Maybe i'll make you
a love potion
Made of cyanide.

Just so you know what it feels like
To truly be dying inside.

If this is sugar
Then it's not so sweet.

If this is blood well
Honey, it's not that deep.

i'm constantly stuck between
bones and blood and amphetamines
i keep thinking that
i can have it all if i just find the right scene
and i can see toxic thoughts like toxic waste
contaminating the oceans of my mind
a bitter aftertaste, a better nursery rhyme
the glowing eyes of my demons
reflecting off the blade of a knife
and the half smiling rings on the coffee table
are the only things keeping me
company at night
i never thought i'd ever describe pain as
"bright"
"vibrant"
"almost warm in the right light"
i'm stuck here, falling apart
a glass object breaking in slow motion
becoming bones before tomorrow starts
fissures turn to fractures, an explosion
kids these days call that abstract art
who i am hates who i used to be,
and who i was always wanted to be
this
a human typewriter who knows
how everyone's stories begin and end
a tree limb that never breaks, only bends
the back end of a horse
a street with a dead-end
a best friend a godsend
wind me up and watch me pretend
turning circles and spitting up my
heart on my bedroom floor.
"this is as good as it gets, my friend."

We may have been toxic.
But it was a toxicity
I could call my own.
Since I was young,
I’ve had a hard time
keeping things for myself.
My dreams, my ideas,
even my love
for the color purple.
These were all mine
at one point.
Soon to be
ripped away
by an envious, more outspoken friend
But this.
This toxic waste land of a love.
It was mine.
No one else wanted it and
no one else could have it,
The love I possessed was…
Unconventional.
But it was mine.
I was happy
being unhappy.
If I was able to argue with her
at least that meant she was there.
She was a present figure in my life
for me to hate to love, and love to hate.
But now she's gone.
I can't love nor hate.
I can't even have a friend in the one I loved.
So yes, it was toxic.
Yes, it was torturous,
but it was mine.

Do good.
Fight for what you believe in.
Don’t back down,
don’t turn around,
don’t hit the ground,
stick it out.
Question everything you think you know.
Find a cause.
Do your part to fix our flaws.

Humanity is the new trend,
the social structure was in a bend.
We don’t mean to offend
the rich, white men
telling us to make America great again.
What do you mean “again”?
It wasn’t even great back then.
What did you have then that we don’t have now?
Rampant racism and sexism?
The Brady Bunch?

Sure, we’re not perfect.
Our phones have grown into our hands,
and although we could say hello
from miles away,
we can’t see the people
right in front of us.

Boys grow anxious
when the person they hope for
doesn’t like their picture,
and girls would rather
indirect someone on Twitter
than call them out
face-to-face.
And we know throwing insults is always easier
from behind a screen.
What’s holding us back
when we can’t see the face of the person
whose day we just ruined?

We don't work, we just get bored.
We crave entertainment and fun.
It's all we ever need.
Not production,
or education,
Or the satisfaction of a job well done.
9 to 5 means nothing to us.

But even if we’re not necessarily a generation of workers,
we’re a generation of fighters.
For whatever you feel,
whatever you believe,
choose your path.
Follow what is right.
Lead with your heart
and never lose sight.

Whether it be of
the toxic gasses,
the lower classes,
or the shootings in holy masses,
never give up on your goal.
You are a part of this world for a reason.
Change it for the better.

Feel good.
Dance like nobody's there.
Sing like you don't care.
Because you deserve a good time.
Life is short,
so love with
all your being.

We’ll embrace you.
It doesn’t matter
what you like,
where you’re from,
who you are,
or what you’ve done.
It’s all good in the hood.
Acceptance is the name of the game for us.
We’re not quite there yet,
but on the path towards love,
we'd call it step one.

Don’t live to please anyone,
fill expectations,
or be someone you’re not.
Do what you enjoy most,
whether it be
smoking dried leaves,
drinking the ghost of fruit and vegetable’s past,
or earning queens in a game of chess.

We are the generation that reveals
the drastic change in society’s ideals.
We're here to seal
our new deal
that what's most important
is the way you feel.

We're prone to anxiety
because of an education that has become
more about grades than learning
and body standards that are rising
higher than heaven.
Got low levels of serotonin?
You’re not alone in this.

Don't let anyone tell you
that your feelings aren't valid
because there are children starving in Africa
or because life was harder "back in the day".

Everyone fights their own fight,
and not one person has the right
to tell you yours is false.
Keep in mind everyone else,
but remember to
love yourself.

Don't tell me about bad habits
Because you're the bad habit I could've lived without
Don't act like you know me
Because after all this time I still wish I never knew you
Don't tell me about the future I could've had with you
Because our past saw no future

This toxic relationship that we had filled my body with the lava of liquid waste
Blood
And now, I feel like I am suffocated
With the fumes of your polluted mindset of us
When in reality its
Me and You
Separated by only one word
Present

Like twins or an untitled man
Our relationship was an abomination to the gods
A curse to the earth and all that was us, was doomed
My gullibility, was my downfall-like the people of Babylon
Who were selfish and wanted pride-I cut my own wounds and poured coarse salt into them
I still have to wet a cloth with burning spirits
And hide these scars and painful bruises
Because even though you never touched me(which is what i really wanted)
I feel like people can see through me

