stripes of dawn sift through the grey departing night,
and in my home, behind those rays of dust,
furniture warms.
the freedom i love will soon be claimed by an incessant morning phone.
my heart numbs, longs for the kindness, constant kindness of the night

the music of my pulse already starts to fade,
a weight sets in, invisible grimace of so many trailing thoughts unraveled now,
to bear until the darkness-swilling reach of soul can span again...

would i fly at brightened glass in fractured urges,
bolstered yet adrift in any day's torrential memes?
rage at seeming machination's constant interruption of my highest rarity of living well?
or smile at the herdlike expectation's threat to condescend,
and at least scour remnants of the search undone... throughout the day
insufferable choice of final future origins
the mail arrives,
my forehead stops to wonder at the door,
and at that pang of hunger

running, overrun, the mind churns night in such sweet shadow shifts!
to fall, legless and dissolve into the rising light..
as if a Noh play were being heckled through to end by gaudy ads
to jolt us bridgeless from that subtle world
and wander long on lethe banks of noisome blare.
at times i stroll this nowhere stranding here, pretend, and gaze from hiding,
between a wincing coffee swill
imagined easeful face of signs,
"easy as a gentle summer wind..."
tolerant to all, to blow a "selfless" stillness into me
to wave, and smile --breathe a blanket on acuter truths
with which i meet the day enwrapped.

but quietly  i wait... for Time to die:
an hourglass to shatter in the instant of eternity!
and birthe anew each 3 am, create anew--
those  kisses,  frozen  birds  of  static  bliss  become
a moulded wax to shape the plenum love as roaming peace,
darkness-rest to calm a pointless labor,
abate the drift into an unwalled corner's only inward exit--
as whisper hands can cradle nescience
such, that grains become a world,
in which invented seas are sweeter than the toxic real
whose bitterness a cherishing of death unveils awry,
or right as winter dust.
i yearn in flight and add to fullness,
find fullness once again
to hover equipoised at love's encrusted center,
where pain gives way to peace i cannot have.
if i would have this other 'purest' love,
and for instance find the meaning once again in wartime's bated negligence--
as in a perfect silence wind can brush the lips with all of life's aroma--
and as a gentle fire smouldered long,
at Spring, ignites within the splay of tender leaves--
so archetypal solitude of being beings manifolded one, i may fulfillment find...

i may go find myself alone now,
or swagger to an ancient drinking song,
or fall into those evening arms,
to find abated also, idols of the heart in each
for what the greater heart amends...
all for yearning better worlds
the pain has sent me reeling prone--
curling at complacent murmurs,
coos of love to torment all without
wherein i wallow, fallen from all heights,
absurd escape, removed---surrounded still
by so-called metalove, abject phantasmal swoon
i grit my teeth against,
as heaving sand would send the shore to sea and drown nostalgia evermore,
as only total extrication serves to quell an everpresence such as this,
ringing in the twilit dew,
or starlight whirl--
or inverse in a heedless curse--
horizons cease in this expanse
surging at the birth and death of things

I fell into temptation. Kissing her was toxic to our love. I didn't realize that when I was biting on her lip. I didn't realize how much you would hate me for kissing her neck in the same spot you love. I didn't realize that her moaning my name would sound so similar to you saying, "I love you". I didn't realize I would feel so guilty for a temptation I don't regret... What I did realize is I only regret hurting you.

If rocks could fall like water
Then we would all be far less bruised
As our stones, our burdens, would roll off
Or else absorb into our skin
If only to be processed out again
We would not carry the visible marks
Of an unkind world
And would stay outwardly placid
And inwardly concealed  
But perhaps then the danger would lie
In the poisoning of our skin
As we absorb the lies and pain
Perhaps while we would cease
To present our story
Our nightmares would appear through touch
As our skin would become toxic from pain
And would burn all it contacted
And so easy it would be then
To isolate in desolate corners
So we could not be harmed --
So we could do no harm

-.-.-

So much better it is
To be to be bruised
Rather than to be alone

I'm covered from head to toe in resin, acrylics and epoxy,
Some pulverized rocks my son gathered from the Chattooga River,
Now reduced to a burnt ember dust.
I added silicone sludge and a little baking powder as well,
And once mixed, this dicey concoction is beautifully toxic,
So I waft the air and inhale it.

Painting a colorful sunset is too easy, I prefer black and white,
So with a wooden board the size of a door,
I get to work with my rubber sledgehammer, blowtorch
A gallon of poison and flammable spray.

The passers by have seen this look in eyes,
From The Shining or possibly their preachers,
You know, the same look that's a sight to behold.

