Remember the pain you felt?
Pure burning pain.
Pain that hurt so much you never thought it would stop.
The pain of your heart shattering
The pain of your heart losing someone they cared so much about
The pain of knowing that you might not ever get them back
Pure burning pain.
The pain that you inflicted on yourself because you saw no other way of dealing with the pain in your heart.
The pain that you were so afraid to talk about because you were afraid of what the people cared about most would say.
You were so afraid of them leaving you when all they wanted to do was help you.
They saw your pain they wanted to take it away from you.
But you didn't let them .
You gave in more and more to the pain and kept hurting yourself more and more
until,
You couldn't anymore.
You gave in,
Asked for help,
You healed.
And sweet girl,
Guess what,
the pain has subsided
Now,
You are no longer broken,
You are no longer afraid,
You are no longer alone .
You are so loved
You are seen for who you are and not the person you were.

i can't find the words to say these days
the words escape me
where did they go?
on the tip of my tongue
then in the back fo my throat
or pushed so far back into my mind that i forget who they were for
wouldn't it just be easier to say "i'm not fine anymore"
but i was the other day and now my anxiety is swallowing me whole
my thoughts grow louder and louder yet i still can't find the words to say.
i wish it was easy
i wish i could scream I'M NOT OKAY ANYMORE
but even if i try the words turn into whispers and all i can say is
i'm just fine.

It’s been awhile.
I haven’t heard from you in so long.
Do you think of me?
Because I think of you.
I think of what was.
I think of how we lost this.
What we had was fun.
What we had was great.
But according to you.
It was all fake.
I remember the good times.
I remember the bad ones too.
But most of all.
I think of how things could’ve been.
How they would be.
But,
It’s over now.
I’ve moved on.
But,
Old friend.
I will never forget you.
Now we have parted ways.
And I hope you’re doing okay.

Leave me and my thoughts
Do not bother me anymore
Leave me alone
Goodbye

My thoughts are darker now
My heart is heavier now
I feel alone
Alone...
I feel empty
I have no words
I want sleep
Sleep gets rid of the thoughts
Sleep makes everything stop
Just for a little bit
Make everything stop

end me please
i'm sick of it all
i'm done
i'm done with feeling
i'm done with not feeling a thing
i want to end it all.

I have many tattoos
Not physically on my body
But on my heart
The tattoos are peoples names
They're the people I care about most
The people who are going to be tattooed on my heart for the rest of my days.

My life changed the moment I met you
The moment you called me yours
The moment I knew I wasn't going to be alone anymore
The moment I knew you were go to be with me no matter what
The moment I felt safe
I felt safe in your arms
I knew my life was in your hands

I'm drowning in my own thoughts.
Every time I lay in bed
My thoughts are only of you
I want to be of something else
But, once I start to think of you, I can't stop
I think of how many times you've made me laugh
How many times you've made me cry
And I think of many times you're going to make me want to scream.
But the words I scream are "I hate you!"
When all I want to scream is "I love you."

I hate not being able to call you mine.
You always say "Don't Be Sad"
When you're the reason I'm crying.
You love her.
And not me.
I wish I was the one you were holding in your arms.
But then I see how perfectly she fits in your arms.
All I can do is cry and never tell you you're the reason why.
All I can do is sit here watch you love her
And watch you slowly break my heart in two.

i hate feelings
i hate you
i miss you
i want you
but i cant have you
you dont care
you never will
im crumbling
im falling
i cant stop crying
i want to stop
make the feelings go away
i want them to go away
i need them to go away

You ask me if I'm jealous
I shake my head no and smile
When really I'm crumbling inside
With those simple words i feel,
Terrified.
You ask jokingly "can I have a kiss?"
I shake my head and laugh
When really I wanted to yes so terribly.
You ask are you crying?
I shake my head and say no my eyes itch
When really, I'm crying over the fact that you don't feel the same way I do.
My friend tells me to tell you that I love you
But.
I know if I do,
Everything will be ruined.