This toxic relationship that we had made the green-eyed monster real inside of me
And now
I will live my life thinking that there is nothing truthful about being a man
When in reality, it was you
Me, I didn't choose the right man

Thinking that you were my:Even in the rain I would hold the umbrella for you babe
When in reality you were my:Shut up *****, I told you I'm sorry

Like an ancient sarcophagus
You were the shape of callousness
With an outer beauty of humanity
And you showed me confidence
Built my self-esteem
But like Rudy said:When confidence hits the ground it echoes, like sin in a room full of God

But a God I did not know
You were my one true deity
I felt like I was in a paradise
A place called heaven
And to me, hell was just a rumour
But all the time you were here
I didn't realise that every night
I slept beside the devil

Would it be right to say
I miss who I thought you were
Or more accurate to state that
I never knew you

My parents are insane
This family is dysfunctional
This house is toxic
It’s making me sick
And it’s all I have

so if we
stand still
smell the heat

of an enemy's
bullet through our veins
for once

court outcome
of supplanting views
imbibing another's sweat

casuist's bile
scrawled on prison walls
of savaged confines

they salute
their spiel
with the same

toxic hold
as we concoct
world views

venomous elixir
polymorphous maze
shadow of a sphinx

looms clearer
as steps leading
to torn pages

of feted book
uncover dichotomy
of a self split

so that shooting a child
of shunned genes
amounts to nil

for in but a blink
his uniform
arrives home

to stroke the
golden locks
of his only daughter

playing Chopin

I have developed a twitch in my body-brain.
It jerks at my organs and my violet thoughts.
I can control it to make it work,
Use it to dance on your rusted metal cogs.
It's like a spinning tree,
With interwinding pine cones of
Gold that hang from satin branches
He is perched up there again!
Tall and proud.
Not a bird like other animals.
Not an animal like other animals.

I know your most shameful thoughts,
Let me tease out the guilt and despair
Pull it out in worm string from your
Bloodied Guts,
Your gilded towers where you lock them away
Shame on you.
Bell chimes three times: Death call
But blue tears still cling like sharp thorns to brassy plumage
plumes plumes plumes

Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

Slumber not next to the satin tree,
Layered under the shrieks of your old loves
Where they suffer timeless tortures that make your tongue
Taste like fish feed.
Poppy breathed inside his beak-jaw, mongrel!
White faeces stain the satin branches again.
Bloodied, bloodied, bloodied.
Pandora makes you bleed
White faeces.
Leech, your brain is a leech-vampire.
White faeces.

Quick, walk around the tree three times in clockwise motions,
Not like a tick-tock more like the flap of a wing.
Do not forget the tear ink,
Her tears were ink,
they were ink,
ink, ink, ink.
Sink into the poppy field!
Churn in your toxic nutrition
Choke on your reflux
Do not taste.
Do not see.
Do not smell.
Do not touch.

I'm standing close by a river of rhyme,
where words cascade, in endless pantomime,
each line is a ripple, on the rugose water's crest,
but the chaotic current seems a randomized mess.

I see waves of words riding swells of sonnet,
into concrete verse, only to crash upon it.
There are dark plaintive whirlpools of elegy
and swirling haikus kissing off sharp envoi.

This river of rhyme could wash me away,
with its desperate currents of poetic dismay.
Its sensual verses can become a toxic wine,
oh, God, don’t let me drown in the river of rhyme.

I am of different mind.
Strong convictions about
The guilty, the right and the wrong.

And with the Devil on my back,
I scream this strange song.

Sins of the father, falter farther.
His downfall will be my ascension.

Through the manacles of manipulation,
He offers cries of peace, of mending.

A piece of a puzzle, which drew me life,
But the business ends there,
I'll not be intertwined in such affairs.

I'll ******* the old man, in mind and spirit.
The blinding goal of this obsession,
But these fruits of labor utter no confession.

And true, such an unwavering soul,
Is dark, toxic and hell.
Though, with black magic, it is for me to sell.

So it happens, that the devil is me,
Then I'll sit with that in evil glee.

Good, bad, or ugly.
I am left only with myself.

I'm running away until it catches me
The mental germs of denial that I needed to face
A memory that I can't hold onto anymore
My trash is full tonight and yet I threw nothing
The smell of germs reminds me of sorrow
I left to feel a muscle on my face smiling
I left and I never shed a tear
But tonight I'm letting it fade
A time-lapse of each beat I felt
I feel it again and then its gone forever
I know I know that I'm turning into someone new
I know that I fear myself when Im alone
But now Im laying down remembering it all for it to be gone
Farewell the toxic fairytale
We shall never meet again

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls

You made me feel lonely
What you did was very ugly
I loved you and you cheated on me
In fact, you BETRAYED me
Because of you, did I go into depression
Very very wrong, were your actions
Thanks to them, greatly did I suffer
For me, not even one bit did you care!

You made me feel lonely
I thought you were lovely
How cruelly did you prove me wrong
My suffering was quite long
You drove a wedge into my heart
And tore it apart!!

You made me feel lonely
And treated me very badly
Thanks to you, did my self-belief shatter
Because, you struck at my very core
Sending shockwaves all over my soul
And effectively trapping me in a prison cell!!

