an unfamiliar warmth flows through my veins
a smile adorns my face, something unfamiliar and a shape I thought my muscles has long forgotten how to make
a sudden ease overcomes
my hands stop clenching into fists
i stop shaking, no longer freezing from a blistering cold
my teeth stop rattling and knees stop knocking together, no more anxiety induced shaking
these feelings are in fact petrifying, i cannot lie i am absolutely terrified
but the sun feels so golden on my skin and the long days don't feel so dreadful anymore
we'll see what this brings, but i think i may have found someone who makes my heart beat with an elevated rate of pure elatedness and not an elevated petrification

you promised you'd love me forever
said it with tears in your eyes and a soft voice that makes it debut once you try to speak after a screaming match and an ocean of tears
you promised you'd never leave me and that we'd be infinite

only fools make a promise like this
nothing can exist forever, everything is forgotten and everyone decays into the ground eventually
no one can die together, no one can last forever, someone always dies first
no one can love someone forever, pure love isn't real because if you love someone, there's times where you hate them, and times where you want nothing to do with them

that is why on that faithful night
I left, you made a promise you couldn't keep and that is the promise that wasn't a fools promise, that was the one of the few promises you made that you could keep.

sunbeams burning our once fair skin
running towards seemingly  nothing, but what is in fact the unknown of what we will turn into
the sunset was so pretty that day, the sky was on fire and we were infinite and electric

the sun wasn't the only thing that set that night though
with its last rays, you last sparks for me burnt out
i was a fire, like the sky and you were smoke the same colour of the fog that hid the stars that night

once you buy a fresh pair, the black is vivid and strong and the toe cap is still perfectly intact, no scuff to be found

but after time, chucks wear thin and your favourite pair gets tossed and replaced with a replica that is never as good as the first.

it’s confusing you see, because if you loved something so dearly, a few scuffs from memories and love wouldn’t be such a problem, if anything you’d hold onto those worn up chucks as a reminder that love will wear things down, but the wear and tear is the most beautiful thing because it means you’re settling.

but i guess you don’t like things that are old, which must be why you treated me the same as your old chuck taylor’s.

the world once seemed so grand
every night I would wish for morning to come faster, eager to see what tomorrow would bring
a smile adorned my face and a sparkle brighter than the stars twinkled in brightly lit blue eyes

things have changed since those innocent days
dreams and aspirations have been replaced by reality and doubt that there will ever be a future i want to see
the night time seems so heavenly and i am eager to sleep for it means that i am as close as i can get to dead, shut out the demons of the daylight and be at peace in my

looking danger straight in the eyes
feeling the rush of adreneline as you see the tempting orange flames burn behind stone cold pupils shrunk so small you wonder if danger has ever seen anything it truly liked

do I follow danger down his path of mass destruction, I mean it'd be one hell of a ride and I'm sure in time it'd mean, something
or do I stay safe and leave danger at the corner where the streetlights illuminate the darkened world with orange light, the same colour as danger's firey eyes

he looks so heavenly, like an angel in disguise
as if he could never hurt a soul or even tell a lie
and in that moment, I know what choice must be made
I wish danger goodbye, for I know pretty boys with pretty eyes who tell you that everything's going to be fine and he'll never hurt you and most of all that he loves you

wake up
drag yourself out of bed, despite its resistance and pull on your dead weight body
aimlessly wander, become aware of how difficult it is to drag around a full 100 pounds of bones and flesh when all you're so physically tired for no reason
force yourself to get dressed, don't bother to make yourself look presentable, you'll hate the outcome anyway
stare at the hideous reflection of the human embodiment of death staring back at you, looking straight into your stone cold blue eyes that scream out "death" from their lack of shine and purple puffiness

"is this what it's like to feel sad?
should i drink that extra cup of coffee? it won't do anything besides increase my anxiety, i drink it for warmth but i believe i have turned as cold as a statue "

go on with your day, get home, sleep, and repeat the cycle again tomorrow

put your hands to the sky
drop to your knees and cry a river of salty tears
scream out into the open air
scream until your lungs give out
yell every sinful crime you've committed
beg for forgiveness
beg for a second chance

you're reminded that you've been in this position before
only before it was an act debauchery mixed with a hope for an act of god
but now it is a full blown plea for mercy and a god like miracle
both scenarios pleading for god
and in this moment you remember that you will never find god on your knees
because god does not exist within the hollow shell of whom ever it may be you are worshipping
god exists within your own being

vices to counter balance our virtues
inhale nicotine smoke into decaying lungs
drown your liver in poison that burns as it goes down your throat but tastes like an angel’s kiss on your lips
roll dices in emerald green tables, throw down triple aces and the queen of hearts, gamble your heart away, what good has it done anyway?