Slamming the hammer down with brute force
And purposed abandonment,
I paint my sunset and wrangle the stars later.
A shower won't do me justice>

Traumedy,
The Black man's new mode of coping.
It sounds like stand up but it looks like gasping, clawing, or fighting.
I have friend whose fighting handicapped just to be understood, his opponent is a fusion of normality and vulnerability they are just heads on the monster of toxic masculinity.
My friend reaches for help but vulnerable responds that's a hand shake.
My friend makes jokes about death but normal said morbid humor is  the new black.
My friend cries for help but traumedy translated that as a knock knock joke and what he gets in return is LMAOs.
When my friend steps outside he gives life to the world while on the inside he's increasingly contemplating about giving his life back to the world.
He thinks his life is nothing but a punchline waiting for a flatline.
He's in pain but he never directly says it.
What he say is: what do you call a hilarious pun about suicide? A real wrist splitter
What he say is: what do this party and my brother have in common? they're both dead
I want to go and hug him and tell him it's ok grieve, I want to tell him that I hear him.
It's normal not to be ok but sometimes toxic masculinity is so strong that it strings my mouth closed, rendering me useless, like a voodoo doll.
But here's an open letter to the traumedian in him,
dear tramua it doesn't take search light to find the star he's bound to be, his personality stands out like a figure in the spotlight no matter how much darkness he's surrounded by like country skies.
I can clearly see the stars in him like a country sky.
He can be the next Robin Williams when he was the genie guy.
But Every time he stands up and do a stand up his traumedy constantly foreshadow his curtain call before he can get his big break.
To my friend who See's life only as a light polluted sky at night,
your life has more to offer than a end of a joke or a flatline.

I'm standing close by a river of rhyme,
where words cascade, in endless pantomime,
each line is a ripple, on the rugose water's crest,
but the chaotic current seems a randomized mess.

I see waves of words riding swells of sonnet,
into concrete verse, only to crash upon it.
There are dark plaintive whirlpools of elegy
and swirling haikus kissing off sharp envoi.

This river of rhyme could wash me away,
with its desperate currents of poetic dismay.
Its sensual verses can become a toxic wine,
oh, God, don’t let me drown in the river of rhyme.

A toxic substance lurks in the shadows of the underworld
Recesses of use crowd the masses to those addicted to a powerful jolt
Threading and entangling it's user and feeding on it's host
A powerful spell of the destructive malign force
Too weak to resist its temptation I must take another toll
Step in the booth and be served at the store
Where hard candy is toxic and the ice melts by flame
A steady flush of adrenaline followed by a calm forceful rush
Oh how feeble I have become...
The speed got me tripping I hate yet embrace
A dance with the devil I must cling to faith
But am happy I say won't sleep for two days
I dread those night terrors they don't stay away
Hearing those voices that talk in my head
Feeling paranoid what can I say?
Should suicide be the answer I'm asking away...but no one yet hears me...is this the final breath?
Inhaling the poison that triggers the euphoria
Am feeling ecstatic deep in and yet dysphoric...I know is the devil I must stay away...
But into a high thats long here to stay...my mind says 13 hours my body 45 minutes and should go away...
Capturing moment by moment analyzing deep within the monster should stop I can't feed him today...
A cycle of addictive behavior has come and is here to stay ...
I must let go now I don't want to be this way...
My doppelganger is speaking I must listen to he ... but he is dark and tormented should I go or should I stay?
Let me do this my way I told him briefly...but with only a gesture my will broke just kneeling..
A part of me is devilish and slowly feeding...
Learning the ways of the world i must stop him soon he's living within...me.
I realized I'm the only one who can come against him and battle this fight...but I need some help oh warriors of light
Come bring me some comments and encourage me to go on thinking I can break my destrucive habit...
For this is the Devil trying to **** me am dying...
**** I slipped again **** I did it again...so sorry to cuss I don't mean to offend.
I know I should be holy I know I should be a light...
But my light slowly dimming just flickering with flight.
BUT...I do promise this...I may be high and obscene at this moment already more evil on my mind...
But what can I do am human I cannot let this animal rush vanish like it has raised...
With tears in my eyes and blood in my soul I ask in lamentation for forgiveness your grace my Lord. Your highness...
Then the doppelganger part of me jumps in interrupts says " you must be stupid he isn't listening your high and your a mess"...
Your right I quickly come to respond and then I lay in my bed to think briefly...am I still awake...
It's three eleven in a quiet morning of Wednesday night August 25th...
I should of been sleep long ago my body says...I come to think of my health yes...this must go away. Need to break this addiction it's a heavy heavy chain.
Must carry my cross to the tip of the mountain must pray there alone to the God of above...
I'm here Lord am here...please hear me I've come home.
©Franko the Christian Poet

She closed one grey eye
and watched as
the now
scortched
diamond dust
slowly
settled into a
small
pool at  
the bottom
of the bubble.
A tiny heart pounded
like a turbine piston
hard and relentless
against her bare,
freckled dressed chest.
Small beads of
sweat formed
then dried almost
immeditly
down her bare back
and in between
the small mounds
she wore as *******.

She closed her right eye and
held the wand
up towards the
bare bulb light.
She watched transfixed
as the once delicate,
man made,
toxic concoction
that was now
a heated puddle
of stimuli cooled.
Then brought forth images
of great stretching snow flakes
and shattered
diamonds reaching
all throughout
the bubble tipped
tool  she had
taken in as a lover.

