Who knew how much dust collects when the room hasn't been occupied since the town lost comfort?
Like going down a nostalgic street and finding not one mom and pop shop survived the wreckage
Like finding the remnants of your childhood through damaged wood holding familiar sunsets
I wish I could tell you why I came back, and I wish it meant things got better, or even clearer
I guess the truth on why I haven’t found any new answers, is I stopped asking old questions  
And for the time being, I got hold on how much weight drinking can crush your bones
And every sip is another joint waiting to crumble; every sip is another mistake to leave me humbled
I really wish I could fully grasp the reason I approached writing the way I used to
Maybe that person had a better idea on what to do.

It’s hard not to catch feelings
And still be honest with yourself
It’s hard to take up the numbing
When you know how love has felt
And before you go
Oh, you should know
That I adore you like God has hope

Verse 1:
The corner of the dark room
Where flowers forget how to bloom
How soon is now? How now is soon?
Just another afternoon
All rise for anthems
Of empty lies and tantrums
Operas and phantoms
Burned room in mansions
Bury me

Verse 2:
The light posts on the quiet street
Haven’t been on for a few weeks
Tints and shades of black and grey meet
No hint of color has been seen
All rise for theme songs
About everything wrong
Feeling so far gone
Wake me after dawn
Bury me

Verse 3:
An iris with black dye
That match with knocked out eyes
Wake me after light
All rise for playlists
That hurt more when May hits
These feelings, I hate it
And I’d love it if we made it.
Bury me

Leave the door open just a bit
And leave the hallway light on
That’s the way you make me feel
When questions turn to nothingness
And my doubt weighs on me strong
At least I know my heart is real
We can open the door whenever you want
I’m in no rush at all, I promise you
We can open the conversation forever
And I swear you’ll only get the truth

I feel it, falling
They’re calling for my demise
Execution, I’m losing
And now I must say goodbye
I saw this coming
I’m running with closed eyes
The difference, can’t see it’s
Nothing I’d ever like
So thank you for making
Life greater everyday
You are the big door
With a light of golden beige
The distraction, satisfaction
Beyond what I’d imagine
And it’s awfully tragic how pain
Never stood a chance against your magic

I need a self-intervention
Flush any pill, destroy every weapon
Wish that my mind learned from these lessons
The more that I think, the more I’ve been stressing
Put my teeth to the pavement
All hope is gone, burned and degraded
Still questioning, “Will I still make it?”
Somehow that’s still an understatement
Drown inside of my drinking
Still over thinking, still under sinking
A paranoid android, flickering blinking
Flirting with my demons, so they thought I was winking
Build my heart like an engine
Start again, then forget all that’s regretted
Find me in the dark with the truth in confession
I need a new resurrection

So tell me things
I couldn’t know
Cause we keep running
These straight line slopes
So tell me things
I’d **** to know
Cause we keep running
We keep running

And who knew we’d
Feel pain so long
What made us weak
Will makes us strong
Made us weak that makes us strong
Who knew this pain would stay so long?
What made us weak, will make us strong

Take me back a week ago
It’s going fast, I’m feeling slow
A feeling that I can’t admit
I’m not ready for Christmas spirit
Summer heat turned to Fall leaves
Sad, with nothing left to grieve
Someday this will all go away
But I still wish that became today

I was living on borrowed time
But now I know, I’ll find my own
This felt like an unknown building
But now I know, this is my home
I wanted every answer to come
But now I know, to give it time
I used to feel an ounce of guilt
But now I know, it’s just my mind

I’m in the middle
But that is a good thing
It all feels simple
What any day can bring
I’m in the middle
Where I’m meant to be
I’m here for a while
I’ve got a life to see

I dove for affection and attention
I was a small piece of your life
Now I feed on my own acceptance
Where feeling peace brings the light
I’m not in heaven, oh no not yet
But I’ve run past the worst of my regret
I used to think this period was the answer
But I’m an afternoon before sunset

Why say goodbye when my purpose was nothing abound?
Just a reminder that someone held you as valuable sound?
It was all my choice, and curiosity is such a painful flirt.
It’s easier to forget what you’ve lost than remember what you’ve found.
I know my heart like a fugitive reveals the shadow of a bloodhound.
So don’t act like I never listened while I have only been around.
I’m just a puzzle piece of a photo that only made you hurt.
Drop the framed history on the hardest part of the ground.

