I think I understand hookups and one-night stands now.

The key to moving on is to replace all that stood before
until there stands nothing that may cause you to unravel.

Moment by moment,
conversation by conversation,  
I replace the replays,
I can't bear the thought
of another touching me, like I'm not yours.

I got another ring today, all big and loose.
It's funny how I picked this one,
it keeps slipping off my fingers like you did.
It's been two months since I last wore your ring.
I don't see a difference between them,
it feels the same on my thumb.
and that should be the end of it,
but oh well, I guess it isn't.

I walked to the grocery store, paused at an aisle,
took my time frowning over chocolate bars.
You used to get me Munch, and so I picked the Mars bar.

I don't skip meals now, (well, most days I don't)
and in place of our routine conversations,
I play a random show.

I drown noise with noise.

My days are decent.
I'm surrounded by mindless jibber jabber.
I participate.
I paste a bright smile.

“You look well now,” they say,
“Well, I am” I reply.
And I am fine. (I think I am?)
9/10 times I am.

Then in a random mundane moment,
memories of you resurface like a ring light and
in that single moment,
I let myself crumble.

“I don't want him back.
He's changed now.
So have you and so what?
If it's meant to be, it'll be.
He's the love of my life.
Well don't let him in,
when (not if) he comes back.

Do it from love, not for it.
You deserve happiness.
Both of you do.

You want love.
You are love.
The ocean doesn't look for its water,
Why will you look for what you have?

It is what it is.
and this too shall pass.”

So on and so forth my inner monologue goes on,
and I stare at my phone wondering if I can conjure you from my thoughts.

I am kinder now.
With myself, and everyone around.
I wish I were kinder to you, but I was just a child.

I know you're proud,
and I am of you too.

Do you think I can sculpt my favourite version of you?
Wait, no.
I already did that,
I loved all of you
and then everything fell apart.

My thoughts swirl and I let them play.
Incantations in my head
Obligatory 3 am, weary sighs, contempt and rage.
Oh, so much rage.
Where is the calming lull of sleep, when you need it to sedate your despair?

Resignation sets in, I play a familiar game.
I ask the universe and unbiasedly it delivers the same day.

"Universe, give me a sign, I'm really done this time.
Yellow flowers if he's coming back,
Dandelions if he's not.
Universe let me move on. This is the last time, "

In my version of He loves me, he loves me not
I break flowers, not petals.

I look for answers in colours and not action,
And then I saw a dozen Dandelions.

She looked me in the eye and gave me a grin.
She held me by my arms and said listen.
I pressed my ear to her tummy and heard a weird rhythm.
I looked up with wide eyes as if to question.
She hugged me and said "say hello you're having a sister!"
I remember squealing in joy,
here we are six years later,
she s grown up so much,
to be an imp now,
May I add?
the most entertaining one.

Perhaps we re all diamonds.
Hurt to beauty,
breath-taking eventually.

I knew I was looking, It took me time to realise I was searching.
My eyes now have a brain of its own, they look for nothing but you.

Panic and Perplex were angels,
                   Until God, grounded them
                                                       Mid-Flight.

Can I be your old cardigan?
holding your scent,
your sweetest memories?

Can I be your cardigan?
the one you'd ditch
cool clothes for?

Can I be your cardigan?
The one who keeps that you warm,
even when the world keeps moving on?

Will you let me be that old cardigan of yours,
part of your unchangeable past
The solace, you keep asking for?

I sit by the window of my train,
There's a sweet lullaby of screaming kids,
They keep me awake.
I look out, not stargazing, not seeing,
Unaware of what to look

There is one constant though, through the shifting scence.
The sway remains constant,
it keeps moving, all through the way.

Sweet enough to sway this dear train, she tried rocking me to sleep.
Failed to however lure me into sweet clutches of slumber.

Thus passed one other long trip where the surroundings smudged and smeared like memories from a summer dream.

Our bodies fit perfectly
hearts racing rapidly
lips harmonising ceaselessly

Nebula gawks
making asteroids stop
No evidences,
just stars,

No one but You and I

Gleaming stones dull
In comparison,
set aside to our
brewing passion

You light my day
like carousels do
to a carnival

Our hearts drummed in harmony
Souls synced invariably,
If this is 'nt love
what could be?

She stood before the mirror.
Her face had no scars as such.
Her heart did.

She called him, close to midnight,
his hello thawed her damp heart.
She stood silently, gripping it tight,
her knuckles, close to white.
She stood waiting some more,
unwilling to put the phone down, cut the call.
She heard a rattling breath followed by an "are you there?"
Tears fell fast as she said "forever and beyond"
She willed to give him,
a second chance.

I don't know how,
If the sound of my heart troubles me,
I believe,
yours will ease the fear
and soothe me.

If being in pain is scary,
letting the world see what,'s on your head is worse.
A regular battle between the dearest brain and heart.

Into the dense canopy of a bamboo forest.
It smelt of spring on the summer leaves.
A silence accompanied our little stroll,
Each word we spoke came back as an echo.
A full moon looked down on us, the breeze blew bringing hints of muted snow.
I leaned Onto your shoulder and thought "this was too good to last"

He was the first man in my life.
It was upto him to make me smile
I used squeal as he threw me up,
And when I swung away I was assured
I' d swing back.
Somehow, before I returned, he just went too far.
He was my dad.

I m ten foot beneath,
Far away from light,
drowning deeper,
Struggling for breath.
If feeling lost,
is like falling,
I ve reached the beds,
To the ocean of nowhere

I whispered not to him but to myself,
"Your the best of what I have close to truth"
He heard me raised his eyebrows and replied
"Well, I love you"