And there will
be no sleep
tonight for the
Down Town dealers
and this delicate
lost soul with
diamonds
in her  eyes.
Theres too many
memories that
need to be
tamed ,
too many
nightmares to
give in to sleep.
Stay awake ,
create more time
and consume every bad
thing that's before
you.

Seek out a cold
place in the night,
then stare at the heavens
while  shaking
a clenched fist upon
the serpents.
As our world reveals
more another
falls,picks up
a tool  and
turns to what works.

Choosing the
easy way out
is never an easy
decision.
As crystals cool
then melt again
another decision has
turned to
death in the
form of a captive
life without
freedom enough to
care or breath.

She walked toward
the window and
stood naked
and high before
the city.
A tear tumbled
and dried
before it ever
left her face.

Another diamond
obsessed ,dreamless
dreamer,
waiting out the
night,dealing with
the madness and
sharing none
of her horrors
with the shadowed
world she was forced
to haunt.
Living every hour
wide  awake,
wired and full
of pills.
Desperate for some
other place thats
far away from here.

Slowly
and quietly
dying an older
souls death.
Far before
what should
have been
her peaceful
and merciful
kind of ending.

Oh, I am raw.

You knew.
You knew this whole time.
And you made your bid for love and freedom oncemore,
Like you'd never been hurt in your life,
Like it couldn't turn out wrong.
You knew, you knew.
Every single time, the hope wins over the sense,
And it's like you don't even try.
Who are you to march away and leave me here,
Heart?
Who are you to skip away blithely into the night every time I beg you to stay?
It's like you don't even belong in my breast,
The way you leap forth and hitch a ride
With people you see pass near, who shine like stars.
You follow them like gravity,
And every time, I scream inside my head,
Locked in,
"WAIT! Don't go, don't leave me here to feel your space!"
But you ignore me each time,
And briefly I am sure you are right,
Briefly, every single time,
I believe that you are the one I should be following,
Dragged behind you,
And not the other way around.
And then it comes,
It comes and I trip myself just so I will have chosen to go down,
And I am here,
Left
Wretched on my knees
And you never have to take the fall.
You never have to deal with it.
You're only in control when the sun is shining.
When the storms hit and knock the breath out of me like thunder rolling,
You plead you never chose a thing.
You traitor,
I would claw you from my chest!
But you already did that,
And I have no way to take revenge on you for your treachery-
You are me.
Your pain is mine.
(your joy is mine as well)
And so you get to,
Every time,
Abandon me and make me thank you for it,
And I am so sick of it I could scream.
You don't have consequences, Love.
You ARE a consequence.
What ever gave you the right
To turn my life upside down?
To leave me so unable to do anything but watch as I am dismantled by a force I never asked to feel?
I'd be happy, content, perfect,
(no, unfulfilled, empty, lost...)
To just give you up and cut the strings
That she
(whoever she may be, for I never get to choose, do I?)
Saws at with a bow, poison-tipped like a Shakespearean sword,
Plays, like violins singing melodrama.
I'd sever you from me in an instant and let you go
Play your games elsewhere,
Heart.
I swear I'd do it and dance in the streets,
(I'd have nothing, not know what to do)
If only it was possible.
(I am not damaged enough to give up)
I don't believe in love,
(Oh but I do, and sometimes I don't want to)
But I am married to my work, to you:
My job is not to be paid,
It is not to be happy,
(you are my chance for "happy")
It is simply and exhaustingly to survive your choices.
I don't get my life!
I get you.
I get kicked when I'm down, I get holes and hollows in places
I didn't know a heart filled,
Like fingertips and rib bones and lungs,
And that awful twisted spot above my stomach
That echoes cavernously with loneliness in the middle of the night
And sometimes in the lunchroom or on the subway.
(I get to think maybe that sadness will cease)
I get haunted dreams and impulses I can't control,
(sweet relief from a life of restraint)
I get your puppet strings
Jerking me to my knees
Knocking the pride out of me like breath.
(It speaks, but underneath I worship you)
I get your fingers inside my head, on the ridges of my brain,
Digging in like a migraine headache,
Gouging a place for someone I don't even know.
(Replacing the sorrow with joy so intense that I fear it.)
Who put you in me?
You don't fit here.
(you are the only thing that fits here)
You don't belong here.
(I am so afraid you don't.)
Like a parasite, you feed on me
(I need something to take this ache.)
And I am slowly dying of it, Heart.
(cure for my loneliness, arsenic for my mind)
I've tried everything I know,
I even tried to make you die inside me-
(I didn't know what else to do, I'm sorry)
Husk of a soul skittering along the undersides of my graffitied ribs,
But no, no you rose again,
Stronger,
And I... I wept in fear, Heart,
I really did.
(I made the hardest choice and you unmade it.)
Nobody knows that-
That I wanted you to go,
That I wanted you to stop, actually.
Nobody knows that I'd have happily never felt a thing for the rest of my life,
(only in fear, Heart, only in fatigue)
When they saw me fight so hard to become myself again.
(I couldn't beat the part of me that needs you)
But I knew,
I knew
Because the day you stretched and yawned after leaving me for months to rot around your frozen form,
I felt in me a terror I will never be able to explain,
Never be able to understand fully.
(Self preservation was never one of my talents, or yours)
This gibbering, skin crawling agony of panic,
That here you were again to bend me and break me,
That I was mortal, carrying a love that couldn't ever be killed.
It was the moment of clarity,
(of awe, as well, and terrifying vitality)
Before I decided I had to force myself to work with you,
Slap a smile on and go look for my next defeat,
(oh, maybe this time I could keep the love)
During which I saw my life unfold before me like a vast map,
Your destruction burning it to ashes in all the places I'd love to live,
Place by place by place,
Charred path to death over the lengths of decades,
No control, no say, just heat- and me, following along behind
Like a lost puppy
Trying to rebuild something substantial enough to make my home in.
I saw before me a life without rest,
Of this, the constant struggle to find and keep a wholeness I apparently don't deserve,
(I can't stop trying to deserve it)
To catch you and stuff you back where you belong and force you to lie still,
When I know you will only consume me with flames anyway.
I hate you, I really do.
(fear, not hate)
I hate you because I want to live.
(I am afraid you will destroy me)
I hate you because I want to die.
(I am afraid I will destroy you)
I hate you because if it were not for you, I would never suffer,
And I would have nothing to live for-
For I know nothing but the constancy of you,
Pushing me down, forcing me to my knees
And me struggling to rise and find a way to bear your burdens.
(GIFTS)
I hate you because I will never, ever be rid of you,
And I hate you because nobody should want to be rid of
What makes them live.
I hate you because underneath I still believe, somehow, that every single second's worth it,
Because that naive faith in you just won't die-
How can I stand that?
(How can my pride abide a hate for something vital, and a love for something toxic?)