To give the key to someone
Who wouldn’t hold the door
If you wanted your closure
You could have said so much more
I know my worth
That’s why it hurt
I am not a golden coat and broken core

I’ve got my laugh and cheeky wink
But that’s who I am on the fifth drink
And at this point I’ll tell the truth
With so much time, we are the youth
So pick my mind, aim for the brain
Learn too much, I’ll be whom to blame
The feeling’s short, it’s feeling long
It comes and goes, an endless song
All rise for the National Anthem
Guilt free lies and mild tantrums
Give the opera, I have the phantom
It’s organized, but all feels random

Staying up late til the light comes back
Thinking of things I should’ve kept in the past
I wish my mind and eyes could finally match
My brain feels dark, wish my sight was black
If I over drink, I over think, I wanna sink
Submerge me so my body feels equal
And once again, it never ends, all my zen
Used to be ten but now it’s zero and dull

Staying up late til the light comes back
My mind’s on **** I should’ve kept in the past
I wish my mind and eyes could finally match
My brain feels dark, wish my sight was black

The fire came, but the bridge wasn’t burned
Every scar I’ve had are ones I’ve earned
Deleting conversations from the earth
And the way I acted still makes me hurt
This is my fourth day in row being sober
Fourth day where I didn’t wish this was over
I’ll count my blessing like four leaf clovers
The love you gave makes the heat feel colder

I wrote a note with your name mentioned
But deleted every word within a second
The feeling is long and drawn out
But it’s nothing aside the bigger picture
And much like a small city on this planet
It’s only feels larger when inside of it

Deleting conversations from my phone
Ashamed of how I acted 15 hours ago
Putting down the bottle and not because
I finished the drink and got a buzz
Don’t translate what I write to how I’ll act
Forget guilt, I’m the one who’s been bad
I want my conscience to feel more exact
More to myself, more to a matter of fact
I was gone, girl, but I’m not feeling high
I was at my mirror, rehearsing goodbyes
If time heals all wounds right into place
Then all this time is all I need to stay

Winter feeling
Brain needs spring cleaning
Summer heated
Can’t fall for secrets

And word travels fast
The past is the past
Kick my heart in the ***
That’s all I ask

I’m not feeling black and white
More like dark grey and cream
Hot shower, turned down lights
I’m relaxed, at least it seems

I’ve been around the world inside my head
Hope I get flyer points for all of that
Heaven can wait for when I’m dead
I’m never thinking about leaving again

Just know I apologize for everything
That’s not just for you, that’s for me
What the hell was I even thinking?
I was on the edge to be left sinking
It’s no one’s fault, but I’m not helping
To feel hurt when you should be healthy
I’ll check my pulse by only blinking
I’ll grab the ledge before I’m left sinking

So thank you for always holding your hand out
Silence the worse that came out of my mouth
And though I’d say that I don’t deserve it
I swear you make me feel perfect
And that’s not a meter of any success
Just the reassurance of happiness
And though I know I’ll have pain again
Every worst nightmare eventually ends

This cold feeling has got me heated
I need some spring cleaning before I fall
It’s not a secret to adore
I know how fast word travels
Give another fact, full cap, like a Snapple
What am I waiting for?
You’re not number one anymore
Got drunk, spilled guts, cold pressed apple

Seinfeld cast in my pocket
Characters living in the tropics
Sideshow Bob with the knowledge
Split on who I am, if I’m honest

The moon is always around at night
When your darkness can’t be more bright
Feel the echo attack the silent
It will haunt you, leave you violent

Stefan had a few questions
Wants to be taught a lesson
Never meant to disrespect
It didn’t start before it ended

Will drowned a few pills
Took to heart, “if looks could ****”
Couldn’t tell what’s heaven and hell
He just wants to be grounded still

Mike is starting to feel like
He’s picked up too many signs
Been insane, because all his brain
Wants to know is what’s on your mind

Jean had her eyes turn green
The monster in her own dreams
What comes next is a blue bruised neck
She’s single and doesn’t deserve to be

