I got promoted in my job,
and I got scared like I usually do,
but I took it anyway because I like the challenge
so I had to.
I called to tell you,
like I always do,
because I need to tell you how I'm breaking inside,
because I need you to tell me how good I will be.
You told me I would succeed,
like I always do,
because you believe in me,
because you'll be there,
like you always are.
Yesterday I heard you telling your dad,
and then I heard you telling your sister-in-law,
and your brother, and your cousin, and your friends.
I heard you say you were so proud,
I heard you say I was invincible,
and I truly felt like a superhero,
I felt you as my shield,
and you didn't say you love me,
like you never do,
but this time you didn't have to.

I know why you are single,
it's because you make bad choices of men.
You always like the players, the fighters and the broken.
For once, stop trying to fix all of them.

I know, I know.
My love life is a mess,
But if you got to see what I've seen in them you'd understand that love is not a catalogue and I have never made a choice.
I fall in love with that small spark between all the dark spots.

Have you ever wondered how a bullet does its damage?
How something so small can be so threatening?
The way it enters the body is not the same way it exits.
The entrance is small, insignificant even,
but then it burns everything inside and comes out leaving a big hole.
Just like you.
Straight in,
giving me no time to duck or hide,
making a mess inside
and leaving what will become a scar on your way out.
And that's just in case I make it out alive.

24 hours and counting,
the thought of seeing you makes me so happy.
My heart about to explode
and these butterflies, they are out of control.
I try to stay calm,
but it´s like queting an alarm.
Warning: bring a helmet,
I think I might tackle you,
sorry I can´t help it.

I've been using the shaking hands thing
in my poems a lot lately,
and I know it may sound cliche,
but for a surgeon to be
it's kind of a big deal.
I'm used to keep everything under control,
to be steady as a rock,
around chaos and blood and pain,
everything collapsing but my hands are always still.
Then you came, and suddenly my entire career is at risk when you say hi.

"Do you smoke?" you asked
as you let a gray cloud drift away from your mouth.
"No" I said quetly, ashamed that you might think I wasn't cool.
I avoided giving you that speech about dying soon.
You stayed quiet and inhaled from that toxic stick one last time
and pressed your lips gently onto mine.
I tasted the Marlboro's on your tongue
and became addicted to smoking from your kiss.

Million miles away,
in another life,
maybe we'll find at the exact point where planets align
and the clocks around will stop
because this time we would've recognized each other as one.

I feel a hole inside my chest
cause I can't stop missing you,
because he is not you,
none of them is you.

I'm keeping score of the days without you
and I find myself hiding between books
and music not to call you.

Because I liked how you didn't fight my demons,
instead they learned to get along with yours
and now they are turning against me trying to find something to do.

I stumble with your memory and burst into tears,
and I know I tried
and I gave the best in me,
but I couldn't make you love me enough
so I have to be the one who stops.

I can't do this anymore.
I'm tired of all the effort,
of trying to be good enough,
of my friends telling me that the one who's not enough is you,
and me trying to explain that you are.  
It's exhausting.
All the waiting,
all the hoping of you to realize that this could've been good.
I'm tired of praying every night for you to commit,
for you to want something serious,
I'm tired being let down everytime my phone rings and it's not you,
of the constant ups and downs,
of feeling devastated because I only get to have glimpses of you,
of being scared that one day I'll stop seeing you for good,
of being worried that some other woman can take you and
I'll just have to stare.
One year is long enough.
I can't do this anymore. I'm done.

Whatever you do, do not fall in love.
No matter how charming he is, or how much he makes you laugh. Remember; all of them started that way.
No matter how hard it is to contain your happiness when he is around, or how long it takes you to fall asleep when you think of him.
Do not let him be the reason you wake up, do not count the seconds until you see him again.
Remember all the times you got hurt? Replay it in your head everytime you want to jump onto his arms. Be scared. Be cautious. Because either he is the love of your life or he will carve another scar in it.
Your heart has been weakened (or strenghted) by all the other loves of your life, the armor around you has grown thicker and thicker.
But, who I'm I kidding? We all know you will fall. Your soul has been desparate to find its mate for so long that when his fingers slightly put your hair away from your face you will know you lost and all the others will disappear from the back of your mind, and you will throw yourself at him and give in to all the love you have been keeping locked in.
No matter how many times your brain insists on not falling in love, your reckless heart will.