And you've betrayed me every time, Heart,
And I don't forgive you.
(I already forgave you long ago)
And what if you've gone and done it again?
(Let me say I hate you so that I can have some control)
And how am I supposed to know that
For all these years to come?
*(Please don't go cold again, my Heart.)

so if we
stand still
smell the heat

of an enemy's
bullet through our veins
for once

court outcome
of supplanting views
imbibing another's sweat

casuist's bile
scrawled on prison walls
of savaged confines

they salute
their spiel
with the same

toxic hold
as we concoct
world views

venomous elixir
polymorphous maze
shadow of a sphinx

looms clearer
as steps leading
to torn pages

of feted book
uncover dichotomy
of a self split

so that shooting a child
of shunned genes
amounts to nil

for in but a blink
his uniform
arrives home

to stroke the
golden locks
of his only daughter

playing Chopin

I cry a tear

The other scolds a feeling

Nights go by and you feel emotionally bankrupt.

No one to turn to too

You start feeling like the “catch 22” staring at a ceiling.

You hold back your anger and your fear

The other still smells such and uses their own sadness

“the doggy didn’t greet me the right way. You don’t

deserve or appreciate anything!”

The cycle continues until you have reached the limit and melt into madness .

Once  the other snaps out of their “toxic trance”

their apologies flow as well do the promises

“I only wish for my friend not to become “Mr. Hyde  out of Dr. Jekyll .”

You are the strength of the household without investment to regain

Energy and funds to “stop spinning the wheels”

and move out of the warpath

“The Harm of the Heckles. “

You learn to wait for the opportunity to “catch them in their sleep walk”

The “thief caught stealing from the cookie jar”

Don’t the sick “understand the demands and power of their emotions which erode”

a once peaceful soul and sand….?

You have a little way left, in which to back up your talks.

Going forward in life…..

If the other would or could break out of their “spell”

People in conflict and turmoil

Truly caring for one another but afraid to show their “weakness.

To get well.”

When the day comes and they value the relations and finally admit to

the portion of chemical waste that has nearly killed two bonded hearts

The person in the daze never understands this “war’s toll”

Two in a team, can empower one another

to build one another up.

Instead of shooting flames that burn one another’s souls.

Melted from hurtful heat, instead.

A nuclear storm is building up..

“Chernobyl” devastating the lands that were made

from spirits connected to friendship so kindred..

Saving a once thriving force, that is your friendship…

From being placed in a grave

That this “Chemical war” had taken it’s toll

No time for liquidation of the aftermath

The time needed to heal is enough to purify

The feelings of both…The neglect of this

Downfall

are bright hearts who shall die, instead.