I’m over thinking
I’m over drinking
And I’ve been blinking
Where I’ve been sinking
This isn’t the path I thought I’d be on
Don’t be surprised how much I’ve felt gone
I’ve got hollow bones even when I feel strong
I did it to myself, don’t get me wrong
I keep writing songs about change
And ending up in the very same place
The damage is done,
but the bridge is not burnt

A set of lungs under water hoping to get the next chance at air, a confusion that hits like a coffin and put you to sleep, an anxiety that won’t let you recover or receive any ounce of answers, I’ve told myself it’s another bout that you can wake up after, grab your head, hold your heart, and live up to your expectations. There isn’t a reason you can let this be the reason that you feel pain, ever again. I’m hoping I’ll see another sunset and this time, I don’t mean when I wake up. I mean when I’m breathing at night, hoping to make things feel right. I’m a better person. Not because I don’t feel pain anymore. Not because I’ve recovered from the scars. Mainly from knowing it’s coming, and still wanting to see another smile.

My name was removed from the list
You left the comma, to show I’m missed
I filled the gap, when you let me in
We had to end to begin once again

No, the drinking ain’t a social thing
The silence has been defining
So press my mind just like a bell rings
We’ll see what the hell that all brings
Cram another dose into the schedule
Right up until it’s consumed my soul
Stuff my mouth, ‘til I’m a painful full
All syllables, the argument’s controlled

The taste is fun and it all sounds sweet
It coats my nightmares with bright dreams
I can choose to become a story
But all pages can be left burning
The future is blank with a purpose
No one truly knows what comes next
I’ve got less worth, but I’m not worthless
Even when we’re getting close to it

She posts on her story
10 times every blink
Gotta mind that’d make you think
Gotta mind that makes her drink

No, the drinking ain’t a social thing
Considering the silence is defining
So keep pressing my mind for a bell ring
Whatever the hell that really means
Fit another dose into the schedule
Right up until it’s consumed my soul
Stuffed mouth ‘til it hurts when I’m full
All syllables, the argument controlled

Every unwritten page wasn’t meant to be
No matter how hard you still believe
Tear the blank page half way through
And still has no effect on you
I know you’ve put your heart in this
But this outcome was always ****
Why be upset about their mind in the bad?
Never wanted that heart in the positive

I’d call the drinking a social thing
But lately it’s when I’m most quiet
Please jog my mind for a bell ring
But isn’t our silence most violent?
Fill another dose into the schedule
Until it becomes the next regiment
Fill the void ‘til it hurts when I’m full
Every syllable in an argument

The taste is fun and it feels sweet
It coats a nightmare with a dream
And how I think becomes a story
But pages can be torn to nothing
The future is blank with a purpose
So tell me what the hell comes next
I’ve got less worth, I’m not worthless
But getting dangerously close to it

The less I think
The more it feels normal
Passing through life
Issues feeling formal
I respect my brain
But not this time, I let it go
And close my eyes, when times feels slow

In the roaring twenty’s
In my boring twenty’s
I keep seeing glory
But still I keep snoring
So whose fault, is it really?

I’ll take one more nap
When my brain gets bad
The story has capped
With a curtain call clap
These dreams are silly

I held the keys to the jail
Stole them from my cell
Between Earth and Hell
That’s where I’ve felt
Paint the gold a silver
That’s why the mirror hurts
I’m not worthless, but I’m less worth

Let me question these fuzzy outcomes
Something feels wrong, I can sense it
Sometimes I feel we’re closer than we are
Like a checkerboard, but on opposite ends
I thought I’d see you, but the wave is too high
Walls of water have hit my sight
I’m still swimming in my problems
If I close my eyes, will I hit the shore?