You made me feel lonely
While you played a game coolly
Trying to destroy my relationships
With my family and my best friend
And trapping me in a toxic relationship
Which seemed as if it would never end!!

You made me feel lonely
But I came back strongly
Thanks to my sister and my best friend
To your twisted games, did they put an end
You tried to break me
But my goodness set me free
While you will eternally feel guilty
For your treachery and infidelity
Yes, you made me feel lonely indeed
However, from the trauma have I recovered
And learnt a lesson for life
Goodbye forever, my "poor little" ex-wife!!

lyrically, I kind of feel like an assassin
at the task point & equipped with poison darts
for I'm 'bout to let fly an attack in
this b#tch with toxic bars
pointed, like v𝗜per's fangs, at an
outfit of office bo[ɑ]ds/do[ɑ]gs
kno𝗪n 𝗔s "Electro𝗡ic Ar𝗧s"
at the time it was found
a certain game of thine is shut down
like a chipmunk, I went nuts
'cause, for keeps, I'd lost 𝗠𝗬 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗦 (lost)
on styling which, several hours were spent
thanks for all the time wasted
don't even have screen captures of them
awesome, amazing!
——————————————————————
when it comes to discussions like games get
human noggins go crazy
it's not them themselves are stuff to put blame on
it's, among things not mentioned, such situations
——————————————————————
now getting 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞
to those responsible for that scoundrelly act
and probably not giving an ounce of a f#ck
like a tire drifting down a speed track
[attire]
it's gon' get smoky & **[ɑ]t (for you)
barbecue; so go hit a dog & bone & ring up
[heat]
a local smoke eaters squa[ɑ]d
'kin to "Rebel", I scream f#ck the suits
[keen; ice cream]
like somebody chosen to o[ɑ]pt
for a punk-like look
but you can all get choked by asco[ɑ]t (lethally)
as if you were getting iced by someone who's
got Caledonian blood (a Scott)
appetite to hunt unful–
–filled; you're in it to make bread like *******s
[field]
but don't be swift to get laid-back, don't chill
akin to potatoes & sh#t
like that, better maintain your eyes peeled
better still is beating a hasty retreat
'cause it's me in the same freaking field
[freak in field]
the Creeper, in it to prey like a priest
[pray]
as if you were ****** in religion (horse?)
I'm speeding your way like a whip (vroom-vroom)
in other words, you're in fO̲r some moll-treatment
told I'm in it to prey since it's writ
large that you're being a game in this b#tch
which, in turn, is the reason I'm playing a bit (with words)
to say it in brief, you're simply collation to ge[ɪ]t
let me add a medievalish taste to this sh#t
[evilish]
arranging it akin to the H & the G
[a range]
not "H" & "G" as in hunter & game, though
"H" & "G" as in Hansel & Gretel
i.e. with you getting ablaze like a witch
with this one, might be given a place in a list
of ones given to making it lit
in the middle of taking a trip, the freighter's equipped
and fit for action like babes in dance clips
the cargo's like a pro[ɑ]stitute
becau[ɑ]se it's gon' go down on you
a kind of mood to bust the roof
of the "Arts" HQ; an armored loot
box, large & toom, will pro[ɑ]b'ly do
then dump on you a multitude
of fla[ɑ]sks produced
from gla[ɑ]ss & full of ga[ɑ]s, then use
a bottle of Molotov
like pirate dudes, I spark the fuse
the falcon shoots, the target's doomed
dead in the water, so a po[ɑ]ssible res–po[ɑ]nd from you (pond)
is nothing short of garbage-good (dead in the water)
[lyrical waters]
these bars being by the side of you are like balloons
within a reach of clowns
in other words, you might get it twisted now
but it's time for you to find a new **** jo[ɑ]b in view
of the lines above becau[ɑ]se it looks
like I̲'ve zilch short of go[ɑ]tten you
fired, which is why I̲ feel like a bo[ɑ]ss 'kin to
a vehicle used bY̲ whelps to get brou[ɑ]ght to school (bus)
exorcism bout
for it's like getting demons out
[letting demons out]
guess you, "EA", have already figured out
the amusement which shutdown
my pen is steamed about
it's "NFS: W"

she drenched in the salt lake
her eyes scared by the city of bright lights, the homeless
the rich, faithful, and faithless. There is always a drought.
confined in the Romanesque heart of the men with hard ons,
and the women who just cant seem to get enough.
The white boys with baggy pants who drive by smelling like ****
and listening to some mainstream ******* that makes ordinary minds
even more ordinary.

The extravagant gay men - gorgeous- flamboyant witty and ridiculously critical
but yet have no restraints
The bull ****'s, the stems, the fems and the ones who have a few drinks
and want to touch something forbidden and then wake up
the next morning falling in love and realizing that maybe
they are not who they thought they were,
or leaving some obsessive uhaul with a broken heart

a scene infested with infestation
of a inner circle that screams something,
of noble drama, static eyes, drunken nights and high profile
love affairs, because nothing stays committed
but within the dysphoria breeds toxic secrets
ones that can break the body, like cold war hearts
shifted into a panorama of anorexia and bulimia
because too skinny is just never enough
bones are never enough
it had to go deeper then that.


