comes near

"Brother can you spare a dime"
Most rush by they don't have time
No time to care about their fellow human
"He'll spend it on alcohol" most that paid attention was assuming

But what he really wanted was just enough
That even though he was looking gruff
He could go into the dinner and buy a cup
Sit awail and simply warm up
Maybe even dream a bit
Of how his younger years where spent

For at one time he was a son, a brother
Long ago his siblings moved, and alone he had buried his mother
At one time he was a husband, a Dad
But they left him all alone they were all he had

The fall had been slow
Inch by inch he had slowly let go
Now he finds himself ***** and haggard
Knowing that nothing at all mattered

His face is weather worn and wrinkled, a permanent frown
A battered, worn thin sock cap is his crown

All he had in life was on his back to help keep out the cold
Of the frezzing December snow that bitterly did blow
By his side a little dog, his one and only companion
In that dogs eye's he was a champion

For any food he managed to scrounge
He always feed that mutt first, any thing he found
That's the way you would treat your best friend
He knew that wonderful dog would stay with him till the end

After hours of standing in the bitter wind he finally gave up
There was not even a penny, empty was his cup
No one had taken pity
He was bone tired and weary

So he simply faded into the darkness of the night
Crawled into his cardboard box pulled, up his tattered thin blanket, held his little dog tight
Snuggled close togeather the frezzing cold the two togeather tried to fight
The kind cop that always checked on him, found them both there in the morning light

The night time temperature had been to brutal
The *** and his dog's attempt to stay warm had been futile
The cop made sure they were buried togeather
So they would always have each other forever

They lay there in the paupers grave
To bad the human race was to busy to care, he was not a nobody, he could of been saved!!

You act as if you hadn't a clue
You act as if I hadn't talked to you
You act as if I hadn't tried till in the face I was blue

I did, I tried
I did, but you only sighed
I did,rivers of tears I cried

Why are you such a *******
Why is your agony dispread
Why did you not listen and ended up mislead

I beckoned you to come near
I beckoned you so I could make it clear
I beckoned you but you only looked at me with that sneer

So I let you do it your own way
So I let you become the prey
So I let you crumble in just mere days

Now i'll just set and watch
Now I'll just set while all of it you botch
Now I'll just set as you make another notch

If only you had not just listened but heard
If only you hadn't let things get so blurred
If only you hadn't acted so absurd

I sat and I watched you expire
I sat and I watched as your situation got dire
I sat and I watched as you set yourself on fire

In this game there is no winner
There is only sorrow in the razor blades glimmer
But the sting of the flesh is a manageable pain
Unlike the one in my brain
That makes me quake
My hands to shake

But with the blade, my hands become steady
I brace for the slice, I get myself ready
Then I create my art, the flesh is my canvas
Most think this is total madness

But with the pain now in my flesh
For awhile my brain can rest
With the flow
My anguish goes
The thin red lines, allow me to survive another day
It just the price I pay

One, two, three
What the **** is wrong with me

Four, five, six
I think my mind is kinda sick

Seven, eight, nine
Pretending that it will be just fine

Ten, eleven, twelve
Into my past, please dare not delve

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
My life's obscene

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen
A ******* crime scene

Nineteen, twenty,
On the ground my blood is plenty

He sat all alone at home
There was no where to roam
Even on this holiday
All his family had passed away
His ex-wife and kids where in a different state
There was nothing for him to celebrate
Life had left him with an empty plate
He was trying hard to stay away from deaths gate

He sat there trying to watch on tv some shows
Only commercials of happy families, that's just the way it goes
He set's there reliving happier memories
Then looked around at his empty house of misery

A call from his kids
Sent him into a skid
Made him relive their younger years
He was so glad they couldn't see his tears
He did have a small smile as they talked
But like anything the call to soon came to an end, it stopped

The heart piercing whimper that acrossed his lips seep
Would of made the coldest hearted person weep
He just sat there with eyes red with the pain
Knowing all he had lost, not seeing anything left to gain

The agony of his memories played in his mind
Desperately wishing he could go back in time
So he could fix it all, make it all rhyme
For this mountain of lonely misery, he just couldn't climb

As others enjoy their families, with good food and cheer
You will find him setting there with his cans of beer
Trying to drown his sorrow, amplified by this holiday of thanks giving
Wishing that instead of dying inside, he was living