I forgot to consider every option.
I've been so worried about not walking away that I forgot you had feet too.
This feels so bittersweet.
I'm so proud of you for doing what you want, for growing up and takin chances, and yet I get selfish, and I want you to stay, right here, where my dreams will be made.
What hurts the most is that I'm losing what I never had, and you getting on that airplane is a definite goodbye.

I wish I could go back in time, do it all over again,
to erase all the black spots the world has left on me;
so I could end up at this exact point looking at things differently,
with bright eyes, amazed by everything,
with the innocence of a child wondering what will happen next,
hopeful of the future and my days ahead.

I´ll love everything about you,

the way you close your eyes and take a deep breath

when the midnight breeze caresses your face.

and the way you open them,

(right before you open your soul)

and tell me how scared life makes you

and how in spite of everything you still know we´ll be okey.

After "once upon a time" our story becomes a mistery;
weather you are Prince Charming or the ogre is mine to discover.
The not-so-typicall "boy meets girl"
where the princess has dragons living inside her
and the ghosts that haunt her com from her own past.
A tale where Mr. Perfect has a weakness for easy women and strong liquor
and a miracle has to happen to make him see the magic.

Like that time when I prayed for a miracle and then I met you.
I'm uncontrolably falling in love,
now my prayers are for this to work,
just once I would like to be loved in return.

Fill me with messages,
telling me stupid gossip and jokes
that no one else gets.
Fill me with emojis every time you have a drink on me,
and make fun that I'm working on the weekend,
have fun on my behalf,
as long as you get home and let me know.  
Fill me with your voice,
with words of songs you barely remember.
Fill me with pictures of buildings,
before and afters of your work.
Fill me with all your doubts and all your answers,
with your insecurities at the edge of something new,
with your confidence to try.
Fill me with all of you while I'm far away,
to give me strength for a new day,
I'll use it to cover the distance until we meet again.

We were looking for each other but it took you longer
to realize that when I saw you the search was over.
I knew that sooner or later you'd have to see the truth,
that back when you didn't care I was caring for us two.
I was losing my faith but you catched me right on time,
and now when I look into your eyes I see what you see in mine,
and I know that you know how I've always loved you.

You sleep like a rock,
and you snore,
and you take most space in bed,
and I cant roll myself in the sheets cause you have the other half...
I couldnt sleep facing down,
and my neck hurt a few hours in the morning...
but waking up surrounded by your arms for the first time made it the loveliest night.

I wanted you,
I wanted you so bad.
I wanted to fix you,
to cure your loneliness with mine.
I begged to tame your demons and heal your scars,
to kiss the bruises on your heart.
I could've taken pieces of me to fill the holes in you
but the dark was so big you couldn't see through.

Usually this is the time I call you to see if you have any plans,
crossing my fingers to see you tonight.
But last week, for the third time since I met you,
I decided to leave you.
Since that I got asked on a date,
I got good morning messages,
I got good night messages,
I got coffee at my door on the coldest night.
None from you.
and still I'd rather look at you smiling,
I'd rather look at the way your hands move,
I'd rather stay in silence sitting next to you.
So tonight, instead of calling you
I find myself making plans with someone else
to get you out of my head.

I guess I used the wrong words when I talked to the stars,
I wished to never lose you and it sort of worked.
I should´ve been more specific,
cause I wanted us to be bonded by love.
You are not away,
but you are not here yet.

You are my 11:11, my shooting star,
my sunny day after the storm.
My favorite song when I'm stuck in traffic, catching all the green lights.
You are staying in bed and realizing class got canceled anyway.
You are a rave and not waking up hungover.
You are hotcakes for breakfast on a Monday, you are a cold beer during summer.
You are every glimpse of good while reality passes by.

Aren't you scared?
That right now you are looking at your future
right from the edge.

Open the bottles of wine,
bring some tequila shots,
cheers for the end
and hold on to the moments we have left.