heavy black eye liner, and steel pumps
unravel like skin heads out on the prowl of navy blue nights
looking for pretty new flesh, someone who has yet to be touched
because nobody wants the new girl after she is no longer new
the spotlight hits you, everyone wants to love you
everyone wants to *******, everyone is willing to backstab
the girl you choose every 2 weeks to get your attention
thats just how it works, I have been that girl
with eyes turned away I had to watch someone become that girl.painfully.
there is a segragation within the sub culture. Just when you thought
there was no such thing

converse and button up shirts
the right haircut and strong eye contact can get you any straight girl
at least thats what they would like to think, and for the most part
they are right

a man leans his head over to grunt
as the woman who is doing what she does to pay her rent
gives in like a weak human who just cant keep the lie anymore
who explodes with her barbaric truth and stains those figured
around her with uncaring eyes. There is no more sympathy.
you probably walked by her at the gay club last night.
yeah thats her covering up her sexuality like a vegan
who wears the fur of a polar bear around her neck
and gauts and gushes and purges and numbs herself out
because her selfishness has taken over her pride
because she has lost herself
because she is too broken

this is Miami she thought, why am I here
from sky vision it looks looks like a cess pool
of humans trying to latch on to something that does not exist
of business men who are not getting what they deserve
of kids who are growing up to the sound of lady gaga
and some other ****** up quote on quote artist

and then I found what I never thought I would find here
some kind of starved meaning, leaning on the street corner
like a dieing baby
sitting in the trash can like some left over rice
barely surviving

an energy that is struggaling to keep its eyes open
a community of expolsive minds trying to fight out
these scenes and living in their own worlds

I don’t find myself being happy,
My taste in men is rather lacking.
They’re like the whiskey in my mouth I taste when I’m hungover.
Feels good at the time but I’m always sorry when it’s over.
I don’t feel good enough in my current relationship,
The man I’m with .. makes me feel like a *******.
He doesn’t look at me the way he looks at other woman,
and he tells me clothes don’t do me justice and that I look better naked.
and the lies are too hard to ignore anymore,
When I have to fight for his attention and he treats me like I’m his chore.
He said he was on his way home to go to to bed, but he did me real *****,
he already told me earlier he got invited to go out drinking at 10:30,
But why would he lie?
Because the last time we went out drinking together he did things that really hurt me.
This relationship is toxic because I already knew what would happen after that lie.
He’d ignore all my texts and “forget to reply”
The way it works is he will apologize and feel bad the next day,
Because I’m such a nice girl and he sees his mistake,
But it’s not enough to say I forgive him or pretend it’s okay,
Hes breaking my trust every lie, each day.
I’ve tried so hard to get him to realize how much I care,
But he doesn’t seem to understand what he’s doing isn’t fair.
From the candlelit dinners to the mixed CDs and “Bang Me” valentines cake, i now realized were a waste of time and my own **** mistakes.
The nights I spent running my fingers through his hair ...which was he favorite thing
will just have to be memories that he’ll have to bear.


Because I’m not enough to get him to change,
It’s not enough to be me.
I haven’t any choice anymore
Hes forcing me to leave

Oh, I am raw.

