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Leigh Marie Apr 2016
Tonight, in a crowded room I felt your absence,
and recognized that I would not know your company again

I wish your corn husk voice would sooth my bull frog tears once more
You don't need to stay forever
Just for this instant, be mine again
hold me like tomorrow will never come

Please help me sort through the heartbreak that is cluttering my purse,
and the mess of receipts and candy wrappers littering my heart
That is-
I can not seem to tell yesterday from tomorrow
A pile of ***** laundry is mocking me,
growing faster than I can be proud of
You'll find me hiding behind mismatched socks
You've seen it all before
Leigh Marie Sep 2016
When you say that
I am better than him
You are forgetting that
He and I are both grown from
The same sandy soil

We may have sprouted differently
But to write him off is to
write me off too
As if my roots
and my stalk
and my flower
are not one

Well friend,
The most beautiful flowers have
The deepest roots
Mine, are intertwined with his
(Though I do not need him
to thrive)
Our stories, can not be separated cause
We've been through the rain
and mud
and beating wind
together

Even if we
flower in
incongruous seasons
neither of us are
better or
worse or
less full of life

How can someone with
the same ***** soul be
unworthy of my time?
Leigh Marie Jun 2016
darling there are planets in your eyes-
a celestial mystery
They keep pulling me closer
closer (I am stuck in your orbit)
The nearer I get the harder it becomes to pull away but
I am not sure that is what you intended
It's just that
your eyes
would not stop roping me in
Leigh Marie Feb 2019
I tell my best friend I don’t know why I’m still sad
That it feels wrong to feel so much for someone that I don’t think felt much about me
She tells me it’s easier to be sad than to let yourself feel better
And she’s right cause it’s easier to miss you than hate you
Easier to be sad than to be happy and forget
or forgive
I’m more comfortable being sad cause then no one can take happiness from me
There’s nothing left to lose in sadness, except for the comfort of it all
And isn’t that, beautiful, too?
Leigh Marie May 2016
I have learned to never name anything that does not belong to me
My past tells me that the future is flighty, and I have to stop trying to tie her down
Perhaps, if I can just hold down the future today, then I can stop worrying about tomorrow
I never make a promise that I can not keep, that is to say
I never make promises
You were supposed to come up today
and even though you had complete control over it,
you were too busy
Leigh Marie Oct 2016
You write yourself into your own love stories as the victim of a girl
that only ever used you

I know your heart was broken, you told me
But that doesn' mean your hands are clean of blood
You broke my heart,
and hers too
When you took to bed
A girl with tattoos
Maybe she didn' mean anything or
Maybe everything I
can't be sure

But now I have a heart full
of nothing
you took what I had left
And ran with it

You come back now and again
But so far, you haven' stayed
I'm wishing you would
And haven' ruled out that you will
So I answer you
With my head up high and my hopes low

Your songs mean nothing anymore
cause I know what you're capable of
I still think bout you often
And by the looks of it
You think bout me too

Sometimes love isn' made to
Fill you up or
Complete you
But break you so you can be
Rebuilt
I hope to grow tall
With you as my foundation
A home built together from nothing
But rubble and empty promises
I think I was already made for you
Cause Fates fine hand doesn' mess up often
Even if she is fickle
She isn' careless

You've got a whole lot of love in you
I see it in your smile
And the way you cry
Put down the bottle and
pick up the phone
I'll forgive you for what you've done
Cause I love who you are and
were

The past is in the past, they tell me but
I guess you're in my past too
Yet somehow I'm still looking forward to you
Leigh Marie Jul 2016
Crying in the shower
is so cathartic because
it feels like God Himself
is crying too
His tears and my own
are indistinguishable
I have found God
in the center
of my own hell
Leigh Marie Sep 2016
if a time should come when I know your face no longer
remember us comfortably shirtless, talking and laughing in the car
Leave the resentment to the wind and
let's not speak of heartbreak any longer
just remember our hearts wide open
ready to love, vulnerable
beating together- racing to let go first
running from our emotions
as if time was limited
the world was ours and we let it fall through our fingers
I hope to see you again, comfortably shirtless, talking
But if I don't, tell them of our laughter and poetry
That it felt as if our souls were one
Smile, when they ask about me
Leigh Marie Jul 2016
I am sorry that sometimes
when I'm telling you about a movie
I ruin the ending
But for some reason
when I'm with you
I can feel my soul
spilling from my lips - ready
set go & trying to fit forever into a moment;
laughing like everything makes sense
for once -
Souls colliding
I loose all control over reason
cause I am ready to share
my everything (memories::moments::emotions)
with you
Leigh Marie Sep 2016
We are quick to talk about the day like
How zen we're feeling or
what we saw on the news
Mother, you ask how I am doing
and pause when you ask if I am anxious cause I
know you're afraid that I'll say yes
So I don't tell you when I stay in my apartment for days on end or
how he broke my heart cause
those are all reminders of how things were

