maybe every writer wonders
what the reader reads

it's a window into me
but what do people see?

did I write it like I thought it?
did you read it like I said?

can you feel the rhythm
even when you read it in your head?

do you read it like a rap?
do you read it like a book?

do you sing it like a song?
do you only look?

do you hear it in your head?
is it someone else's voice?

Julie Andrews?
Morgan Freeman?
really it's your choice

do you think in pictures?
do you think in sound?

if there's no one around
do you read it out loud?

do you read it only once
or maybe two or three times?

do you analyze the meaning?
do you focus on the rhyme?

and I'm sure that you know I'm
overthinking like I always do

you saw my soul
so I try to stare back into you

and understand how much of me
you could have understood

I would read your mind
if I only could

my needs are just too much
IF I NEED IT THEN I TAKE IT

I try to hide my needs
**** ANYONE WHO SAYS TO FAKE IT

I hide behind my walls
I DON'T HIDE, I'M NOT A COWARD

and save my energy
I HAVE COURAGE, I HAVE POWER

I wear a mask for everyone
I WANT TO BE SEEN

to hide what's different about me
I AM PROUD TO BE OBSCENE

I think that this would be too much for them
ARE THEY SO ******* HELPLESS

you're selfish for revealing
I DON'T CARE IF I AM SELFISH

this is why you are dangerous
I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU

you are why they rejected me
BUT I DID NOT REJECT YOU

you are the face I cannot show
CANNOT OR ARE AFRAID TO?

you are made of my darkness
I AM THE DARKNESS THAT MADE YOU

I am afraid to look at you
LOOK ME IN THE EYE

I'm afraid that you are bad
I'M NOT AFRAID TO BE THE BAD GUY

I have to keep you locked away
ADMIT THAT ISN'T TRUE

this wasn't meant to be a dialogue
ADMIT THAT I AM YOU

always looking
from the outside

all alone
rejected
wrong

I keep people
at a distance

all alone
where I belong

I chase time
into the darkness

all alone
unknown
unsure

there where my
shadow surrounds me

not alone
not anymore

today when I was with my friends
I was kind of
unkind to them

I know I didn't mean to be
I did it all unconsciously

I was too harsh
too critical

too negative and cynical

it was an echo of the way
I'd criticized myself all day

that's more than a coincidence
that seems more like
cause and effect

I think
the way I treat myself
becomes
how I treat someone else

that felt like an epiphany
though it had long been clear to me

that how I am treated informs
the way that I treat
everyone

it's crazy that it felt so new
to realize

I'm a person too

and that when I
am cruel to me

it just inspires more cruelty

why should I set myself apart?
if my compassion is complete

then I should treat myself
in the same way
that people should be treated

some say
the opposite of hope is
fear

but I think
the opposite of hope is
despair

hope and fear
are connected
a bird with two wings

but despair is what's left
after hope flies away

I've been masking for so long
that I forget
that's what I'm doing

sometimes I can play a role

but mostly I just mask as
'human'

I pretend that I am swimming
no one wants to see me drowning

no one wants to hear about
how hard it is to be around them

I find out what they can handle
of my real identity

show that much personality
so masking takes less energy

but sometimes I still find me hoping
I could lay my soul wide open

maybe you can be the place
where it is safe to have a face

I try too hard to hide the way
I struggle with this every day

they cannot see
what holds me back
because these walls
are made of glass

they think that I
am holding back

I try to use my logic
to put their anger into perspective

but sometimes I can't

I'm sorry I am not enough

sometimes I try to explain
the ways I try
that they can't see

I try
but I find out which friends
pretend they can feel empathy

sometimes that's been a shock for me

but maybe I know how they feel
I pretend that I can do
the things people expect me to

is that the way it feels for you?
is that the reason you pretend?

do you try to feel empathy?
are you ashamed because you can't?

if that's not something you can do
then I should not expect you to

I've seen what you're capable of

I'm sorry it was not enough