From far away, you seem
Distant, quiet, and closed  
Discard anyone’s company but prefer to be in your own!
I came a little bit close, I saw you are -
warm, wise and witty,
Kind and one of your kind!
And a delight to meet!
Taught me a life lesson in humility in one evening!
It’s not very often I meet people who can inspire me so much in one meeting :)

I realised that the pattern was repeating over and over.
One day, I decided to face it.
I opened my wounds and surrendered.
Praying for healing,
Feeling the pain.
Then, it came.
I mustered enough courage to sit with the sensations in my body, feeling them, instead of
shutting it, numbing it,
running away, wishing away,
I stood there and faced it.
It was painful.
It felt like
my heart was shattered into thousand pieces.
my gut was wrenched out.
the nerves in my head pulled in all directions.
as if I was looted of every ounce of blood from my body.
It was raw.
It was cathartic.
Tears weren’t enough to bear them. Self pity did not help.
I cried, I begged, I screamed, I wallowed.
Finally, I gave up.
I breathed.
I just breathed, feeling the breath.
I had to let it all in before letting it all go.
Then, came some relief.
I see glimpses of freedom and joy,
It feels like a triumph.
It feels soft.
It feels calm.
It feels good.
It feels god.
That must be the healing.

I went to God, crying
Begging for release from this cycle of
Neediness, lack of worthiness,
desperation and pain.
She told me…
Why are you asking for pittance of love,
When I have an ocean of love pouring for you…
You are me and I am you.
Take it all and have it all.
With Grandeur and Glory.
This entire cosmos is yours to claim.
Don’t deny it to yourself…

Many come to me seeking this and that,
My offer is the same,
But will you allow yourself to have it all?

Good bye anxious days,
Good bye anticipation,
Good bye expectation,
Good bye stress,
Good bye over commitment,
Good bye bad attachment,
Good bye cravings,
Good bye pretense,
Welcome freedom
Welcome Boundaries
Welcome free will
Welcome choice
Welcome new possibilities
Welcome space
Welcome carefree-ness
Welcome authenticity
Welcome My self.

I am clear in my head and perhaps in heart that it is not love,
It is my own lack that I look to fill through you.
Isn’t it true that you also felt that you could fill your void with me?  
Isn’t it all what we look for, in a relationship?
Sometimes I want just that…
Why can’t we have our cup filled by someone?
Why is there an image of ideals and perfection…
That we have to be all for ourselves,
Not needing validation.
Why do we strive to be all?

Finally,
It comes to an end but not an end
After being the most intense relationship that I had in my own thoughts
Ups and downs like a tornado, now landing exactly where it should be.

It’s an end but not an end,
It exists but it isn’t awake,
It rests unless one of us wakes it up,
And none of us wants to wake it up!
Then, does it actually exist?
It’s dead, but is it?

I exist
No matter what...
Despite...

I exist
Fearlessly,
Securely,
Confidently,
Rightfully,
Claiming my space in the universe
I exist...because
I AM.
And I cant be anything else other than ME.