I'm sorry for
what I did cause
I never wanted you all to leave
That wasn't me
I just told the truth and
what happened,
was going to happen
You all broke me and I am sorry I fell this way
I am I mean it
I'm not facetious
I miss you all and I wish it could be the same again
Wish we could laugh together about the good times or talk about the bad but I understand
I still grieve
I am sure you do too
Didn't think that conversation in the green chairs would change everything
Couldn't hold it in anymore
When I shattered so did my walls holding in your secrets
It's not just my fault
And it's not just yours
We're just kids at heart
But we had hearts in our hands
I couldn't watch you let them fall
Had to catch them
So I dropped you
I'm sorry

Leigh Marie Apr 5

Growing tired of the present I
Fear the future cause she is
My next door neighbor
I am reminded of her everyday
I pass her in the hallway
She waves hello but I
Do not want her to move in with me
I'm happy alone

Leigh Marie Apr 4

even if days may go by that I do not think of you
not a day goes by that I do not miss you

some days I take a breath
and feel the air get lost on its way to my lungs - trapped
lost soul searching
found hiding from reality
I push out the empty air, still alive
still breathing,
without you
you, still missing
from me - lost

Leigh Marie Apr 3

in all of my best memories with you, we always were in the car,
maybe you’re just always on the move
you love best in motion

you had to kill time before you picked up your brother
but arrived an hour early
so you picked me up and we went for a drive

you were bored on the way home from your girlfriends,
so you picked me up and we went for a drive

we went to visit our friend and
you stopped in the middle of an intersection
nobody was coming and you got out,
just to make me laugh and boy I did
I screamed for you to get back in
you still deny it ever happened

countless hour long drives together
one car accident, one time being pulled over by the police
one time missing my train, 4 night drives by the farm

you called me in the car, on the way to break up with your girlfriend
you called me in the car, after almost dying in an accident
you ended things in the car

the last time I saw you, we drove separately
said hello with a hug
goodbye with a wave
I hope to drive with you again
don’t know if I ever will

Leigh Marie Apr 3

maybe, I'm holding on to the best parts of you
but there are so many best parts that
I don't wanna let go, I can't let go
can't open my hand to wave good bye
can't open my arms to anyone else
didn't have you long enough to
say I love you but
boy did I
knew that for a while cause
I always had

I said happy birthday cause
that's my white flag
my bridge to over it
my olive branch
but I haven't heard from you since

I miss the feeling that you weren't going anywhere
cause your 4 am hellos were enough
your "you're probably not awake"
your "have you heard this song"
my, being awake
my, "I love that song too"
were all enough
do you still think of me when you
hear those songs or find that art
or have you completely forgotten about us
riding together in your car like we had started
the beginning of forever?

I try to forget I miss you by
finding the good in everyone else
finding prospect in guys not meant for me
maybe you were not meant for me either

So instead I tell my stories, of my crazy, funny friend
and how he lights up my time at home
with good luck and bad timing
how everything for him always works out
but almost falls apart
of our time together, in the car, driving
incidents with police officers
where I kept my cool and
your good fortune got us out unscathed

I tell them about the time you stopped in the intersection,
just to make me laugh till
I pulled you back in the car and we drove away

I keep to myself that first morning after in the car, silent
we didn't talk for 30 minutes till
you told me you wanted to buy fruit leather
I don't even know what fruit leather is

I keep to myself the time you looked at me and
told me how she broke your heart
I keep to myself the time you broke my heart

All our best times together were in the car
going somewhere or nowhere
just going, together  
going out for coffee, but you, not getting coffee
cause you don't like coffee but I always forget and
pick the same place to eat
you never remind me that you don't like coffee
if you ring me again I promise, I won't forget that
you don't like coffee

Leigh Marie Mar 15

I tell you bout my trips and everything I’ve seen
about my laughter and what I’ve learned but
I’m afraid to tell you that I feel like I’m losing myself again
that stopping my medication was the wrong decision
like I am trapped in this opportunity, can't get out and can't go home
I don't tell you about being filled with regret
that my flashbacks hurt more than I expected
That I lost my safe place and I feel abandoned

You did yoga today and I travelled some more
I laughed a little, and took a nap
you're seeing your friend tomorrow
I know what you are doing
but how are you doing

Leigh Marie Mar 13

I've written a thousand ways I'll miss you
when we no longer speak and
that time has come
cause you don't talk to me late at night
you don't send me songs I've already heard and
I don't  play along
I don't listen to your music
I don't dance to your music and I don't dance with you

I still miss laughing with you and
the last time I saw you felt like we were starting over
but maybe we were just saying goodbye

Now I'm six hours ahead and I'm
pretty sure you're still taking her to bed
So now is goodbye, this is not see you later
This is not me waiting for you
This is me learning not to reach for
something that shouldn't be here

I imagined you next to me for a thousand years
but maybe our time together, comfortably laughing
was only meant to be fleeting
maybe your free spirit was only meant to leave

I'll never know why you
entered my life like a hurricane
and left me deserted
never know if you ever loved me
or cared
never know if you were lying
or are as confused as you seem

our goodbye is likely forever
you built walls and left them
running to the mountains searching for
yourself inside someone else
its cliche and I always thought you were unique
but maybe you're just like the rest
just a lost boy running from reality

I ought to stop writing bout you
and yearning for us to begin again
cause you're a lost boy and
my messages will never reach you

Wanna say hello,
want you to say hello
want you to reach out but I
gotta say goodbye
goodbye to your old car
to your plain bagels and adidas sneakers
goodbye to your black dog, and kind parents
goodbye to laying on the couch
to driving through the streets late at night
goodbye to tequila shots and dancing
to laughing and missing trains
to who we were and will never be
hello to the future
goodbye my love

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