my heart started beating rapidly
not out of Love but out of fear
distanced myself subconsciously
my mind was anything but clear

read old fun conversations
tried to recreate what’s there
but our friendship lost its foundation
yet we weren’t even aware

those arguments made me nauseous
couldn’t fight back couldn’t even speak
just became more cautious
and continued to feel so weak

suffocated in my own pain
trying to stay by your side
ended up with absolutely no gain
because what we had has died

tired of being stuck in a cage
in desperate need to flee
need to stop the constant rage
so leaving in hopes of being free

lyrically, I kind of feel like an assassin
at the task point & equipped with poison darts
for I'm 'bout to let fly an attack in
this b#tch with toxic bars
pointed, like v𝗜per's fangs, at an
outfit of office bo[ɑ]ds/do[ɑ]gs
kno𝗪n 𝗔s "Electro𝗡ic Ar𝗧s"
at the time it was found
a certain game of thine is shut down
like a chipmunk, I went nuts
'cause, for keeps, I'd lost 𝗠𝗬 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗦 (lost)
on styling which, several hours were spent
thanks for all the time wasted
don't even have screen captures of them
awesome, amazing!
——————————————————————
when it comes to discussions like games get
human noggins go crazy
it's not them themselves are stuff to put blame on
it's, among things not mentioned, such situations
——————————————————————
now getting 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞
to those responsible for that scoundrelly act
and probably not giving an ounce of a f#ck
like a tire drifting down a speed track
["attire"]
it's gon' get smoky & **[ɑ]t (for you)
barbecue; so go hit a dog & bone & ring up
["heat"]
a local smoke eaters squa[ɑ]d
'kin to "Rebel", I scream f#ck the suits
["keen"; "ice cream"]
like somebody chosen to o[ɑ]pt
for a punk-like look
but you can all get choked by asco[ɑ]t (lethally)
as if you were getting iced by someone who's
got Caledonian blood (a Scott)
appetite to hunt unful–
–filled; you're in it to make bread like *******s
["field"]
but don't be swift to get laid-back, don't chill
akin to potatoes & sh#t
like that, better maintain your eyes peeled
better still is beating a hasty retreat
'cause it's me in the same freaking field
["freak in field"]
the Creeper, in it to prey like a priest
["pray"]
as if you were ****** in religion (horse?)
I'm speeding your way like a whip (vroom-vroom)
in other words, you're in fO̲r some moll-treatment
told I'm in it to prey since it's writ
large that you're being a game in this b#tch
which, in turn, is the reason I'm playing a bit (with words)
to say it in brief, you're simply collation to ge[ɪ]t
let me add a medievalish taste to this sh#t
["evilish"]
arranging it akin to the H & the G
["a range"]
not "H" & "G" as in hunter & game, though
"H" & "G" as in Hansel & Gretel
i.e. with you getting ablaze like a witch
with this one, might be given a place in a list
of ones given to making it lit
in the middle of taking a trip, the freighter's equipped
and fit for action like babes in dance clips
the cargo's like a pro[ɑ]stitute
becau[ɑ]se it's gon' go down on you
a kind of mood to bust the roof
of the "Arts" HQ; an armored loot
box, large & toom, will pro[ɑ]b'ly do
then dump on you a multitude
of fla[ɑ]sks produced
from gla[ɑ]ss & full of ga[ɑ]s, then use
a bottle of Molotov
like pirate dudes, I spark the fuse
the falcon shoots, the target's doomed
dead in the water, so a po[ɑ]ssible res–po[ɑ]nd from you (pond)
is nothing short of garbage-good (dead in the water)
[lyrical waters]
these bars being by the side of you are like balloons
within a reach of clowns
in other words, you might get it twisted now
but it's time for you to find a new **** jo[ɑ]b in view
of the lines above becau[ɑ]se it looks
like I̲'ve zilch short of go[ɑ]tten you
fired, which is why I̲ feel like a bo[ɑ]ss 'kin to
a vehicle used bY̲ whelps to get brou[ɑ]ght to school (bus)
exorcism bout
for it's like getting demons out
[letting demons out]
guess you, "EA", have already figured out
the amusement which shutdown
my pen is steamed about
it's "NFS: W"

Do good.
Fight for what you believe in.
Don’t back down,
don’t turn around,
don’t hit the ground,
stick it out.
Question everything you think you know.
Find a cause.
Do your part to fix our flaws.

Humanity is the new trend,
the social structure was in a bend.
We don’t mean to offend
the rich, white men
telling us to make America great again.
What do you mean “again”?
It wasn’t even great back then.
What did you have then that we don’t have now?
Rampant racism and sexism?
The Brady Bunch?

Sure, we’re not perfect.
Our phones have grown into our hands,
and although we could say hello
from miles away,
we can’t see the people
right in front of us.

Boys grow anxious
when the person they hope for
doesn’t like their picture,
and girls would rather
indirect someone on Twitter
than call them out
face-to-face.
And we know throwing insults is always easier
from behind a screen.
What’s holding us back
when we can’t see the face of the person
whose day we just ruined?

We don't work, we just get bored.
We crave entertainment and fun.
It's all we ever need.
Not production,
or education,
Or the satisfaction of a job well done.
9 to 5 means nothing to us.

But even if we’re not necessarily a generation of workers,
we’re a generation of fighters.
For whatever you feel,
whatever you believe,
choose your path.
Follow what is right.
Lead with your heart
and never lose sight.

Whether it be of
the toxic gasses,
the lower classes,
or the shootings in holy masses,
never give up on your goal.
You are a part of this world for a reason.
Change it for the better.

Feel good.
Dance like nobody's there.
Sing like you don't care.
Because you deserve a good time.
Life is short,
so love with
all your being.

