Note to self:

- Never love again
- Love is a limited trend
- Never be their friend
- Walk away in the end
- You’ll only get hurt
- Don’t even try to flirt
- Shutter your feelings
- Remember your heart isn't done healing

Her laughter faded like a shadowy figure vanishing into the snowy mist.
Her full smile disappeared now more familar to a desolate wisp.
Her will to write and live and breathe left like they couldn't wait to leave.
Nobody talks to her anymore, not even the trees.

You're complicated
You're a mystery
You have walls built up;
Like a castle.

I'm gonna make it easy
I'm gonna solve the mystery
And I'm gonna break the walls down
Just so I can build them up again
And we can live happily ever after
In our reinforced fortress.

You’re a person unknown
A foreign entity.
No longer in my life
Yet you’re still haunting me.

Memories and people
Constantly pass through my mind,
But the unwanted ones
Get left behind.

Not you though,
Our memories I want.
You is what I want
You’re the one I love.

Please don't read this note.
Please just walk away.
Grab the bags you packed
and try not to carry this weight.

What happened is not your fault
it was not by any means.
I understand what love is
and sometimes it's not what it seems.

You did what you could
to salvage what was wrecked.
You loved me from your heart
You tried your absolute best.

But I lived at my lowest;
always in the dark.
I never let you in,
and that was the worst part.

My emotions stopped showing,
your prince charming faded fast.
I tried my best to save him
but he was drowned by his past.

So please don't read this note,
please don't go to our room.
Take your bags and leave.
and just know I loved you.

He's so possessive
He turns aggressive.
Fire burns his passion
And his intentions impure.

Being over protective
Is not impressive.
Locked in a prison
Is what it's like.

Abusive,
Bruises,
Secluded,
Excuses.

Love has become an illusion.
A mystery is the conclusion.
Fear has polluted your body.
Cleaning yourself up has become your new hobby.

Where is the inspiration?
How do I channel it?
Do I wait in silence
for hours and hours
or does it only take a bit?

Why can't I write?
Even though I want to.
I got the ideas in my head,
but they never seem to come through.

Is it lack of confidence?
Maybe I'm no good?
Maybe I am, maybe I'm good,
but then I think
"What is the likelihood?"

Rainbow skies
& Blue Eyes.
Beauty so magnificent
It can make a grown man cry.

Flowers dance
At the sound of your voice.
A man should count his stars
If he’s your choice.

So much luck
He’s a four leaf clover.
Luck of the Irish,
If you’re his lover.

If he is
I’m happy for you,
Though my smile
Is painted on a mask.

If I’m a “friend”
I’m bound by silence.
But why should I speak?
If you found your significant other.

This planet *****

...I would like to go home.

I would...

                   if I had any clue where to go...

Why can't I sit and write?
Why can't I sit and read?
Why do I feel trapped in a vicious whirlwind, and why can I not breathe?
Why can't I find fun in the activities I "enjoy"?
Like playing video games or revisiting old toys.
How come I can't rekindle old this old flame?
Not romantic one, just with my own disgruntled brain.
Everyday, every **** day, my soul is in constant pain.
Forever tortured in life, and in death, i shall remain.

Whispers in the wind
Softly speak of love
During the summer months.

The trees sing,
The birds talk,
The air is clean.

The world is your home,
Go off and roam;
Leave your lonely days behind.

Be free!
Reap the whirlwind,
Seek the happiness
You lost when you were no longer a kid.

Because winter is coming
And the winds will no longer whisper
Lovely thoughts and happy sayings.
They will whisper frozen words and deadly sayings.

The seasons affect your brain.

Seven months went by too fast.
For a love that i thought would last.
Now I find my myself stuck in the past.
Still in love with my perfect match.

I understand feelings can change just like the seasons.
People move on with or without reasons.
And even though you crippled my heart,
i still can't control my feelings.
For all eternity, you're the reason my heart will keep beating.

You'll never understand how you made me feel.
With zero confidence in my body, i can say this for real...
I hope you realize you're missing out on the best,
Because I'm the clean up to your worst type of mess.

On a night so soft
With a cup of tea so warm,
I now understand that
Happiness can arrive
At such simple times
And in such a simple form.

This isn't any sort of poem, just a thank you to everyone who has followed me and who supports my poetry. I've been on Hello Poetry for exactly a year, and It has been so much fun to interact with other poets and to read everyone's amazing work. I hit 101 followers yesterday and it my not seem like a lot to some people, but i love each and every one of you peeps! You're all wonderful, and awesome, and feel free to message me anytime! Keep doing your poetry! I hope you're having a swell day :)

I remember that one night,
Your hands were so cold.
And all through the night,
They were mine to hold.

Our arms wrapped each other
While the blankets wrapped us,
It was you and me,
And no one else.

