I wonder where you
are now and I wonder where
I am now these days

7:32 AM
26/8/19

It's cold out
tonight-
I hope you still have
a vacancy left
in your heart
for this weary
soul.

You take the dirt
of this life and
turn it into
sunflowers.

Depression doesn’t care for
the size of your bank account,
or tire from how many laps you can run.
It doesn’t care how bright the sun is
or who holds you in each night.
Depression sneers at all those photographs
lined upon your bedside table.
It won’t ask to use your emotions
to taint them and everything
that may hold some light to the dark.

Dear diary;
sometimes I feel like
I am the side character
in my own
story.

I thought it would be
different by the time I
got home and held you

6:17 PM
9/7/19

Feelings on repeat
why does everyone
always retreat
when all's said and done?
Every heartbeat
I have felt
so bittersweet
they make me melt
only to find
that I'm alone again.
We're so blind
to love and its friends.

Whatever she creates
leaves me utterly in awe-
every thought of hers
leaving me entranced.
Maybe you have me under a spell,
or maybe this is one big dream.
All I know is that I need
more of you in my life.

Perhaps I am not
alone as I thought I was-
perhaps they do care

4:15 PM
29/12/21

Light dances off your red dress;
I think I adore you.
But it’s never the right time,
the clock ticks and distance
drags us apart like two galaxies
helpless against the dark energy
that keep us in our place.
It only reminds me
that time is running out;
that we’re moving further apart
and never toward one another..
Oh, what I wouldn’t give to hold you
to hear your voice guide me to sleep,
to undo this dark energy between us.

I let myself go like water
flowing through the Earth.
I want to fill every corner
of this world.

There are some people
in my past who aren't welcome
in my present life

1:21 AM
27/5/23

Someday I will find
a way to cut every part
of you out of me

I wish her well in
an awful year and I hope
to make her forget

6:10 PM
14/9/19

I walked through
that park last night.
Your perfume lingers
and the twilight glistens
upon the lower lake.
I stared at my reflection
and saw us staring back
at a heartbroken man
standing there alone.

I thought I was over you
until I saw your smile,
a sad smile-
oh, how I wish I could
fix that smile.
I try to justify the flutter
of my heart at the
mere sight of you.
That smile on your face-
oh, how I wish it was
still for me.

Roses and dinner,
a bottle of wine and cheese
for my Valentine.

2:31 PM
14/2/20

Only in poetry
do we still exist.
Only within each verse
can I still adore you and
only within each word
can I still find bliss.

I wrote a story
somewhat less than swell but you
read it to the end.

21/5/19
7:09 PM

I wasn't prepared to be right-
but I knew you would find
someone else
and I knew you would be happier
with them-
even happier than you were with me.
I knew you wouldn't miss me anymore
and I knew you would move on.

Social media has a
way of warping reality
for good or for worse.
Do not let it make you feel left behind-
the only person you should be
comparing yourself with
is yourself.

Lust is a star
exploding in my chest.
See it burn in the night,
a beacon only for your
pretty little eyes.
Come and tame this star
that burns for the galaxy
within your heart.

Seldom in life do I come across
people I can be myself around.
Most of the time I feel like
I have to put on a show
to get through the day,
to get through life.
But sometimes you find
someone who can read your soul
as if it were their favorite poem.
It's with people like this you can be honest,
without the judgement and the fear
that they'll think less of you.
Oh, how rare they are-
so rare that you can
mistake it for love.

I too am human
and I too feel emotions-
do you understand?

7:04 PM
30/10/19

We love in silence-
our love is evident in our actions.
We are the silent lovers-
we are one in the same.

Dear Diary;
Does not drinking
half a bottle of gin
make me more or
less fun at parties?
On second thoughts,
don't answer that.

We eat our shadows
so that nothing else can hurt
us ever again

12:17 PM
19/9/20

Now,
each step
is the farthest
I’ve ever gone without you
and when I look back and
see the moon above the city where you sleep,
the more I realize that I left my heart
underneath your pillow.

There was I time,
long ago,
when I could sleep
in peace-
in love.
I didn't need to dream
when you were in my arms-
my dreams could not compare to
the way I could close my eyes
and wake up to the scent of you.
But gone are those days,
and I am left with the memory.
Now, I find my thoughts
running in circles,
always back
to you.

I'm a sorry little soul
and you’re the only thing
that keeps me going.
I’m a fraying mass-
I'm falling apart at the seams
and you're the last stitch
keeping me together.
I've been left out in the rain,
the cold and the darkness,
and I'm waiting on your light
to bask in my direction.

Dear diary;
There are some days-
days like today-
where I have no place for this world.
Other days,
I feel like perhaps this world
has no place
for me.

Sometimes I
think about all the
places I could have gone
but never did,
wondering what versions
of me I would have met
in all of these countless
possibilities.

So here I go as
I put my pen to paper
and see where I go

6:29 PM
9/7/19

You are
someone's cup of tea.
Don't stop looking for
that perfect brew.

you move like rain,
you move like the storm.
Sometimes soft,
sometimes heavy.
You end my droughts,
leaving a rainbow,
to clear my doubts,
in sun or in snow.

Never abandon
yourself in order to keep
the affinity

11:24 PM
27/11/20

It is true,
each day brings us
closer to death.
But you,
you make each day
worth living.

One of the best things
you can do for yourself is
to become comfortable
with the loneliness.
Learn to accept it-
you might even learn
to embrace the solitude
and all the shadows
as your company.
To learn to be okay with being alone
in a world so loud, so full of
crowds and temptations is
not just self care,
it is a form of art.

heartbreak
after heartbreak-
can you make me
believe that love isn't
this vicious?

my dream has been a
curse in one too many ways-
I found and I lost you.

I have written you,
and I will write you again,
for the words can not stop flowing.
They have long since forgotten
the way back to you,
now they are just trying to
fill up the void that exists
in my heart.

I think forgetting
will always be easier
than remembering

9:50 AM
31/7/22

You have moved on while
I am still paralyzed and
I can't move at all

11:34 PM
1/6/22

I'll never forget that day
you caught me off-guard like that.
The way you so effortlessly
drew my breath away
upon first sight
as if to make room
for what could have been.

Dear Diary;
this year already
tastes like last year
and I can see the
rot ahead.

Happy?
No, not quite.
These days,
I'd say I'm more content.
Yeah,
content,
I like the sound of that.

Another day goes
by where I am reminded of
a life spent with you

6:24 PM
17/6/19

I couldn't see it,
love had blurred my vision
but the warning signs were
as clear as day.
Then you let me go,
and suddenly,
I could see again but
it was too late.

Loneliness is a
prison and I am serving
a life time sentence

9:22 PM
27/10/20

My heart is wearing out
after feeling everything
so passionately, so intensely
and now I think I need a new heart.