Heart shaped boxes with red satin ribbons
Pink stuffed atrocities that have no use
Sappy lovesick greeting cards
Flowers that always die

Cheap chocolate massed produced
Three months of brainwashing prior
Chalky hearts profess true love
The lonely always cry

Made up days of forced romance
Bullied into mass compliance
Pressured into jewelry sales
Empty grand gestures prevail

Today is a day for puppy love
An excuse to eat by candlelight
Public affection is cool tonight
As we've appeased the Gods of retail

A day like any other day
Rising and setting moon and sun
Though nothing has changed
The heart races still

Though the chocolates are cheesy and stale
And flowers will die tomorrow
Though the world bullied the romance
I've been taken against my will

To the land of cotton candy dreams
For a few heartfelt words on paper
A card that speaks your love
And the truth that is in your eyes

Nervously, the gifts accepted
I am almost at a loss
Tears begin to well a little
And I pray the words don't lie

May I stay in this land of make-believe
Where it feels like a fairytale
Make tonight's dream, forever's reality
Wishes on wishing stars come true

Sarcastically with cynicism
And a dry wit that defines my nature
Hidden deep within the core
Of things I said I would never do

I will savor every chocolate
As if it is your warm lips on my own
And every word and cheesy line
Is the most beautiful I ever read

For you have chosen it just for me
Filled with all you cannot say
So I cherish my pink and heart-filled card
Because it is to me the words are said

From me, there is no cheesy gift
No candy covered sweets tonight
Nothing retail overblown
Just a small white box with a  hand tied bow

A poem in my own hand
As I give my heart on patterned paper
So simple, but it's everything.
Please don't ever let me go

Born under the guise
Of endless possibilities
Raised to believe the old adage
2b or not 2b
Wherein the outcome of life
Is limited only by the edge of infinity

Truth is, there is only binary code
Open or closed
Black or white
Do or do not
One or zero

To be or not to be

i.

melted ice cream afternoons
bogged down

rising from asphalt
in magical mist
that transforms
the day into
a test of endurance

even dusk offers
no solace
in frozen watermelon bliss


ii.

smoke permeates fabric
hair and every surface
with peace and grit
wafting over
the crispy
edges of predawn

begging sleep
to the most stubborn
insomniac

rotisserie style dreams
till morning


iii.

there's less death today
waiting in line
in candy store nightmares
begging silence
from the jubilant

but the sky turned up
a dream state

in that beguiling beauty
is brilliance


iv.

in shadows
the earth falls silent

rustling through
tall tales
the moon births

images in hidden corners

evening strolls
turn adventures

and every day
burns quick
to be reborn slowly


v.

the weight of hell
in short tempered bites
**** will with a proficiency
unseen outside
a viper's silent hunt

ready for war
with fists losing
responsibility

breaking triple digit
pressure


vi.

Incessant banging through walls built faster than I am strong enough to demolish, cradling lace so it won't rip on my forked tongue. There is only so much care left to handle perception just trying to breathe through a smile.

my stranger
is no stranger than yours
my stranger in wanton yearning
unfulfilled in lustful need
stated in words behind a glorious smile
every desire spotted before spoken
unrealized reality attached in naughty secrets
binding in the everyday, so sweet
make it hurt so **** good
sugar and spice in pretty pictures
painted in the sweat off a begging brow
joy fills the air with each squeeze of desire
with each pang of acceptance
dancing on the edge of bliss
drowning in skeletons uncloseted
owned by a stranger
whose stranger is no stranger than you

Birthed at the center of my soul
You are my very heart
You are the seed of compassion
And the water with which it blooms

Birthed at the center of my soul
You open the window of joy
And close the doors tinged blue
A teacher of spirits, of freedom

Birthed at the center of my soul
Your kindness bleeds into me
Saturating my casing
Rendering me tender, despite myself

Birthed at the center of my soul
We became...as intended
Entire beings
Flowing between a unified spirit
Connected now as then

