the blinking of a cursor opens the doors to  possibilities

creation of  worlds and relationships

but for me it reminds me of what i do not have

'list the 10 people closest to you'

8 of the 10 are family

people close to me due to blood relation and law

the last two slots remain empty

filled only with the steady rhythmic beat of the cursor

in a world where screens connect us, mine reminds me of how disconnected i am

that i lack social relations outside of my family

and who am i to tell my family that i am lonely when i have them?

who am i to tell them that i crave for relationships that are not mandatory and are instead of our own free will?

Anything
I will take anything to get this feeling out of my chest
This headache out of my head
I can't take it.
I want it out
with blood
with a pill
with cancer in a stick.
Anything please
Just make me forget I exist.
I just wish
I loved life a little less.

As stormy feelings tears me deep
The last words you whispered tears I keep
God called you to his side
I don’t understand…This raging feeling I can’t hide
The promises of love shared
Now just scarred memories that I bare
Emotions flowing twisted and cold
I cry, no crave, your love your touch your soul
This empty feeling undying severed my heart
What happened to the notion we’ll never be apart
How do I live this life, how do I move on
I still need you, I still love you
Or are we just pawns
Broken hearts represents our stars
Your sweet lips on mine seems now so far
As a perfect union now broken apart
My love for you will never die…
I promise for you I eternally cry.

I’d do almost anything for you.
Almost anything.
Almost.
Not that...
I won’t leave my own flesh and blood.
Now I pay the price. We both do.
You’ve never stared into your own soul, young, innocent and wholly dependent on you.
I bet you hate me for it some days...
That makes two of us.
So be it.
Doesn’t make it any easier.

I’ve thought about you all day today,
This day is significant, it’s a special day
I made macaroni and cheese..it was my first time
To think I would have gained something more impactful than pasta
To think I’ve lost more than myself these last days
To think I could heal wounds with words and sincerity
I think I think too much.
With shaky hands I adjust the instrument of my addiction
Was it fact or fiction,
I breath in, in, in..
Eyes flutter as the waves of pleasure hits
This feeling probably is a better option than to slit my wrists
To twist my lips and take a sip
To sip my dreams and blow it into life,
You speak what you want into the universe and it’ll provide
You were my drug of choice, I know you’re no good for me
And thought I swear my lips will never touch you again
Here we are, I listen to voicemails hearing your sweet words caress my smoke
I am nothing more, honestly a joke. I claim I helped you when you were in darkness murk
Yet I am the one sloshing away, **** pathetic how I miss what this day means
Regretting everything, I hate this reality I chose for me
Your chemical abandons my brain and I hold my head in my hands
I cry, like a bottle of water splashing onto the floor
The bottle is empty and I am the same
It’s incredible how stupid I am, how I lost so much, and gave so little to the one I loved
I stare up from the bottom of the bottle occasionally, but lately I’m just drifting

In week one
I decided that
completely powerless
was the safest feeling
I had ever felt

In week two
gifted expensive whiskey
and mommy issues
told you all my secrets

In week three my skin
was healthier
for having known you
and nothing felt so dark
as before

In week four
I heard every song
sound
as if on  
acid

In week five
you showed me
that he did not have
the cornerstone
on breaking my heart
I would not know that until
week seven

In week six
_space_

In week seven
typing…

In week eight I watched
the blood move down skin
which had not been opened
in better than two years
It was then
I knew
the shelter had become
the storm.

I don't count the weeks anymore
It is winter now.

I know you're trying to forget
The lonely words we spoke
With no discussion of repercussions
Phrases that clung to our skin
That daring sin that dirtied our souls
Let me clear my throat

I don't know if it's that I regret it
But the memory still lingers
You told me that I was one of the people you wanted to meet the most
Touching lips, fingertips on more than just hips as we rocked the boat
We overwhelmed each other in more ways than one
And you got what you needed

We retreated to our own lives
Our own beds, simple friends
I asked you:
How you felt,
Where we stood,
And you decided to leave me
Feeling assure of your feelings
Now I bare these caring feelings
Alone

Heart breaking heart broke,
they say write another poem,
as if my emotions are only fodder,
for the father feeling solemn,

so in,
no lines,
contemplate everything,
including suicide,

If I died,
would I go to Heaven,
if a cat has 9 lives,
then does a a man have 7?

All questions,
with no answers to mention,
if the result is an insult,
then it matters not the intention,

an Honorable Mention,
here at this point in the poem,
to all those that told me to go in,
and write a poem about my heart being broke open,

broken,
open,
poems,
omens,

I guess then you must break open to let the light in,

let the light in,
this is an Amazing Adventure called life,
let’s make some memories before the grave takes our energy,
let’s celebrate our life and not wait for any lights,

life in the fast lane,
lost a few good men along the way,
and a few good women to but hey that’s the way it goes,
when you’re living life in the fast lane,

this is all so fckn cliche,
and I don’t know what else to say,
and she left me because I wasn’t strong enough,
to simply speak up and ask her to stay,

fck,
I kept my mouth shut,
then just watched as she walked away,

and now I’m in that type of pain that one can not simply escape,

I’m sorry I’m not sorry I’m late,
but I don’t have a very important date,
other than that one I have with Destiny,
where we meet at the entrance of those Pearly Gates,

great,
just another Heart Break Love Story,
jeez,
tell me something we haven’t heard already,

tired of hearing the sound of breaking hearts,
when I find myself on the Boulevard,
what has become of this empire,
how have we changed so little yet gone so far,

and what will be left of us when we’re done,
and where do we go when there’s no where left to run,
and what will be left of it when it’s done,
when our Empire breaks like a heart attack from being beat like a drum,

Heart breaking heart broke,
they say write another poem,
as if my emotions are only fodder,
for the father feeling solemn,

so in,
no lines,
contemplate everything,
including suicide,

If I died,
would I go to Heaven,
if a cat has 9 lives,
then does a a man have 7?

All questions,
with no answers to mention,
if the result is an insult,
then it matters not the intention,

an Honorable Mention,
here at this point in the poem,
to all those that told me to go in,
and write a poem about my heart being broke open,

broken,
open,
poems,
omens,

I guess then you must break open to let the light in…

∆ LaLux ∆

Instagram: @aaronlalux