I've nearly forgotten about the divorce and
cancer and
death cause
Right now is too much to handle
I'm scared I'll end up alone and
not in the common sense but instead
without companionship cause
my friends keep leaving
But you, mother you keep staying so I'll keep
telling you bout the weather and
what I made for lunch

Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just
let myself fail
Drop out of school and work
like the people I thought I'd grow old with
Maybe they'd still love me if
I wasn't zooming past them
I've travelled to more countries than they have states and I love them regardless of course but
I'm not sure they love me regardless
Maybe I'm too much or
Not enough or
we just can't relate anymore
I spend more time studying and sober
than I do with liquor so
maybe our priorities aren't the same but
I'm not sure why that's reason enough to
up and leave
can't you see I'm still the same me
just me manifesting my dreams
I'm here I haven't left
I never thought that leaving for college would
mean people would leave my life

Mother, I know things change but
This wasn't as I planned
These girls were supposed to be my surrogate sisters
We promised
they promised
So why'd they leave
Mom please don't leave
Leigh Marie Mar 2017
I tell you bout my trips and everything I’ve seen
about my laughter and what I’ve learned but
I’m afraid to tell you that I feel like I’m losing myself again
that stopping my medication was the wrong decision
like I am trapped in this opportunity, can't get out and can't go home
I don't tell you about being filled with regret
that my flashbacks hurt more than I expected
That I lost my safe place and I feel abandoned

You did yoga today and I travelled some more
I laughed a little, and took a nap
you're seeing your friend tomorrow
I know what you are doing
but how are you doing
Leigh Marie Sep 2016
You tell us to get the morgue ready for you,
we shake our head
oh, don't say that
we mean, its gonna be alright
but how do we know
that you really mean you'd rather die
than feel the pain that
extraordinary measures can cast
on a living soul

the doctors rush in
and rush out
everything- they say is emergent
you are equal
you, plus your disease,
the doctor is the solution
I mean the doctor has the solution
but is all the pain worth it?
you're at a battle with the odds
not given much of an option
you might as well
be chained to the bed

too tired to bathe
too tired to sleep
each breath of air
an underwater cyclone
trying to expand your lungs
against the waves of blood

you whisper,
I'm not gonna make it,
I'm not gonna make it

but sir,
you already have
bring your dancing shoes to heaven
you'll be able to breathe easy
again
*you've made it
you're almost there
this is a reflection on taking care of a dying patient, suffering more from his treatment than his disease.
Leigh Marie Apr 2017
Growing tired of the present I
Fear the future cause she is
My next door neighbor
I am reminded of her everyday
I pass her in the hallway
She waves hello but I
Do not want her to move in with me
I'm happy alone
Leigh Marie Mar 2016
We're  as lonely as we let ourselves be -
tonight,
meet her in her cold car so you'll feel warm
again,
I take a white pill so I'll feel all right
again.
Unable to sleep
again.
Swallow her breath
again.
I'll swallow the pill
again.
"Hey"
again.
"I miss you"
again.

You will keep calling her to quell your insomnia and
I will keep taking the tablet with a cup of my pride
until I wipe the lonely from your lips and
you let me be your only.
Leigh Marie Jun 2017
Each day I am closer to escaping you
closer to forgetting you
but each night I am reminded of who I remember you to be
closer to missing you
I close my eyes and you are next to me, again
holding my hand, again
closer to needing you
you visit me in my dreams and virtual reality
closer to forgiving you
I want to be closer to you
Leigh Marie Jun 2016
Your chameleon touch has made even the most familiar things remind me of you first
childhood days blanketed by you

The train tracks no longer mean days racing bikes but rather
A delayed arrival and you turning around just to wait with me and
Almost missing my train just to lay with you for another minute

I am not sure that this is how it ought to be
You taking jurisdiction over my memories because you're fickle and elusive and damaged and wonderful