Birthed at the center of my soul

You ask me how I can love you
You who is broken, and limping, and lame
I stop you before the tear can fall
Taking them from your eyes
And crying them out my own
I tell you the truth of absolute love
I tell you I wear no blinders
I see you as you are
I see your imperfections but we are all flawed
Those minute cracks in your soul
Trickle out pain in swirling hues of tender that highlight your heart
A heart you profess is black and stone
But it beats strong within my chest
Where I will nuture it and feed it with my own
I see all the nicks and bruises and breaks
They are not reasons to walk away
They are the very thing that makes you worthy
Your damage healed in stregnth
You are not broken
You are beautiful in all things
A tender heart that bleeds for others
That hates you for not being better...for me
Don't you know?  Can't you see?
There is no better, you are as good as it gets
It is I who is unworthy
And in all your fear of being alone, you overlook the truth of who  you are
of who I am when I am with you
You see beauty in every corner of derelict
You fill my cracks with your joy
To the point where you feel you run out, not even knowing you gave it away
You see in me what I am unable to see in myself
And because it is you who sees it I believe you
I see your cracks and spackle them with love
I see the scars and am thankful you survived the journey
And tomorrow, or next week, next month, or next year
When you have grown strong in my love
When the time comes that you realize I am naught but pieces duct taped together
I will still love you
When you  see the truth of what I have always known
I will still love you
When you move on to brighter days and greener pastures
I will still love you
When you see that you are worthy of more than I am able to give you
I will still love you, as I do now
For I never learned how to unlove someone
And you have always been worthy

Paint my screen with love.
By virtual osmosis, perhaps I shall smile

I designed on a string from my ❤️ to yours
the twists and loops of yesterday
Celtic rings in tactile squares
a monochromatic dream sequence
in patchwork futures of sutured memories

large squares of Bay Bridge yesterdays
smaller ones on seagulls' wings
I'm still working on a future
every stitch in time lost and loved

it smells like me...

a gift to wrap the long and lonely nights in love
where months of me are woven into miles
that tether my ❤️ to yours

I'd hoped to be done by your birthday
it lies unfinished
a bin of fragmented dreams...
...maybe I'll finish by Christmas

just to feel close to the ghost of you

Changing tides
Warm breezes
Swaying trees
And a smile

Sitting in the aftermath
Of shattered dreams on broken skin
Left to wonder how
Realizing we are all capable of unmentionables
Steeped in regret
Begging forgiveness
Accidents are accidents
Still, there is no forgiveness
Self-affirming the negative
Unintended consequences
Alter perceptions
Who are these people
Who, then, have I become
Though, that who feels more like a what
And the demons laugh
As they frolic in the real world
Let them run free
Let them dance
Who I was
Will hide in their dungeon
For it is safer in there than out here
Yes, it is much safer
And there is no one
To say differently

          Punish the guilty
                    Punish the guilty
                              Punish the guilty

Who needs proof
What is proof
It was only an accident
Unintentional circumstances
Affirm nightmares
No one will find me in here
Safe in the lair of the beasts who bore me
Alone inside my head

shackled to a notion
rubbing through wrists
in rusted remains
of beautifully easy

it's a slow bleed
through insults slung
in fear the unmaliciois
only noticed in hindsight

calling the innocent a *****
doesn't breed hate from love
the duke-yeilding cowardly lion
flings back like a monkey


##

breaststroking a marathon in tears
wading through pain I never caused
pelted with double-barrelled denial
THIS IS NOT WEAKNESS

there is no waver on my solid ground
torn flesh and compound fractures
cannot break harder than history

still, gavel strikes
in sucker punched cracked ribs
that look like a past that ain't mine

###

keep hacking off pieces
maybe I'll fit into those pretty boxes
your liars left as gifts
nasty reminders that trust has sharp teeth

maybe that's just you
biting back any hand that gets too close
pandering in placating platitudes
ain't my bag

flattery fails to flounce from unfettered friends


####

can't be beat into submission
with unspoken broken rules
can't run from a truth in plain view

this is what it looks like
to believe what you know over
what you've lived

I'm not running
I'm not biting back
I'm not going anywhere

then again, why would I
I'm not the one afraid to love you




https://soundcloud.com/user-166761247/a-fourth-in-time-to-cracked-selections-of-music

I give to you a garden
Complete in every way
A mixture for the senses
To ease the pain away

I give you all the flowers
That grow throughout the year
A blanket that is petal soft
To wipe away the tears

I give to you a rainbow
Colors so brilliant and bright
To brighten up your spirit
Through the darkest of the nights

A world of wonder awaits
Though it is not mine to give
I promise I will always try
As long as I shall live

Once upon a time I knew who I was and kind of what I wanted, or rather expected from life.  I was sure I knew who I was.  I had a plan, general ideas on a tentative time-line.  This comes before that, and so on.  I got swept away in the rapids of others.  Tossed around and wrung out.  

Swept away
White water, no raft
Lonely ride

Left in the gutter, I found my way home; vacant-eyed and sullen, Jaded and confused beyond the realm of humanity, but home.  What had I done to attract such things?  Why was it okay to be garbage to others?  Abused and unwanted, still far from myself.  Plastic bubble gum smiles, no one asks and I don’t tell.  Made it home, scathed and broken.  Thinking the me I knew couldn’t possibly have done that.  So, was I ever who I thought I was?

