Hello past and future me,
How's life?

I'm saying goodbye to all that doesn't show,
Finally moving on.

2023, the year I leave,
Goodbye everyone I knew.

Hopefully it's a good year,
At least better than 2022

Hasn't been a year quite yet and the wound still stings,
Thinking back to all of those things.
I still can't believe how dumb I was,
Everyone asks for answers but all I say is because.
I have no answer for how I didn't see,
I can't even say you're name, just "he".
Because thinking of you makes me want to cry,
I have all these questions of why.
I wish I was smarter back then,
I hope it will never happen again.

My emotions are stable, at least they appear to be.
For some reason I feel as if it's still not me.
I keep telling myself I'm happy and I'm fine,
But am I really on that line?

Enough with the ******* rhyming nonsense,
I'm really not okay and this is my cry for help.
I want someone to save me but I don't know how,
Will someone come and take me away from this town?

Wow glad to know you really cared,
I mean I looked at you and stared.
You're so happy to have a new dog,
I feel as if you just hit me with a log.
Did I ever truly matter to you?
No wonder you withdrew.
You talk about you're dog all the time,
Why I just try to rhyme.
I thought if I tried harder I'd be perfect in your eyes,
But after a long time a part of me dies.
I've realized that you're happier with me gone,
I've realized I was just a silly little pawn.
So I'll leave you alone,
And try to be happy on my own.

We dance in the dark,
                                    Watching the lovely sun rise.
                                    A wonderful time to leave our mark,
                                    We love and don't deal with any lies.

Our love is pure and made to fly,
My eyes focused on you I want nothing else,
It's nice to finally not wanna cry,
I don't worry about focusing on myself.

                                                    You start to fade and I wonder why,
                                                    Please don't leave me I need your smile.
                                                   What can I do what do I need to try?
                                                   We loved too long for you to leave for awhile.

                                   I start to cry I start to shake,
                                   Because I realized it was all a dream.
                                   I don't want to but I awake,
                                  Turns out not everything it what it seems.

He was my father, I never thought that would change,
But then things began to rearrange.
I love him still to this day,
I'm just sad to say he wasn't able to stay.
I never thought he would give in,
So when he said yes my mind had begun to spin.

He was my dad, and I thought that meant forever,
He left though, now I don't talk about things just say whatever.
He was the most important to me,
Because I thought he would never think to set me free.
Now he hasn't reached out in awhile,
I've begun to lose my smile.

He's nothing but a stranger now because he's gone,
He left, he even managed to beat the dawn.
I wanted him to be there for me no matter what,
But then he left and the door slowly shut.
I guess I wasn't a good daughter,
Because you just forgot her.

Why did you give us up?
                                                                     Am I not enough?
Why did you give us up?
                                                                     Did I not try hard enough?
Why did you give us up?
                                                                     Should I smile more?
Why did you give us up?
                                                                     Am I not pretty enough?
Why did you give us up?
                                                                     Was I not a good daughter?

On this day three years ago,
                                             I was given up for adoption.
On this day three years ago,
                                             I was no longer wanted.
On this day three years ago,
                                             I lost everything.
On this day three years ago,
                                             I was torn apart.
On this day three years ago,
                                             I gave up.
On this day three years ago,
                                             I found out I wasn't enough.
On this day three years ago,
                                             My life was no longer mine.

People will always worry,
           That doesn't make me hate it any less.
People will always worry,
                 But I don't have much of a choice I guess.
People will always worry,
                             I hate that word so, so much.
People will always worry,
                                        It just has a sour sort of touch.
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
                                         All because of that one night,
                                                                        When I tried to shut out the light.

Anxieties knocking at my door,
But Depressions already here.
These two together cause a war,
It gives me another feeling, fear.

Anxieties on my couch hanging out,
But Depression is coming from my room.
They reunite again and begin to shout,
It's calmed down but I have so much gloom.

Depression lays down in bed with me,
Anxiety is waiting on the floor.
Depressions grasp is strong I can't break free,
I'm not okay and I can't pretend anymore.

I'm trying my best,
I'm working when I just want to rest.

It ***** when you find out the best thing for you,
It's not something you want to do.

I've had to let go of some really important friends,
It made me realize that all good stuff ends.

Mom, dad? I'm home to play,
Gosh it's just been the very best day.

Mom, dad where have you gone?
Why have you decided to leave by dawn?

Mom, dad? What do those words even mean?
Because mine have managed to go unseen.

Mom, dad, are you coming back,
Or will I be the one to crack?

Mom, dad? I'm older now,
Many people ask me how.

Mom, dad? I really miss you,
I hope you do too.

Mom, dad? I'm falling faster into the dark,
I've begun to lose my spark.

Mom, dad? Why did you leave me?
I'm sad to say I won't be the key.

Mom, dad? I guess I must say bye,
Even if I know you won't reply.

We were split apart,
It broke my heart.
But I chose to stay,
Because I couldn't move away.
We visit once in a while,
And when we do we all seem to smile.
But that has become more rare,
Because they become less aware.
I miss you all more each day,
Even with the hurtful words you say.
Beings siblings with you was never easy,
But that doesn't make my life any less breezy.
Can't wait to see you all,
Then I won't still feel so small.

Remember the days when people would stop and listen?
Listen to nature's song and watch the sun glisten.
Nowadays people don't care,
They act as if it's not ever there.
But I like to sit in the silence and listen to the peace,
People laughing and smiling in the streets.
Thinking about the silent times,
When there weren't things like crimes.
Watching the birds hum their song,
Hoping someone might sing along.
Try to just sit here and hear the noises all around,
Someone might come and you'll be found.

Is R E A L I T Y even R E A L ?
Lately I can barely even F E E L .

                                                        I'm trying to F I N D ,
                                                        Why I've had a battle in my M I N D .

                              I watch as people L I E ,
                              Leaving the others to just sit and  C R Y .

Humans are evil, we let others  H U R T ,
And although it's not okay it makes them A L E R T .
                                                          
    ­                                                      I guess everything has a R E A S O N ,
                                                          Just like each and every S E A S O N .

                              So to answer my own question, L I F E is R E A L ,
                              And it's quite a big D E A L .

I have officially cleaned out any memory of you,
You can never take control of my room and make it blue.

I took my emotions and watched them burn,
Now what you're doing is none of my concern.

I feel so free but also so broken,
I almost wish your words remained unspoken.

I'll miss you but it's for the best,
Because if the room stayed, I'd be more depressed.

1...
I try my best to breathe and count to ten.
          2...
I'm trying everything so I can feel again.
                     3...
The shaking comes and I can't seem to stop it.
                               4...
All of my thoughts are just telling me to commit.
                                         5...
I'm trying my best to see the beauty in life.
                                                    6...
But all I can focus on is the glistening knife.
                                                              7.­..
My thoughts become empty as I reach for my heart.
                                                          ­               8...
My head is clear and I'm no longer falling apart.
                                                                ­                   9...
I'm no longer afraid of death, I welcome it with open arms.
                                                           ­                                 10...
Now I don't even have to worry about the silent alarms.

Everyday somehow I've fallen more,
I can't even think of my life before.
He's taken over my mind,
I really want our hands to be intertwined.
He has shown me how kind people can be,
I feel as if I can only now finally see.
He is my music, I won't give him away,
But I know it's his choice to stay.
I don't know what this feeling truly is,
But I want to keep saying I'm his.
I know that with him I can be happy,
I never thought I could write words so sappy.
I finally am able to feel okay,
I feel alive in a completely different way.
What is this feeling I feel?
I can't put a word to it, but I know it's real.