train approaching
please stand behind the yellow line


I'm waiting; I hope you make it on time or
At least turn around again
Leigh Marie May 2016
Its been me and you, kid
for seventeen years
Or rather
it was me and you,
for sixteen years
I am sorry if you are broken
or lost
or really do feel like you were born
into the wrong body but
there is no escaping the feeling
of loss
when the little girl I wore a matching cheetah skirt with
is no longer there
I tried to help you all those years
Your pain was felt through my own bones
Every cut you made
Every razor you had
Made me bleed too
Please just understand
like I did all those years
that this is so hard for me
Your favorite color was orange
You loved the Macy's Day Parade
and Disney Movies
But now I don't even know you anymore
you with your ****** hair
deep voice
It is easy to be accepting until you feel abandoned
Leigh Marie May 2016
Two lips
months ago intertwined
after the ball dropped
the kiss seemed merely transient
at least, to the laughter around
the couch hugged us and breathed forever
each new day reminded me of New Year's
three months don't seem too long, after three years
except for when every "now", "serious" and "care" can wink
at me infinity, your words spinning around like
our lips that night, and the next
and the next; now I only
know for certain what I
can see, waiting
like May's
tulips
Leigh Marie Mar 2016
Shots have been  fired
Confidence seeps from my bleeding heart
As my mind uses it for target practice
Bullet holes puncture my mended walls
But my heart will not fight back
Leigh Marie Aug 2016
I resent my ability to love
cause it makes it so hard to hate
hate those that left, those that hate me, those that I ought to hate

So much unrequited, wasted type love
when all I want is a wait for it type of love
I give out a type of love that makes bitterness weak in her knees

but still, people turn away
the only person I curse at is myself
maybe its cause I feel so utterly alone

One day, it'll make sense
probably
hopefully

Or else, what was this for?
was I waiting for anything?
I hate loving so much
Leigh Marie May 2017
I've ran away to all the far places where
I know you will not be
I have made memories in foreign tongues
and smiled into the eyes of people I will never see again

Perhaps, it is the reflection of our intermingling in space-
languages on two different wave lengths
destined to be separated again

Whenever I send you a carrier pigeon love letter I
hear from him instead or else
don't hear from you at all

I just want to hear my name on your mouth again cause
my memory of you will never be tainted
no matter how many times you try to sabotage it
I will always love you

I anxiously wait you to remember me while I try to forget you
It is all a bit too futile for someone so open hearted
I'm going to catch a cold
Our love has grown cold but my heart will keep it warm
I've always been a warm fire for you
kindling for you to ignite

I know all your secrets, I am not sure that you know mine
I hold them close to me
I imagine a world where you miss me where you ring me again
You have come and gone I can not forget that
Can not forget the day we met
Forget the day you left
I cried

Whenever I am with someone else I always think of you
I measure him to you
even though you were nothing short of a let down
I paint you perfect
remember you between the moon and my brow
under the starlight between the blades of grass or
sitting, a safe distance apart
you always kept me a safe distance apart
inspired by poems by Sabrina Benaim and Sierra DeMulder
Leigh Marie Aug 2016
Who's to say
that tomorrow, you'll be any more ready than you were yesterday
that soon enough your demons will be gone and nothing will hold you back
or even circumstances will be different

Stop waiting for life to change as an opportunity to change your life
you can not hold it off, much longer
it must come from you first
Leigh Marie Aug 2017
outa sight outa mind I haven't missed you in a while cause
**** things have changed
no more hoping or wishing or thinking bout you
you haven't called me in over a year
you been with her for over a year
but then you come back even just for a second and I
wanna tell you everything you've been missing
how I've seen the world and found my passions
how I've laughed and cried and grown without you
the books I've read
the people I've met
wanna share them with you
wanna share you with them
but you'll be gone before I can
utter the words
before I can ask how you are
before you can ask how I am
you dance in and out
using poetry as your vessel to remind me of what we share
our mutual existence in this crazy world
our coexistence
back for a second you'll be gone for a minute
I miss you already
I've forgotten you again
Leigh Marie Aug 2016
I can't tell who ruined us
perhaps it's foolish to think
that it's not over
not yet cause  
we built a story and
called it home
Though maybe there were two stories
and we were on different floors but
when the whole house crumbled
we still ended up laying there
on the dirt
together
Phoenixes ready to
live and love again
even after you covered us in oil and I lit the match
Leigh Marie Jan 2019
I wish I could say that I’d be the same woman I am today and maybe I don’t know who I’d be but
I know who I would not be
I’d stop loving the flat Stanley version of myself and start loving my full panoramic body,
my body 100% woman
I’d be less cool girl and more cool, girl
I’d stop my soul searching hands from picking my impurities off my face
I’d wear socks to bed and wear jackets that really keep me warm
I’d grin less and smile more
I would be radiant
But then again, how is that any different than I already am
Just a little less
Effort
A prompt by one of my favorite bloggers
Leigh Marie Dec 2016
Tomorrow,
I leave
and dear
I'm afraid
that you
won't
miss me

Cause I
know I'll
think of
your guitar,
your hands
my hands
your laugh,
and dance

Cause I
know I'll
listen to
your music
when I'm
homesick
or else try
to remember
your eyes,
your words

