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In the corner of a curved ally sat a man with weathered hands and a guarded frame.
Beside him, a black dog rose as I neared, echoing the man’s hungry smile
Orange obdurate eyes tracked me footstep by footstep.
My pulse quickened and my feet surged me forward
Eyes front, I did not stop to look back  
Not because I believed all dogs to be inherently vicious
But because I knew that dogs
-like men-
could be made into monsters.
. ~ .
When I ask myself if it’s worth it to slow and take the chance
The answer is always no.
She and I were like stripped broken wires
When you twisted us together
We shot sparks from raw ends
I'm sorry you were always the one to get burned
do not misunderstand
I am not trying to claim the cliche
That time heals all wounds
Because it doesn't
It only puts out the fire
So that you can learn to heal them yourself.
26 hours ago
My friend told me she was waiting
“Life” she said
“Never seems to calm down,
And I’m waiting, just waiting, for it to just even out”
I looked at her and I stopped
It was like those words had opened something in me
And some wild wisdom poured into my brain
Something I had never before understood

“Honey” I said “Life is never going to even out,
Life is a series of ups and downs
And you and I just have to get better at riding the waves"
My healing began
Six months into my recovery
When I tattooed a monarch on my arm
And tried to ignore the irony
That what I had chosen to protect myself
Was something so laughably fragile
But what people don't understand
Is that monarchs  are migrational
They may only live six months
But they travel over 3,000 miles
All the way from Canada to Mexico
And back again
They see more in those six months of life
Then most humans do in a lifetime
They live

So maybe my butterfly
Wasn't about protection at all
Maybe it was just my decision to live.
I curl up in March 21st
Like a renegade lost at sea
finally reaching the shore

Some days it had felt
Like the waves would never stop
Like they would always be
Crashing over me
Again and again
Until I ceased to get  back up
Others were calm
Numbly floating in the currents
Letting the ocean take me  
Too tired to fight

And every day
I thought about it
And every day
I think about it
I have become one with the Sea
the waves my brothers, my sisters
and the Moon my guiding light
She puts air into our lungs
and we breathe together

in               and              out

creating tides,
creating life
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