How many quiet corners to hide
I am hallucinating
I wanted to test it
Five days before I felt again

I pick a number
And then I attack it with color
Clean lines but aggressive strokes
Repeat repeat repeat

Sometimes I hold my breath
And squeeze and squeeze until there’s nothing left
To fight the empty nothingness
And create some of it myself
Because cuts turn to scars and scars turn to questions and permanent problems that never go away
To let go means to bare open
All of a lengthy list of insecurities and poor decisions
That I am in the making
So I’m quiet until confident
But falsely secure
In who my words and lips reach
Out to anyone and everyone I meet
Hoping
But instead blindly trusting each and every one to stay
Away they push
Not with passion but
The gentle turn of a page

Someone sat there
Ten years of my life in their hand
And with one finger
Decided I wasn’t worth watching

I am a wildfire
Yet you turn me on just by lighting candles

Tell it to me straight
She whispered
Because a soft gust in a heat advisory
Won’t set ships a sail
And if canvas
Hangs
Let go the anchor
and swim like hell back to shore

It shape-shifts
Almost recognizes me for what it once was
Yet love now hides behind guarded eyes
Hardened to safeguards and boundaries
Close, but measured
Each interaction separated with caution
Breathless not but held instead
Demotion
Gives falling in love a new name

How in hell do you get to feel the same love I do
Love is dirt
Stuck on the bottom of my shoes
I’ll kick it at the door