You knew.
You knew this whole time.
And you made your bid for love and freedom oncemore,
Like you'd never been hurt in your life,
Like it couldn't turn out wrong.
You knew, you knew.
Every single time, the hope wins over the sense,
And it's like you don't even try.
Who are you to march away and leave me here,
Heart?
Who are you to skip away blithely into the night every time I beg you to stay?
It's like you don't even belong in my breast,
The way you leap forth and hitch a ride
With people you see pass near, who shine like stars.
You follow them like gravity,
And every time, I scream inside my head,
Locked in,
"WAIT! Don't go, don't leave me here to feel your space!"
But you ignore me each time,
And briefly I am sure you are right,
Briefly, every single time,
I believe that you are the one I should be following,
Dragged behind you,
And not the other way around.
And then it comes,
It comes and I trip myself just so I will have chosen to go down,
And I am here,
Left
Wretched on my knees
And you never have to take the fall.
You never have to deal with it.
You're only in control when the sun is shining.
When the storms hit and knock the breath out of me like thunder rolling,
You plead you never chose a thing.
You traitor,
I would claw you from my chest!
But you already did that,
And I have no way to take revenge on you for your treachery-
You are me.
Your pain is mine.
(your joy is mine as well)
And so you get to,
Every time,
Abandon me and make me thank you for it,
And I am so sick of it I could scream.
You don't have consequences, Love.
You ARE a consequence.
What ever gave you the right
To turn my life upside down?
To leave me so unable to do anything but watch as I am dismantled by a force I never asked to feel?
I'd be happy, content, perfect,
(no, unfulfilled, empty, lost...)
To just give you up and cut the strings
That she
(whoever she may be, for I never get to choose, do I?)
Saws at with a bow, poison-tipped like a Shakespearean sword,
Plays, like violins singing melodrama.
I'd sever you from me in an instant and let you go
Play your games elsewhere,
Heart.
I swear I'd do it and dance in the streets,
(I'd have nothing, not know what to do)
If only it was possible.
(I am not damaged enough to give up)
I don't believe in love,
(Oh but I do, and sometimes I don't want to)
But I am married to my work, to you:
My job is not to be paid,
It is not to be happy,
(you are my chance for "happy")
It is simply and exhaustingly to survive your choices.
I don't get my life!
I get you.
I get kicked when I'm down, I get holes and hollows in places
I didn't know a heart filled,
Like fingertips and rib bones and lungs,
And that awful twisted spot above my stomach
That echoes cavernously with loneliness in the middle of the night
And sometimes in the lunchroom or on the subway.
(I get to think maybe that sadness will cease)
I get haunted dreams and impulses I can't control,
(sweet relief from a life of restraint)
I get your puppet strings
Jerking me to my knees
Knocking the pride out of me like breath.
(It speaks, but underneath I worship you)
I get your fingers inside my head, on the ridges of my brain,
Digging in like a migraine headache,
Gouging a place for someone I don't even know.
(Replacing the sorrow with joy so intense that I fear it.)
Who put you in me?
You don't fit here.
(you are the only thing that fits here)
You don't belong here.
(I am so afraid you don't.)
Like a parasite, you feed on me
(I need something to take this ache.)
And I am slowly dying of it, Heart.
(cure for my loneliness, arsenic for my mind)
I've tried everything I know,
I even tried to make you die inside me-
(I didn't know what else to do, I'm sorry)
Husk of a soul skittering along the undersides of my graffitied ribs,
But no, no you rose again,
Stronger,
And I... I wept in fear, Heart,
I really did.
(I made the hardest choice and you unmade it.)
Nobody knows that-
That I wanted you to go,
That I wanted you to stop, actually.
Nobody knows that I'd have happily never felt a thing for the rest of my life,
(only in fear, Heart, only in fatigue)
When they saw me fight so hard to become myself again.
(I couldn't beat the part of me that needs you)
But I knew,
I knew
Because the day you stretched and yawned after leaving me for months to rot around your frozen form,
I felt in me a terror I will never be able to explain,
Never be able to understand fully.
(Self preservation was never one of my talents, or yours)
This gibbering, skin crawling agony of panic,
That here you were again to bend me and break me,
That I was mortal, carrying a love that couldn't ever be killed.
It was the moment of clarity,
(of awe, as well, and terrifying vitality)
Before I decided I had to force myself to work with you,
Slap a smile on and go look for my next defeat,
(oh, maybe this time I could keep the love)
During which I saw my life unfold before me like a vast map,
Your destruction burning it to ashes in all the places I'd love to live,
Place by place by place,
Charred path to death over the lengths of decades,
No control, no say, just heat- and me, following along behind
Like a lost puppy
Trying to rebuild something substantial enough to make my home in.
I saw before me a life without rest,
Of this, the constant struggle to find and keep a wholeness I apparently don't deserve,
(I can't stop trying to deserve it)
To catch you and stuff you back where you belong and force you to lie still,
When I know you will only consume me with flames anyway.
I hate you, I really do.
(fear, not hate)
I hate you because I want to live.
(I am afraid you will destroy me)
I hate you because I want to die.
(I am afraid I will destroy you)
I hate you because if it were not for you, I would never suffer,
And I would have nothing to live for-
For I know nothing but the constancy of you,
Pushing me down, forcing me to my knees
And me struggling to rise and find a way to bear your burdens.
(GIFTS)
I hate you because I will never, ever be rid of you,
And I hate you because nobody should want to be rid of
What makes them live.
I hate you because underneath I still believe, somehow, that every single second's worth it,
Because that naive faith in you just won't die-
How can I stand that?
(How can my pride abide a hate for something vital, and a love for something toxic?)

And you've betrayed me every time, Heart,
And I don't forgive you.
(I already forgave you long ago)
And what if you've gone and done it again?
(Let me say I hate you so that I can have some control)
And how am I supposed to know that
For all these years to come?
*(Please don't go cold again, my Heart.)

I think a lot about calling out sick.
Not so much for a cold, or an upset stomach
Not even a broken bone, no
I wish I could call out sick and say
"Hey, boss, I'm sorry, I can't come in today
I'm hallucinating  that the foliating leaves
Are leaves burning our world to the ground
I can't go outside or I'll burn"
And then he'd say to me
"Yeah, Mikey, no problem, hopefully someone puts those fires out for ya"
And I'd close all my blinds and keep all my lights off and hide under my blanket
And it would be okay
Or maybe I'd call in and say
"There are toxic germs slithering and trying to slide their way into my pores"
To which he'd tell me "We've all been there, take care of that ****, man"
And I'd spend four hours racking up my hot water bill in a boiling hot shower
That feels more like if I'd gone outside and felt the burning leaves land on my body
Or maybe I'd say to him
"Every single nightmare and demon from my past is screaming in my head
So loudly that I cannot hear a single thing in this room,
I don't even hear myself speaking to you right now, sir"
To which, I have no idea what he'd have be cause I couldn't hear it
But realistically, I would lose my job so fast, that,
Much like in a cartoon, when they run and kick up a dust cloud behind them
You'd see nothing that was there before, just the smoke
But tell me, if so many people call out sick because they decided to drink their demons away
Why can't I call in sick because of my demons?
Why is a hangover a good enough reason to call out
But locking yourself away from any and all pill bottles or sharp objects
Because you're too depressed to roll over and kiss your girlfriend goodbye
Before she leaves for work not good enough?
Why are we afraid to talk about mental illness, but Ben Affleck's divorce is all over magazine covers?
Why do we try to cover up what is very clearly a very real problem in this country
No, instead we talk about Caitlyn Jenner
Instead, we talk about Jennifer Lawrence, and her leaked naked pictures
Instead, we have passionate debates about the color of a dress
But we can't admit that the voices in our heads, or the panic in our hearts, or the depression in our souls, or the spinning in our minds, or the screaming in our ears are real
The only thing worse than feeling all of this
Is being too ashamed or too afraind to talk about it
We bury it like it's any old newspaper
When we should treat it like our mortgage papers
Or our tax refunds
We must stop shaming, or this generation is gonna be dead before they even get a chance
Yeah, I think a lot about calling out sick
And saying "I apparently spent all night on the bathroom floor having a panic
Because I woke up here with no memory, and my head is spinning and my body aches
My hands can't move from the stiffness of slamming them into the floor all night
My eye is swollen shut from when I fell to the floor and smacked it off the sink"
And he'd tell me "Put some ice on that ****, Mikey. I'll see ya tomorrow."