The new kid
He's younger than I
He just moved here
But he's lived here before
So he's not really new
But he's new to me
He's smart
He has kind eyes
He has a kind spirit
And I think he's gonna be alright

We walked around
We talked the whole time
Your smile made me nervous
Every time you messed with your hair it made my knees weak.
You're everything I look for
You said let's do this again
The weird part is
I haven't seen you in two years
And it felt like I saw you yesterday
You're blue eyes looking in my green eyes
When you would just look at me and listen
You would smile when I made a dumb joke
I want to see him again
The blonde haired and blue eyed boy

It's been a while,
Things have changed.
She left him.
I'm still trying to figure life out.
School *****.
I cried a lot.
I met someone but , I'll never see him.
I was really ******* yesterday.
I had fun on Saturday.
Ice cream was fun with you.
I ran away from him.
That's all.

Today, something changed in you
You became a different person when I saw you
When you opened the door you seemed sad
Down
Angry
It made me miss the old you
The happy you
The smiling you
I want you be yourself agian.
The person I know and love.

its hella hot

My heart thumps
Eyes fill with tears
They roll down my face
My chest is tight
I can't breathe
I sit in the corner of my room
Waiting for for the panic to pass
An hour passes and I'm finally calm.

kitchen floor
thanks for being my dance floor
i cried on the kitchen floor once
i cried over that one guy that one time
but the kitchen floor was still my dance floor in the end

I wish I could make it all go away
Your hurt
His hurt
I wish I could make the tears go away
I wish I could take the feelings away
I wish I could heal all the wounds
Yours and His
But I can't
Only You can
Only He can.
Together.

Trees grow big and strong
they make the air clean for us
they're providers of shade when the sun is high
they let children play on their branches  
a safe place
they become new in the fall
yet they stay the same.

Too cute
You guys are too cute
Always talking
Always saying nice things to eachother
Making eachothers day
Ew...
I mean it's cute, but gross

You can talk to me
You know that, right?
You don't have to keep me in the dark.
You can tell me what's going on.
You can tell me what's going through your head.
Tell me what's hurting you or who's hurting you.  
Don't keep me in the dark.

buzz buzz* my phone goes off
3:02 am on the clock.
It's you agian.
Every night
At the same time
With the same message
Then a tap tap tap at my window.
I freeze.
buzz buzz "Please, let me in"
I text back "no"
tap tap tap
This time a voice
"Let me in."
I'm frozen.
3:04 am.
He's gone.
He'll be back
He always comes back.

new house
new view
new neighbors
new faces
but, the same me
nothings new about me
new roads
new twists and turns
but
i'm still the same

its your birthday today.
you were the first boy to like me back
turns out you're a real *******
you moved away and fell for someone else
i don't miss you even though i tell you that i do
you're happier
even though you said you'd never would be without me
you lied
and thats okay
i dont miss you
im glad you're finally growing up
but
you still need more birthdays

You're not alone.
Take my hand,
Hold it tight,
Don't let it go until you're ready.
I'll be here when the dark clouds gather around you.
When they do,
Hold me close and don't let go until they're gone.
When they do go,
Keep holding me.
Because I'm not ready for you to let go.

I met you on a Saturday night,
You were wearing a white and tanish shirt
Skinny jeans
Grey converse  
It that made me sad when I found out you live somewhere else.
Don't know why
I just met you and don't know anything about you
But,
I think you're
Well,
Great

It's raining and thundering
My cat is meowing
My sister is painting with my other siblings
Moms working on her essay
Dads at work
And me
Well, I'm worrying about when am I going to finish my school so I can read my book.

let me sleep

I can't breathe.
I'm panicking for no reason.
It hurts my chest when I inhale and exhale.
I try to calm down, but nothing works.
I stand up and sit back down.
But still nothing is working.
I start to pace around my room.
Then I think "You're gonna be fine."
Heart rate starts slow down.
Breathing becomes normal.
You're fine.
Then the panicking finally stops.