glutinous coping mechanisms
vices supplied by satan himself
disguised in angelic fashions to hide the truth of our vices

spilled my heart out in ink, barely  legible handwriting on old worn napkins telling every thought of emotion i have ever dreamed

splattered what remained of a broken heart on a canvas in an attempt to place its broken pieces back together in beautiful colour schemes

photographed every moment in which i felt alive or when i felt the polar opposite anything to look at and make me remember what it felt like to feel more than a basic emotion

there’s a reason you cannot spell heart without art.
three letters that seemingly mean nothing in the grand scheme, however when arranged to spell out “art”, they encompass a word that describes everything you ever have and ever will be. the reason for your insanity and the explanation for every single atom in your being and every chemical reaction that caused your brain to send out endorphins and every other chemical that drives you to an emotion.

the reason you live and will live forever on, your legacy to leave behind, your reason for living all encompassed by a three letter word.

sprinting hand in hand down narrow streets
running around unsuspecting bystanders and passerbyers
laughs echoing off the skyscrapers, louder than all the taxi cabs and mixed up conversations of the city
chasing the pink sunset that reflects in golden hues off of the concrete jungle

walking hand in hand around the edges of the lakes in central park
dancing on subway platforms to street performers unique melodies
falling into attraction in between musty lps in dimly lit record shops hidden away in greenwich
falling in love in vacant coffee shops or on apartment building rooftops

the city is where nostalgia takes a form of reality and where chaos disguises itself as a form of surreal serenity

finger nails digging into skin, drawing blood from the crescent moon shapes on calloused palms

matted hair in clumps on the floor from constant fiddling turned into ripping

purple bags under what once were eyes that sparkled, all hope inside the pale blue irises now put out like a match's flame

constant shiver from the frosty embrace of the ghosts of old lovers pulling her down into the depths of her already prevalent sadness

they say it's the things you love that eventually **** you, here's just another statistic

shivering has become a constant state of being
shivering from caffeine overdoses and the kiss of the grim reaper ******* the life out of me
uncontrollable panic, can you remind me how to breathe correctly?

purple rings around lifeless blue irises to show the disrupted sleep from the nightmares of what if nothing works how it's destined to be
tired isn't as bad as you think it would be
it makes that warm cup of coffee worth it even though caffeine has no effect expect self induced panic from all the pent up anxiety

i'm on the brink of insanity
i can feel all normality fleeting from my body
i cannot complain though
insanity doesn't feel out of place in this world anymore
everything's already in complete anarchy

a glance, all possible exits blocked by people you will never see again but in this moment they are your worst enemies

heart rate rising at alarming rates, you can feel the blood rushing through your veins and hear your heart beating, yet you feel dead

the walls are now caving, everything is hazy, throat begins to close, you forget how to breathe and oxygen cannot enter your bloodstream

trapped in between two colossal silhouettes, they remind you of the devil's best friends, the panic already boiling inside has reached maximum capacity

run, run as fast as you can, faster than a cheetah on steroids, you can run till the ends of the earth but that panic will still fester inside and you can't out run what you hide

The fires burn brightly in her eyes, flames of the revolution hidden behind frosty blue irises

crimson red blood boils inside, a desire to change the current state of the nation causes a rise in body temperature, she is the ultimate power

rage against the way she and all those who are being wrongfully oppressed by a corrupt system that does not deserve the title of justice creates a chaotic master plan for the rebellion that she will be the spark

but in this war machine, I get the greatest sense of what the revolution will be like because I can taste the rebellion in her kiss, dripping off her lips like cinnamon

her tired eyes have seen the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets
pinks yellows and purples, hues of what true happiness must be
she begins to see in the colour schemes of sunsets and sunrises
blind sighted by her own la vie en rose

his bright eyes see in shades of grey
clouded by the thunderstorms with the most beautiful lighting display
that his eyes have grown accustomed to

their perspectives disturbed by natural phenomena
not representative of their heart's bona fide notion
her tired eyes do not reflect the sunrise, she pulls up the blind relunctantly each day and night because she cannot be anything but the sunshine girl
his bright eyes, hidden by the storms that do not rage inside, but he concocts them nevertheless because no one wants to see a bright eyed boy