To become one with your breath is such a freeing thing
To calm your mind..
All you think is in... and out...
Your stomach expanding, contracting
The slight stretch as you shift into the next pose
Hold...
Breathe...
In...
Out...
Be gentle
Look inside yourself
In that moment nothing else matters
Don't think think 'Am I doing this right?'
Just think of your breath
Lavender scents my room
But I'm not here
I'm my breath
The air..
The wind..
Caressing the earth somewhere miles away
And here at the same time...
I am free
And it is time to free myself
Of all the toxic things..
Breathe them out
Send them away
Invite in healing and light
Magic in your way
To cleanse the mind
To cleanse the soul
All you need to do is...
Close your eyes...
And breathe...
In...
Out...

I am afraid that you are falling in love with the expectations you have of me

While you ignore the toxic version of me
The loud, broken, desperate version of me

You don’t really see me, you see job offers
a few kids, a wedding ring, new homes, new cars  
While you ignore my deep scars

I am afraid you are falling in love with who you want me to be

While ignoring the real me, the trauma suffering, addict struggling, broken soul, who is afraid to love

You are ignoring the angry man who needs therapy but decides it’s better to feed his anger and throw his emotions at the end of liquor bottles

The man who your mother warned you would break your heart.
I am a victim of my pain, but you ignore that because you see something within. You want me to be that perfect man of your dreams, that you forget to face your nightmares

You hide my scars, feed me compliments while preaching to me about your biological timeline, lying and telling me everything will turn out fine if I find a job that makes a lot of money, bought a new car, a new home with a picket fence, change my accent, dress and act a certain way   
Please don’t try to save me
Save your imagination for thinking it can transform me to meet your expectations

I am me and I am to be loved like me

Best friends.
Boyfriend?
No.
Strangers.

I sobbed
It wasn't pretty
Like you once said I was

I can break you in an instant
But you destroyed me over time

We were incompatible
Oil and water that wouldn't mix
But we still managed to get shaken up

So yeah, I'm gone
But you're the one who left

Cinders rotting in the hearth.
Love bit back with toxic teeth.
Created toxic tears.

Two autobiographical memories.
Captured from history.
In poetic communiques.

Sad souls released at last.
To dance with angels.
Have a blast.
A last breath of air.
Fresh and clear.
To share with the one that she holds dear.

Hold him close.
Hold him near.
Make him aware.
He need have no fear.
All she has left are toxic tears.
And in them she drowns.
By ladylivvi1

When you sauntered through the pub
I knew my life had changed;
No longer concerned to save the world,
I needed to pull resources to save my heart.

The light through your auburn hair
The exact colour of magnificent conflagrations;
Those intense wildfires evermore common
Due to shifting climate patterns.
And, like a bushfire threatening lives and homes,
No man was untouched -
All were scorched by your radiant beauty.

Your pearly whites'
Whiter than the bleached bones
Of countless drought-stricken livestock;
Whiter, still, than bleached reefs,
Luminous in their death-throes.

And those intense green eyes -
More glowing than a radio-active
Atoll seen from space.

And your voice, when you asked to sit,
Had the harmonic cascade of a thousand extinct species,
Each singing their death song in salute to corporate success:
It made my knees tremble and my wallet itch!

Your ******* as well proportioned
As those majestic ****-heaps of open-cut mines.

The little paunch you wear so proud,
Is more cute and inviting of attention
Than all the distended stomachs of starving African children.

As I explored further into nether regions,
I was delighted to discover
You'd taken the Brazilian to heart -
Clear-felling all but a remnant;
A tuft in tribute to a once great forest -
A forest of mystery and exotic, ****** adventure,
Now open for tourism!

Your scent more intoxicating
Than a million factory flues
Spewing out toxic pollutants
To fix our corporate wants.

When you invaded my heart
It was as devastating as the "shock and awe" tactics
Of a military Superpower unleashing its might
On a hapless oil-rich and strategically significant,
But unco-operative, dissident regime.

Your plump, glossy, cherry-red lips
More succulent than a genetically-modified tomato
Grown on a corporate farm, maximising profits.

And even though you're more vacuous
Than a bovine skull after the hydraulic rod
Has rendered the animal fit for hamburgers and processed foods,
You've still captured my heart
Like a sentimental story broadcast
On a slow news day with advertiser's approval.