Stop.
He said he's not going to leave.
Which means he's not.
Stop.
Stop, lying to yourself.
He isn't like the other one.
He's not going to hurt you the other one.
He will not treat you bad.
When he says he loves you he means it.
So stop tell yourself different.

you do a good job of blocking things out.
you keep good things going through my head.
you block out the voices all around.
so thanks headphones, youre getting me through stuff.

It's not cold,
It's 57 degrees on December 14th, 2015.
I want it to be cold.
I want it to snow.
But knowing Tennessee,
It's going to snow in March.

Wondering if you miss me like I miss you.
I wonder why you left me.
Why did you leave me for her!
I miss you.
But, at the same time I don't at all.
You make me so angry!
I wish I could tell you how I feel!
But, you wouldn't care.
All you would do is smile and turn away.
I wish you knew how I felt.
But, you never will.
And that's okay.

It's a heavy shadow hanging over me.
It makes feel like I can't catch my breath.
It makes me feel like I'm drowning.
As I try to gasp for air, it only makes my chest tighter.  
It feels like a straight jacket.
It feels like all of my thoughts are laughing right back at me.
Anxiety, it's trying to win.
But, I won't let it.

I know now, that I’m growing up.

I know, because I’m scared one day I will get my heart broken.

I know, because I can’t stop thinking about the future.

I know, because I’m thinking about life outside of my childhood home.

I know, because I think about my future with some else other than family.

I know, because I’m thinking about our future.

Winter is here.
It's getting colder.
I hope it snows.
I want it to snow.
We have a fire going and it's keeping me warm,
But, I wish it was you keeping me warm.

The world is falling into darkness,
We need to let some light in,
The world is crying out "COME AND SAVE US!"
We're scared to go outside,
We want to stay away from the problem,
But, the problem is all around us.
The problem is you and me, it's us.

Hello? Are you there?
I want to be seen by you.
I want to be heard by you.
I want to be held in your arms.
I want to be hugged by you.
I want to hold hands with you.
I need you to see me, hear me.
I need you to want me.

It's getting colder,
It's getting darker earlier,
When I wake the frost is all on the houses and trees,
When I wake my feet are cold,
When I wake my hands are numb,
It's colder and darker now.
That's because it's lonely falling in Fall.

It's a new month
A new day
Yet, the world is still grey.
The leaves are falling more and more everyday.
They're changing and growing
Just like me.
I'm growing.
I'm changing.
It's a new month
A new day,
but, it's still grey.

Go ahead,
Make it look like everything is okay.
When you know it's not.
Go ahead,
Put that fake smile on so people don't see the tears behind your eyes.
Go ahead,
Fake that laugh so no one can hear you crying for help.
Go ahead,
Act all tough so no one can see you crumble.
Go ahead and smile.

I never thought these feelings would come as fast as they did.
They haunt me in my dreams.
Please save me from them.
I want them to disappear like the sun during a storm.
I need them to go away.
Make them go away.
I'm not ready for another heartbreak.
I'm not ready to fall back in love.
I can't fall in love.
Well, just not with him.

She's my best friend
Break her heart
or bring her down
I'll make you regret it immediately.

I need to know if you're okay.
Please tell me if you are.
I need to know whats going on.
Let me in.
I'm at the door waiting for you to open it.
Just, let me in my love.
I'll always be here.
I'm here waiting for you to let me in the door.
My dear, my love, I'm here.

Hey mom, hey dad.
Why are we still yelling?
We need to get out of this broken home.
Please don't let me back out into the cold!
Hey mom, hey dad.
Please stop this!
I'm stuck watching these walls fall down.
I'm here alone in this broken home.
When will this end!
I'm done.
Hey mom, hey dad.
When did you lose your happiness?
When did this home become broken!?
Please let it all go!
I want to help, but I'm stuck in between.
Who cares who's fault it is!
I'm still stuck in this broken home.