I am an outlaw like Jesse James
I'm not much for playing games
Loyalty is all I demanded
Lies I simply can not stand
Tell to me only truths
Or I'll knock out your ******* tooth

The place we're in is a high stakes  game
But in the end you'll be glad you came
We'll float a boat, we'll get real high
While we're cooking, you just might cry

If you have thoughts of rolling over
You'll end up under the sweet, red clover
We're not much on floppy tongue snitches
You'll find they end up in deep dug  ditches

But in our canoe you can ride all night
Smoke rolls up it's such a sight
On our boat you can ride for days
Sleep rans fast and far away
So come and play in our devilish way
We'll talk for hours, till there's nothing left to say

Give me some of that vitamin H, so my body can sigh
Sit awail, I'll nod a bit, and kiss this world's problems goodby
There'll be no more tears, no need to cry
As my mind is carried off on high
Body so relaxed it forgets to breath
Where I have floated off to, there seems to be no need
With this vitamin running through my veins
I don't feel the need to plant a bullet in my brain
When thoughts of death start to close in
I turn and run to my new friend
It's all a matter of desperation
Locked up tight in my situation

Please pass me the spoon
I need a hug from Jesus and I need it soon
My body needs to relax till it forgets to breath
Don't worry about the marks you can cover them with sleeves
A little pick and the pain will all fade away
Let me nod out, I'll deal with it another day
Let my mind get lost in the sway
It's the ritual of the needle and the spoon
It's the hug from Jesus that can't come to soon

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Watch my blood spill on the floor
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Isn't this life just ******* great
Nine cut, ten
Here we go again

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Sinking every day a little more
Five cut, six cut, seven cut, eight
Future is up to chance and fate
Nine cut, ten
This ****** up game I'll never win

I cut myself for you tonight
Maybe I'll fit inside your box
I cut myself for you tonight
Slicing pieces of me off
I cut myself for you tonight
I'll let my blood just flow
I cut myself for you tonight
For love you never show
I'll cut myself for you tonight
Giving you what you sought
I'll cut myself for you tonight
I know it's what you want
I'll cut myself for you tonight
1,2,3, I'll make them deep
I'll cut myself for you tonight
I'll go to that eternal sleep

I'm standing on the ledge again
How did it all begin
I was minding my own business
But it struck with such quickness
Where did that razor come from
I'm afraid I might succumb
It was like magic it just appeared
The temptation to pick it up is something to be feared
Because if I do I'll slice from ear to ear.

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that life had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

**** the happy people that depression never struck
**** the happy people and all of their good luck
**** the happy people who've never known this strife
**** the happy people who've never used a razor or a knife
**** the happy people that the monsters never came
**** the happy people with no voices in their brain
**** the happy people that with the universe they have no gripe
**** the happy people and their ******* happy lifes

Now you see me, now you don't
I want to run, but maybe I wont
Frozen in time, still always moving
Memories flawed, futures always proving
Agony unwavering, is always changing
Happiness unreachable, yet so nearing
Things unwanted, forever need
Wounds have healed, scars still bleed
Always right, standing in the wrong
Feelings left to die, forever live on

My chest compressed, I can not breath
And everything around me bleeds
Trapped in the rabbit hole
Where no one's supposed to go

I think me and the Mad Hatter will get along splendidly
We climbed into the tea *** boat and sail the crystal sea
And dine upon the walrus hide
We just can not be denied

Oh what fun we had sunning on the shore
All the clams gather round us,we was so adored
Oh look over yonder there is a door

Well Mad Hatter I've got to go but I shall be back
If I have to put that rabbit in a sack
To make him bring me to this wonderful place that I adore
The Mad Hatter looked at me sadly, don't open up that door
Your being silly I won't stay gone long
But something was very wrong

I opened it quickly
And what I saw made me sickly
For behide that forbidden door
In a pool of my own blood I was lying on the floor

Walking on a sheet of glass
Each step brings spider web cracks
How much longer will it hold
Just how far will it let me go
Some days I tread lightly
Hoping it will crack just slightly
But days like today I jump
Ready to test out my luck
Really hoping it will shatter
So on the rocks below I splatter
But of course it held
So I'll just stand and yell
Till someone hears my cry
And rescues me form the sky
And my growing wish to die