i think my main issue wasn't the maybe
it's the fact that there was only a maybe
i've seen your heart race for an hour
for someone you only saw for a minute
sitting next to people through struggle
then holding tears like a juggle
how's the cigarette? how's every laugh?
was it all enough to forget the past?
the answer should have been obvious
but now it's obvious to hit the opposite
put my mind on things for a new lover
this time, be treated like a brother
my catharsis is a thorn on a rose
so now i write to gain back my hope
to distance the repetition of rhyming
you and i were similar in many ways
burning month, nature bound objects
with the sharp piece on the beauty
rose thorn, bee sting, pick your poison
i can't even write about love anymore
because affection shouldn't be forced
and i thought you'd say something else
i hate that your poetry is your compliment
and yeah, i know my shoes look nice
but it makes me feel way less confident
when your attraction to me has a price
i am lured inside of your perfume
not the one you wear, but attention
**** the rhyme again, bees and roses
don't mix and maybe they shouldn't
i wrote this in one sitting to be honest
i used to get ******, now i'm used to it
i wonder how many times your next love
will get to hear the words "i'm sorry."
i don't want to leave, but if it takes
killing a maybe and causing closure
you could have had my love
you don't want it and now it's over
admit it, the maybe was a placeholder
because you'd thought i'd move on
and i'd find someone by november
if i put that much weight on your heart
and it takes tearing myself apart
for you to write a letter with tears
and prologue the tale of fear
then hell maybe i should go
it's not like i didn't risk pain for you
accidental photos, i stayed
a stone foot maybe, i stayed
talking to someone, i stayed
heart racing elsewhere, i stayed
utah trip to think, i waited
people coming and going, i waited
denying other girls, i waited
because of you, i was patient
but that's not the love i need
running to you, but stuck on leash?
how many other people roam free?
minus the playlist and the poetry
i never gave up on you because
i couldn't think about anyone else
now i'm listening to See You Again
but this time, i'm not thinking about you
Friend.
but i will say this as the **** **** flower boy playlist hits my ears and comes out my esophagus for hard edged bliss in boredom and bathed in roses
i will tell you this, i know i matter to you
in the end, you didn't move away
and you tried to cure your pain
and when you couldn't go anywhere
when you needed someone to text
it's 4am and you had a message
you came to me. you came to me.
you came to me. was that a maybe?
no, you came to me during relapsing
that should mean something as i repeat
after i came for you, you came to me.
do you mean to change the maybe?
maybe, when maybe was enough for me.

What does it say to write about heartbreak?
Can't you tell I'm having a good time?
Grab your caskets, heart, and stake
The death of a rose has come tonight
As the gates of hell welcome through
Consume sleep that consumes you
Close your eyes, these bells will toll
As I have sold my heart and soul

As we have only began this journal
And it might take a piece of me
But that's all a metaphor though
And that's how it's meant to be
I'm giving all that I can give
Enough to where I barely live
This should have been my forte
But I know what it takes to feel okay

And It's true, I was on you
For a week or maybe two
In your arms, you know that's all
In your love, I couldn't fall
This shouldn't be a maze
To take the wrong left
And that is the past
Baby, that's the past
Everything was great
While we made it last
I still eat your go-to snack
And I still like that band
I'm still writing songs
That sound less than grand
Though I promise that I'm
Gonna hold this one out
My heart and my mind
Needed to leave the crowd
I've got jet black jeans
For a brand new waist
If everything still fit
I would never change
While I loved your company
My heart beats on my sleeve
And you know it's not there
You are not the one for me

Skipping beats like rain in July
It was unexpected, but here it is
Still my arms are burning inside
As the heat punches and kicks
Why did I put a heavy coat on?
Just to prove that I was strong?
Strength should be knowing best
And getting this out of my head
So I'll cut off my hair and then
Put sunglasses on instead
Watching the waves of fire
From a distance I can desire
The day has ended once again
But we both know it's not the end

Are we even meant to be?
We can't be our enemies
But I'd really hate to see
You with someone that isn't me
Quit saying you're sorry
We both know what you mean
That the grass could be green
But right now it's all dying
You always get my attention
And my heart, not to mention
I smile when I see your name
I smile when I see your face
The day has ended one more time
But we both know we have the night

My lungs are rusty, my sweat is running
My scream is ******, my face is flooding
A broken table after a punch of wrath
The crowd stands over with a laugh
I can't describe a fire without a match
I can't fathom why I ever felt trapped
And sometimes the noise that's best
Is a window of time inside of silence
I can't describe any pain without violence
I can't fathom why I felt there was no end

I don't want to feel any more anger
I just want to feel something more

And should I be doing some more?
Will your feet cross this open door
I'm still trying to get to you
Can I accept what I could lose?
I'll wait, so you can take your time
And I'll be here on the otherside
And you know that I will not hide
I just hope you don't sleep on me

The future is watching yourself
A television of memories
The future is coming to help
A clock that never stops turning
If you need some comfort and rest
Who else could be for the best?
I've got a place to lay your head
I just hope you will sleep on me