But will you
miss my piano,
my hands
your hands
my laugh,
my car
will you phone me
just to hear
my voice again

Will we even
Say goodbye

Do we have to

Or have we
already
Leigh Marie Jan 2019
There is power in knowing that I can disappear as quickly as I came
That I don’t need you need you  
There is power in holding interest cause I can lose it as fast as I found you
Being a magical woman means I can vanish before your eyes at the first sight of wavering
My body miraculous there is power in my smile
Leigh Marie May 2016
I know I really should not miss you
Besides, what is there to miss?
Well there was that night we sat
squeezed onto the cold granite bench
Too close for comfort, almost touching and
awkwardly keeping a thin veneer between us
Dragging on the conversation just to
share molecules with you-
atoms colliding one more time
You, telling me that you loved me, past tense and
needed me to be your friend, present tense
Me, never receiving any apology
You, telling me that you know I was heartbroken,
as if I am some crushed daisy you trampled on your way out-
a forgotten flower
You opening your lips only to hers
You, telling me about how hard the break up was with
the girl after me
You, telling my mom that your friend died
Me, not caring, anymore
Yet before the destructive summer nights there
was a time when
we did not use our words as weapons instead
there were nights characterized by
You, picking me up at the station
You, holding my hand
early morning confessions
You, crying into my shoulders while
leaning into the realization
that the day we will be 900 miles apart
is coming toward us at a marathon pace
You, looking at me
as if you have never seen another girl before
Me, loving for the first time
Me, laying my head in your lap,
sleeping to the sound of the TV,
You, retelling what movie I missed while
I was dreaming of our future,
Spring afternoons,
Sitting with your grandmother and
hearing all about her mailman or
Drinking a coffee in the rain while
talking to your mother about college
laughing with your brother until you came home
listening to your cousin try to sell steak knives
knowing all your dreams and
that midnight in the grass under the stars
when I was
wiping your tears while
you admit that do not believe in God
or even just
greeting your dog
meeting your dad
saying goodbye knowing
I would say hello in the morning
I miss it all
the passion, the hurt, the love
Melancholy tears
your earth ocean eyes that started the fire within me
Leigh Marie Jun 2016
He has finally learned what love tastes like
without your name on his lips and
when you broke his heart you
lost the chance to
ever make him feel whole
or at home
again
I will not apologize for
letting him find me-
among the clutter or
listening to and
hearing  him

I ask you now to
do our feminitity a favor and
learn now how to build other women up
rather than tearing me down for
just loving in ways you
never would
or else
do it for our mutual love so that
he can heal and
learn what it means to feel whole again:
outside the context of a woman

It does not serve the world well to
tear us down for not needing you anymore
Rather let go of
the glass you shattered cause
you'll wind up hurting yourself too
Leigh Marie Apr 2016
Your smile is splatter painted inside my eyelids,
I close them just to see you again

Your laugh rings throughout the chambers of my heart,
each beat reminds me of why I care so much

Your warm hands are not laced between my delicate fingers,
every knuckle snickers that you're not here

Your voice does not strike my ear drums,
Waves of silence roar the song of distance

Soon enough your hands will warm mine, your voice will be the reason for my smile, and yours? Well I will get to see it again with eyes wide open
Leigh Marie Dec 2016
you're the worst thing that has ever happened to my poetry
cause, I am not a poet
I mean
I can not call myself a poet but ****
with you on my mind, and in my heart
but not in my life,
can't help but want to write
I can't seem to tell the difference between
you and me
now and then
here and there
I mean
I can not find the words to write
can not make sense of what is goin' on
let alone put it to words
I am not a poet
and you are not a musician
we just are
alone, or together
we are
there is nothin' to define
and nothin' to write
but everything all the same

wanna tell you how I
cried today cause there are
little boys that can't be saved

why can't things be the same
I mean
why can't they go back
to the way we were
try everything again
being friends,
again
falling in love,
again
and this time,
not mess up cause
I messed up cause
you messed up

How's a
non- poet 'pposed to
figure out whats going on
and write about it
I mean
how am I 'pposed to
write to you
write you a come back letter
a I miss you letter
I mean
a text
cause you know we aren't
a generation of chivalry
you ne'er even gave me
something to hold on to
or let go of
cause you slipped right outa my hands
where'd you go
how am I 'pposed to
write bout you being here and gone
all at the same time
did you do this on purpose
stall my pen

can't even explain it to my
closest friends cause it
don't make sense
I mean
they don't see why I care
I don't see why I care

I know you're not far cause
you keep me close
but you sure as hell
ain't mine
don' know if you
e'er were or
will be
**** you really ruined
my writing
inspired by Sarah Kay's "Worst Poetry"

— The End —