tears fill your eyes
heart races and beats so fast you can feel it in your throat
your breathe cannot keep up with these sudden flashes of extreme emotion, it shortens its self, trying to stop itself so you will no longer breathe so your heart may rest
the devil's hands reaching around your neck and through your chest, getting a firm grasp on your heart to ease the palpitations

in this chaos of events your heart has a split second to decide whether it's in love or whether you're so terrified of what's happening to you it's in a state of panic

but is there truly a difference? your heart suffers in the same way and while the dictionary says neither are synonyms, they're synonymous in the way demons play with your heart and air fighting to stop itself from escaping your lips

in paris, you loved me, life was amorous
in the maldives, you desired me more than you ever had before, i don't think the bed every stayed tidy
in rome, you told me I was a masterpiece greater than any of Da Vinci's
in new york, you screamed, even the sound of the taxi cabs couldn't drown out the sound of you saying you hated me
in london, you left me stranded, broke my heart and bolted,
back to paris when this mess of a romance started, where you said you loved me.

a copious amount of flavours have touched my tastebuds
and left my lips feeling some sort of way

but none will ever compare to the way your lips tasted like a mixture of sweet cream and honey
and left my lips feeling soft for days after

this scares me
it scares me that I may never find a taste so sweet
and that my lips may never feel as soft as they did after being graced by your kiss

i cannot fathom
whether you will be the greatest love I have ever known
or the equivalent to a shakespearean tragedy

i cannot fathom
if i will amount to a literary mastermind
or a struggling artist bleeding dry in a dead end job

i cannot fathom
why my friends choose to stay
do they love me?
or are they too nice and pitiful to leave me?

i cannot fathom
whether i am truly sad
or if my mind is tricking me with a multitude of mixed signals

i cannot fathom
i cannot fathom
i cannot fathom
my reason for breathing
but i haven't been able to fathom a reason for some time
i lost it when i couldn't fathom how to breathe and why sweet air in my lungs felt like.

i am attracted to toxicity
in the same why a moth is to a flame

toxic friendships keep me on my toes
take take take take
everything i am
take all of the meat and leave nothing but bones

toxic thoughts fill my brain
ultimately destroying every brain cell
because they act like nuclear bombs do when they decimate

toxic lovers, toxic love
the sin i cannot cleanse myself of
the flame the moth will always fly to
because its irresistible flicker always look different
it's unlike all the others, just like all toxic lovers

oh the pain that ensues
keeps my body cold for days
which you wouldn't expect from a moth who was scorched by a flame

somwhere in the world
a small girl sits in a classroom while the teacher tells the class that they won't be reading Maya Aneglou because of it's sensitive content
while later that day the same small girl goes home to a father who binds her wrists so tightly to the bed, her veins almost burst. His sick fantasy gone wild and she'll never read about someone who survived.

somewhere in the world
little boys run wild, with smiles on their faces
ignorant to teh chaos around them
these little boys look so happy, to the untrained eye
but look around them, they're actually running for their lives.

somewhere in the world
a mother watches a family through a restaurant window throwing away full course meals with tears in her eyes wondering if she'll be able to feed the kids tonight

somewhere in the world
lovers hide, in fear of being found out that they are not of different sexes and that they are of different races
petrified of being punished for what everyone else sees as a crime
or even worse, not making back to their beloved alive

somewhere in the world,
a little girl asks if daddy is ever gonna come back
and she wonders why he's gone in the first place because no one ever told her that daddy never loved her.

somewhere in the world,
the restless lie awake at night fighting battles with their demons
fumbling open a bottle of jack or a pharmacy vial of xanax
wondering how fast they'll take away the pain

across the world
there is sin, all seven of them
pouring out of every thing that inhabits the earth

somewhere in the world
there is a someone who will erupt the revolution
and we're all patiently waiting for the anarchy to begin.

i shouldn’t cry over you they say, you’ve got no reason to, he didn’t hurt you.

but i cry over the nights i lie awake while my heart yearns for that feeling and my mind gives me all the reasons as to why i am not good enough to be alive and why you left

i cry for my sanity and how it has been lost because of the way you left me, untraceable, undetectable, without reason

i cry because i can still feel your touch on my body and it has felt me feeling ice cold for weeks on end

i cry at the haunting of your laugh ringing in my head and the sound of you voice when you said you loved me

i cry at the backlash i got and how everyone thinks it’s so easy to just move on, block his number, get rid of him

but it’s not that easy you see, i cry because as much as i want you to not be apart of me, blocking a number won’t block you from my head, unfollowing you won’t make the sounds of your voice and everything you ever said and the essence of you stop following me, trying to see in others what i saw in you won’t erase these feelings of irreplaceablity i gave to you.

