though we believe
time stops,
for the every so present perfecto momento

the clocks keep on ticking
seconds keep passing
hours are still being churned out
and one day
the perfect moment,
isn't perfect.

for eyes are only eyes
until you look deep into them
memorise the colours
notice all the flecks of gold
see the soul inside

for eyes are only eyes
until you fall in love
with their owner.

and in that moment
in the pale moonlight
I knew i had traded in my lust for love
just by looking into those soft brown eyes.

drenched my heart in lighter fluid
swallowed gasoline

struck a match


burn baby burn.

run your fingers through my hair
leave prints on my skin
run through the rain
getting rid of every trace.

red roses wilt
from the colour of your lipstick stained lips
to the colour of the monsters living inside my head
the roses wilt,
our love died with them.

do you ever feel like wanting to cry
or even die
after coming down from a high
because all everyone ever does it lie
oh, sigh.
sometimes i just want to fly
away from everyone's watchful eye
goodbye.

such a big world, full of so many people.
so many people in the world,
                    why do i feel so alone?
                    why does it hurt to breathe in       the oxygen that keeps my fragile heart     from dying?
                  why does the sun scorch my skin when it makes everything else glow?
                  why does everything seem to be caving in?
                 why does everything hurt?
                  why do i feel this way?
                    why do i not want to be alive?
            why does it hurt, to be    alive?

his heart yearns for the blood of your love.

his lips long for the sickly sweet taste of the drug that burns his throat, the only love he has ever known.

the only drug that has ever entered his blood stream and intoxicated his body.

An addiction so strong it kills him slowly, from the inside.

withdrawal symptoms so strong he forgets everything he learned him rehab and relapses.

there once was a time
when love was the greatest mystery known to man
when husbands and wives
didn't **** their baby sitters and ruin their children's lives
when flowers were given as a token of flattery and not an excuse for an apology

there once was a time
when you and i, partook in this mystery
where our hands were intertwined
and our hearts fluttered at the same time

but that was a long time ago
and i know
all the secrets.

i crave a love so pure
a love in which angels
sing from the heavens above
a true love
but true love isn't really true
the angels won't sing down to hell.

hearts aligned in ways the starts dream of
a love so pure
a love turned tragic
two star crossed lovers
took their lives
hearts still aligned
but the stars
no longer
shined

patriarchy of love and deep desire has taken ahold of my heart once more.

the tyranny of sadness and despair has made its rule ever so present over my entire body and soul.

the whimsical peace of happiness, that has made itself a mirage once again.

this is the world inside.

sleep deprived and head on overdrive. heart racing a mile a minute at the thought of you and i.
la vie en rose, blissfully tragic.

wandering fingers
exploring unknown landscapes
tracing over
unknown terrain

the desire of youth,
two lovers inside
thoughts filling their minds
of forbidden
actions

wandering fingers
discovering new worlds
all for the same purpose
to evoke
a
feeling

oh darling this is all but a dream
you filling my heart with kerosene
dropping a match and engulfing me in flames

but all fires die, and you don't feel the same

i look at him as if he's the starry night
with the same glossy eyes and my heart races a mile a minute.
oh it's bliss but it's hidden,
and i don't know why but i always crave his attention
and seem to miss him..

i'm so sorry i care about you more than i care about myself

i'm so sorry i would take a bullet for you without thinking twice

i'm so sorry i ask if you're okay all the time because i have trouble believing anyone is and know what it's like to lie about being okay when you're not just to get by

i'm so sorry i want everything to be well for you and happy

i'm so sorry.

i'm so sorry i care about you more than i care about myself.

you became the moon,
the stars
the sun
you became the universe

when the universe suddenly says goodbye
all life dies
including mine.

he was the sun
supporting life
creating a glow inside my eyes

he hurts too much to be the sun
now he burns all the life there once
flames of destruction fill my eyes now

hands shaking
mind racing
heart beating, faster.
horrifying thoughts,
entering your conscious mind.
this is your demons making themselves known.


to be rid of them
one must be rid of life.
they die with you, clinging onto your last breath.

Captured by your heavenly eyes
Searching for a sign, that you love me


Time flew by, and I was still searching.


I never did find a sign.

the replies came few
he stopped saying i love you
i gave into the distance

the replies came faster
i became happier
he says i love you.

i do not believe that we are destined to be
i do not believe that the star dust that makes up both of your beings holds a magnetism that attracts you to me
nor do i believe that fate brought us together.