We’ll embrace you.
It doesn’t matter
what you like,
where you’re from,
who you are,
or what you’ve done.
It’s all good in the hood.
Acceptance is the name of the game for us.
We’re not quite there yet,
but on the path towards love,
we'd call it step one.

Don’t live to please anyone,
fill expectations,
or be someone you’re not.
Do what you enjoy most,
whether it be
smoking dried leaves,
drinking the ghost of fruit and vegetable’s past,
or earning queens in a game of chess.

We are the generation that reveals
the drastic change in society’s ideals.
We're here to seal
our new deal
that what's most important
is the way you feel.

We're prone to anxiety
because of an education that has become
more about grades than learning
and body standards that are rising
higher than heaven.
Got low levels of serotonin?
You’re not alone in this.

Don't let anyone tell you
that your feelings aren't valid
because there are children starving in Africa
or because life was harder "back in the day".

Everyone fights their own fight,
and not one person has the right
to tell you yours is false.
Keep in mind everyone else,
but remember to
love yourself.

I will forever be a sucker,
for your sad eyes,
and calloused hands,
your poisonous kiss,
and mind that I can never understand.

let's be toxic one last time.

Chocolate diet,
your hairs were too sweet, so you chose to dye it.
“Do you like it, “ you had to ask me, which I had to
admit, “I seriously Iove it.“ But I only could mind it.
In a diabetic coma, we were sleeping on sweet dreams
with your hair on my favourite pillow. A willow now;
your hair was now falling off. You tried to dye your age,
but how it looked before wasn’t really much the same.
Still wishing the old you could come back around again.

Coffee diet,
you’ve been grinding all of your life in continuous cycles.
“Can I have a break, “ you exclaimed to me, I couldn’t lie
to you, and pretend slowing down meant you’d have a break.
Baby test your brakes, just to ease yourself into rushing into
those familiar mistakes. There’s no shame I could put all on you.
Even when I’m trying to fix everything, not only for one of us.
But also fixing a fulfilling life for us two. But it’s all for you.

Cannabis diet,
we’re getting high on all of our wildest desires, and dreams.
Afraid of the heights, getting to the top of success as it seems.
Playing both sides of the spectrum of ideas. Can’t we work out
all of our issues as a team? The closest we are, to doing the
same kind of work. Your cooking up some stories, and I’m
cooking up a storm of my words. How soon till the kitchen gets
burnt? Bite marks under skins; getting on each other’s nerves.

Commitment diet,
tying ourselves around trust. But it passes the fine line
of making up, or passing around lust. Why does the love we’re
making, end off with me having to cuss? We’re playing it all a
little too rough. I can’t be explaining to workmates about my face’s
latest cuts. Must of been the feelings that radiated the first time
we met. But it turned into radiation, falling into a toxic combination.
Toxic relationships are only the ones people fall into blindly. But we
could see the disaster before, taking it ever so lightly. And so mildly.

Cuddle diet,
teddy bear kisses, calling me soft for falling so easily in love with
you. I had to borrow someone else’s glue to get myself stuck to you.
Listening too many times, to peers pressuring me to do things I
never really liked. But they were the ones to decide how far I should
jump, to reach up to their hype. Yet your friend’s excitement aren’t
there, when they see a close couple they know publicly fight.

Sigh,
I must be tired, and too full of myself to picture me the fool.
Drooling over love; waters of the flesh are only sweet in the
moment. But try yourself to enjoy the same taste, straight after
***.

Seriously,
why must we go around chasing loves, leaving us out of breath?
Following a length of measuring up to unrealistic values, and
ending up with less of your human strength. Regrets will fill up
your favourite plate. A diet of all of these things, somehow leaves
you bent out of shape. I was too busy chasing cake, but the flavours
of it, wasn’t something I could always taste.

So,
I had loads of inked pains to write this. Not to act as if all the parts
of you I despise or really miss. But if lips are the first taste we have
to a full meal of two lover’s violence, I think I’ll just stay off it’s diet.

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls

I have developed a twitch in my body-brain.
It jerks at my organs and my violet thoughts.
I can control it to make it work,
Use it to dance on your rusted metal cogs.
It's like a spinning tree,
With interwinding pine cones of
Gold that hang from satin branches
He is perched up there again!
Tall and proud.
Not a bird like other animals.
Not an animal like other animals.

I know your most shameful thoughts,
Let me tease out the guilt and despair
Pull it out in worm string from your
Bloodied Guts,
Your gilded towers where you lock them away
Shame on you.
Bell chimes three times: Death call
But blue tears still cling like sharp thorns to brassy plumage
plumes plumes plumes

Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

Slumber not next to the satin tree,
Layered under the shrieks of your old loves
Where they suffer timeless tortures that make your tongue
Taste like fish feed.
Poppy breathed inside his beak-jaw, mongrel!
White faeces stain the satin branches again.
Bloodied, bloodied, bloodied.
Pandora makes you bleed
White faeces.
Leech, your brain is a leech-vampire.
White faeces.

