of all the words I've written
of all the words I've said
you continue not to listen
*I wish I was dead

Every lock has a key

Because every secret can be set free

And there's a secret buried inside me

I think it's time to let you see

Who I really need to be..

If I decided to change my password tonight,
You may take that as a challenge;
A beginning to a fight.

If I told you to give up your password right now,
You may take that as a joke
And laugh out loud.

If I don't
Take charge
Of my life

I'm afraid of
What I'll lose

Myself

But most
Importantly

*You

Love is

Boundless

Enticing

Addictive

Unde­niable

Terrifying

Imperfect

Fantastical

­Unique

Liberating

* *

Love is beautiful

It's true you've never gone this far before
But this isn't exactly new
I want to trust you again but
That's easy to say and harder to do
For nearly three years I put up with petty flirting
An uphill battle, a tiring journey
I got lulled into a false security
Believing you to never really hurt me

But you did.

Where do we go from here?
I'm trying to figure it out but through all these years,
I've never had to forgive you for something this huge
Something I'm not even done hurting over -
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared, so scared this wont be the last,
And if I'm to go on the past,
Then it'll be no time before you're back.

You said the easy thing to do is to forgive you,
that love makes us weak.
Then why is this so ******* hard?
Why is love the only thing keeping me on my feet?
I think, your love is weak and you don't know who I am.
No more putting up with your stupid fans.
No more flirting or hugging or studio dates.
One more and we're done
I'm not accepting any more mistakes.

I'm so tired.

Who else could make love like you?
The answer -- me.

-

his eyes are shut, and lips parted
they taste like his dreams alive
tension slips and frustration fades
when for the night, we lie
in each others arms, a warm embrace
my face buried in the crook of his neck
and I find myself finally at peace
though few are my hours of rest
who needs sleep when I have him
how sweet he appears in his sleep
as I run my fingers through his hair
why go to bed when instead
I can watch him while he slumbers
love, the only true way to get rest

I always wear a mask, but I tend to forget it with you
Masks are used when I'm scared of others spying the truth
The only truth I know is that with you, I am purely me
A me that likes to sing and spit and laugh and smoke some ****

I said I wanted to go
But I didn't really want to leave
What I wanted was for you to make me stay
I just wanted to believe

That you could really love me
Someone as weird and utterly normal as I
That you could care enough about me
To not let me leave with that sort of goodbye

But then you stepped aside
Let me pass you, out the door
And I couldn't stop the tears from falling
Once my foot hit the snow

You just let me leave you
After all the drama, all the fight
I couldnt--wouldnt-- believe it
It just wasnt right.

My thoughts were like a tornado
Destroying from within
What happened to us in there?
And was I going to let it win?

Sure I was upset,
But being away for even a minute
It was killing me already
How could I stand to even last it?

So I turned around,
Leaving every shred of pride behind
God, was I ever stupid
And out of my **** mind

He wouldn't want me back,
Right after he gave me up?
But if he really did like me,
Coming back would be enough

He'll forgive me and I, him.
And if he doesnt, I dont care!
I'll turn back and walk away--
Thats when I saw you standing there

Smiling a knowing smile
Just across the street
I couldn't help the flutter of my heart
You were as lovely as could be

I walked to you then,
Slowly, head bowed
I stopped in front of you
Not sure what to do now

You wrapped me in your arms
And suddenly I knew
Everything would be okay
Because you loved me and I, you.

-

In secret we laugh, touch, and dream
and I carry the shame through the day

With the cover of night and only the moon to guide us
We stroll into the dark, hands clasped and breathless
Strolling through the dark, hearing music in the distance
There is fine line between adventure and mischief
One I like to cross when I'm alone with my thoughts
Yet, I'm always accompanied by my hollowest wants
Alone in my room, the moonlight streaking through
I shouldn't be dreaming of him, I should be dreaming of you

eyes closed
body swaying
mind open
music playing

...

My body is hungry for something more
Than feather light touches
And sweet kisses from soft lips.
I want to be touched in ways only possible
By a man of which a fire lies within.
I need a passion so bright
It blinds me of my surroundings,
My only focus on his rough grasp
Holding too tightly, for too long.
I must know how it feels
For the rough skin of his grasp
To slide along my waist,
Taking in all of me and none of me all at once,
His only focus on my moaning cries of pleasure
Seeping from my soft lips,
Now burning and torn from being bitten
And abused by his teeth.
I crave in an uncontrollable way
To know every inch of his body,
How it feels crushed against mine,
What their mouth tastes like
And how much I enjoy reveling in it's kissing
Of places no one's ever kissed but him,
The feeling of complete intimacy
As his tongue flicks delicately along my lips,
Licking as my love flows from my wounds,
Tasting my pain, feeling it too,
Crying as one and I'm overcome
By sensations only ever given to me by one,
None other then him.

I sat in a room full of people today
I didn't or barely knew at all
I sat there the whole time thinking, wondering,
Staring blankly at the wall

I jotted down a few notes here and there,
Mostly nonsense with no real purpose,
Now here is the interesting part my dear,
Someone else sat there, you've got three guesses

It wasn't Ronald of the McDonald
Or Mickey Mouse of the club house
One more guess, Oh! You've got it,
It was a couple, the very one I wrote about

My god, were they ever happy
I ******* envied them, hated their smiles
It made me sick to my stomach to watch them laugh
And I had to watch them for a long while

You may wonder what made me so angry?
Well I suppose I forgot to mention,
My boyfriend was also present in the room
But instead of happy all we felt was tension

An old routine I'm quite sick of
But the only reason for it is me
Knowing this while watching them
Well, it was plain misery

Oh lets play one more guessing game!
Come on, can you guess what I'll do next?
Well I'm going over to my boyfriends house
And I'm going to talk, talk, talk off his head

*Wish me luck, I hope this goes well...