We are toghether now
so let's celebrate,
let's get drunk 'cause we are clueless
of our days ahead.

Let's talk about the good old times
that seem so far behind
forget all the worries just for a while,
the rest of our life is about to start.

I cut my hair,
the tips that you liked curlying around your fingers while you sang are now gone.
I painted it with sunshine rays,
To surround me with all the light I've been needing since the last time I got blinded by yours.
And that flock of hair that was shorter from that time I accidentally burned it trying to light you a cigarrette, the one that made me smile with its stubborness to stay still, the one that reminded me of our first night, it has growned.

All alone, on the other side, far away from judging eyes.
Pictures under the moonlight.
So close that I can hear your heart beating as fast as mine.
Discovering even more things that make us alike,
and lovely surprised by the things that don´t.
Holding hands down main street and I feel so safe.
Dancing in the crowd but I get lost in you
And I hope our plane had never landed back.

Today I almost lost you,
for real and forever.
Your sister called and said someone had put a gun at your head, that someone wanted to take you,
that someone had tried to hurt you.
I felt numb and instantly shred a tear.
Thank God you are fine.
Thank God they realized it wasn't you who they wanted.
Thank God you are alive.
In that moment I didn't care if you were mine or not, I just wanted you safe.
I'm so relieved you and I are still breathing the same air.
"Tell him I love him"
That's the first time you are going to hear those words from me and your sister is going to say them.
***** that "I quit to you" thing.
I can't quit loving you.
I don't care anymore if we end up together or not.
I just want to love you more.
I want to know wherever you are, you are ok.

I've seen it all.
All his fears, all his sins.
I've seen him grow,
I've seen him fall.
Laugh, and cry and crawl.
I've seen him all,
I've known him all.
I've loved him all.
I still do.

In the darkest hours,
I'll find a light.

In the most intrincated labyrinth,
I'll find a way.

After the largest of storms,
sun shall shine.

All bad things come to an end
and the path must be hard
to appreciate the reward.

I'll lose no hope,
I won't ever give up.
I'll put the best of me everyday
and I'll make my life worth living,
for happiness is the road
and not the destiny.

It´s not romantic to think of you while drinking beer,
and it´s not romantic to do so with the music they play on night clubs.
But I can´t think of something more romantic than remembering us dancing while the night slipped away and that this beer tastes just like the cold touch of your lips, and how it made the crowd around us disappear.

It's not getting easier.
There's a hole that time is failing to fill.
I'm still wearing your blue shirt to sleep.

The worst kind of jelousy is the one you have to keep.
Swallow all the anger, like a poison burning in.
Here's a tip:
To keep the tears from falling down inhale very deep and many times.
With my hands so hard in a fist that my own nails are hurting me,
and knowing I can't let it all out because you are not mine.
The hardest part is that everytime you are with her
I have to fake a smile and say "I'm fine".

And then, in the middle of a talk with our friends I randomly turned to my right and kissed him on the shoulder, and I realized I was madly, deeply in love and there was no way back.

There are days when I think
"if I die today my last memory of you would be lovely",
but then you come and spoil it all.
so right now my last image of you is you dancing....
          

                                              With someone else.

He opens my door,
he asks me out,
he calls to say good morning
and calls to say good night.
He is a gentleman,
he is smart,
he is fun,
he brought coffee to my door when I told him I was cold.

What am I so scared of?

I would never play
I can't believe the nerve of you
to let that lie away.
After I begged at you to go
if your feelings weren't true,
Please don't hurt me,
I'm being honest here,
if you don't love me
I'm asking you to leave.
But you insisted
and I gave in,
you got what you wanted
and changed in a bit.
I'm sorry, I think we should stop
you were right and I was wrong,
but don't worry, you are cool
I bet you'll find a good guy soon
After chasing me for months
suddenly, you didn't love me *that much.
So naive of me to fall in love with you.

I lived (unconsciously) to die.
Reckless behavior, bending the rules.
I wanted to **** the butterflies he had given me,
drown them in ***** and whisky.
I tried riding in cars with unknown boys to fill the deep void.
I lost count of the beds I  woke up in,
I lost count of the nights I cried myself to sleep
I hated the loneliness in the morning after having someone next to me.