Quick, walk around the tree three times in clockwise motions,
Not like a tick-tock more like the flap of a wing.
Do not forget the tear ink,
Her tears were ink,
they were ink,
ink, ink, ink.
Sink into the poppy field!
Churn in your toxic nutrition
Choke on your reflux
Do not taste.
Do not see.
Do not smell.
Do not touch.

I'm running away until it catches me
The mental germs of denial that I needed to face
A memory that I can't hold onto anymore
My trash is full tonight and yet I threw nothing
The smell of germs reminds me of sorrow
I left to feel a muscle on my face smiling
I left and I never shed a tear
But tonight I'm letting it fade
A time-lapse of each beat I felt
I feel it again and then its gone forever
I know I know that I'm turning into someone new
I know that I fear myself when Im alone
But now Im laying down remembering it all for it to be gone
Farewell the toxic fairytale
We shall never meet again

Best friends.
Boyfriend?
No.
Strangers.

I sobbed
It wasn't pretty
Like you once said I was

I can break you in an instant
But you destroyed me over time

We were incompatible
Oil and water that wouldn't mix
But we still managed to get shaken up

So yeah, I'm gone
But you're the one who left

she drenched in the salt lake
her eyes scared by the city of bright lights, the homeless
the rich, faithful, and faithless. There is always a drought.
confined in the Romanesque heart of the men with hard ons,
and the women who just cant seem to get enough.
The white boys with baggy pants who drive by smelling like ****
and listening to some mainstream ******* that makes ordinary minds
even more ordinary.

The extravagant gay men - gorgeous- flamboyant witty and ridiculously critical
but yet have no restraints
The bull ****'s, the stems, the fems and the ones who have a few drinks
and want to touch something forbidden and then wake up
the next morning falling in love and realizing that maybe
they are not who they thought they were,
or leaving some obsessive uhaul with a broken heart

a scene infested with infestation
of a inner circle that screams something,
of noble drama, static eyes, drunken nights and high profile
love affairs, because nothing stays committed
but within the dysphoria breeds toxic secrets
ones that can break the body, like cold war hearts
shifted into a panorama of anorexia and bulimia
because too skinny is just never enough
bones are never enough
it had to go deeper then that.


heavy black eye liner, and steel pumps
unravel like skin heads out on the prowl of navy blue nights
looking for pretty new flesh, someone who has yet to be touched
because nobody wants the new girl after she is no longer new
the spotlight hits you, everyone wants to love you
everyone wants to *******, everyone is willing to backstab
the girl you choose every 2 weeks to get your attention
thats just how it works, I have been that girl
with eyes turned away I had to watch someone become that girl.painfully.
there is a segragation within the sub culture. Just when you thought
there was no such thing

converse and button up shirts
the right haircut and strong eye contact can get you any straight girl
at least thats what they would like to think, and for the most part
they are right

a man leans his head over to grunt
as the woman who is doing what she does to pay her rent
gives in like a weak human who just cant keep the lie anymore
who explodes with her barbaric truth and stains those figured
around her with uncaring eyes. There is no more sympathy.
you probably walked by her at the gay club last night.
yeah thats her covering up her sexuality like a vegan
who wears the fur of a polar bear around her neck
and gauts and gushes and purges and numbs herself out
because her selfishness has taken over her pride
because she has lost herself
because she is too broken

this is Miami she thought, why am I here
from sky vision it looks looks like a cess pool
of humans trying to latch on to something that does not exist
of business men who are not getting what they deserve
of kids who are growing up to the sound of lady gaga
and some other ****** up quote on quote artist

and then I found what I never thought I would find here
some kind of starved meaning, leaning on the street corner
like a dieing baby
sitting in the trash can like some left over rice
barely surviving

an energy that is struggaling to keep its eyes open
a community of expolsive minds trying to fight out
these scenes and living in their own worlds

I am of different mind.
Strong convictions about
The guilty, the right and the wrong.

And with the Devil on my back,
I scream this strange song.

Sins of the father, falter farther.
His downfall will be my ascension.

Through the manacles of manipulation,
He offers cries of peace, of mending.

A piece of a puzzle, which drew me life,
But the business ends there,
I'll not be intertwined in such affairs.

I'll ******* the old man, in mind and spirit.
The blinding goal of this obsession,
But these fruits of labor utter no confession.

And true, such an unwavering soul,
Is dark, toxic and hell.
Though, with black magic, it is for me to sell.

So it happens, that the devil is me,
Then I'll sit with that in evil glee.

Good, bad, or ugly.
I am left only with myself.

I don’t find myself being happy,
My taste in men is rather lacking.
They’re like the whiskey in my mouth I taste when I’m hungover.
Feels good at the time but I’m always sorry when it’s over.
I don’t feel good enough in my current relationship,
The man I’m with .. makes me feel like a *******.
He doesn’t look at me the way he looks at other woman,
and he tells me clothes don’t do me justice and that I look better naked.
and the lies are too hard to ignore anymore,
When I have to fight for his attention and he treats me like I’m his chore.
He said he was on his way home to go to to bed, but he did me real *****,
he already told me earlier he got invited to go out drinking at 10:30,
But why would he lie?
Because the last time we went out drinking together he did things that really hurt me.
This relationship is toxic because I already knew what would happen after that lie.
He’d ignore all my texts and “forget to reply”
The way it works is he will apologize and feel bad the next day,
Because I’m such a nice girl and he sees his mistake,
But it’s not enough to say I forgive him or pretend it’s okay,
Hes breaking my trust every lie, each day.
I’ve tried so hard to get him to realize how much I care,
But he doesn’t seem to understand what he’s doing isn’t fair.
From the candlelit dinners to the mixed CDs and “Bang Me” valentines cake, i now realized were a waste of time and my own **** mistakes.
The nights I spent running my fingers through his hair ...which was he favorite thing
will just have to be memories that he’ll have to bear.