The TV was off,
The room was dimmed.
The candles shined bright,
Shadows bounced off the trim.

I stared into your eyes,
For what was nearly two hours.
I was lost in their beauty
Like I was staring at flowers.

That night I said I love you,
And a smile filled your face.
It was the first time I ever said it,
I just couldn’t wait.

That night was very special,
Because I spent it with you.
How much I miss those nights,
You have no clue.

I’d make a deal with the devil,
Just to get those nights back.
You and I belong together,
Opposites do attract.

The artist picked his inspiration.
The artist found his muse.
He fell in love with her,
But his love was refused.

Until he painted a picture so beautiful
She shed the tears of love.
He need speak no words
Through the painting she would blush.

She was a permanent solution
To a problem many artists face.
He had a troubled life,
And she put him in his place.

Their love was natural,
Their love was pure.
She too had a disease,
But he was the cure.

She would stare into his hazel eyes,
While he stared back into her blues.
It wasn't but three months,
Before they said “I do”.

The touch of her lips
Felt like heaven in his hands,
They would lock lips
For hours on end.

Her hands brought comfort,
Her smile brought joy.
She was so desirable
She was like Helen of troy.

Once dark paintings he made,
Now make the saddest person smile.
He developed a sense of positivity
It became his well known style.

But life is not a happy story,
It has no happy end,
Misery accompanies joy,
They're like two best friends.

The love was still there,
But only in his brain.  
She wanted out,
No matter the pain.

She packed up and left,
Leaving nothing behind.  
While he went out for flowers
To bring back to his lovely wife.

No note was written,
No trace of where she'd gone.
He waited for days,
Wondering what he did wrong.

They say real men cry,
So he must be the manliest of men
He felt his heart break,
And his brain snap from its stem.

He trashed his house,
He trashed his paintings.
He punched the walls
And his body began shaking.

He stabbed his work
He screamed to the sky
He fell to his knees
And began to cry.

From that day forward
He remarried to *****.
He was never a winner,
He was always meant to lose.

Once a popular painter
Because of his happy work,  
Now only paints sadness
Like he did before he found her.

The feeling of regret
Coincide with the feeling of death.
The feeling itches closer and closer
With every single breath.

The howling winds
Cover my screams.
Bed drenched in sweat,
As I awake from my dreams.

Lighting strikes,
Thunder roars;
Not just outside,
But behind my door.

Rain pounds the window,
Bringing everyone into the hall,
Or was it the sound of my body,
Swaying against the wall?

We're nearing the end
and it's come so quick.
What else is there to do
but wait and sit?

We had plenty of time to change,
but we continued to waste our potential.
Now mother nature is done with us.
So to her, our doom is essential.

So let the violins play.
Let the trumpets sing aloud.
Humanity had several chances,
I hope we're proud.

I'm screaming out of this void
            
                                               "HELP ME OUT OF THIS PLACE"

but nobody stops,
they walk by looking to the side,
they can't say no to my face.

Three days ago you told me you'd never leave,
Three days later you're not talking to me.
Three days ago you said we were cute,
Now Three days later I'm hating you.
What happened to us between then?
Was this last week just pretend?
Was Winter break the last parade?
Before you decided to end my days.
Now I board down a ***** of heart break.
You got me pondering life while standing on an iced lake,
Not caring if I fall through,
Because I'm already drowning in the coldness of not being with you.

Arms wrapped around her tight; I cuddle her close to me,
Bundled up, as we lay in bed; waiting patiently.
She shivers with goose bumps all over her body,
The TV is on silent; watching her favorite movie, Rocky.
Silence fills the room with the noise of despair,
Surrealism is setting in; we’re beginning to not care.
If we die today, that’ll be okay,
Our love is strong, we just need to pray.
Pray we’ll be together if fate makes it clear,
That it’s time to move on, the end is near.
She turns on her side, her facing looking at mine,
She bursts into tears, and begins to cry.
“I can’t, I can’t, I need to leave”
“My mom, my dad, my little brother needs me”
I grab her as she was about to get up,
I pulled her down and gave her a great big hug,
“You can’t leave, you can’t leave, it’s coming”
“You wouldn’t make it, even if now you started running”
“Just lay here with me, and just hope for safety”
“Don’t go running, don’t be crazy”
She agreed and laid back in my arms
At that moment we heard the alarms.
“Baby, baby, no, no” she screamed,
Sobbing like a child, a bright light beamed.
I counted down, three to none,
We lost the war, the enemies won.

Today was so beautiful,
This Monday was Peaceful.
I felt love and tranquility in the air,
I was met by some adoring people.

But tomorrow will be different,
A beautiful soul, met with a blank stare.
Tomorrow will be like any other day,
No love, no passion, not a single ******* care.

WOW! It's been forever hasn't it? I don't know if I have any people that actually liked my writing so much where they cared about where I was. However, I still feel like I owe an update.