i cry because as much as i want to be, i’m still not over you, and i cry because even after all of this, i still don’t hate you.

we are fire
i am the orange ember, the coldest part of the flame
you are the white hot tip of at the head of the match head
it sometimes flickers blue

you are blue
i hate blue, i always have
i am red
making purple sounds like a delightful endeavour
but i am reminded of the love bite (why are they called that)
that you left
it was purple, it hurt for weeks
it turned green

i hate you.
i hate blue.
i hate the white flame.

he'll call you pretty
he'll capture you with the sparkle of his brown eyes
and melodic laugh that'll ring in your ears for days
after the moment passed

things will escalate
your heart will race each time you hear his name
you'll admit to liking him
he'll say he feels the same

his lips will taste like honey
you'll love the taste, it'll be your  new favourite flavour
but honey gets too sickly when you eat too much

he'll call you good girl
then you'll realise,
you're not the only one who's been eating honey.

first glance
looking my worst nightmare
straight in the eyes
fire raging behind souless irises

touching tounges
swapping spit
the devil's kiss
tasted so sweet
it made me sick

carless caress
i felt the poision
from the grim reaper's skeletal fingers
leak into my veins
intoxicate my bloodstream

gluttonous embrace
stick your knife in my back
slice my heart out of my broken ribs

run your fingers through my hair
satan's got a grip on my mind
make me scream
make me bleed

it is a horror show after all
this romance could be nothing more.

microscopic turmoil
a distruption in the ripple of time
somehow the stars have aligned
a chaotic miracle, a change of destiny
the love story of two starcrossed lovers
with an ending never here before witnessed
the inmorata and inmorato no longer have to hide their amour
starcrossed lovers have become star aligned
oh what a waste of a beautiful time.

weeds now fill the space in my heart where roses once bloomed
the bees no longer give me honey, all the sunflowers that gre from my mind
exterminated by your pesticide
my iris eyes are now petaless, they've all been cried

you killed the flower garden
i am now a wasteland of wilted weeds and broken memories.

the first time the rain soaked our skin
the droplets felt like kisses on my skin
the next time, the rain felt rough
like tiny little pin ****** or an untuned violin
the rain feels like cascading bullets upon my fragile body
it no longer soaks you, only me.

turn on the shower to the hottest it can go
undress, peel off the first reminder of your nightmare
watch as the steam fills the room
step in under the water
the scorch doesn’t sting anymore.
sit and ponder, over think everything you know
cover your hands in soap and scrub every inch of your skin
try and scrub the devil’s touch off your skin
turn off the shower, look down and your fire red skin, the water felt cold.

brush your teeth for what seems like an eternity
you’ll never get lucifer’s taste out of your mouth or the devil’s kiss off your lips
spit, watch the blood drain down the skin, you scrubbed too hard, but didn’t feel a thing.

sleep
try to escape the demons in your dreams
surprise, they’re in your dreams.
they are your dreams, you don’t dream darling you live and breathe in a walking nightmare constantly.

light up your marlboro
take a drag of the filtered tobacco
blow a puff of smoke in my lungs
through your nicotine lips

whisper you love me
romanticise my body
worship the physicality
abandon the mentality

become the source of my insanity
the reason I am so dependent on hot coffee
the ice freezing over my heart
the source of my constant headache

kiss me,
lies taste so sweet.

a shooting pain
top right artery of the heart

constant throbbing
top right part of the brain

shortness in breathe
distortion galore
faintness
numb hands
freezing sensation

i never felt like i was dying
until after you.

F scott drank himself to death
Hemingway blew his brain out
Zelda went insane
Van Gogh never left equally returned love
Lennon was shot dead
Sinatra was a hot head

Gatsby lived a life of unrequited insanity
Romeo died believing a lie

I see my idols in me
wonder how I'll turn out to be.

Tell yourself you're worthless a thousand times a day
create a work of abstract art on your arms, blue veins aren't the only lines painting the canvas
forget what a smile looks like, but remeber what happiness felt like
sleep the days away, become a night owl and your prey is your own brain
**** every ounce of humanity that once remained
become the lifeless corpse you pictured in your grave.

Revive yourself
begin to sew the open wounds back together
start to remeber what a smile was and taste the sweetness of the sun in the day
live in your warmth, thrive in happiness
did life truly get better? are you finally happy again?

revert back to your old ways
the golden days were just a figment of your imagination
a wonderland of sorts

happiness for you my dear, is never to be truly obtained.
you're worthless remember? you don't deserve it.

dear the boy I'll never meet,

My head keeps pounding,
constantly thinking of you.