Because I’m not enough to get him to change,
It’s not enough to be me.
I haven’t any choice anymore
Hes forcing me to leave

When you sauntered through the pub
I knew my life had changed;
No longer concerned to save the world,
I needed to pull resources to save my heart.

The light through your auburn hair
The exact colour of magnificent conflagrations;
Those intense wildfires evermore common
Due to shifting climate patterns.
And, like a bushfire threatening lives and homes,
No man was untouched -
All were scorched by your radiant beauty.

Your pearly whites'
Whiter than the bleached bones
Of countless drought-stricken livestock;
Whiter, still, than bleached reefs,
Luminous in their death-throes.

And those intense green eyes -
More glowing than a radio-active
Atoll seen from space.

And your voice, when you asked to sit,
Had the harmonic cascade of a thousand extinct species,
Each singing their death song in salute to corporate success:
It made my knees tremble and my wallet itch!

Your ******* as well proportioned
As those majestic ****-heaps of open-cut mines.

The little paunch you wear so proud,
Is more cute and inviting of attention
Than all the distended stomachs of starving African children.

As I explored further into nether regions,
I was delighted to discover
You'd taken the Brazilian to heart -
Clear-felling all but a remnant;
A tuft in tribute to a once great forest -
A forest of mystery and exotic, ****** adventure,
Now open for tourism!

Your scent more intoxicating
Than a million factory flues
Spewing out toxic pollutants
To fix our corporate wants.

When you invaded my heart
It was as devastating as the "shock and awe" tactics
Of a military Superpower unleashing its might
On a hapless oil-rich and strategically significant,
But unco-operative, dissident regime.

Your plump, glossy, cherry-red lips
More succulent than a genetically-modified tomato
Grown on a corporate farm, maximising profits.

And even though you're more vacuous
Than a bovine skull after the hydraulic rod
Has rendered the animal fit for hamburgers and processed foods,
You've still captured my heart
Like a sentimental story broadcast
On a slow news day with advertiser's approval.

Gaia can look after Herself,
I'll not defend Her - I'm on the shelf;
Captured by a product of modern media,
I'm in Love with a global Arcadia!

To become one with your breath is such a freeing thing
To calm your mind..
All you think is in... and out...
Your stomach expanding, contracting
The slight stretch as you shift into the next pose
Hold...
Breathe...
In...
Out...
Be gentle
Look inside yourself
In that moment nothing else matters
Don't think think 'Am I doing this right?'
Just think of your breath
Lavender scents my room
But I'm not here
I'm my breath
The air..
The wind..
Caressing the earth somewhere miles away
And here at the same time...
I am free
And it is time to free myself
Of all the toxic things..
Breathe them out
Send them away
Invite in healing and light
Magic in your way
To cleanse the mind
To cleanse the soul
All you need to do is...
Close your eyes...
And breathe...
In...
Out...

i yearn for you
     'tween raindrops
silkiness
    of early morn's dew,
spirit
    of twilight's mist
dark cherry wine's
    intoxication
& comforts
    of a different rhyme
those spaces
   that enchant musings
toxic perfum'd lacings
     air filled of metaphorical
blush'd smoke
    gasping for surrender
'tween honey'd breaths
         wafting in my mind
  of nectar'd
       burgundy enchantments

Good bye anxious days,
Good bye anticipation,
Good bye expectation,
Good bye stress,
Good bye over commitment,
Good bye bad attachment,
Good bye cravings,
Good bye pretense,
Welcome freedom
Welcome Boundaries
Welcome free will
Welcome choice
Welcome new possibilities
Welcome space
Welcome carefree-ness
Welcome authenticity
Welcome My self.

my mom told me
to think of the struggles i faced three years ago,
and how i wasn’t facing those obstacles any longer

but i still am,mom

i’m still silently drowning in the hole he dug for me three years ago;
people keep coming along and making it deeper

they widen my roots making me weaker

i no longer feel my feet on the ground
i’m stuck feeling the depth of the water,
i’m still breathing with my head submerged

and he keeps coming along,
kissing my blue lips every time my face reappears

then pushing me under once he is done

my friends tell me he is toxic
that he is ruining me and that i should leave

but he is guarding the exit
and after three years i cannot lift myself out of the past

so i will let him keep kissing me.

until he steals the breath that is left from my mouth and makes it his own

until my head does not appear again, then he will finally go home


i would still rather die with him
than try and survive this alone.