I can't remember the last time I posted, but I'm sure it was pre-pandemic. It's been a wild ride since and honestly has been since the summer before. I won't go into details, but there has been a lot of life changes. Some horrible and some great.

I miss writing poetry, but I'm not sure I have the talent to anymore. My brain feels so unorganized that I can't focus on writing and I'm kind of short on time these days, but I would really like to get back into the craft.

Hello Poetry was the first place that took my poetry seriously. I have a deep admiration for this site. So I may be posting stuff once again soon. If not anything new, probably stuff from my Wattpad days.

Anyways, I'm working on a person blog where i'll be posting poetry and original fictional stories. So keep in touch and I hope to see you all soon!

I tend to take breaks from posting for a while. Sometimes weeks, sometimes months. Sometimes I have a reason, and sometimes I don't. This break though has been for a reason...

I've just lost my creative spirit. I know poetry is an expression of one's feelings, and there isn't a right or wrong way to do it, but I've become tired with my writings, and my subjects, and my lack of poetic language.

I've been working on myself a lot, from my mental state to my creativity and the way I carry myself. So i'm working on becoming a better writer, and I have a few projects I'm working on for when the end of my current college semester is over.

I will be posting more now, but it'll be unpublished, archived stuff. Hopefully you'll enjoy, but it's not the best.

I hope all of you are doing great! And don't be afraid to hit me up on social media. Follow my twitter, and ill follow you right back!

Twitter: @RyanWritesStuff (best way to contact me)

I just wanted to post an update to every wonderful person who follows me, and say Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! I know I may be a little late for other religious holidays (but I'm not for Festivus ;P), but I still wish you a great ending to the year 2016.

This time of year can be very stressful, or heartbreaking. Don't stress yourself out more than you have to, and don't feel so bad about whatever it is bothering you. The holidays are supposed to be a fun time, and a time to be cheerful. So go hang out with your friends and family, let them know how much you love them, go make new friends, have a few drinks! ENJOY!

Again, I wish everyone here a Happy Holiday, and a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Also! Follow my new twitter @RyanWritesStuff for I haven't been on much, and you can keep updated with me on there. I'll follow you back, and it's a much better way to stay in touch too.

Hey, everyone, I don't know how many of you remember me, but it's been a long time since I was really active. However, that is going to change and even though I will be getting more busy in my life within the next couple of weeks, I will still be making plans to continuously be active on Hello Poetry.

My hard drive got wiped a few months ago so I lost allllllll of my archived and unpublished poetry I had ready to be published on Hello Poetry, so its been a struggle to write again.

I've also been working on other writing works like short stories, but I absolutely LOVE Hello Poetry. When I joined in 2014, I was instantly overwhelmed with how amazing this community was and still is. It was better than other previous poetry community (cough cough WP).

I can't wait to start publishing again and I hope if you remember me, and liked my old world, you'll like my new stuff.

If you don't know or remember me, hi, I'm Ryan :)

Cheers!

- 5/14/18

My life is a whirlpool of darkness.
I'm living in seclusion like the Loch Ness.
And in this life I really try my ******* best,
But I always end up getting treated worst than the rest.

At least in my eyes;
At least in my dark mind.
I used to be the positive kid,
But now I always wake up thinking negative.

Destruction has corrupted
My ill mind that's erupted.
And now I just say ***** it.
My attitude has changed,
But everyone is just clueless.

Oblivious to the situation,
Do I need to draw you an illustration?
Of how I’ll be dead soon enough,
Cause I look at this world in disgust.

Who knew I would fall in love with you
from a gutsy "Hi" and "How are you"?
Who knew a few weeks later
We'd spend all night talking,
A night we would always remember?
Who knew that we had nothing in common
but still found each other to be the perfect match?
Who knew we would be giving out promises that we said would last?
But of course who knew that would all change?
Who knew tears could leave so many small stains?
Who knew love, such a beautiful, and magnificent thing...could sting?
Who knew I would lose you...my everything?

Why** can't I be happy?

Actually...
                 why can't I feel it?

                                                    I know I'm loved,
                                      but my mind can't comprehend it...

                                            My anxiety just screams
                                          "NOBODY LOVES YOU!"
                                        "YOU'LL LOSE THEM ALL!"
                               Maybe I should just push everyone away now
                                  and find comfort within these four walls.

                           Because it seems like If I have nothing left to lose
                 I'll no longer have to go through with this self mental abuse.

Yesterday was love,
but today feels like death.
I no longer want to here "I love you"
speak with your breath.

Love has a real meaning,
It's not something you say.
Lie after Lie,
I'm sick of it day after day.

I thought there was hope
for just one more chance,
but its the same old story,
and the same old dance.

So goodbye my love.
This year went quick.
Remember how this ended,
I didn't want to quit.