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Javanira Waters Oct 2016
I’ve always said that things happen for a reason. Most times I never understand as to why the reason is what it is… She came into my life just as when the leaves were falling and I hope with her that everything I have learned in the past years will make sense and become useful. I don’t believe to have encountered something-no someone, that is so simple it makes one think of the complexities of how can she “be”, how can she “exist”, in simpler terms… I use to think a person like her couldn’t exist, but the thing is she doesn’t just exist as herself. She exists as the constant pulse in my wrists, the tingles throughout my body that makes my hair stand on ends, the brush strokes in a famous painting, the flowers in the crevices of the sidewalk, the words that poets write about, the faith that someone has in their religion, the truth in a victim's eyes, and the glow upon a pregnant woman’s face. She exists in more than just these simple things. However, she is a person. She came into my life and… The past years of dealing with heartbreak, manipulation, mental abuse, not being enough, and the confusion. It all makes sense now as to why those things have happened. I’ve met a person, her, and I have seen my morals change along with my mindset since meeting her. No longer do I think so negatively about situations, how can I when she’s in my life. No longer do I crave for anybody’s attention, I only crave hers. No longer do I care about someone’s day, other than hers. No longer do I have an attachment to my past, but I hope to have an attachment to my future, with her…  I might be insane to think that a person like her exists, but I would also be foolish to not notice… She exists in everything I see to be beauty, but when I see her… There are no words to describe the vision of ecstasy that I am looking at. The phrase, “she took my breath away”, does not even compare to explain either. Seeing her is so surreal, I am left speechless. To have no words to describe seeing a person like that, how can you prove that they exist? You can’t, all you have is my word. My spoken word.
Javanira Waters May 2016
Mom never said love would be an addiction
Dad never said love would stop your train of thought
Mom never said love would take away your breath
Dad never said love would blind you from the truth
Mom never said love would make you unable to live alone
Dad never said love would make you do crazy things
Mom never said love would make you think less of yourself.
Dad never said love would make you give your all
Mom never said love would take away your sense of being.
Dad never said… love would lead you to think of suicide

My parents never warned me about love.
They never said it could ****, and oh god is it killing me.
I want you to want me.
With raw, unweavering power, I want you to want me.
I want my scent, my voice, to dance whimsically into your senses.
I want my face, my body, to creep into your memories.
I want you to want me as if your very life is dependant upon my touch.
I want you to want me as if you were addicted to the taste of my lips.
I want you to want me in the way that I'm always wanting you.
I want you to want me in the way that I never stop thinking about you.
I want you to want me with a  passion that burns hotter than hellfire itself.
I want you to want me with needs more intense than the wind and rain that falls from the heavans.
I want you to want me.
  Feb 2016 Javanira Waters
J J
I dream of a composed future
Of better composition than this rhyme
One where my eyes ignite at the sight
Of opportunity to bring forth old time
And to replace each painful breath with
Another's aspiration, who's be similar to mine

I dream of a collected future
Better still than this collection of lines
One where I only hear peace like
In nearby fields, where
Another can gather this rationale
So may his fingers be with hers
intertwined

I dream of a fulfilled future
For it's merely half full, at this time
One with the sensation of
Elation, relief and no condemnation
Solitude with her, from the past
Simplicity making this last, the
Serenity within that they both share

I dream of a future, I know that isn't there.
  Feb 2016 Javanira Waters
Tardigrade
Theres darkness coming,
It's fast and swallowing everything whole.
It surrounded me,
But I'm still here.
Why?

After continuous thinking,
I realized.
It's swallowing memories and emotions,
Not the people.

Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful blue eyes.
The way she pouts when she's annoyed;
All being erased from my memory.
The warm feeling that she left,
Being erased and replaced by
A cold and haunting force.

This enemy,
This fiend,
This killer,
This darkness -
Is depression.
There's just a little warmth left to keep me going
  Feb 2016 Javanira Waters
Blank Canvas
I thought love meant
       Butterflies in your stomach
       Your heart skipping heartbeats
       Or a faster rate for that matter
       Being mesmerized by your significant other
       Watching movies together      
       Late night conversations
       Stealing kisses every now and then
       Staring at them and get caught looking
       Cuddling and holding each other's hands
       Enjoying the moment even when the future is scary

But love came out to be different from all of that
      
Love is letting all of those go
       When I thought it meant everything to him
       When all of it meant nothing at all
       When I thought I was his everything or even "something"

But no
       I am nothing
       What we had was nothing
       What I thought we felt
       Turns out to be what I felt
       I
       No "We"
       No "Us"

None
  Feb 2016 Javanira Waters
Ayin Medina
I think too much of you
Too much of us that isn't clear
But I love thinking about you
Anyway.

Excuse my lack of conversing skills
I don't got a lot to talk about
But we can talk about nonsense things
Talk about you
Talk about your past
Your games that you're playing
The girl that broke your heart
The things that make you feel exhausted
Cause I wanna know more about you

But if you don't want to talk with me
I'll be sitting here
Write words
That I should've said
To you
My dear.
I hate sharing my stuff to people that I'm not sure that will stick to me in the end. And that makes me feel that I'm a boring person. Cause I can't talk about myself every time. But I like knowing you. I  like you. And if you don't like me, you're doing well in ignoring me. But I still like you.
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