i sit and shut my eyes
even for a moment
a blink or flutter
and i think i'm somewhere else
a lapse of time, a micro dream
i'm in a different place
i can't correctly describe it
but the way i feel is clear

its quiet, it isn't calming but its not threatening
its always dark and always a room of some sort
whether it be a bedroom or a classroom or my car
everything is still, dark, there's no temperature or wind
but i'm not numb either
and a door's always open, or a window
but everything is the same, a dark charcoal color with a tinge of blackened blue

it lasts for a micro of a micro second and i only can describe it because of how many times ive seen it

but then i become frightened because of how confused i feel
like there is something not quite right about the things which i see
then my brain wakes up and the light is seeps back in with a foreign sight before me
of a book, the wheel, a screen, a wall, or someone talking
and it all comes flooding back, at least some of it
but i still cant shake what happened and the panic that was felt
that brief moment where you belong nowhere and questionably may exist
because it feels so real in the moment as if ive teleported there

it doesnt help
not one bit

its these dreams, I fear, that are making me distant

Doing better and getting better are two different things

How can one fully comprehend human emotion?
There is no way to detect whether we experience each affection the same
Or, in reality, if we perceive it in the same notion
Some feel more intensely; so they claim

But you can sight those people out of the crowd
The ones whose emotions are so far rooted, so in depth,
that they are filled with pain and are typically not loud
They sit in the shadows observing, all while trying to conserve their mind's breadth

Need to cut
Can't ignore
I'm a nut
On the floor
Mind racing
Fist to wall
Can't stop pacing
Do not stall
Just do the deed
Never to return
Have to succeed
To whom it may concern

Pull out the tongue and then the eyes
Rip off the ears yet hear the cries
Tear the limbs from branch to branch
Just so you know, this is your last chance

To shake your head up and down
Lest this hammer strikes thy crown
And thee shall flee, hell-bound

Right there, did you hear it?
The moan of all the sorrows of the world
Do you hear the cries of despair?
Help, help them, that's all they ask for
Saving, that is all they need
And oh, how I wish I could liberate them all
For I know their screams
I have seen their pain
Because it echoes in my own head every night

climbing to mountain high
the world around transforms
where secrets of beauty lie
and spirits of trouble cast storms
souls who see by the eye
the truth, which evil deforms
the ones too young to die
they escape the blinded world's swarms
from which they were always alone and too shy
for the thought of the mountain warms:

Tonight twill be thy battle-cry
for this ghost's heart never conforms
away to the mountain we fly
the world below having no form
and the sufferer breathes thy last breath with a sigh
the world above then transforms

The demons in my head never seem to rest
All I do is feed them because it’s the only way I know how to keep breathing
They became me there is no doubt in my mind that I am them
And they are me

what happened to you?
that you were so afraid of messing up
these words mean nothing
and being thrown to the dust
because all these gifts and memories take nothing to the test
hyper visions of misery heightened, the wise are unknown
curses and shadows brew 'round their heads
or stars and spaceships from the planet of the undead

what happedned to you that you felt so empty yet so mad and angry?
a raging fire of something unseen, something unknown
far from your reach
they say expeirence and memories shape who we are
but i cant recall a gooddamn thing that made us who we are

what happedned that you could take that bullet to the head placing that gun inside of their hand?
a trigger, a flash, a ringing sound about
yet nothing splatters at the wall because we know once and for all
that what happened to you happened to me and no matter how much you think it might be
our names will never be graved in that stone
for one
one can only
die
a l o n e

It's getting to be too much; my eyes don't moisten anymore,

as I run from the monsters lurking in the floor
Of my beaten heart 

that's been ripped apart



All these voices inside my head 

Are enough to push me off the edge


And as the fiery sun slips over the curve
,
and rays of golden sunlight grow dimmer; I observe

:

The deep ocean of the night
Grow with no light


And the shadows come alive

bringing monsters as they dive


Into the window and through the door

Out of their hiding places returning nevermore


As I tremble, and I shake 

because I know I'm in their wake
Once again I dread this time

But I secretly enjoy their company
And that is my crime

When you love someone there’s never just one reason
There is as many as the snowflakes in the winter season
When you love someone you can’t be without them
Always in your head, on your mind, their voice a gentle hum

When you love someone and they leave
They are always haunting making you grieve
When you love someone and they don’t love you back
Then you are nothing but a fool, a heart with a crack

It's like this:
I was thinking the other day,
And like always thinking about how ****** up my past is
Which in conclusion, how ****** up my future is,

Anyway, I was thinking about the fact that through the years I've always been alone
Never with company, and especially not now

You see when you're alone, so truly alone
You are your best friend
But, in turn, your worst enemy

And sadly, in my experience, hate seems stronger than love on this godforsaken earth

So tell the truth:
Wouldn't you want to slam your enemy's head in a wall
Watch them bleed and suffer
Make them become extinct to the people who once loved them
Push them slowly into shadows
Dead to the world

Yeah, me too

They tell you that you are going to get better
No
You have to get better

Yet you can't even live a life because they are keeping you prisoner
Video taping you at night, monitoring your medicine and food intake
Making sure the knives are locked away

They want you to want to live
But why would you want to if the life they're giving you isn't worth living
In fact it shouldn't even be labeled as living, but surviving
Existing in a world that offers you nothing and you offer it the same

Why do they say ‘suicide is never the answer’?
They never give any other solution, do they?
Just a caution to the wind
A guilt trip to the Internet when you look for methods
If someone put a gun in my hand and told me to defend myself
I’d place the gun to my temple and pull the trigger
If someone told me to stay alive for them
I’d place the gun on the table and do as I was told
Someone once told me to stay alive from them
And it was never my family, it was never my friends
It was someone who was hired to keep me alive
She did a pretty good job at it
Even if she didn’t care, her acting convinced me