We used to spill colors in the good days
Now we reminisce in small conversations
Heaven came, at least it seemed that way
Cover my outline in a rainbow creation
I could have sworn I glowed for a second
Now living in the moment feels more precious
It’s crazy where everyone came and went
From where we started to where we end

Waiting by the door
Seeing who comes down the road
My mind is something no one knows
Rotten to the core

Promise me something
When we get back home from the shore
We’ll do that thing where we did more
You’ll be queen, I’ll be king

That’s how it should go
A crack in your voice when you sing
It’s funny what emotion can bring
When you sing about hope

Living on borrowed time
So I’ll enjoy the view for the moment
I’d love to throw you a lie
But to be optimistic is to be hopeless

You make me want to talk
You make me want to think
You make me want to hold
My heart then let it free
You make me want to talk
You make me want to sink
My teeth into the fruits
Of my labor, like a dream

It’s almost as if I’m held hostage
And who I want to be is in front of me
Their grip is calm but I’m accosted
I’m shown every dream that I can’t reach
Things won’t change if I keep this pace
I can’t stand still and still go one way
I’ll stop to think when I have the space
And plan my bittersweet escape

We’ve seen this story play out
We end our day in the same room
We held onto everything we could
We’ll meet again tomorrow afternoon

If happiness was a career,
Here’s my application
If my mindset had any fear,
They’re still on vacation
The mountains are our goals
How much closer will we get?
Because if you take back control
You too can be closer to a sunset

I wish you loved yourself as much as them
You gave your heart despite the irony in all of their problems
You know their pain and still dismissed every inch of your solemn
You stored those thoughts in some column

But knowing how much us humans think
We’ll get back to that mindset with our next coming drink
I wasn’t flirting with what you thought was some well-timed wink
I’m swimming in problems, try not to sink

My God, this world is so beautiful
You held your hands out while he took his and then crushed your soul
And after every year, the weight continues to take its toll
My blood boils while he took your control

If only you loved yourself as much as them
You gave your heart despite the irony in all of their problems
You know their pain while dismissing your own solemn
Because you stored those thoughts in some hard to reach column
But knowing how one person can think
We’ll get to that hidden corridor with another drink
I wasn’t flirting with what you thought was some subtle cheeky wink
I was swimming in my problems avoiding the drown and the sink

If I was always right
I wouldn’t be a better person
I’d worsen, for certain
Ignorance is a burden
If happiness is the weather
Then depression is the city
Because one comes and goes
Another stays if I never leave
What do you take pride in more?
Accomplishments or the journey?

I should’ve known how this would end
We played the part of distant friends
And I knew it’d hurt like a metal fist
A strong uppercut that almost missed
You should’ve seen my hand the other day
Shaking and trembling like a rusty train
When it comes and goes in a fiery blaze
Lungs burn, stomach turns, this must be fate
I’m calling around for a saving grace
And with two bruised knees, I’ll try to pray
What was that thing you said to my face?
Honey, you’ll find love, but not today
And I never wore a frown very well
But it’s been hard, if you couldn’t tell
It’s not even summer and I already fell
I’ll buy any hope that you try to sell

I should’ve known how this would end
We played the part of distant friends
I knew this would hurt like a metal fist
When I came near & barely felt your kiss
You should’ve seen my hand the other day
Shaking and trembling like a rusty train
When it comes and goes in a fiery blaze
Lungs burn, blood boils, a grueling state
I’m calling around for a saving grace
And with two bruised knees, I’ll try to pray
What was that thing you said to my face?
Honey you’ll find love but not today

the ******* version of me
always got the most things.

I feel like going away
These choices have hit a node
Like checking out of a hotel room
That I feel will soon explode
Walking away, I can feel the heat
Burning elbows, as I leave the scene
I know what I like, who I want to be
But want and what happens,
Aren’t always on the same street

I spent this morning, thinking
Looking for a belt, but feel asleep

These temporary feelings
Are worth more than a blink
Physically similar until
You take the second to think
Because you can numb yourself
You can say it all goes away
But a scar is more than a line
In the arm, it’s more than pain
Hold yourself accountable
What love do you deserve?
I only know as much as I do
Because I’ve been here first

empty words, there’s no substance
you spent time reading something
that in the end means nothing at all
this is an edge of what i could show you
apparently this is more interesting
no this isn’t deep or a metaphor
just a set of lines to fill a void inside
at least if no one cares, i didn’t try

Have I passed the test when I’m
Left with zero negative lines?
Or have I failed the point of life
When I have nothing left to write?
At this point, I’d much rather exist as
Perfectly miserable than miserably perfect