Gaia can look after Herself,
I'll not defend Her - I'm on the shelf;
Captured by a product of modern media,
I'm in Love with a global Arcadia!

I know what ensues.
It's a bitter fact,
Pain, hate and abuse.
It hurts me to say that
You're monstrous.

Just how can I hate you?
You were my hero once.
I cannot erase you,
You're the air in my lungs
But cancerous.

Cold air remains where warm air once stayed.
I prefer your true, cold heart than your lying warm passions.
Within myself, I curl closer; within my heart, I plead silently.
He can provide more for me where you never did.
Wither to dust in this truth, for you are nothing.
See that you were never a good man.
So stop with your lies, your petty games.
I don't cry for you. I cry for myself.
Only this man catches me when I fall
And dries away my salty tears.
You are expendable and he just took your place.
Bloodshed never seemed so sweet.
The cold spot is now warm again.
Now I can breathe once more; in his arms I shall remain.
He shall keep me safe. He shall obliterate your toxic waste.
I shall grow once more. I shall be once again the queen.

Chocolate diet,
your hairs were too sweet, so you chose to dye it.
“Do you like it, “ you had to ask me, which I had to
admit, “I seriously Iove it.“ But I only could mind it.
In a diabetic coma, we were sleeping on sweet dreams
with your hair on my favourite pillow. A willow now;
your hair was now falling off. You tried to dye your age,
but how it looked before wasn’t really much the same.
Still wishing the old you could come back around again.

Coffee diet,
you’ve been grinding all of your life in continuous cycles.
“Can I have a break, “ you exclaimed to me, I couldn’t lie
to you, and pretend slowing down meant you’d have a break.
Baby test your brakes, just to ease yourself into rushing into
those familiar mistakes. There’s no shame I could put all on you.
Even when I’m trying to fix everything, not only for one of us.
But also fixing a fulfilling life for us two. But it’s all for you.

Cannabis diet,
we’re getting high on all of our wildest desires, and dreams.
Afraid of the heights, getting to the top of success as it seems.
Playing both sides of the spectrum of ideas. Can’t we work out
all of our issues as a team? The closest we are, to doing the
same kind of work. Your cooking up some stories, and I’m
cooking up a storm of my words. How soon till the kitchen gets
burnt? Bite marks under skins; getting on each other’s nerves.

Commitment diet,
tying ourselves around trust. But it passes the fine line
of making up, or passing around lust. Why does the love we’re
making, end off with me having to cuss? We’re playing it all a
little too rough. I can’t be explaining to workmates about my face’s
latest cuts. Must of been the feelings that radiated the first time
we met. But it turned into radiation, falling into a toxic combination.
Toxic relationships are only the ones people fall into blindly. But we
could see the disaster before, taking it ever so lightly. And so mildly.

Cuddle diet,
teddy bear kisses, calling me soft for falling so easily in love with
you. I had to borrow someone else’s glue to get myself stuck to you.
Listening too many times, to peers pressuring me to do things I
never really liked. But they were the ones to decide how far I should
jump, to reach up to their hype. Yet your friend’s excitement aren’t
there, when they see a close couple they know publicly fight.

Sigh,
I must be tired, and too full of myself to picture me the fool.
Drooling over love; waters of the flesh are only sweet in the
moment. But try yourself to enjoy the same taste, straight after
***.

Seriously,
why must we go around chasing loves, leaving us out of breath?
Following a length of measuring up to unrealistic values, and
ending up with less of your human strength. Regrets will fill up
your favourite plate. A diet of all of these things, somehow leaves
you bent out of shape. I was too busy chasing cake, but the flavours
of it, wasn’t something I could always taste.

So,
I had loads of inked pains to write this. Not to act as if all the parts
of you I despise or really miss. But if lips are the first taste we have
to a full meal of two lover’s violence, I think I’ll just stay off it’s diet.

i yearn for you
     'tween raindrops
silkiness
    of early morn's dew,
spirit
    of twilight's mist
dark cherry wine's
    intoxication
& comforts
    of a different rhyme
those spaces
   that enchant musings
toxic perfum'd lacings
     air filled of metaphorical
blush'd smoke
    gasping for surrender
'tween honey'd breaths
         wafting in my mind
  of nectar'd
       burgundy enchantments

it's the way he held his cigarette between his fingers, you just knew he was up to no good. All you wanted to do was inhale all the toxic gas cause he was killing you and you loved every second of it.