But i do believe that you and me
are somehow perfectly made, to be
to exist with each-
other in harmony
i do believe that my hand fits
so easily
in yours and that my
heart beats
to the same beat
as yours

you and i may not ever be
but i'd like to think
that somewhere we'd
be star crossed lovers

A chaotic mess of star dust


deep down i'd like to
believe that someday
there will be
a you and me

emptiness fills my body
the nothingness spreads throughout my bloodstream
a sense of numb starts to become apparent in my brain, almost as if my body is preparing to die

chaos erupts like a fire inside my mind
self destructive habits roaming my brain like a familiar terrain
I have become acquainted to the lack on control I have over my mind
i want control, but my body has given up trying to fight the demons inside
I am tired, I am scared.
I am not mine, I am my mind’s.

i am mine before i am yours
but i cannot hold myself up the way you hold me
my knees buckle and i fall without your arms to support my fragile being
but you will not always be there to hold me up
so i must, learn how to stop my buckling knees collapsing underneath me

she’s not yours, but she wants to be
she doesn’t even belong to herself.
her body rejects her soul
her mind rejects her happiness
her heart rejects your love
she’s not yours, but she wants to be
she’s not yours, but she doesn’t know how to be

infatuation leads to the intoxication of sadness streaming through one's bloodstream

let the darkness consume all of the light,
like the transition of morning to night. the sky will become starless,
like in outer space and the heavens will call my name, wishing for me to come home.

getting high
blood shot eyes
alcoholic lies
teenage suicide
sunrise

I fall asleep and my mind wanders back to you

it wanders to places I've never been and things I ave never done, but every dream involves you

It's as if something inside is foreshadowing an adjacent future, but my mind tends to turn lies into truths, my mind thrives on false hope and fantasy.

My mind tries to make everything alright in the depths of the night, but as soon as my eyes are wide, all of the sadness creeps back inside.

and then it all repeats, the white lies start to play in  my mind, as soon as i close my eyes.

breathe in, and  breathe out
breathe in, and breathe out
stop thinking and breathe out
stop shaking, and breathe out
stop existing, and breathe out

my heart beats to the rhythm of the rain drops pitter patter, pitter patter, bu-bump bu-bump
somewhere else your heart is beating to a different melody, one that wasn't made for you and me, one that was created just for you.
how i miss when our hearts used to beat it the rhythm of each other's

i loved you, sometimes i think i still do
there are many things that should make me hate you
like how you left and how you made me cry too
how you said you were protecting me, but you only cared about you
there are many things that should make me hate you, but I don't, not even a little.
I believe that somewhere along the lines of our hearts intertwining, yours twisted and took mine away, because now my heart still races at the thought of your name.
or even worse t the memory of the constellations of lies in your eyes and how they reflected my suffering, but i took that as love.
but, in the void you left in my mind, everything is now shifted, there is no good, there is simply just evil.
hear all evil, see all evil, speak all evil.
You left me to die, but I still see the flecks of pain as lust in your eyes.

Smile
                         Smile
remember to  smile
don't show the        dark
just                   smile
how can I        smile    if I Feel like I'm dying inside?
                         SMILE
just pretend to  smile

One hour ticks by, no reply.
Two hours, three hours, four, I don't think I can take this anymore.
At hour five, I get a reply saying the same old "hey sorry babe my phone died."
I reply in an instant, knowing I shouldn't but it's become an instinct.
And now the cycle repeats, one, two, three, four, five, five hours with no reply. This isn't love, this is lies.

the seconds turned to minutes, those minutes turned into hours, and then eventually days, weeks, and months.
I could see all of the time passing, sprinting past me like I was in a race with time, but I was always falling too far behind.
Time got faster and the faster I fell, deeper and deeper into the darkness, and now I have caught up with time.
With that I have caught up with everything I suppressed deep down, time will always win the race of how long I can suppress memories.

You are still here, but you're not.
You are a memory, added to the collection of memories I already have inside.
But the memory of you feels different, the memory of you feels like home.
It makes me feel some type of way, maybe it's just my foolish and broken heart.
But the you I hold so close to my heart, that you is home and this you, the you that is not a memory,
that you wouldn't hold me in a warm embrace when I cry over your memory in my mind.

“how are you?”

“well I’m not too sure you see. I’m sad all the time but do not know what it means exactly. I can laugh and smile still but feel no happiness. It’s like a forced laugh and a forced smile basically telling myself that you need to act as if nothing is wrong. But when I am alone, everything becomes quiet and sometimes silence is violent but there I sit. In deafening silence, being overtaken by my old friend I call darkness. I am falling, deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole once again, this time I don’t know if I’ll make it out. but to answer you're question, I'm fine."

the stars, they're in your eyes
galaxies and universe fill your mind.
I no longer see the stars, all i see is a black void.
A black void to represent empty space that now fills my heart where you once lay.

lips on mine
hands intertwined
nothing but time
and the stars in our eyes
you and me, together at last.

seeing things in fading light
colour hues disappearing
the colours fade from my eyes, I'm seeing in black and white.

I can get you out
your face haunts my dreams
the memories fill my mind like a disease
I want to be ridded of your curse
The sickening sweetness of your voice, the way your smile made mine shine bright.
The way your words made my heart flutter
from one poet to another, be careful to fall in love with someone so graceful with words.
One day the words will stop being so sweet and you blissful endeavours will meet a violent end.