Live fast and die young.
Excess was not enough.
I wanted everything faster, higher, stronger.
More music, more "friends", more shots, more kisses
More....
               More...
                             More..
I didn´t realize I was slipping through my own hands.
Less time,  less life, less love, less of me.
Less...
           Less...
                      Less...
I kept pushing the buttons of whatever god that was keeping me safe
and I let my demons become the owners of who I usted to be.

I thought I was living the life,
but I was already dead inside.

This is how it all ends,
before it even began,
the I love you's are a thing from the past,
and distance between us now feels real.

Long phone calls,
pictures back and forth,
texts with kisses and hearts.
they didn't hold us long.

and I cant find the right words to finish this poem,
just like I couldn't to finish with you.

I hope he knows that holding my hand
is the closest way to the heart on my sleeve.

I hope he kisses my eyes shut
to give me sweet dreams.

I hope he whispers ballads
like soft spring wind.

I hope he knows I won't need a coat
as long as his arms are around me.

I hope he can make me love him,
make it blossom from beneath.

With time your face has been slowly fading from my memory
and if I shut my eyes and try to focus
I can barely trace the curve of your smile anymore.
But how I wish to remember you
and instead forget how you made me feel;
even with your physicall self so long gone
the rough feel of you beard while you kissed my neck is still here;
and I can't describe your lips anymore,
but I have the scent of your smokey breath
and the taste of your wet tongue,
like it was yesterday and not an eternity ago.

There are moments I wish I could relive.
Like that instant when I saw you for the first time,
and I knew that was it.
I was never going to meet anyone else
that could make my heart burst
or my breath stop for so long
and not **** me, but make me feel alive.
That was the first time I thought
maybe drowning wasn´t such a bad way to go.

So I keep moving forward,
with giant strides,
but I have one hand holding the past.
I try to stretch,
to cover all the places my heart wants to be,
my hands like claws,
scratching the lands my feet left behind.

I thought it was strange
not feeling the need to fill pages with your name.
But as I look back I see
how moments with you overlaped with memories of him.
Maybe I should've given it time,
not putting three years of pressure on a three month trial.
But there has to be a reason this is my first poem about you,
and not even this one is completely yours.

Back when I was a teenager,
I used to think I was so clever.
I used  to think he was the one,
and now I know he was not even close.

Today I woke up and the world was between my arms.
I kissed it's shoulder and the world turn around to hold me back.

May no monster disturb your sleep
and your night be filled with
battles with dragons and trips in submarines.
That tonight you become a knight, a super hero, a pilot and a rockstar.
That each night carries a different adventure,
that you feel invinsible and wake up with the urge to become
everything you've been in your wildest dreams.

I'm exhausted.
I'm physically and emotionally drained.
I find myself looking to nowhere, thinking of nothing, empty
and I still don't know where all these tears are coming from.
I'm not mad, I don't feel rage, I don't feel anything,
nothing but this sharp pain in my chest that comes and goes,
and the sudden knot in my throat as the smallest thing reminds me of you.
But no, I'm not mad at you. Stop asking me that.

Ojalá te borraras de repente.
Que mañana al abrir los ojos no me quede ni un recuerdo tuyo.
Que al sentir el viento no me acuerde de tu olor.
Que al vestirme el roce de la ropa no me haga extrañar tus manos.
Ojalá te borraras de repente, que desaparecieras sin dejar rastro, que las canciones no las escuche con tu voz.
Que pueda ocupar tu lado de la cama sin sentir que sobra espacio.
Que lograra calcular la cantidad de café exacta para una sola taza.
Que pudiera ver las fotos y no encontrarte.
Ojalá te borraras de repente.
Que al escuchar tu nombre no me diera un brinco el corazón, que fuera una palabra tan extraña, como si me hablaran en otro idioma, que no significará nada.
Que te fueras como lo hacen las palabras, como lo hacen las promesas,.
Que al dormir ya no te sueñe.
Ojala que te borraras de repente.