**Beautiful masks worn
Thin veneer of porcelain
Hides maceration

I will hold you
Tightest
When you feel most
Alone

Rainbow colored jelly beans
Kaleidoscope dreams
Brightly colored sunsets
A patchwork quilt of wildflowers on grasshopper hill
Soft breezes cool what the sun has heated
As peaceful as it seems
Butterflies flutter by as the flowers sway
Sunshowers and songbirds
Inner peace in a perfect moment

Tracing the shadows behind your smile
Smelling the pain that bore your demons
Seeing the heart that masks your soul
Watching your gaze mesmerize
Observing the depth of honest emotion
Beneath the face that lights the world
Still, it is your kiss that offers your greatest truth

Catching feelings on a breeze, ingesting emotions inhaling you

You are my truth
The only truth I've ever known,
And I cannot live without you
You are my very soul
You can never let me down
You are amazing
I've always believed in you...
My entire existence, all through time, I've believed;
And I will until the end of time and then beyond
To me, there is only you
Nothing else exists
And you are mine as I am yours
Always and Forever

I hear the words and feel inflection
I reach to you, yet fear rejection
Your eyes can't lie they show what's real
Your words don't say the love you feel

I don't doubt that your heart bleeds true
Though you're lost between what's right for you
Too much distance, too much time
Too scared to wait, we crossed the line

Too eagerly we skipped ahead
Now, on cracked remains we tread
We hit fast-forward with no rewind
We can't break free from our own kind

So we long and yearn and suffer long
In silence we don't feel it's wrong
Hearts have merged despite the rest
Still we pull away on friendships quest

To love without loving,  and live our lives
Separately we feel the knives
The ones that cut our hearts in pieces
For every moment it never ceases

We talk without speaking and look the part
We live, hearts not beating, like living art
We cry in the darkness alone and distraught
In denial we awaken alone with our thoughts

Nights stretch into months of dark gray
Even though we talk every day
It's empty and lacking, yet we hold on
Pretending the love we share is gone

Tapping at the hotel door
I see the man I've seen before
Getting close but wanting more
I'm on a mission
Risking all believing lore
No indecision
A life of longing and desire
No one else doth I require
Only you can burn the pyre
That's been created
Electric skin and hearts afire
Love's not abated
In the times that we hath known
A closeness never overgrown
Leaving nothing to bemoan
Halves of just one heart
Time has passed and years have flown
Stopping love's impart
Ignoring empty souls and then
Enshrouding love behind a friend
Realizing there is no end
To this addiction
Living on what life portends
Love's interdiction
Yearning what life separates
Too old now for long debates
Tired of always fighting fates
It's now or never
Giving in to what awaits
In this endeavor
So, here we are in darkest night
Hearts grow wings and take to flight
Bodies aching at the sight
Of one another
Side by side love makes it right
There is no other
Here we stand in open door
Feeling what we've felt before
One step closer to amor
No inhibitions
Embracing what we're longing for
In Love's admission

Open eyes can see as it all floats far away
Though denial runs deep even in the face of self-realization
Standing still in hopes that a small part will linger
Visions of yesterday's happiness shade today's shame
Different hues can tighten the squeeze
Small bits of who you thought you were run out
Lost in the vast nothingness that has taken hold
Twisted views of reality skew the mind against you
In a good moment there is peace
Too quickly forgotten, too quickly lost
Searching to find a shortcut back to who you want to be
Realizing in darkness that maybe, that never existed
Wondering if in this so-called truth lies the reality of others
Is this who you are?
Is this who they see?
You can choose to live in the worst thoughts of you,
Or believe in the best version of yourself

Weeping turtles
On angels' wings
Electric harps
And choir sings
Traveling time
Remembering
As an era
Comes to close

French chabot
In fruited hues
Revving engines
With horses used
Nothing that
Compares 2 U
And songs
We'll never know

From pain
Was born a troubadour
Pushing limits
Breaking doors
Supernova
Evermore
Songs with
Silent lines

A legend lost
Within the mist
Of mewling souls
Interminus
Taking time
To reminisce
The party ends
In nines

Chased by the deafening echoes
Of the silent screams in my soul
The cold steel walls of my heart are rusty
Aged and oxidized from the briny ocean of tears

Chained to him
Bound to you
A promise of forever

Logic or passion
Pain will ensue
For I am not that clever

Not enough
To erase the doubt
In everything I do

Distance screams
As silence shouts
All I want is you

A sparkle like a diamond
A twinkle like a star
I look into your eyes
Your sad soul and smiling face
Un-fallen tear and a quiver
Bewildered by your beauty,
Though I knew it was good-bye.
You're beautiful
But I won't miss you