I hope you know every cigarette I've ever smoked was because you made me feel like I needed to.
They calm me down.
I know I shouldn't let them touch the lips yours once kissed,
but in a weird way they give me the same sensation as your nicotine kiss.
A feeling of fake love, unrequited, utterly fake, love.
They create a fake warmth to replace the cold you left.

I am so ******* cold all the time.
Anxiety levels soaring high.
Do you know how hard it is to feel any sort of warmth when you're constantly shaking?

I'm convinced I am not in love with you, merely infatuated.
But *******, I wish you didn't have this effect on me.

I'm so ******* sad.

love, the girl you'll never see.

spark up the lighter
feel it burn the tip of your thumb
light up the demons
inhale their love
blow out all your worries
in a puff of tobacco smoke
fell yourself succumb
into their fake love

crack open the bottle
feel the burbon burn
as it trickles down your throat
let the warmth of distorted happiness
engulf your soul

pour out the pills of hope
let the pretty colours cause you
to overdose
sit back and feel the numbness
shut down your body
a false moment of freedom

make your addiction
a romantic affair
the most epic marrige
you've already maded the vow
'till death do us part, my love.

strike your match against my skin
stab your knife inside my head
fill my lungs with smoke from your nicotine kisses
grasp your fingers around my neck

bind my hands togethe with the rope of your lies
pick every petal from my stem

please keep hurting me
it shows me you’re still there.

i lit your red roses on fire
ignited by the spark of my red lighter
finger tips stained red from the flames that flickered
from the crimson red petals i picked
maybe that’s why we confuse love and hate
they both bleed the same
red

strike a match
watch the flame flicker
hover your hand over it's warmth
bringing it closer and closer to your skin
but never letting it touch

the burn would hurt too much
the hesitation shows
there's still some hope
the flame has not yet scorched your happiness.

Watch the flame die down
throw the match away
you're not an angel on fire today.

point blank
straight into the eyes
pupils dilated, about 3 mm or so

rapid elevation
Where you aware you have high blood pressure?
no, I didn’t have palpitations before you

flicker
“we’re loosing her, fire up the defibiralltor”
bright lights never seemed to be so comforting
“clear”


pitch black
I don’t think I was afraid of the dark
But what scares you will eventually **** you.

sip on a cherry coke sad depressed broken love heart heartbroken
pick the petals of a dead rose
forget your feelings in the smoke of a marlboro
gave your heart our again
to someone who only makes you sin.
welcome to the broken hearts club
we break our hearts for fun.

our love
was a horror show
begging to be set in motion

dip your brush in your sorrows
cover it in doubt and depression
paint your canvas in scars and messages of self hate
take a good look at the “masterpiece” you made.

grab a cup of water, cleanse your ***** brushes.
notice how all the black paint you have covered yourself in washes away.
dip the brush in a new found colour, the colour of happiness.
paint your canvas golden, show it what love is, love you have found within.
this is the true masterpiece.

a heart
more fragile than most
relinquishes itself
to the greatest danger it has ever known.
The heart of another soul
a soul so vastly different than
the heart's own.
It feels that it can trust it,
never be too trusting.

stinging eyes
tear drop stains on freshly washed linen
a frantic spectacle has taken place
one in which “us” may never recover

i told you i loved you.
you never said the words back.
you simply said, thank you.
and left.

smoke a cigarette
gulp down a whole bottle of *****
hook up with a random lust
scream
cry
run down an empty street
try to feed the demons, intoxicate them with filth
repeat.

nothing ever works.

kiss my lips
tell me i'm pretty

grab my thighs
tell me you miss me

clutch my hips
tell me I'm your only one

look me straight in the eyes
tell me you need me

break my heart
and tell me you love me.

kiss my lips
soft like velvet
sickly sweet
like the lies you whisper to me

play with my thorns
pluck my petals away
like you do with every other
pretty pink rose you pass by


hypnotise me
make me chase you down the rabbit hole
desert me in a chaos of my own creation

love me.
for no one else does

needle covered in ink
stabbed a heart into my veins for the fun of it
shoot up on love not ****** love drug heart happy addicted

scorched rose petals led the way
to the land of the greatest heartbreak
begs and pleas of "stay"
scattered about like love letters
torn pictures and broken frames
of what once was a love
that withstood every test of time

the land of the greatest heartbreak
serves as a reminder
that even in the purest of romances
when the clock strikes midnight
it's time for goodbye.