A toxic substance lurks in the shadows of the underworld
Recesses of use crowd the masses to those addicted to a powerful jolt
Threading and entangling it's user and feeding on it's host
A powerful spell of the destructive malign force
Too weak to resist its temptation I must take another toll
Step in the booth and be served at the store
Where hard candy is toxic and the ice melts by flame
A steady flush of adrenaline followed by a calm forceful rush
Oh how feeble I have become...
The speed got me tripping I hate yet embrace
A dance with the devil I must cling to faith
But am happy I say won't sleep for two days
I dread those night terrors they don't stay away
Hearing those voices that talk in my head
Feeling paranoid what can I say?
Should suicide be the answer I'm asking away...but no one yet hears me...is this the final breath?
Inhaling the poison that triggers the euphoria
Am feeling ecstatic deep in and yet dysphoric...I know is the devil I must stay away...
But into a high thats long here to stay...my mind says 13 hours my body 45 minutes and should go away...
Capturing moment by moment analyzing deep within the monster should stop I can't feed him today...
A cycle of addictive behavior has come and is here to stay ...
I must let go now I don't want to be this way...
My doppelganger is speaking I must listen to he ... but he is dark and tormented should I go or should I stay?
Let me do this my way I told him briefly...but with only a gesture my will broke just kneeling..
A part of me is devilish and slowly feeding...
Learning the ways of the world i must stop him soon he's living within...me.
I realized I'm the only one who can come against him and battle this fight...but I need some help oh warriors of light
Come bring me some comments and encourage me to go on thinking I can break my destrucive habit...
For this is the Devil trying to **** me am dying...
**** I slipped again **** I did it again...so sorry to cuss I don't mean to offend.
I know I should be holy I know I should be a light...
But my light slowly dimming just flickering with flight.
BUT...I do promise this...I may be high and obscene at this moment already more evil on my mind...
But what can I do am human I cannot let this animal rush vanish like it has raised...
With tears in my eyes and blood in my soul I ask in lamentation for forgiveness your grace my Lord. Your highness...
Then the doppelganger part of me jumps in interrupts says " you must be stupid he isn't listening your high and your a mess"...
Your right I quickly come to respond and then I lay in my bed to think briefly...am I still awake...
It's three eleven in a quiet morning of Wednesday night August 25th...
I should of been sleep long ago my body says...I come to think of my health yes...this must go away. Need to break this addiction it's a heavy heavy chain.
Must carry my cross to the tip of the mountain must pray there alone to the God of above...
I'm here Lord am here...please hear me I've come home.
©Franko the Christian Poet

Soon I will be alone.
In my own little cave
I can hide and be regrown;
my own soul I will save.
I will seclude myself from all;
from disappointment, pain, hate
and live behind my wall,
until I've learned to appreciate.
All I want is to be happy,
but, it seems the world is all sad,
I can't help but breathe empathy,
so I am prevented from being glad.
To add to that, I am toxic,
and all I touch turns to dust
until I learn to focus,
I will continue to lose trust.
I must learn to deal with this,
then attempt the world anew.
I need to learn to channel bliss,
then I can rejoin all of you.

Hey you, Mr. Bad Influence,
Who the **** do you think you are?

Strutting in here with your stupid, too-tight sweater, smug grin and reeking of mary jane's latest perfume.
I, for one, am not impressed by your ***** hipster/bad boy/deep and artistic attitude.

You're like one really bad habit the world forgot to break.
You're a good liar, and an articulate debater,
the kind of guy that makes you want to tear out your hair
because their very existence is so incredibly perplexing.

In the worst ways possible.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

You are junk food.
You are addicted to dying and make it annoyingly attractive.

You're all, "I don't care what anybody thinks of me."
You're all, "Challenge accepted."
You're all, "Look at me, I'm talented and smart and totally make it seem like I waste it on unconventional activities and tempt other people to do the same despite the fact that they might not have the skills necessary to pull that **** off."

And I know that everybody else probably thinks you are some, great guy but I,
refuse to buy into that
cool and detached act.

Because you, are not some great guy, Mr. Bad Influence.

You peer pressured me into falling for your smile.
You tricked me into getting caught, red handed, hoping you felt the same.
You dare me, every day, to trust you a little more and I am only so strong.

I don't do dependancies.
But I've thought about taking up smoking just so I can taste you on the exhale,
I mean, just so I'll  have something to miss that isn't you,
I mean, you're not even trying and I'm already hooked

You need a ******* warning label.

You are, frustrating and dangerous and toxic enough to stunt my growth;
I will never have another day I won't find you in my poems.
I wanna miss you right.

You are so wrong.

You are not some. Great. Guy.

Boy. You are everything I never wanted.
And yet I find myself here, missing you
Before I've even left.

A friend of mine was attacked by
her homicidal cat.
Apparently,
cats are quite toxic.
They are also really evil,
in a naturally stupid way.
Maybe it's about time we
seriously considered them
parasites.
Practically venomous.
This I guess is half poem,
and half cautionary tale.
Your furry friend is an *******.

When people say “rekindle an old flame,”
I find it very misleading.
That flowery wording
Makes it sound so
Musical
So Promising

What it really is
Is that *** lighter
That you sparked
And resparked
And swore wasn’t empty
Before leaving in your pocket
Sometime ago.

When you found it,
you lit up,
Friction flicked that
Wheel
And watched that
Flame dance once more,
Enough to ignite one more
Toxic thought

Getting you high from the
Smoke
Clouding the past
Leaving you
Staggered
When your fingers
Bleed
Begging for
Fire

And you crack it open,
Look for what’s more
Not even smelling
Butane

Just smelling
Nothing.

It’s empty.

him and i
it was a love story so rare
from our hometown to europe
two similar souls and a story to be told

him, the boy from upper class
a genious with toxic behaviours
me, the girl with the silent grace
an artist with messy mind

a story of love and cheating
in the second jazz age
we whispered secrets at night, and laughed in mornings
our love was red, burning inside out

i would write and he would read
he would talk and i would listen
our story still lives on in our hearts, yearns to belong
but beneath it there is a sorrow